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So, a funny thing I’ve noticed. Since this whole Drew thing came along, I find myself a lot more attentive to Belle. Very much more in my Thumper zone. I don’t need to get into all the examples, but it’s true. She’s noticed it, too. She appreciates it.

I have some theories as to why this is. First, I am terribly grateful to her (as always). That she would show so much trust in me and allow me the freedom to seek out and engage with someone like Drew. It’s like a dream come true, really. The prospect of it all makes me happy and I want her to be as happy or happier because it wouldn’t be possible without her. So I find myself especially focused on ways to please her and remove stress from her life. And she’s very stressed lately.

The second theory is a bit more complicated (but not necessarily contradictory to the first). Belle’s been aware for some time now of the whole me and all my inclinations and predilections and, for those she hasn’t wanted to participate in, has allowed me space to indulge them by myself and I have always indulged them by myself. So there’s been these two worlds I kinda live in. The one with Belle and the one with just me. But, you know, I’m a sub. All the way down. Not a switch. Not at all. A sub. I crave what I have with Belle in both my worlds. And now, with Drew, I’m not alone in that other world that Belle doesn’t come into. She’s let someone else enter into it and he’s assumed a similar role as she has in our marriage. Not the same emotional role because only Belle can be that to me. But the same role with regards to power exchange. Because, as a sub, that’s what I want and need. To give up power.

So now, I spend a lot more time in that subby mindset. I don’t drift out of it and get lazy and forget. I don’t have as many opportunities to get selfish. I’m always primed to want to serve and demonstrate my gratitude for being dominated. No matter where I turn and which “world” I find myself in, I am able to focus on someone above me. This adds to my happiness and that makes me much more inclined to be good at being her sub.

Now, this all sounds like Belle and Drew are somehow equals in my mind. Even writing the words “Belle and Drew” suggests that. But it’s not the case. I’ve written before about how relationships are multilayered with basic, foundational elements below and optional dependent additions higher up. My base relationship with Belle is fundamentally sound. More so than it’s ever been. That allows us to layer on the chastity and denial and D/s and all that. And, it allows the entire Drew layer, too. Drew and what he represents is not in any way equal to Belle and what she is to me. It does not exist beside my primary relationship. His layer is dependent on Belle. It’s just another being held up by our base relationship.

I may enjoy my interactions with Drew and he may develop into a good friend over time, but nothing will ever change how I feel about Belle and our life together. She’s my North Star. She’s my reason. Even in the depths of the darkest times between us, I never not for a second could imagine a life without her. And that we could have gone through all that and come out stronger and even so strong that something like Drew could become possible is remarkable to me. I count myself among the luckiest of rabbits.

All that gratitude and optimism and excitement is not sapped from my primary relationship with Belle. It feeds back into it. For someone who grew up on Disney cartoons and the dominant cultural relationship paradigm found everywhere else in our media, the idea that opening up a relationship under the terms we have would actually drive a net benefit is a remarkable revelation. We puny mortals do not have finite pools of affection and interest. We can make as much as we need, on demand. And seemingly, the more we make, the better it is for all concerned.

I’m babbling now. It’s enough to say Belle continues to find ways to make me a very happy person. As I said on our anniversary, she is primarily responsible for all the best things in my life. My gratitude and devotion to her is boundless.

Dishrag quilt

It’s cliche to say, but each life unfolds like a tapestry. When lives come together, their tapestries become more than twice their original size. We’re talking BIG. Like, cover the dining hall wall of a castle kind of big.

Most of this tapestry is fairly mundane stuff. The daily minutia nobody outside the lives it chronicles would care much to see but are important to those being chronicled. But some of it can be pretty interesting. At least, it should be the hope of those whose tapestries are being hung that at least a little of it turns out to be worth looking at.

When I blog here, I’m not recreating our tapestry. I’m pulling colors and textures off it and knitting together little dishrags and handkerchiefs and washcloths. Just tiny, hand-wrought complimentary items. Taken as a whole, you’re left with a quilt that, when you step away from it, suggests the tapestry but is not a reflection of it.

I don’t write about everything that happens in my life or Belle’s here. I don’t tell you all the things we say to one another or do together. This is especially true now, six years in. I don’t talk about my achy knees or choir concerts or tweet about my breakfast or my worries that Belle works too hard to know if she’s happy with her life. I leave most of our lives out. And since this is a blog written by me about me and Belle, I leave almost all of her life not associated with me out. That’s just natural.

I say all this because I think some might occasionally start to think they really know me through my words here. That they know Belle. But you don’t. You can’t. I don’t mix my sex bloggery with my real life social networks. At least, not much. Those of you who really do know me, as the kids call it, IRL do so because I’ve let you in. Chances are, if you’re reading this, I haven’t let you in. So don’t pass judgement on me or Belle or what you think I said or did or the choices we make in our lives. I omit more than you can imagine and, if you’re trying to fill in the blanks, you’re doing just that. Imagining.

I do appreciate feedback. Always. I also appreciate the community that has accreted around me as a result of this blog. But I don’t write to be judged. You may come to conclusions about me or Belle along the way since that’s human nature. Just try to remember you’re doing so based on a random dishrag stitched into a big, loud quilt and don’t have all the facts. Not ever.

