Floating in the void

I’ve been trying to write something for a few days but each time the WordPress editor comes up, all blank and intimidating, I wither and slink off. I’m wandering around in a bit of a funk and I can’t say what it’s really about and if I can’t do that I certainly can’t write about it. I suppose I could do a chastity nerdery post and compare and contrast the CB6K and the Steelheart (and mention that I’m currently in the CB6K instead of the Steelheart because we’ve decided it needs to go back to Germany and get a smaller ring), but that wouldn’t feel right. I certainly will get around to writing all that, but to do so now would be like describing the ballpark when I really should be calling the game.

So yeah, malaise. I’ve been denied for 19 days today and locked up for just over two weeks. In the past, this’d mean something, but at the moment I’m not feeling it. I’m feeling something, I just don’t know what it is. Belle’s aware of it, of course, and we’ve bandied about the “taking a break” thing, but I don’t know what that would mean and don’t want to be any way other than I am now. I don’t want to come by myself. I don’t want to be unlocked. I don’t want my orgasm back. And that’s really the issue. I don’t want it, period. While I haven’t come in nearly three weeks or felt a free erection in over two, I’m kinda not missing them. And that bothers me. A lot.

It could be that we’re not being intimate right now. We’ve had a few moments. We shared her orgasm this weekend, but then I ruined it by letting myself get too carried away and not leaving her alone in the bask and glow stage. I felt very bad about that. Then the other night she slapped my balls around a little and I really liked that (so much so that it caused me to excrete a thick slug of precum afterward), but in between these events I’m not feeling what I used to feel. I’m not feeling horny, at least not a flavor of horny I’m familiar with. If she made a move toward sex, I’d do it happily and enthusiastically, but I’m not feeling compelled to push the issue. She doesn’t seem to want it, anyway.

It’s not just Belle. Porn, my old standby and the thing that’s in the past helped me get my motor running, hasn’t been very compelling. I used to be able to appreciate it even when locked up but now, while I might get a momentarily tight tube when looking at it, I don’t feel much interest in doing so and the residual affects are fleeting. I don’t recall there ever being a time in my life when I felt so apathetic towards arousal.

I wonder if this is the point I’ve been trying to get to. Have I lost my independent sexuality? Is it entirely about her now and, absent her motivation, do I not have a sex drive? And if so, am I OK with that? I really don’t know. I feel like there should be more. That I should be feeling more. I miss the subbie vibe and the drive to do things for her. Now, instead of feeling the need to demonstrate my submission, I just do it. There’s no charge around it. So, is this right? Is this where you get when the newness rubs off?

I don’t really know the answer to that. All know is I’m not horny, but I’m not not horny, either. I’m not happy, but I’m not unhappy. I don’t feel subbie, but I am acting that way (or trying to). I feel like I’m floating in a void, neither light nor dark, cold nor hot, no up and no down. I don’t want things to be different, but I don’t want them to be exactly like this, either.

Punished

Apparently, I was being snarky. That’s what Belle said, anyway. I certainly was poking fun at her, but, you know, in the most respectful and loving way possible.

Whatever. She didn’t appreciate it.

“You think that’s funny, do you?” She asked.

“Kinda, yeah.”

“OK. Get the Icy Hot.”

“What!?”

And it went on like that with me begging and squirming and trying to talk her out of it. Eventually, she made me get up and retrieve the tube of devil paste from the bathroom. I got back into bed, placing it on my nightstand, and tried to distract her. I was hoping to be able to wait her out. Soon, she’d be sleepy and maybe I’d get off the hook.

After a few minutes, “Get naked and under the covers.”

I did so, still hoping there’d be a reprieve. In theory, I want her to punish me when she sees the need. In practice, Icy Hot hurts like fuck. Plus, I wasn’t really prepared mentally since I wasn’t even aware I was committing a punishable offense.

“Give me the Icy Hot,” she said. I gave it to her while still doing my best to talk her out of it. She seemed to very much enjoy my pathetic protestations.

“Close your eyes.” Whimper. I closed my eyes and opened my legs, exposing the poor, unsuspecting scrotum.

