Some women, most I think, don’t see sex the way we do. Once she is satisfied for the moment, nothing matters. Then again, that can be said about men, hence “chastity” and “tease and denial” became an issue.

The difference is the degree and frequency of need for sexual release between men and women. In some marriage or partnership they may be grossly different. And there is the rub.

This is something i’m working on with my husband … i’m locked up 24/7 and constantly horny, and it’s fantastic when we’re playing – if i’m getting touched and squeezed and bitten and rubbed, or i’m doing the same to him, or if i’m getting him off somehow, it’s all fantastic. But when a day goes by and we do nothing, it’s troublesome, and when it goes more than a day, it becomes a problem … but, he’s busy and i’m busy, so that’s going to happen from time to time.

So it’s hard to tell quite where the right balance is. Certainly I could not do what thumper did and ask to get out — I would feel like i’d failed him, and he’d feel like he’d failed me, and that would just suck all around. But neither do I want to pester him.

I think it can be difficult for the denier (for want of a better word) to empathise with the constant, low level mind-fuck that their partner is experiencing. Especially as it’s, for the most part, hidden. Communication is often mooted as the answer but it can easily appear as pestering and that’s no fun.

I don’t really have an answer and I’m babbling so I’ll just add that it’s good to see you back.