Defining my sub

In a comment to a previous post about submissiveness, I said…

The flavor of submission I like is the one where I feel her actively subjugating my sexuality until it falls under the sway of hers. There’s more of a conquering of my masculinity going on as opposed to me giving it up to her willingly.

Belle read that and wanted to know what active subjugation was. I told her I chose the word “subjugate” very carefully.

sub⋅ju⋅gate
-verb (used with object), -gat⋅ed, -gat⋅ing.
To subdue, and bring under the yoke of power or dominion; to conquer by force, and compel to submit to the absolute control of another; to vanquish.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not by nature a submissive boy. My submissiveness is a byproduct of my sexuality being brought under the control of Belle’s. I like how that feels, though I also can feel myself fight against it.

So, to answer her question, “active subjugation” is when she uses her power over my sex to mold and shape my behavior to suite her own needs. Tease, chastity, orgasm denial – all of it. And yeah, I do fight it internally, but there’s a point at which, as I said the other day, I stop pushing to serve her and the desire to serve starts to drive me. The mentality of it flips. Then, perversely, my desire to make her happy becomes her accomplice in the denial. I start to want it to continue so my will to serve will strengthen. My desire for sexual gratification becomes a desire for her sexual gratification. It’s something like the Stockholm Syndrome. My sexuality, captive to hers, starts to see things her way.

This is fucking hot.