I heard the cap open…I heard the paste squeezed out…I heard the cap snap shut…a few moments of silence…then I felt her fingers smearing the cold lineament across my skin. As usual, for the first several moments it just felt cold. Then even colder as whatever hellish combustion process it utilizes started to take effect. Then hot. Then really hot. Motherfuckinghot.

I tried not to make too much noise, but each wave of burning was greater than the last. I rolled over on my knees and spread my legs so my nutsack would hang freely. She placed her hand on my back in a gentle, loving way as I clenched my eyes shut against the burning. The fumes of the Icy Hot were traveling up my crack and started to provide my ass with a contact burn. That was new.

She must not have put nearly as much on as last time. The burning waves seemed to start to subside after the forth or fifth. Soon, all I felt was a lingering, low-level heat. As I moved about, the burning would intensify for a few moments and then retreat again. I felt well and truly punished.

The next morning, all the burning just a memory, I still felt the difference. I was much more contrite and feeling the subbie vibe. Icy Hot is almost too intense for us to use in a scene now, but as a punishment it was quite effective. I enjoyed the psychological afterglow of being punished even though the actual act was hard to take. From her perspective, its impact far exceeded the effort she needed to put into it. All she’d have to do in the future to make it a more severe punishment would be to increase the amount applied. Since I really don’t like it all that much, I will truly want to avoid it.

I’ll have to do something about the snark.

3.6 times hotter

In the comments to Security wankie (did anyone get that pun?), reader Wally shared some helpful experiences with the Steelheart, including this on security:

As for security may I suggest you go to a jeweler and have them make you a small chain with two closed loops on each end. These loops are small enough to go though the hole in the end of your tube, but large enough for one to go around your piecing jewelry and the other end go over one of the side alignment pins of your Steelheart. Basically the chain in installed on the end of your piercing ring and the chain goes down inside the tube out though the hole outside and up to the alignment pin. The chain will be long enough to allow your member to move up and down the tube freely but short enough not to allow pull out.

My issues with this idea are threefold. First, I need my device to be as quiet as possible. I imagine having a lovely chain coming out the end of the tube and running up the side would result in some noises. The noise, in and of itself, kinda turns me on as it’s an ever-present reminder of my chastity, but when you’ve got a couple of small kids in the house (or any size kids, I suppose), mysterious clanking is a problem. The other problem I have with Wally’s solution is that the chain, strung through the hole in the tube, would ruin my ability to pee vertically. The chain, I’m sure, would disrupt the stream and lead part of it off to the side. Having to sit to pee isn’t a deal-breaker since I’ve been doing it for months, but I really, really like using urinals. Finally, I’d be worried about the chain moving freely up and down the tube as the cock contracted and expanded. I am totally incapable of using any solution that pulls on my piercing.

Which is why I liked the Steelworxx PA fixing so much. Its design, inside the tube, allowed my piercing to move up and down the length of the fixing resulting in practically no pulling. However, that’s also the fatal flaw of its design since only one side of the fixing is fixed. The other has a little hook that, I assume, is supposed to keep the ring from sliding off. It doesn’t work. Even without trying to, my little buddy can escape the fixing shortly after being placed onto it.

So, to summarize, what I need is a way to secure the PA ring that doesn’t pull, doesn’t ruin vertical peeing, and doesn’t make noise but does make it difficult, if not impossible, to pull the dick out. I think I’ve got a solution.

What I’ve done is revisit the PA cable concept (the saga starts here), except this time, I’ve run the cable down the inside of the tube, not the outside. Then, I run the loops out and over the top of the device and secure them on the opposite side’s alignment pin (I’ll post a picture later to help make this clear). I run the loops on the outside since the aluminum ferrules I used to make them would be very uncomfortable sharing the tube with the tender secured meat. Hooking them to the opposite side’s pin helps keep the stiff cable from pulling out and getting out of position. The cable hugs the entire inside of the tube so the PA ring can slide around like the rings of a shower curtain. As long as it’s not immediately in front of the hole, it doesn’t get in the way of the stream. As long as it doesn’t come up and out the tube, it’s doesn’t pull on the ring. Since it’s coated in plastic and the ring is acrylic, it’s very quiet. So far, there’s been very little pinching or other discomfort (though I’ve only been wearing it for about 24 hours now).

