Comments on: Top vs. Domme

By: ranat

ranat — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:29:11 +0000

The Pon Farr is the cherry on top.

By: thumper

thumper — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:58:58 +0000

Yeah, sure, for 7 years until Pon Farr starts and he gets all wolfman on your ass…

Sorry. My nerd’s showing again, isn’t it?

By: ranat

ranat — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:50:17 +0000

Why is there not more SPOCK in my life? For serious. Vulcan mansub.

By: Tom Allen

Tom Allen — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 18:38:50 +0000

Consider that the term “subspace” originated with Sci-Fi; think Star Trek: TOS, when they had to use subspace communication channels. The pun was just waiting to happen.

By: ranat

ranat — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 17:00:24 +0000

I find it interesting that the terms I most commonly hear batted around are ‘subspace’ and ‘topspace.’ I haven’t heard ‘bottomspace’ or ‘domspace.’ I wonder why that is.

I’ve definitely done more topping than dominating. The defining factor for me seems to be whether my partner in activities is submissive. I’ve topped a top, and I’ve topped a person who has no real kinky orientation, and while I have reached an altered state of mind, I was always aware that they were not submissive, that they weren’t going to turn submissive from our activities. It’s just not the same as doing things with a submissive person.

I’ve only reached that altered headspace once recently, where before I’d taken it for granted. It’s really brought up a lot of desires to explore that space more, find out how deep it goes and where. Before I just thought, “Oh, this is what they call topspace,” and thought that was that. Now it seems a much deeper mystery.

By: Tom Allen

Tom Allen — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 15:21:01 +0000

Dominance is when I hit someone with a flogger and he says “Harder…”, and I slap his face and say “Shut up bitch!”.

I… I think I just got a little bit wet.

By: thumper

thumper — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:26:45 +0000

I think Belle’s the best person to say what she enjoys and doesn’t, but I wasn’t implying that she *doesn’t* enjoy elements of the role. I think there are some things she likes.

However, I think each of us should expect that our partner will do some things with/to us that aren’t necessarily at the top of their hit parade because *we* like them so much (even in non-kink scenarios) just as our partners should expect the same from us in return. The way I read it, that’s the spirit of the term GGG.

By: thumper

thumper — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:22:03 +0000

Debate over the correct definitions aside, the way you describe topping is, IMO, what *most* men looking to be dominated by their wives can expect. That’s what I was trying to get across in my post.

By: sera

sera — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 12:25:56 +0000

I don’t think there’s much point in questioning the definitions. Definitions are just bookmarks; they put a place down in language so we can talk about what we talk about. It doesn’t matter if Domme and Top mean to other people what they mean to the person who wrote this definition, or to Thumper.

What matters is, as he pointed out, that he and BelleFille have figured out something that works for them.

I also wonder though at the idea that Belle doesn’t enjoy the dominating role, that she’s just being a good sport, kinda. Because if she really is just doing it for you and doesn’t get off on it, that’s sort of a bummer. Plus, I feel fairly certain that she must have gotten some kind of kick out of making you do all that stuff in front of your in-laws.

By: Ferns

Ferns — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 11:05:37 +0000

I would question the definitions also. I see the difference in the mindset of both parties.

Topping is when I hit someone with a flogger and he says, “Harder, to the left, hit my arse now, oh yeah, just like that…” and I do it.

Dominance is when I hit someone with a flogger and he says “Harder…”, and I slap his face and say “Shut up bitch!”.

Ferns

By: sera

sera — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 00:25:50 +0000

Nice post, and also, thank you for explaining what GGG means. I read Savage every week but couldn’t figure it out.

By: Sadiste

Sadiste — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 22:04:56 +0000

I think you’re reading things into those definitions that are not there. The difference between a dominant/domme and a top is not in their enjoyment but simply that in a top/bottom scene, dominance & submission are not integral elements of play. I, as a dominant woman, have been topped by someone else–with bondage, spanking, flogging, whipping, electroplay, sex, and whatever else involved–and both I and the person topping me definitely enjoyed it. But I was not submissive in that bottoming role, and that is the difference. This is also why submissives talk about “subspace” but bottoms talk about “headspace.” Similar, but not the same!