Mailbag

Welcome to part 732 of an ongoing series of posts where I occasionally remember to answer questions sent in by my readers.

Zel zipped:

I need a piece of advice, which device is more stealth? Holy trainer or the looker?

I’m inclined to go for th looker, but looking at the pics on ur site it seems holy trainer places the tube almost vertical meaning it’s doesn’t create a bulk down there. Is the looker that stealthy?

They’re both very stealthy. Neither has any moving parts so sound is not an issue. I guess, if I had to, I’d give the Holy Trainer a slight edge on the visibility scale, but unless you have a really big cage on the Looker 02 (which you probably won’t), it’s still pretty much a wash. So, based on stealth, it’s a horse a piece. You’ll need to make your decision based on some other factor (like if you want a titanium tube shoved up your penis).

Pat partook:

I think I know a way to make the Holytrainer 99% secure, assuming you don’t break any piece. What is required is a cock ring that you put on before putting on the Holytrainer. In my case, I’ve experimented a bit with folded paper to emulate a cock ring, and found that a ring that has a circumference of 20 cm and a height of 4 cm will prevent me from reaching my flaccid penis and drag it out. It will not hurt at all either. Problem for me with trapped ball devices is that I can drag them out from the body. This creates a gap. Then I can put a pencil or something and push the penis out of the cage through the peehole, then reach in with my fingers and drag it out. With a gap filling penis ring like this, I can’t reach in with my fingers, and there will not be enough space for the penis to escape.

Have you thought about this idea before? I was wondering if you know how where I can buy a ring like this. It should be quite wide to not squeeze this sensitive part of the penis, I think it should be somewhat flexible to, perhaps silicone. But it shouldn’t be so flexible that it can be stretched over the Holytrainer.

Since you’re an expert I want to give you this idea so that you may help me dig into it🙂 I also gave the idea to the Holytrainer makers so that they might create a product in the future.

OK, well, not to be too much of an ass, but you could just try not pulling it out of the device. I get the need for security. I get the hotness of being in a thing from which you cannot escape. Truly, I do. But at some point, you need to buy off on what the device implies as well as what it makes physically possible/impossible.

Now that that’s out of my system, I have a silicone cock ring that’s not stretchy enough to easily get back over a locked Holy Trainer (but I probably could if I had to). I thought it was from Gear Essentials but I don’t see it on their site now. Not having tried what you’re describing, I can’t say how effective it’d be, but I maintain that unless the penis is physically held in place within the device through a piercing, there’s no such thing as an inescapable trapped-ball chastity device. They can be made harder to get out of, but not impossible.

I could also see how some would not like your approach as it would make the device sit out further from the body. Also, I’d be afraid of pinching. I really hate pinching. But whatevs! If it works for you, awesome. Maybe someone else will find your approach helpful.

Mark mumbled:

I have a question I hope you can help me with. Last year we bought a mature metal jailbird as we wanted something I could wear permantly. We measured carefully, sent back for a few adjustments and all seems to fit very well. The problem is I always develop a sore spot after a few days, normally 3, under the ring just away from the top and have to remove the device😦 . We have tried oval as well as normal ring and the same problem always occurs ( it does not with CB ). Mature metal have not heard of this and no one else seems to

Have you heard of this? We love the metal device but I just can’t wear for more than a few days. Is it because single ring do you think double will solve this?

My first thought it stubble. Are you trying to stay smooth down there? I find that about three days after shaving that the stubble comes up and gets pressed back into me during erections. It can be quite painful and, if I try and keep the spot smooth of hair, will eventually develop into a hotspot that requires I remove the device. That’s why I really only shave every few weeks (if that).

However, if it was that, it would happen in other devices too, not just metal (unless the Jail Bird is tighter in the ring than others you’ve worn). I assume you’re using a long-lasting lube like silicone (not baby oil and not petroleum jelly and nothing water-based). Could you have an metal allergy?

If it’s not fit and it’s not lube and it’s not shaving, it could be your anatomy is, for whatever reason, just not compatible. That’d suck, if true.

4her2uz cryptically capered:

Hi there, been reading your blog for some time now, even went to the very beginning to see what I missed. Your insights on cages have been more than helpful, and allowed me to get a MM jailbird to fit on first attempt. Your interactions with your wife have been an inspiration to how I view my chastity lifestyle and has really saved me a lot of frustration and resentment. I know I would have been like you, wanting to have a release date set, no early release, etc.. But have went with your way of “its not up to me”. If its one day, one week, one month, one year…its her decision. Even though l am kinda an ass after I cum, and I lose my fuzzy feeling, if she wants it to happen, that’s what’s gonna happen.

I even started a blog after she agreed to be my keyholder to hopefully help others like you have helped me. I had looked for awhile, but most chastity info was based on maids, sissification, cuckolds, and pets.

Anyway, you gave me the tools to try this for real, I’ve never been this open, talkative, sharing, or happy with someone I love before. She loves it as well, she has been with cheaters before, and this gives her peace of mind. Granted I know I could still cum or get my penis out, but could never get the whole thing off.

Anyway besides the thank you, I wanted to ask you a question about your wife…Once you told her about your chastity idea and she agreed to live this way with, did any of her kinks that she told you about start to actually turn you on?

Example…I was never into spanking, collars, or restraints…but once she told me about them, I am into it totally. Anyway, did your chastity let her reveal kinks, and even though you weren’t into that before, change your thoughts about them?

My Belle has not been forthcoming with too many kinks, per se. She’s admitted a preference for cocks that are bigger than the erect penis I was born with and she’s toyed with the idea of taking a boyfriend on the side, but other than that, no, she hasn’t shared any kinks or predilections.