Of course, it’s not perfect. I can slide most of the cock out of the tube, but it’s pretty uncomfortable to do so. Since it allows me to access the acrylic PA ring and since the ball is easily removed by hand, this is not total security, but it pushes off quite a bit farther any “accidental” slipping out of the tube. The only way I could get out now would be to disassemble part of the apparatus that secures me which is a hard limit in my mind. I could improve the security by using a stainless PA ring which, at 4 gauge, has a ball that cannot typically be inserted or removed by hand, but the metal would introduce clanking, so that’s a nonstarter. Also, I don’t think it’s necessary.

While I had the tube off yesterday, I took the opportunity to sand down the sharp edges of the brass locking mechanism. This proved to be a major improvement as the lock no longer cuts into me. Also, I’ve decided that the A-ring I ordered is too big. Even though it’s exactly the same size as the CB6K ring I was using before, due to its different design and material, it’s just too big. The whole device hangs too low when my balls descend. With the cable in place, this isn’t a huge problem, but it just doesn’t feel right since I’ve gotten used to the snug, closer fit of the CB6K. Dietmar says I’ll have to send the entire thing back to get a new ring since part of the lock is on the ring and part is on the tube. He’ll need both to make sure they fit properly. That sucks, but I get it. As soon as Belle decides I’m out for a while, I’m going to send it back and use the chrome CB6K in the interim.

So there you go. A thousand words about security on the heels of a post where I suggested security isn’t all that big of a deal. As I said, security = hotness. With the cable in place, the Steelheart is 3.6 times hotter than it was without. At least for me.

Heavy petting

Laying in bed this morning, with the bright Fall sun streaming through the window and illuminating the scattered pages of The New York Times, another perk of prolonged orgasm denial presented itself. Belle was reading the paper while I was watching TV shows that had piled up on our DVR. I had my head up near her shoulder and was enjoying the lazy, familiar contact with my mate when she put her arm around my neck, her hand down the front of my t-shirt, and started to run her fingers though my chest hair.

These simple, absentminded touches can totally consume someone in my condition. It’s only been ten days since the last orgasm, but that’s long enough to be ramping up into the first strong pangs of desire. As she ran her hand from one nipple to the other, I felt the new metal tube start to tighten and my ass grind down into the bed just a bit. A strange purring moan came softly from my throat. I felt very content. Happy.

Of course, I would have thought that was pretty swell even if I wasn’t soaking in my own androgens. But little things like that are kicked up by a significant factor through denial and are one of the happy little side-effects of not being allowed release.

To that end, I was lobbying Belle this morning not to let me come when my first date comes up. She says it’s soon, but it’s only been a week and a half since my unintended orgasm (let alone the two she let me have in Mexico). I suggested making me wait until next year. That’s just a little longer than I went last time. I also suggested she tack on a month each time I get to come. Two months would lead to three months would lead to four months, etc. I know I’m not supposed to be thinking about that, but anyone who’s read this blog for a little while knows I’m more than a little obsessive about things.

Yesterday, I said to her in passing that it had been nine days since I came. Why, she asked, in the face of asking not to come for the rest of 2009 would I feel the need to reminder her of a mere nine days? Good question. I know I wasn’t lobbing for release. I think I was just fishing for some recognition. A pat on the head. Pathetic, I know. In any event, she reassured me she did recognize my commitment to her control. She said she knew it was hard.

Which leaves me with conflicting thoughts. On the one hand, I am committed to her control. I’ll come when she tells me to and I won’t whine or fret. Promise. On the other hand, I want to do hard things for her. I want to be pushed over ever-more difficult challenges to demonstrate I will do anything she asks. Hard things have value. Easy things don’t. If you think about it, that just about sums up the entire practice of long-term orgasm denial.

Security wankie

As I said yesterday, the new Steelheart is only a little less secure than my CB6K. However, it is less secure, a fact only compounded by the total failure of the PA fixing that came with it. This reality has led me to rethink a few things regarding the entire purpose of the device.

