I really liked this:

“Rather than feeling sorry for him, try empathy: share his feeling without taking responsibility for it or for making it better.”

Pretty much I think it can be applied to everything.

is there anything [maymay]‘s not written about?

Probably. But I’m working on it. Speaking of my writings, you might enjoy A primatologist’s suggestions for happier orgasm control.

I guess, in the end, Wonderboy (or Belle) could do or not do anything as long as they did it in a way that showed love, caring and no mercy.

*Exactly*

This is kind of what I meant earlier when I wrote about “the requirements” (we) submissives push on our partners. It’s a lot to ask for when we ask them to handle our emotional lowdown. That’s why I think it’s important to keep repeating some of the actions, even if it seems benign: the asking, the rejecting. Let the partner see how you react time after time. I don’t know why, but I feel incredibly uncomfortable with Wonderboy carrying all that for me. And grateful. But I do think it’s not always simple mathemathics, and for that reason, the dominating partner will need thick skin. I guess, in the end, Wonderboy (or Belle) could do or not do anything as long as they did it in a way that showed love, caring and no mercy. (Yes, please.)

I’ve been falling in love with the way Wonderboy has these past few days sensually kissed me, held me – like we’re about to have sex – and then told me smiling, still caressing my lips and holding my neck, keeping me in my dominated place with so little effort, that “that will not happen until sunday”. Oh, dear lord. I’m just saing that it could not happen if he was worried about my reaction to not having sex/orgasm/etc. He needs to feel secure that I won’t give him shit in order to really make me feel comfortable in being denied. It’s a vicious sircle, god damnit.

They hate anyone who admits there might be a reality out there and some of us might live in it

x

Sarah

Does that make sense?

Perfectly. For me, all of this is so intertwined I forget that people might actually do it *without* a D/s overlay. What freaks!

You are correct, and I should have been clearer.

When I said “This is nothing to do with domination – this is to do with playing the game he’s asked to play and keeping HIM within the rules” I meant it’s not *necessarily* to do with domination.

Meaning you can do it without quite easily.

As you acknowledge, for YOU submission is relevant; for me and John, it’s not.

By analogy, take the gym (apt, as John now has me working out hard, three times a week, and is an absolute swine when we’re in the garage).

As I said, he works me hard. I complain and try to make excuses but he won’t have it. But he’s not dominating me, and I’m not submitting. He’s helping me do something that’s really hard to do on my own.

To *him* and to *me* male chastity and orgasm control are very similar.

Does that make sense?

… and I wish I *could* explain what you say I capture so well… alas, I can’t.

x

Sarah

P.S. I’ll amend the Course tomorrow, so thank you for that.