A tale of two talks

Belle and I and the kids just got back from a long weekend in San Francisco. Truly, one of the great cities of the world. The weather was fantastic and we ended up walking, according to my phone, about 75,000 steps in four days. That’s some miles.

So yeah, awesome, except that the kids were there. No, of course, I love my children, but Belle and I weren’t getting any time to ourselves since we were sharing a room with them. The third night we were there was our seventeenth wedding anniversary so we let the kids get room service and we went to a lovely little Italian place away from the (obvious) tourists.

I was anxious to talk to Belle about Drew. I told her earlier in the weekend to catch up on the blog so she already knew of him from that, but I had been texting with him from time to time and felt a little furtive not having had a chance to speak with her directly about him.

So, over some really excellent pasta and a bottle of passable Croatian Pinot Grigio (who even knew there was such a thing?), we talked. As with the last time a guy passed through our orbit, she wasn’t bothered or concerned. She’s really OK with it. That was an incredible relief for me. Not that I was worried so much about her not being OK, but you never know.

Since then, I’ve spoken to my old high school boyfriendthing who has a similar open arrangement with his husband and he told me that, even though it all seems OK and everyone is saying they’re OK and OK is raining from the sky and filling OK lakes and streams all around, you never lose that nagging worry that everything isn’t OK. Good to know I’m not just neurotic.

Anyway, over on the other side of the country, Drew was having the same check-in with his husband who similarly reestablished that everything was, as had been previously agreed to, OK. In fact, Drew wanted me to point this out specifically to you, my readers, since he didn’t want anyone to think he was doing something under the table with me (which isn’t a sex pun but totally could be now that I write it out).

So while the sailing on the Sea of OK seems pretty clear, I’m left with a bit of a paradox. Belle’s my closest and best friend. There are few corners of my soul she hasn’t had a view of at this point and I strive to be as open and honest with her as possible in all things. Also, since she’s my best friend (no, really — I know guys are supposed to say that about their wives, but in this case it’s true), I want to tell her about the things that are happening to me that are new or I’m excited about. Like Drew. But I also want to be really super careful not to drain the OK tub by accidentally crossing some informational line I’m too doped up on hormones and unicorn farts to see. I talked to her about that tonight over an unusually kid-free dinner. She’s still…you guessed it, OK, and doesn’t have a problem hearing about Drew as a person but we’re still feeling around in the dark about anything beyond that.

For example. I know the date when my first in-person meeting with Drew will happen. Belle asked when I was going to be able to see him but I felt weird telling her the actual day. I didn’t want to put her in a place where it was hanging out there and she could think about it as a specific thing and then get up that morning knowing THAT WAS THE DAY, etc., so I was cagy. And I felt bad because I want to be honest and I definitely do not want to sneak around. So that’s a thing.

Where I left it with Belle was I was going to keep things from her but I wasn’t going to be dishonest. If she wants to know something, I will tell her, but will otherwise try to be respectful of her right not to know until we get a little deeper into this arrangement. I won’t even link directly to any posts about Drew on The Portfolio (where all the Drew-specific tell-alls will be housed mixed in amongst the porn and smut). I don’t know if it’s the right way to do this since neither of us have been in this spot before, but it seems the way to go for now.

Another gentleman caller

So way back at the beginning of this year, Belle told me I was allowed to seek male…er, companionship…so as to meet certain needs and desires she was not interested in exploring with me (i.e., I’m a whore and want to get fucked by some guy). Back in May, a nice man approached me regarding said companionship. That assignation was not meant to be, alas. Michael’s situation was complicated and I can only assume a little boy ass on the side (without the concomitant penis accessible) wasn’t something that fit for him at the time. In any event, the reality that I might find someone to “companion with” gave Belle and I a chance to reiterate her ground rules and my acceptance of them. In short:

  • Belle is, was, and always shall be my primary partner.
  • The penis will always be locked no matter what
  • Whatever happens happens on my time and is not a distraction to her or our life.
  • I am able to blog about it, but she doesn’t necessarily want to read any of it.
  • Her privacy must be assured.

As it happens, I’ve been feeling a little dejected that there were no other interested parties. That’s not to say I wasn’t contacted, but they were apparently unable to read english and were looking for something distinctly different than what I described I wanted on my Collarspace profile. So anyway, I stopped checking in on my bait until yesterday when I decided on a whim to see what was up.

And right there was someone with real potential. We’ll call him Drew. On the plus side, he’s looking for pretty much what I am, except on the other side of the action. He’s a switch married to another man who’s also given him permission to go outside his marriage for certain activities. He only wants someone to top and have sex with. A friend, not a lover. Nothing anonymous, but nothing overly serious. Perfect. He says one of his fantasies has been to fuck a guy who’s locked up and unable to come, so I figure I’m pretty much right out of central casting on that score. He’s assumed a dominant role with me with clicks nicely in how I want to be treated. In fact, in our 24 hours or so of communication, he’s yet to say anything that strikes me the wrong way. His interests and mine are a good fit. We have a lot in common. On the negative side, he lives a long way away. But, silver lining, he travels a lot and is in town every once in a while.

So, that’s where we are. Only one day in, but very promising. In order to honor Belle’s requirement that I not put the sorted details in front of her, I’m going to use The Portfolio to write about our interactions in more detail. If you follow me there or on Twitter, you can stay abreast of developments.