Some guys look down their noses (or boners, as the case may be) at those of us who remain chaste though the use of devices. They say the only true way to demonstrate commitment to their partner is to always have access to their dicks but to never use them for anything their partners haven’t authorized, let alone ejaculation. I truly do appreciate this point of view and admire men who are able to muster the self-control necessary to keep their hands off in the face of incredible frustration. But I guess that assumes they are, in fact, keeping their hands off.

Personally, I don’t need the device to keep from having an unauthorized orgasm. The last thing I want is to orgasm (though I desperately want to always feel like I want to – paradox!). What I crave is lots and lots of stimulation. I love playing with myself up to the moment of orgasm, cooling off for a few seconds, and then doing it again. I adore the feeling of a stiff one in my hand, heavy PA ring flopping to and fro. Even with it’s not hard, I find I can’t keep my hands off the cock. It’s like a magnet to me. So, based on all that, what the device represents is Belle’s desire to limit my ability to pleasure myself. She knows I will not come on purpose. But she also knows, from experience, that allowing me to play with the cock is a recipe for disaster.

So, the device isn’t about orgasm control. It’s a masturbation and self-pleasure control mechanism. When she puts me in it, she’s saying she wants me to focus on her and her needs. Jacking off in the shower, even if I don’t come, is distracting and indulgent. Stroking in bed after she’s fallen asleep does not leave me in the same frame of mind as when I’m just left to stew in my juices. Those guys who liken my device to a crutch are right, I guess. It’s a deterrent. A reminder of what she wants. And I need it.

My quest for the undefeatable device is more about nerdery and kink than anything else. I want to feel totally powerless against the device, but don’t actually need to be powerless. For me, it’s more like a “keep off the grass” sign or little wrought iron fence around a flowerbed. A reminder that there are rules and I’m expected to play by them.

Further Steelheart Nerdery

In a comment to HNThumper X, Billus asked:

I’d be interested in how the ring size compares with whatever ring you were using on the CB6K. Did you simply measure the plastic ring, or disregard it completely and determine the steel ring size some other way? Same with the spacing. It seems like with all the trial and error involved with a plastic CB, you have to get the steel one absolutely right the first time.

When I ordered the Steelheart, I pretty much used the CB6K measurements I had settled into (shortest spacer, middle ring). For the circumference of the tube, I went with the measurement provided for the CB6K, though as anyone who owns one knows, it’s wider than it is tall. For tube length, I measured my CB6K configuration and subtracted 5mm since the CB6K’s tube is tapered and there’s a bit of wasted space toward the end that never gets filled.

What I’ve ended up with is a much more forgiving device than the CB6K, though it looks more severe. Even though the tube is shorter, the internal volume is greater due to the the Steelheart’s tube being closer to a true circle in shape versus the CB6K’s oval. In addition, since the Steelheart’s tube is blunt and rounded, I find erections fill it more efficiently. I have no way of knowing this for sure, but I’d guesstimate that only about 40-50% of my erection could fill the CB6K while it feels like closer to 60-70% fills the Steelheart. It’s an entirely different sensation. The CB6K was rather brutal in the way it arrested erections and ended up stuffing a lot of it back up into my body. With the Steelheart, I have the sensation of achieving something close to a full erection, though with a satisfying amount of restraint. Due to that and the more lifelike curve of the tube, I find myself stroking the Steelheart more like a real cock when I’m hard. All for nothing, of course, since I can’t feel anything. It’s significantly frustrating, though in a different way.

In retrospect, I might have been able to move to a smaller ring and tighter tube, but the jump from where I was to the next size down seemed pretty steep. I might order a smaller ring at some point (assuming I don’t need to send the whole thing back for that), but I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out.

