Squick, squick, squick~~~

Excellent, Smithers. Someone finally said something about that…

Bell may need a chance to grieve or mourn, or somehow come to terms not with the changes, but with the deception. IOW, her perception of you changed. It’s like losing a loved one, ergo, the grieving.

I understand that, but there’s been nine months of mourning and grieving that I *thought* we were over. I don’t mean to demean her feelings, but from my perspective, she’s intentionality driving herself back to a rough patch of road. I don’t see the purpose of re-exposing pain that, from my perspective, had already been processed and move on from.

People deal with these things differently.

I think that’s the perfect summary.

if I remove my PA jewelry and pinch the head of the dick closed, I can pee just fine through my piercing.

>:-p

Squick, squick, squick~~~

Right now is wonderful for both of us (she says), so why dig up when things sucked? We know why the affair happened and what we needed to do to fix it. It’s been fixed. We’re not the same couple we were nine months ago.

Perhaps because right now it’s good for you because your life wasn’t turned upside down. Belle’s was. Sure, you know this, but you’re focusing on the enjoyable aspects that you have now. Bell may need a chance to grieve or mourn, or somehow come to terms not with the changes, but with the deception. IOW, her perception of you changed. It’s like losing a loved one, ergo, the grieving.

Consider, too, that while things might be working well for her now, she had a life that was comfortable and known, even if it wasn’t working well. The suddenness with which it was changed can be traumatic. People deal with these things differently.

And what any of this has to do with my new iPhone is beyond me…

About the statute of limitations…I don’t know. And here I’ll speculate rampantly in my ignorance:

If Belle gets upset on purpose to punish you, that’s probably not cool – at some point she needs to either forgive you and move on, or end the relationship. But I don’t think that’s what’s happening.

It might be that thinking about it / dwelling on it is something she could avoid and be better off by avoiding. There are things that are like that for me – stuff I can cry about if I think about it, but can live perfectly happily while ignoring.

But if this is just natural, honest, not-pointless-obsessing fallout, then I don’t really think there is a statute of limitations, and you should continue to be as supportive as you can be.

Regarding the “sexy time” I had, I do have *memories* of what happened, but it’s hard to say I recall them with any kind of specificity or pleasure. There’s a yawning chasm of pain and guilt between that time and now that pretty well flattens it out from a sensual point of view.

The idea of being driven inexorably to come and then punished for it is a major fantasy for me.

She absolutely forced me to come, but there’s no punishment forthcoming (as far as I know). Between the two of us, this transgression weighs much more heavily on me than her. I’d like to have a sense that she gives a rat’s ass one way or the other, though I have no idea what kind of punishment she’d inflict.

And dude, the only way I’d be able to use matrix multiplication to avoid orgasm would be 1) if I knew what the hell it was, and 2) could actually *do* multiplication in my head.

For Belle, something was done that affected her but that she didn’t have any choices about. She got hurt. Even if it led to a better place, it was still a painful thing that happened out of the blue.

I’m making a lot of assumptions and guesses here, of course.

If you had broken Belle’s arm, then no matter how accidental it was, or how much she forgave you, or how many millions of dollars you were going to win in the lawsuit over the defective product that caused the accident, she’d still have pain from the breaking of the arm itself. And she might actually still feel distrustful or fearful of you (irrationally). And that would be a total accident, which your cheating wasn’t.

Anyway, moving on…

The idea of being driven inexorably to come and then punished for it is a major fantasy for me. Not sure how it would work in real life. On a more practical level, I find that doing matrix multiplication in my head is a good orgasm-preventative. Or, my first boyfriend used to think about riding a bicycle through a hot, sandy desert.