Month: November 2009

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Punished

Apparently, I was being snarky. That’s what Belle said, anyway. I certainly was poking fun at her, but, you know, in the most respectful and loving way possible.

Whatever. She didn’t appreciate it.

“You think that’s funny, do you?” She asked.

“Kinda, yeah.”

“OK. Get the Icy Hot.”

“What!?”

And it went on like that with me begging and squirming and trying to talk her out of it. Eventually, she made me get up and retrieve the tube of devil paste from the bathroom. I got back into bed, placing it on my nightstand, and tried to distract her. I was hoping to be able to wait her out. Soon, she’d be sleepy and maybe I’d get off the hook.

After a few minutes, “Get naked and under the covers.”

I did so, still hoping there’d be a reprieve. In theory, I want her to punish me when she sees the need. In practice, Icy Hot hurts like fuck. Plus, I wasn’t really prepared mentally since I wasn’t even aware I was committing a punishable offense.

“Give me the Icy Hot,” she said. I gave it to her while still doing my best to talk her out of it. She seemed to very much enjoy my pathetic protestations.

“Close your eyes.” Whimper. I closed my eyes and opened my legs, exposing the poor, unsuspecting scrotum.

I heard the cap open…I heard the paste squeezed out…I heard the cap snap shut…a few moments of silence…then I felt her fingers smearing the cold lineament across my skin. As usual, for the first several moments it just felt cold. Then even colder as whatever hellish combustion process it utilizes started to take effect. Then hot. Then really hot. Motherfuckinghot.

I tried not to make too much noise, but each wave of burning was greater than the last. I rolled over on my knees and spread my legs so my nutsack would hang freely. She placed her hand on my back in a gentle, loving way as I clenched my eyes shut against the burning. The fumes of the Icy Hot were traveling up my crack and started to provide my ass with a contact burn. That was new.

She must not have put nearly as much on as last time. The burning waves seemed to start to subside after the forth or fifth. Soon, all I felt was a lingering, low-level heat. As I moved about, the burning would intensify for a few moments and then retreat again. I felt well and truly punished.

The next morning, all the burning just a memory, I still felt the difference. I was much more contrite and feeling the subbie vibe. Icy Hot is almost too intense for us to use in a scene now, but as a punishment it was quite effective. I enjoyed the psychological afterglow of being punished even though the actual act was hard to take. From her perspective, its impact far exceeded the effort she needed to put into it. All she’d have to do in the future to make it a more severe punishment would be to increase the amount applied. Since I really don’t like it all that much, I will truly want to avoid it.

I’ll have to do something about the snark.

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3.6 times hotter

In the comments to Security wankie (did anyone get that pun?), reader Wally shared some helpful experiences with the Steelheart, including this on security:

As for security may I suggest you go to a jeweler and have them make you a small chain with two closed loops on each end. These loops are small enough to go though the hole in the end of your tube, but large enough for one to go around your piecing jewelry and the other end go over one of the side alignment pins of your Steelheart. Basically the chain in installed on the end of your piercing ring and the chain goes down inside the tube out though the hole outside and up to the alignment pin. The chain will be long enough to allow your member to move up and down the tube freely but short enough not to allow pull out.

My issues with this idea are threefold. First, I need my device to be as quiet as possible. I imagine having a lovely chain coming out the end of the tube and running up the side would result in some noises. The noise, in and of itself, kinda turns me on as it’s an ever-present reminder of my chastity, but when you’ve got a couple of small kids in the house (or any size kids, I suppose), mysterious clanking is a problem. The other problem I have with Wally’s solution is that the chain, strung through the hole in the tube, would ruin my ability to pee vertically. The chain, I’m sure, would disrupt the stream and lead part of it off to the side. Having to sit to pee isn’t a deal-breaker since I’ve been doing it for months, but I really, really like using urinals. Finally, I’d be worried about the chain moving freely up and down the tube as the cock contracted and expanded. I am totally incapable of using any solution that pulls on my piercing.

Which is why I liked the Steelworxx PA fixing so much. Its design, inside the tube, allowed my piercing to move up and down the length of the fixing resulting in practically no pulling. However, that’s also the fatal flaw of its design since only one side of the fixing is fixed. The other has a little hook that, I assume, is supposed to keep the ring from sliding off. It doesn’t work. Even without trying to, my little buddy can escape the fixing shortly after being placed onto it.

So, to summarize, what I need is a way to secure the PA ring that doesn’t pull, doesn’t ruin vertical peeing, and doesn’t make noise but does make it difficult, if not impossible, to pull the dick out. I think I’ve got a solution.