Other random observations:

  • I’m struck by the heat of the device. The plastic tube of the CB6K did warm, obviously, but the steel seems to take on a heat all it’s own. At night, under the covers, it’s downright hot to the touch. Almost like a separate living thing. Also, it get’s noticeably hotter during erections, especially on top. These are all nicely sensual bonuses I hadn’t really expected.
  • Keeping it clean is more difficult. I’m not sure if it’s just because the Steelheart is harder to get into due to the one little hole or if it’s some difference in how the steel holds on to fluid more than the plastic, but I do more often get that “not so fresh” feeling now. I’ll need to clean more thoroughly and more often.
  • fixinMy previous comment about the PA fixing being “marvelous” was premature. It’s true that, when the PA ring is secured, I can’t feel a thing. It’s awesome. However, the damned ring doesn’t stay on the fixing. At some point I’ll post a picture, but As you can see in the picture, the fixing consists of thick stainless wire that runs down the left side of the tube and curves across the end before coming back up the right side a little. I think the issue is it doesn’t come far enough back up the right side since I know the PA ring is in place when I put it on, but it’s always slipped off when I check later. This is a significant disappointment. However…
  • Regarding security in general, the Steelheart is only a little less secure than the CB6K. To be fair, the stock CB6K, even when fitted properly, comes off pretty easily (at least for me). Had I a slightly smaller tube or ring, I suspect the Steelheart would be about the same. Since the device is not the primary way in which Belle keeps me chaste, this is not a deal breaker, but I, like so many other chastity enthusiasts, still crave total security since, you know, it’s way hotter.
  • I find myself using hardly any lubrication at all with the Steelheart. The steel just seems to interact differently with my skin so that I don’t really need it. This improves security a bit and, I’ve found, also allows the device to sit up a little higher. I think anyone using a steel trapped-ball device like this one and lubing it up like a plastic one will be disappointed in how totally insecure it feels. Less lube should also translate to better hygiene, so perhaps that’ll help offset the other issues I’ve had.
  • I created a short video demonstrating how the integrated lock works. The only place I could find to host it (for free) was Xtube. If you can put up with all the shit going on elsewhere on the page and are interested in seeing how the lock works, check it out.

 
Other than that, everything’s hunky dory. I feel like I could wear this thing indefinitely and Belle and I are both very happy with how it looks. I’ll post further developments as they unfold…

HNThumper X

Unsurprisingly, today’s HNT is all about the new Steelheart. NSFW picture after the jump…

Read More »

Not that it matters

I had kind of a crappy day yesterday at work. Lots of negative energy and stress and, by the time I got home, I wanted to connect to Belle physically, but wasn’t exactly horny. It was one of those times where, had I still been able to, I would have gone and jerked off to relieve the stress. In any event, I told her I really wanted to do stuff that night and I think she understood it wasn’t the usual whiny horny Thumper speaking but her mate who needed some special attention.

“Special attention”, of course, takes on a whole new definition when one’s manparts are locked under stainless steel. As we were waiting for the offspring to fall asleep, we watched Stephen Fry in America and I showed her how the lock works on the Steelheart. After an appropriate amount of time, she told me to turn off the light and strip. When I started to strip while the light was still on, she chided me for not following directions.

Once I got the order figured out and asked permission to enter her bed, I assumed my preferred position – head down, ass in the air, face burrowing into her. With my legs spread, I felt the unfamiliar heft of the new device suspended between my legs. She ran her hands over my back and I moved up to get closer. She was on her back, I was on all fours above, kissing her and letting the device rub back and forth over her thigh.

“It’s so smooth,” she said. I think Belle really likes it. She’s the one who said it looked so natural the first time she saw it. I suppose she’s right. It does hang and curve like a real cock, albeit a big fat one made of warm steel.

I asked for and was allowed to touch her all over. Not being allowed to touch her breasts or between her legs makes those moments when I can all the more special. Soon, I was lapping and sucking on her nipples and feeling the new sensation of a curved, yet restrained erection in the steel tube. I held off on going anywhere else other than her breasts since I wanted to extend as much as possible the salutatory effects feeling her writhe to my touch was having on my grumpiness. Eventually, I got into a position where my mouth was on one nipple, my hand on the other, and the elbow of that arm pressed gently into her mons. She started to grind against it and moan. As she got hotter, I got hotter and the pressure in the tube got higher.