It goes without saying that I’m an incredibly lucky bunny to be married to a woman who would allow this to be possible. I simply couldn’t love her more and am so grateful to be with her.


Two today.

Caged Nerd said:

I’ve used a CB6k and currently wear a Jail Bird fairly regularly.

However I have noticed that the JB isn’t quite as snug as when I was first wearing it.  Did you ever notice that your body has adjusted to your cages over time, and as a result you have had to purchase a smaller base ring?

Also, is there a particular device you would recommend for an uncircumcised man? I find cleaning can be quite difficult at times.

Yes, early on I found the size of the A-ring I needed got smaller the more I wore it. I started out using the largest (at the time) CB6K ring and eventually dropped to 40mm for the Steelheart I wear now. I also have noticed the devices fit differently in that untold number of erections pulling at my balls have made my scrotum stretch. The net benefit of this is a reduction of the relative intensity of testicular discomfort during attempted erections (though it’s hard to get rid of entirely).

With regard to those who are foreskin-enabled, I don’t really have advice. It’s a question I see fairly often, though. My foreskin was taken from me before I had the ability to express my own opinion on the matter so I just don’t have any experience to speak from. Sorry.

Another reader new to chastity had a question about keeping the existence of the device from his children:

As I have read you blog I noticed you have two children. I also have two. How have you been able to keep your kids from finding out about your “device”. Since I’ve been locked I have been overly cautious about them sitting in my lap for some daddy hugs or playing with them in general. Any advice?

Constant vigilance. My kids have somewhat outgrown lap-sitting, though my youngest is just at the cusp of turning into a world-weary cynical tweener and still seeks affection from me. The older one might as well have his own place at this point.

I avoided putting them in a position to have any contact with the device by being aware of what they were likely to do at any given point. For example, if I was laying in bed and my youngest was coming in for a goodnight kiss, I’d place my phone or the TV remote in proximity of the device so as to “explain” any unexpected hardness there. Also, I tend to be very careful when hugging. I’ll either make a point to ensure it’s an above the waist kind of hug or slightly turn my hips away to keep contact there to a minimum.

Luckily, kids as young as yours (he told me, I edited it out) don’t seem to think the way adults do or the way we worry they might. My youngest has been in a few situations over the years where she may have felt whatever I was in. Just keep going and make no notice of it. Don’t make it a big deal. On the off chance they ask what it was they felt, take your phone or your keys or whatever out of your pocket. But I doubt a young child would ask.

Finally, a few people asked what kind of running tights I posted yesterday about. They’re called Nike Trail Kiger. This is the pair I have. There’s a very similar style that’s been discontinued here. The only difference appears to be color options.

Running man, continued

Earlier today, I said:

My preference would be to wear some running tights. They would offer some compression which helps with things like shin splints while also keeping me from getting cold when I run through the shadowy bits of my route (also, I think my legs look pretty fucking hot in them). Alas, the Steelheart isn’t made for that kind of thing. It’s not only plainly visible (which, all by itself, isn’t really enough to cause me not to wear them), but it gets pushed awkwardly to one side and I can’t imagine that would be comfortable on mile four.

After I wrote that, I went to Dick’s Sporting Goods (because of course) and found my Goldilocks running tights. Seems they received some new pairs and/or reconfigured their floor so they were easier to find, but right there in the middle of all the other Nike running stuff were a few pegs with a different style of tights. The standard pairs, as I said, have a seam running right down the middle of the crotch forcing hard steel tubes to choose sides, but this new pair, besides being made of a cooler looking patterned material, has two seams that run down each leg into the crotch. Here’s a photo of me in the Steelheart in these wonderful tights:


Not, too bad. I mean, that could be a real penis. Sorta. If you didn’t have anything to compare it to, that is…

Of course I took a comparison picture. Are you new here? As you can see below, even when not sporting steel, these tights leave little to the imagination. You can even just barely make out the PA ring I’m wearing (it’s the big one — 4ga) in the top shot. The fabric pulled across the tube down below even lets a little of the steel’s sheen show through.

au natural vs secureHaving been left out by Belle following this morning’s sex (she came, of course, and I didn’t, of course), I was able to take these out for a run absent the Steelheart. I assume passers by were able to see the free meat moving around, but then again, the same was true for each of the other guys I passed who were wearing something similar. If letting the world see an outline of your package was an issue for them, then they wouldn’t be wearing this. Natch. You can guess how I feel about it.

The pants were great. I was warm even though there was a stiff wind and the lack of flapping material made me feel faster (and I put in my best 5k time, so maybe it was more than just a feeling). Since my comfort will likely not be impacted by these were I to run with a device on, I’m sure I will next time I take to the trail and it’s cold enough to warrant them.

And yeah, I do think my legs look pretty awesome in them. ;)

Running man

It’s October in the hinterlands which means the days are getting shorter and have developed a definite crispness. As the leaves wither and change color, I have to switch from my usual running gear of tank tops and mellifluous shorts to garments with a bit more substance.