What I’ve done is revisit the PA cable concept (the saga starts here), except this time, I’ve run the cable down the inside of the tube, not the outside. Then, I run the loops out and over the top of the device and secure them on the opposite side’s alignment pin (I’ll post a picture later to help make this clear). I run the loops on the outside since the aluminum ferrules I used to make them would be very uncomfortable sharing the tube with the tender secured meat. Hooking them to the opposite side’s pin helps keep the stiff cable from pulling out and getting out of position. The cable hugs the entire inside of the tube so the PA ring can slide around like the rings of a shower curtain. As long as it’s not immediately in front of the hole, it doesn’t get in the way of the stream. As long as it doesn’t come up and out the tube, it’s doesn’t pull on the ring. Since it’s coated in plastic and the ring is acrylic, it’s very quiet. So far, there’s been very little pinching or other discomfort (though I’ve only been wearing it for about 24 hours now).

Of course, it’s not perfect. I can slide most of the cock out of the tube, but it’s pretty uncomfortable to do so. Since it allows me to access the acrylic PA ring and since the ball is easily removed by hand, this is not total security, but it pushes off quite a bit farther any “accidental” slipping out of the tube. The only way I could get out now would be to disassemble part of the apparatus that secures me which is a hard limit in my mind. I could improve the security by using a stainless PA ring which, at 4 gauge, has a ball that cannot typically be inserted or removed by hand, but the metal would introduce clanking, so that’s a nonstarter. Also, I don’t think it’s necessary.

While I had the tube off yesterday, I took the opportunity to sand down the sharp edges of the brass locking mechanism. This proved to be a major improvement as the lock no longer cuts into me. Also, I’ve decided that the A-ring I ordered is too big. Even though it’s exactly the same size as the CB6K ring I was using before, due to its different design and material, it’s just too big. The whole device hangs too low when my balls descend. With the cable in place, this isn’t a huge problem, but it just doesn’t feel right since I’ve gotten used to the snug, closer fit of the CB6K. Dietmar says I’ll have to send the entire thing back to get a new ring since part of the lock is on the ring and part is on the tube. He’ll need both to make sure they fit properly. That sucks, but I get it. As soon as Belle decides I’m out for a while, I’m going to send it back and use the chrome CB6K in the interim.

So there you go. A thousand words about security on the heels of a post where I suggested security isn’t all that big of a deal. As I said, security = hotness. With the cable in place, the Steelheart is 3.6 times hotter than it was without. At least for me.

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Heavy petting

Laying in bed this morning, with the bright Fall sun streaming through the window and illuminating the scattered pages of The New York Times, another perk of prolonged orgasm denial presented itself. Belle was reading the paper while I was watching TV shows that had piled up on our DVR. I had my head up near her shoulder and was enjoying the lazy, familiar contact with my mate when she put her arm around my neck, her hand down the front of my t-shirt, and started to run her fingers though my chest hair.

These simple, absentminded touches can totally consume someone in my condition. It’s only been ten days since the last orgasm, but that’s long enough to be ramping up into the first strong pangs of desire. As she ran her hand from one nipple to the other, I felt the new metal tube start to tighten and my ass grind down into the bed just a bit. A strange purring moan came softly from my throat. I felt very content. Happy.

Of course, I would have thought that was pretty swell even if I wasn’t soaking in my own androgens. But little things like that are kicked up by a significant factor through denial and are one of the happy little side-effects of not being allowed release.

To that end, I was lobbying Belle this morning not to let me come when my first date comes up. She says it’s soon, but it’s only been a week and a half since my unintended orgasm (let alone the two she let me have in Mexico). I suggested making me wait until next year. That’s just a little longer than I went last time. I also suggested she tack on a month each time I get to come. Two months would lead to three months would lead to four months, etc. I know I’m not supposed to be thinking about that, but anyone who’s read this blog for a little while knows I’m more than a little obsessive about things.

Yesterday, I said to her in passing that it had been nine days since I came. Why, she asked, in the face of asking not to come for the rest of 2009 would I feel the need to reminder her of a mere nine days? Good question. I know I wasn’t lobbing for release. I think I was just fishing for some recognition. A pat on the head. Pathetic, I know. In any event, she reassured me she did recognize my commitment to her control. She said she knew it was hard.

Which leaves me with conflicting thoughts. On the one hand, I am committed to her control. I’ll come when she tells me to and I won’t whine or fret. Promise. On the other hand, I want to do hard things for her. I want to be pushed over ever-more difficult challenges to demonstrate I will do anything she asks. Hard things have value. Easy things don’t. If you think about it, that just about sums up the entire practice of long-term orgasm denial.