What I really wanted was to go down on her. As soon as I had her pajama bottoms off, I shifted my position first by crossing over to her other nipple and then pivoting down so I could plant my face on her snatch. I had to move quickly since she was very close to coming through nothing more than grinding against me so my time between her legs was all to brief. As she came, she squeezed my head hard with her thighs – so hard it hurt.

Afterward, I was pretty worked up. I spooned against her, hard tube nestled between her ass cheeks, and tried to allow sleep to overtake me.

“You can’t even tell when I’m hard,” I said, suggesting that the hard tube never changed regardless of what was going on inside it.

“No,” she replied, “Not that it matters.”

*whimper*

It took a while before sleep caught up with me.

Steelworxx Steelheart First Impressions

brass and stainless

I’ve been wearing the new Steelworxx Steelheart for a little over eight hours now. Long enough to make some initial impressions:

  • Unsurprisingly, it’s a lot heavier than the CB6K. Duh, it’s made of steel, right? Not too heavy, but very noticeably there all the time (especially now since it’s new and all). The CB6K could feel very airy sometimes and kinda spacey while the Steelheart is incredibly dense.
  • I find it sits lower than the CB6K. I think that’s partly because of the weight, but also probably due to differences in the Steelheart’s ring. The CB6K’s A-ring is very thick and, I’ve found, holds on pretty well to the skin beneath. The Steelheart’s is just a steel ring. Kind like a thin cock ring, but with a weight welded on.
  • The integrated lock (seen above) is nice and sleek creating a much lower profile than the padlock used with the CB6K. A brass lock slides into a chamber made from parts welded to the ring and the tube fitted together. The end of it turns toward the body, holding it in place. Very cool. However, I’ve found the edges of the exposed brass part to be friggin’ sharp. If the lock get’s turned up and into the flesh, you can feel it. This happens more often than you might think. When I have a chance, I’m going to take the business end of my Dremel to those edges.
  • The PA fixing is (so far) marvelous. I can hardly tell it’s there. Actually, it’s more noticeable when the cock is hard than when it’s flaccid. On the CB6K, the ring in the PA has to drop through the slot in order to be secured with a cable. For me, that’s extends the cock too far and puts a slight yet intolerable amount of pressure on the piercing. On the Steelheart, the fixing is in a position relatively higher up the tube. When flaccid, there’s no sensation of pulling at all, but I do feel a bit of a pinch when hard, though so far it’s not proven to be that big of a deal.
  • I’m pretty sure that without the PA fixing, I could slide the Steelheart off with no trouble at all. Those of you who obsess over security and who aren’t pierced, beware.
  • I’ve found the steel to be incredibly sensual. It’s smooth and hard and warm and much more organic feeling than the plastic of the CB6K. In addition, the tube of the Steelheart curves a lot more than the CB6K. Somehow, it ends up looking more natural. Even Belle thinks so.
  • The tube of the Steelheart hides much better than the tube of the CB6K. I think this is partly because of the enhanced curve of the tube, but also because the device hangs lower. When sitting, it’s either invisible or looks very natural (like a slightly larger than normal bulge). The CB6K, with its flared head, strikes a much more noticeable profile. However, I found I need to switch to some fairly snug underwear to control the unnatural looking sway of the heavy metal.

 
I’m sure I’ll have lots more to say about it as time goes one. Tonight will be the first real test as the penile plumbing goes through a full cycle at about 4:30 AM. I will eventually get around to writing it all out, comparing it as much as possible to the CB6K since I have lots of experience wearing that and it’s so popular, along with many pictures. In the mean time, it’s…ah…well, kinda busy.

If you want to see a picture of it in situ, then you should be one of my Facebook friends of follow me on Twitter (links at the bottom of the page). I posted a sneak peek there. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait until Thursday.