My preference would be to wear some running tights. They would offer some compression which helps with things like shin splints while also keeping me from getting cold when I run through the shadowy bits of my route (also, I think my legs look pretty fucking hot in them). Alas, the Steelheart isn’t made for that kind of thing. It’s not only plainly visible (which, all by itself, isn’t really enough to cause me not to wear them), but it gets pushed awkwardly to one side and I can’t imagine that would be comfortable on mile four. Truth is, I don’t really have a good solution at this point. All my runnings shorts have built-in pouches that suspend whatever device I’m wearing enough so that the testicles don’t take the brunt of swinging metal with every stride. But none of my longer pants have anything like this so I’m left to improvise.

Yesterday, I put on a light pair of long running pants and a gently supportive jock before I took off. The combination was pretty comfortable even though the jock isn’t the kind with straps each leg goes through. It has a single strap that goes up my butt crack. More of a thong jock, I guess. While I’m a big fan of things going up my butt crack in general, I wasn’t sure how running like that would fare. Turns out, just fine.

At about two miles in, I noticed that I was presenting a bit more of a show than is typical. In the shorts I normally wear, I don’t think whatever device I’m wearing is all that noticeable, but the combination of butt crack jock and light pants were different. So, I did what any normal person would do and held my phone out in front of me and took a video:

The gently supportive jock was doing nothing whatsoever to keep the heavy Steelheart from bouncing around (though it wasn’t pulling on my balls, so it was doing what I needed it to do). I didn’t notice any of my fellow joggers taking sideways glances at the bouncy junk, but if you’re approaching someone on a jogging path you can sneak your look from a ways off and be pretty discreet about it.

So, you tell me. If you saw the above bounding towards you on a path, what would you assume? Guy with his cock locked up? Or guy with a big old dick? Or maybe just a freeballer? Personally, my first thought would be a combination of the latter two. The part of me that kinks on small penis humiliation finds this unsettling but the lizard part of me likes it. In either event, it is what it is. I’m going to keep running outside for as long as the weather permits (don’t like running outside when it’s icy out so that’ll be my hard stop) so I guess, unless I find different gear, that I’ll keep on making a show of it.

FYI, if you ever upload video like that above to Tumblr, they will delete it straight away. Funny old Tumblr.

Unusually terrible interaction

I once said…

I might end up with a UTI or I might not. If I do, it’s an easy thing to get rid of (though it sounds like a bummer of a thing to have). I’m OK with that.

…in a post about risk.

I also said…

I have to say the only people I’ve read talking about this eventuality are those who haven’t worn the device.

Well, that’s not the case anymore. I’ve worn the Looker 02 and I’ve had a urinary tract infection. Or something so much like it as to make no difference.

It all started a week ago last Friday. Belle and I were at dinner and I started to feel achy. My assumption was I was just feeling the affects of my morning workout and thought nothing more of it. The achiness continued as I went to bed so I took ibuprofen.

But it got worse. And I got the chills. And I started to feel feverish. And, most importantly, I had to pee. Over and over again. By the time morning came around, I had a temp of over 101º and peeing was not only a regular imperative but was also becoming difficult.

I wasn’t in the Looker 02 at the time. I was in the Steelheart and had been for a few days since Belle came home. But based on the symptoms, it was clear to her, me, and WebMD that I had some kind of infection (either of the prostate or the urinary tract). So I went immediately to the clinic.

The very nice nurse at the clinic was perplexed. Men aren’t supposed to get UTIs, though it’s possible. She couldn’t seem to make heads or tails of it and I, admittedly, was less than forthcoming as to how it may have happened. She took my temp, all the vitals, and my symptoms and then had me pee in a cup.

Belle didn’t let me out of the device before going to the clinic. She didn’t even bring it up. Luckily, I wasn’t expected to pee in front of the nice nurse and instead did so in the little bathroom and then put my warm cup into a little pass-through cupboard for her to test. Yep, while cell count was sky-high.

She was still perplexed. She asked me if I was sexually active. Of course, I said. She then asked, “Do you void after intercourse?” I just blinked at her. “That means, do you pee after sex.” Of course I knew what that meant, but most times, the kind of sex I have isn’t involving the penis. I got hung up on processing my response and helpfully answered, “Errr…”

Eventually, I said I didn’t really pay attention. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. In reality, hardly ever. She told me I should. I said OK, I would. But I know that’s not where I got my UTI.

Earlier in the week, while still wearing the L02, I spent an enjoyable morning with a new anal toy from Mr. S Leather. They don’t sell it anymore, oddly, so I must have got one of the last ones. In any event, I really went to town on this thing and, my presumption is, at some point this is what led to the UTI. Bacteria must have gotten on the device and then migrated up the insert. I wasn’t doing anything special with the penis, obviously, since I didn’t have access, but incidental contact is to be expected. After, I showered and cleaned myself up pretty well, but not well enough, apparently. I don’t really know how I could have done a better job with the L02. I wasn’t about to send water up the insert. In any event, that must have been when the damage was done.

So she prescribed an antibiotic and that made me feel tons better after about 36 hours. For the next five days, though, peeing was difficult. I had to bear down hard on my bladder to get even a little trickle out. It felt as though I was never really done at any point. I suspect that’s a little preview of what to expect if I should ever develop prostate issues when I’m older.

Later the same night after I got my meds, Belle took pity on my and let me out of the Steelheart. Not sure what moved her to do so at that particular time, but I was out until yesterday after I got back from a weekend trip with some friends. I feel 100% better and have no issues peeing at all (though, while it may be my hyperactive imagination, it seems like I still need to go more often than usual).