Proselytizing

Heard back from Deitmar. He did indeed ship the device on the 16th. I can only assume he used 214th class parcel post or something (the one where the mail carriers pass the box off as they happen upon one another while walking their routes). I’m told by Belle and Dev that Germany is a long way away and I should be more patient. Seems ironic that a guy who can skip coming for two months get’s all wadded up over how quickly his new orgasm denial mechanism will arrive. Anyway, the payment didn’t show up for Belle since PayPal, for some reason, sent the charge through to my PayPal credit card (which I’ve hardly ever used) and not our checking account as usual. They must have jinked with the default settings or something since that’s never happened before. So yeah, all is well on the Steelheart front. It’s just a waiting game now.

UPDATE: It has arrived. At least, at my local post office. I found a little registered mail notice in my mailbox when I got home. I’ll be picking it up in the morning! I may wet myself. OK, back to the post already in progress…

Belle locked me up again this morning. She told me last night as we were going to bed that I had been very good to her over the weekend. She was really relaxed and apparently quite pleased with my performance. Therefore, I was to be locked up first thing Monday morning. Not sure if that’s my reward or what, but I didn’t question her. I’m now wearing the chrome CB6K and thinking of its stainless brother bobbing aimlessly across the Atlantic in an empty peanut butter jar.

Something Steve said in one of his posts I linked to yesterday has me thinking:

If chastity were a commercial product I’d be one of those people on TV advertisements giving gushing unsolicited endorsements, where you can’t quite believe they didn’t get paid to say it.

Over on A Captivated Man (a well-written new chastity blog, BTW), I said in a comment:

I sometimes feel like I’m carrying around a secret only a few are allowed to know. I only wish I could tell my friends because the way orgasm denial has improved my relationship and overall sexual well-being is remarkable. It’s not unlike religion. I want to tell everyone to do it…

And it is a bit like religion, I suppose. One of those mind-expanding, life-altering practices that has such a huge and welcome impact on your existence that you just want to stand around in airports handing out pamphlets. In a way, I’m glad I don’t have any friends to which I can talk about this because I’m sure I’d be insufferable telling them how wonderful it is all the time. Yes, there are bumps and setbacks along the way, but when it’s working, it’s fucking spectacular.

There are few things men cherish more than their ability to experience sexual pleasure. Sure, women cherish that too, obviously, but men are conditioned by our culture to be especially tuned in with their own pleasure in a way women, unfortunately, aren’t. Perhaps not coincidentally, a man’s sexual organs are external and easily manipulated when aroused. Some guys, you can just see, are little more than extensions of their dicks. Most guys, I’d say, are, to a lesser degree, the same. I mean, men come a lot. More than you think. It’s easy and it’s fun and it sometimes seems as though the entire world is designed to celebrate that.

I’m speaking mostly from my own experience, of course, but there are few things I could offer Belle of higher value to me as a man than my ability to do that which defines my malehood. Not only that, but doing so has been a revelation to our relationship. My orgasm now has value. It has significance. Before, greater than 90% of them disappeared down a drain or clinging to a tissue in a trashcan, forgotten minutes after they came into being. Now, their bottled energy serves to power a whole new relationship dynamic that’s far richer and more fulfilling for us both. What I’ve sacrificed in quantity I’ve more than made up for in vastly higher quality. Orgasms now, to me, are no longer the objective, they are the path to the mountaintop. The act of making love no longer leads to them, it is made more profound by their absence.

This way of thinking flies in the face of everything we’ve been conditioned to think as men. Even when married, it’s clear that the male’s orgasm is meant first and always to be his, to do with what he likes. In my opinion, that way of thinking only serves to drive a couple apart. It may not create a divide in their relationship, but it certainly can aggravate it. Irrespective of a couple’s interest in overlaying D/s or any other BDSM component, allowing her to control his release ensures and enhances intimacy between them (when done right, of course). It maintains all the positive aspects of the very beginning of a relationship. At least, that’s what it does for us…

I’m not so far gone as to think what works for Belle and I would work for everyone. But I wish more people thought about orgasm control as a viable alternative to the dominant paradigm of heteronormal interaction. I’m not quite to the point where I’m likely to stand in an airport and recruit converts, but I am feeling more and more that there needs to be examples of this alternate existence openly and unashamedly out there. I have no idea how and in what form this would take were I so inclined to attempt it myself, but this works. It’s right. For us, it’s better than the “normal”.

People need to know.