So, what to make of this experience? On the one hand, it was totally avoidable. I feel quite confident that had I been in the Steelheart this wouldn’t have happened. However, I will again want to wear the Looker 02 and I’ll still want to play with my ass at some point. Now I know to be very careful if those two things happen at the same time. In fact, I should perhaps put a condom over the L02 when the time comes. I have, of course, used anal sex toys with the L02 in the past and I’ve been playing with my ass since I was a teenager. This is the first time I ever got sick doing so. Live and learn. I’ll be careful, but I’m not going to overreact.

In a way, the UTI kind of feels like an STD. I’m chalking it up as a similar experience. Luckily, as I suspected two years ago, the UTI was easily dealt with (and a bummer of a thing to have).

The one about ass play that lacks a pithy title

Belle caught up on the blog yesterday which means she also caught up on my butt plug endurance project.

“Are you OK with it?”

“Sure. I don’t understand it, but I’m OK with it.”

I have always been excessively self-conscious about anal play and my enjoyment of it. It’s not something I generally talk about with Belle since she’s shown no interest in it at all (and has drawn a line around it from a participation standpoint). In a way, blogging about it is a kind of therapy in that I really get to own it. I find it to be generally empowering and freeing to write about it bluntly, share the occasional image, and just revel in the pleasure I find there.

But, I’m still vulnerable. Her innocent and totally unpointed remark about not understanding my enjoyment of anal play made me withdrawn emotionally like a snail whose eyestalk got tapped. I didn’t show those feelings to her since I didn’t want to guilt her out, but I did take a break from the WMCBP for a few hours as I regrouped internally.

How do you make someone understand why you like something they don’t (and really, how is it different from chastity which she’s exclusively interested in only from her side of the key)? Specifically, when it comes to anal play, it seems to me the first thing that turns people off is the fact that it deals with something most of us have been brought up to think is dirty and should be avoided. It’s unhealthy, even. I suppose some people are simply unable to get past their aversion reflex. I was brought up pretty much the same as everyone else, but for some reason I’m able to separate the mechanics of how one gets to the point that they can experience healthy anal play and the real pleasure every man is physiologically capable of experiencing once in the proper state. It’s really no more unpleasant than changing a baby’s diaper, most of the time, or more complicated.

Anyway, assuming you can get yourself past any squickiness and actually get to the pleasuring part, it’s really fucking great. I’d bet your anus and your lips are about on par with one another in their degree of sensitivity (they’re mirrors of one another, after all). And the prostate is nothing but pure molten awesome if you treat it right. Men are just wired to really like playing with their asses if they ever bother to try.

From a young age, I craved playing with my ass. I was originally introduced to the idea when I was quite young (six? seven?) by an older neighbor kid (ten or twelve, I’d guess). I suppose some people would look at the interaction and see something sinister, but I’ve never really felt that way. He was just a kid, too, though several years older. My friend from across the street and I would go to his house and he talked us into doing all kinds of things. To ourselves and one another. He never participated, as far as I can recall. Just directed. Perhaps he grew up to be a molester or maybe he was just curious and wanted to experiment with his particular brand of sexuality. I don’t know. But that little taste unlocked for me a curiosity to discover what anal play could be. And I suppose I’ve never looked back. Sideways once or twice, but not back.

Perhaps the furtiveness of those early explorations and the fear of getting caught (I remember the older boy warning us about ever telling anyone about what we did — not a good sign for him, I suppose) is what’s stuck with me to this day and causes me to be hesitant about being open with Belle. I know, I say that, but I write all the things I write here and it doesn’t seem to add up. It’s easier for me to write than to speak, especially about this kind of thing. I knew she would read the posts about the plug sooner or later as she always does. So I’m not exactly hiding. But I doubt I’d have ever volunteered the information on my own.

It just occurs to me in rereading this that back when masturbation always lead to orgasm and I’d make anal play a part of that, as soon as I came I’d become borderline disgusted by what I’d done. I’d try to get the toys away from me as quickly as possible and even once recall throwing them out afterward. Again, that’s doesn’t sound healthy. Now, since masturbation never leads to orgasm, I never get back to that place. I still find I have a general ebb and flow sort of tidal kind of interest in playing with my ass, but there’s no post-orgasmic guilt-ridden crash.

I had originally thought this post was going to be a little review of some new toys I got from Mr. S (and I’m sure I’ll get back to that at some point) following my use of them this morning. Instead of crashing after I came (because I didn’t because I’m locked in the Steelheart and aren’t allowed to in any event), I had to will myself away from one of the toys in particular. I’ve developed an intense infatuation with it and it was making me feel some really incredible things. Eventually, I had to tell myself to stop. So no, I never get to that bad stage now. I just hover in the clouds. Maybe that’s what make it possible for me to write about it.

In any event, like I said, this post didn’t go where I thought it would. That’s why it doesn’t have a nice little bow on it now as I wrap it up. All this is what it is. I really like getting fucked in the ass. I like wearing plugs (and yes, the WMCBP is still in place). I know I shouldn’t feel anything bad about that, though it certainly feels like I’ve got a headwind in moving towards a point of self-acceptance and comfort.


I have been a very bad chastity blogger. Very, very bad. I deserve to be punished. Severely. So…uh…wanna?

OK, maybe later. In truth, I have yet again totally ignored my DT email address and a whole lot of feedback has piled up and I truly do feel guilty about not replying. So, without further ado, here we go…

B asked:

I’m considering purchasing a Looker 3 but can not find any reviews, opinions, or even pictures of it being worn.  Have you ever tried a PA lock of the style before?  I’m curious if it pinches or gets in the way to the point where it is uncomfortable or irritating.

No, I’ve not read or seen anything on the ‘net regarding experiences with that device. My concerns are the same as yours, though. I’d be afraid of getting pinched between the shackle and the lip of the cup at the end of the cage. It looks hot, though. When I first noticed its availability, I wrote a post about it. More thoughts over there.

Pup Colt queried:

Hi! I am looking at getting a Looker2 as my first steel device and was wondering would you suggest ordering it the way it comes? or would you suggest ordering it without the bulb on the end of the insert?

I like the bulb myself. I suspect it makes the end of the insert less likely to irritate the urethra, though that’s just a guess. Subjectively, I just like how it looks and the feel of the little bulge deep down in there. The only thing I’d change if I were ordering the Looker 02 again today (except to maybe make the cage a smidge shorter) would be to increase the circumference of the insert. I’d personally like something about 50% bigger around since I think that’d make leakage around it less likely and would allow urine to drain out of me faster. Sometimes, when I really have to go, I find the narrow tube slows things down.

K wrote a big one:

I’ve been following your blog on and off for a few years now.  There is so much great info in it. I find myself returning every few months to catch up and re-reading a lot of the valuable info.  Thank you for taking the time and energy to teach us Want-To-Be-Thumpers!

That’s cute. I imagine a bunch of baby bunnies hopping around.

I’ve enjoyed chastity on and off for many years now.  I’ve worn only one device, a CB6000.  I’m sick of it. I’m long overdue for an upgrade to a custom steel unit. I’m ready to jump off the bridge and order a Steelheart 2 from Steelworxx, but I’m terrified about getting the sizing right.  I’m hoping you might help me with some advice on sizing as well as a few other random questions from your experience.

I’ve worn the CB6000 on and off for years now and feel pretty confident that I’ve found the right setup for me in the CB6000.  But now I’m scratching my head for how to translate the CB6000 setup to a new Steelheart.  You obviously had a learning curve with your first Steelheart so I’m hoping your experiences can help me make smart decisions.  When I try and translate my current setup to Steelworxx’s offerings, I get this:

He shares a lot of measurement info…

Now that I’ve shared all that data, I’m sure you’re not interested in studying my personal measurements [don't bet on it — T] so suffice it to say the Steelheart measurements seem to be at the large end of his range.  I’m pretty average in size, certainly no monster.  Since you found your first Steelheart to be too big, I’m thinking that there are some tricks to translating these measurements.  Here are some specific questions I’d greatly appreciate your help with:

1.      You have said that the same size A Ring in plastic and steel did not work.  How much smaller is your Steelheart A Ring compared to your CB6000 size?  I figure I’m between 48.6mm (CB6000) and 44.5mm (my regular cockring size).

As I recall, I was in the 45mm CB6K ring and ordered that in steel. WAY too big. I eventually settled into 40mm in the Steelheart but find the 42mm anatomical ring of the Looker 02 to be a much better fit. Remember that the size you wear in a cock ring will be much too big for a chastity device. Cock rings assume a big old erection on the other side while a device will keep that mostly in check. The less room your erection has to grow, the less room you need in the ring.

2.      How should I determine spacing between the Tube and A ring?  It appears the Steelheart tube is angled away from the A Ring on the underside so I’m not sure how to figure these two distances.  The website doesn’t offer customization for these distances so maybe this is moot.  But the Steelheart appears to have less space at the top and more at the bottom.  Doesn’t more space at the bottom mean more space to pull the balls out?  If this is a set parameter on the Steelheart, then do you add or subtract to the length of the tube to make up for this difference in measurement?  Keeping in mind that on paper I’m almost maxed out on Steelheart length.  I can’t wrap my head around this.

Sure, a bigger gap in the bottom means your balls could have more room to escape, but if you look at the Steelheart I wear now, you’ll see the gap is far too small for any testicles to get out (I assume). This gap is a function of the A-ring size and is another reason why getting that right is important. If I had to choose, I’d err on a slightly smaller ring than larger. But that’s me.

Regarding the spacing between the tube and ring, that’s a measurement I’ve never changed. In the three devices I have from Dietmar, I always went with the default.

3.      The optional curved “anatomical A Ring” seems interesting to me for comfort.  Have you tried this one?  Any insight?  It seems like if the bottom of the ring curves back against the abdomen, the space between the bottom of the Ring and the bottom of the Tube gets even bigger, which sounds bad for security.

Yep, the Looker 02 has that and I love it. If the ring isn’t too big, I doubt you’ll have security issues.

4.      I’ve got a 4 gauge PA and working up to a 0ga eventually.  I’m going to ask Steelworxx to modify the Steelheart with a PA slot on the tube so I can wear my jewelry through the tube to secure myself.  But I’d also like to order a PA fixing so I have the option of securing inside like you.

I also wear a 4ga ring, but not with the Steelheart. I found it took too much space inside the tube and caused pinching. I wear a 10ga ring when locked up. It’s just as secure and is a lot smaller overall. If you’re going to build a slot in, my issues may not apply.

a.      Sounds like your experience is that you cannot fit anything larger than 8 gauge jewelry inside.  True?

Nope, I can get he 4ga in there, it’s just not as comfy. I bet I could get even larger jewelry in there, but the heavier the ring the more noise will be made as it hits the inside of the tube.

b.      How much added length and diameter should I add to the Tube to accommodate the PA fixing and jewelry, to achieve your setup?

I’ve been asked this before and I wish I had a good answer. I’d say at least another 1/4″. If you’re going to use bigger rings, maybe more.

c.      Really no issues with pinching inside with PA fixing?

Not with the smaller PA ring, no. Occasional. Not serious.

5.      Finally, I also want to order a urethral insert for some added fun from time to time.  (I realize I probably have to remove the PA for that).

a.      Do you use the insert with your Steelheart or only on your Looker?

b.      Any thoughts on how long the insert should be?  It appears to be longer on the Looker (extends past the A Ring) then the add-on option in Steelworxx’s offerings.  Is this purely personal choice or are there any security benefits?

c.      Does your insert have a bulb on the end?  If yes, do you like it?  Does it help with leakage?

d.      Does the insert have a cap to screw on the end or is it always open at the end and prone to leaking?

A) Only on the Looker 02. B) Dietmar’s default on the L02 worked well for me. It could be a bit longer and still work. I’d be careful going too long. C) See question above. I do like the bulb. It may help with leakage. D) The insert on the L02 I wear is integrated. No screw (literally).

I’m very sorry this came out so long.  Hopefully you didn’t get bored after the first paragraph because your insights would help me feel much more comfortable before throwing down hundreds of dollars.  Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with all of us and being such a fantastic source of info.

And now I feel especially guilty for not answering your questions in a timely manner.

Alex asked:

I was reading some of your blogs on the MM Jailbird cage and had a couple of questions in regards to the sizing. Just hoping you could help out if you’re not too busy.


I noticed you’ve used the single round ring, double round ring, and oval ring. I’m torn between the double ring and oval ring. I’ve never had an issue wearing a round ring with previous devices (CB6000s, Jailhouse), other than some mild chaffing. Which is most likely because the rings weren’t a custom fit. So I’m not too worried about that happening once I get the correct measurement. I’d like to know if you have any feedback in regards to which ring you’d recommend and/or prefer.

Also, if I end up going with the double base ring I thought I read somewhere that it adds an extra 1/4″ to the length. I plan on getting a proper length measurement and subtracting 1/4″ (MM recommendation). Should I take an additional 1/4″ off again to compensate for the double ring?

I have a double oval ring on the Jail Bird and recommend it. The oval shape leaves room for tender bits and the double width means less “cutting” by the ring (their default width is too narrow, IMO). The double ring does indeed add a bit of length (you probably read that here) so do cut that back from the overall length you order.

Chris kringled:

I have a CB6000 and am planning to buy a MM JB. One question I have is about the base ring. Can you leave it on, while removing the cage, and then have sex? I’m a bit worried that blood will not flow back if the ring is kept in place. The idea just seems interesting: quickly remove the cage and don’t bother about the base ring. Have sex (but probably no cumming) and then put the cage back on. Do you have any experience with this?

Yep, I’ve done exactly that. The JB ring is about 3mm smaller than my normal cock ring size so the extra constriction isn’t really an issue. You have to remember to rotate the ring upside down so the post doesn’t poke your keyholder (then it sits under your balls but I didn’t have a problem with that).

M said:

Hey,  I have read your blog for about three weeks now.  First of all, you are very articulate and I can tell that you obey your wife and want to be obedient to her.  You are doing a great job and it shows.  My Master who I signed a contract back on May 3, 2014; requires that I not have an orgasm.  This is very hard to accomplish.  I have not been faithful to Master and had four since the order was issued.  The most recent was after going two months with an orgasm.  I have been instructed to finger my boi pussy any time, I need to obtain pleasure or get horny.  Master doesn’t want to put a cage on me, because I am married and have kids.  The longer I go without having an orgasm the more difficult, it is with me not cumming.  I will make this work.  We are back to the beginning and will work hard to obey my order.  I have also been ordered not to play with my dick or get it hard.

Extended, unsupervised denial without a device is incredibly hard for me. It’s hard even to obey her rule about not playing with it. I don’t really know what to say that can help you except I totally feel your pain. It’s all about willpower and the one place most men experience the least amount of that is between their hand and their dick, especially when they’re horny.

My advice would be for your Master to let you play with yourself on occasion for a specific period of time (say, five minutes) as long as you promise not to come. That might help a bit. At least then you’d have some outlet for your built-up desires. Alternatively, you could have an extended heart-to-heart with your wife and tell her what you’re doing, etc. It would be a lot more enjoyable, I bet.

An anonymous reader wrote:

First of let me say how useful your blog has been about male chastity. My wife and I are new to this world and we for one are glad about this blog existing – there are many aspects to this experience and you express them well, both the fun times and the not-so-fun times (like the “No then Yes” post). Good job!


I came across your site first thanks to the ever useful “tips and tricks for the cb6000″ page. That page helped a lot for the initial introduction to wearing a cb6000. In fact, I think that page ultimately convinced the wife to go ahead with the purchase of the device.

But as I mentioned, we are very new to this. In fact, I think we have only had the device for a month now. And here is where I turn to your advice once more. I am able to wear the cb6000 throughout the day with no problem. In fact, it is so comfortable that I sometimes don’t even realize I am wearing it. We are able to go out, ride bikes, do groceries etc all without incident. This is of course fantastic as I did not expect it to be so easy. But the real issue comes in at night when I try to sleep with the device. I have tried this 4-5 times and it’s a real pain. Like literally a pain in the sack (pun?). This happens almost immediately once I start to lie horizontally, either on my back or on the side.

I know you have written about this in the tips and tricks page – I have tried those suggestions but still with little success. Here are some details: I am currently on the second smallest spacer but still the largest ring. Most of the pain I feel is at the base of the ring (the A ring?) kind of like a burning sensation. Initially it is ok but as the night wears on it gets worse and worse. Like I can’t sleep and need to get up and sit somewhere (the pain is much reduced then but it does not go away instantly). I do put silicon based lube on the A-ring and that helps. But perhaps I don’t put enough lube. I don’t think that I get really strong erections at night because I don’t ever feel “full” in the tube. Right now we go 2-4 days without me cumming so it’s not like I have been starved for weeks. I never have the biting pain near the base of the penis where the tube starts. Perhaps most importantly, I sleep in some shorts that are meant for runners. I usually wear pretty tight briefs but started sleeping without them as I thought that was part of the problem. But as you mentioned, now things just flop around and that may be part of the issue. Sleeping naked did not work either; that was a bad idea.

As you can imagine the biggest danger of unauthorized “action” is likely to happen when the wife is fast asleep. So far no incidents, but 2-4 days is easy going. 5 days was tough for me (damn you Barbara Bermudo). But besides for that, I want to be locked up for her with the key around her neck, because that is so hot. And she obviously likes that too.

That’s tough. I can tell you the CB6K ring is a bitch and I recall being in a lot of pain sometimes as well. The more lube, the better, I found. Moving to steel resolved nearly all the kinds of issues you’re describing, though a certain amount of them are unavoidable. An in between measure would be looking into the Holy Trainer. MUCH more comfortable ring, IMO. Also, with time, your scrotum will stretch out. That will lead to fewer ball sack problems.

Some men I’ve heard from and whose accounts I’ve read never figure out how to handle the nocturnal wood in a CB6K. It’s not the end of the world, though I understand where you’re coming from.

I had read recently on a blog that the cb3000 had a larger ring (not shipped initially). If you contacted the company they would send it to you. I wonder if the same is true for the 6000? Apparently 2 mm does matter (hah, another pun?).

I don’t know anything about that. As far as I know, the only rings available for the CB6K are the ones packed in with it.

I am not sure if there is any advice you have but I thought I’d try anyway. It’s much appreciated.

Thanks a lot for this blog and taking the time to write solid material!


Vicky wanted to know:

I stumbled across your blog when someone left a review on lovehoney website about the cb6k and said they had recently been reading your blog. Curiosity got the better of me, so I started reading and then I was hooked! I decided the only way to fully understand the situation, was to read from the beginning. I am currently at August 2010 and obviously have a long way to go!

You might cover the following questions/comments in later blogs so I apologise in advance if this is the case!

1. I noticed Belle had answered a few questions in the blog and I was wondering if she has done anymore blogging? I would love to hear more of her views, sort of a he said/she said type of thing.

She hasn’t. Alas. But stay tuned. Developments developing on that front, perhaps.

2. Have you written any more porn? I read the hotel room one, where you described a situation in which you were exposed in front of a window. I really enjoy your style of writing and your way of describing situations, that make the text come to life.

I have, but I haven’t finished any of it or published it. I have more ideas than time and writing it while locked up and denied is unexpectedly difficult. I get too worked up to think straight.

3. Have you got any tips for complete beginners, starting out experimenting with chastity? In my relationship, I think we would both enjoy taking turns being a top and a bottom but are unsure how to take the first steps. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Whew. Big question. For a guy, I’d say get a Holy Trainer and have fun. Take baby steps at first, don’t worry about doing it “right” as long you’re both enjoying it.

4. I just wanted to say I am thoroughly enjoying reading the journey of discovery that both of you are on. I also want to say ( as I have seen you post that a large percentage of people are not bothered by HNTHUMPER) I really enjoy seeing these pictures, please continue to post them ;) I completely agree with Belle, when she said the steel heart looks better. For something made of metal, I strangely think it looks really natural.

Thanks! Speaking of dirty pictures, I posted this to Tumblr today. Not full-on filth, but close.

Bob enquired:

Would you ever consider broadcasting on Skype or Cam4 and have Q&A conversation about chastity. Not a broadcast showing nudity or body parts… legit chastity Q&A?

You mean like a broadcast to a large audience? I can’t say I have thought of it, but I wouldn’t be opposed, I guess. The main issue would be protecting Belle’s privacy, of course. I wonder if there would be any interest in that kind of thing (he asked unselfconsciously).

That’s all I got for now. Again, apologies to all for the long wait.


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