Regardless, she has embraced a version of femdom that works for her which it really important. It has to work for her and, even if it’s not the cliched version we read about on the web, it’s very hot for me because it’s authentic and makes her happy. In a way, that’s a kind of “revealed kink” in that I had to adjust my preconceptions as to how I’d be dominated so that she was comfortable doing it.

Also, as you say, the amount of communication that comes from being able to successfully integrate a kink like chastity into one’s relationship has all kind of positive side-effects. Great that it works for you! Glad the blog was a help to you both.

Simon says:

My partner and I have entered into male chastity and we are both loving it! However after a tease and denial session how do you get the penis back into its cage? I saw a video where she puts cream over his cock and it seems to become flaccid quite quickly, is this some sort of numbing cream? How do you get your penis back into its cage without orgasm?

Numbing cream takes a long time to work, I find. And even so, I am sometimes so turned on that even a numb penis will stay hard (sometimes because it’s numb). The best advice I have is one of two options. First, a swift kick in the nuts. But some might have a hard time with that. The other idea is a bag of frozen peas (or an icepack or bag of ice or whatever). No hard penis can withstand the affects of something colder than 32º. A few minutes with icy peas on your pecker should do the trick. Just move fast after the cold goes away.

Locked in the Desert dissertated:

Keyholder has locked me in a Holy Trainer 2, 40 mm ring, short cage. The fit seems perfect. However if I start to get aroused it is most painful. Keyholder inquires if I am to be unlocked when receiving anal sex or if this is just something I mentally need to work through when he desires to penetrate me anally. I have been locked for 7 days without orgasm.

Painful how? Like a testicle pain? Or is it in the tube?

Fitting a penis in a hard device is difficult because there are so many variables. On the one hand, I’d say pain is an integral part of the chastity experience. I really believe that. But it can’t be pain that’s too intense for you to take (and that level is purely personal and varies from person to person). I know when Belle and I have sex and she keeps me in the device that I am often feeling a lot of pain. As much if not more than the daily 4:00 AM pressure test. But it passes and I accept it as part of my situation. Some men, however, cannot take the pain. They don’t, like me, take a certain comfort or strength from it. If that’s you, you could look into a silicone device or you might need a bigger ring (if it’s pain in your balls) and/or a bigger tube (if you have a really big dick).

Michael mentioned:

So I’ve been though (like most) a few devices in my search for the perfect fit, so far my favourite is the Holy Trainer V2 with a short shaft and large ring. I tend to be pretty short shafted (just the head or smaller when soft) but large balled (I think it’s actually large scrotum). So far I’m happy with what I’ve got device wise, but I’ve been thinking about getting a PA.

If i were to modify my trainer to allow a PA ring to hold my penis forward do you suspect there’d be any issues with that? Assuming of course I wait the appropriate time for healing, would a constant gentle tug forward cause a PA to migrate or irritate? I definitely CAN fill out the cage comfortablely while soft I just don’t tend to extend fully into the cage which causes some issues during urination.

I found that kind of pulling you describe to be absolutely excruciating. Like, debilitatingly so. When a penis retracts, it’s not just shrinking. There’s a tendon called the suspensory ligament that actually pulls back with a slow and steady pressure. No matter how well you’re healed, the pull on your piercing will be very painful. Not only that, but if you were somehow able to deal with the pain, over time it could cause your piercing to migrate. Do yourself a favor and don’t Google migrated PA piercings.

I did a lot of experimenting with this when I was in the CB6K back in the day. I know of where I speak. At least for me. Use caution.

Babyjosh64 said over on Fetlife:

Hey I have a question if you do not mind. I have tried several Chastity devices such as the holytrainer, CB-6000s. In which I can slip out of all of them because my penis so small. What would you recommend I get?

A PA piercing and an appropriate device to take advantage of it.

Time4Kink said, also on the Fetlife:

I am having a problem with the v2. After wearing it for 24-48 hrs I get redness on the top and tip of my penis. It’s a glowing red and sore. What causes this? Have you heard of this before?

Hmm. Sounds like a bad fit? Or maybe a hygiene issue? Or is there some roughness inside the tube? Could be your cock is too big for the tube or something. Or maybe you’re very sensitive to urine being in contact with your skin.

Buck_Pup on Fetlife said:

So I wound up getting the Holy Trainer, and it’s definitely awesome!😀

One question about a problem I’ve had with this and the cb6k.. is there any way you’ve found to avoid the irritation when fabric brushes up against the tip that’s exposed at the end of the cage? Or do you just end up getting used to it, because right now it’s hard to pick out something to wear that wont keep brushing up against the tip painfully.

Yeah, that just sucks. For whatever reason, I don’t have that issue as much in the Holy Trainer but I sure do in the Jail Bird. I find wearing underwear a must and it needs to be somewhat thick, especially in the pouch. Flimsy fabric or going commando are a no-go.

That’s all I got for now. Got a question or a comment or whatever? Send it to me.  Maybe I’ll get around to reading it.

 

Rigid Chastity Halfshell

There’s a new (to me) player in the stainless steel chastity device game called Rigid Chastity out of Otwock, Poland (just south of Warsaw). I think it was someone on the Twitter who first brought them to my attention.

As of right now, they sell eight devices on their site. Four are classified as “Chastity Devices PA” since they’re designed to work with PA piercings, but they all stick straight out from the body in an odd way that may be sorta hot for scene plate but would seem to make them impracticable for lifestyle wear (in which case, why bother with the PA?). [EDIT – They’re supposed to be supported by the PA. I see that now. I blame my old eyes on not seeing if before. Still, if they’re made of stainless, I can’t imagine that’s in any way comfortable or tolerable.] They have another category called “Chastity devices,” one of which also has a PA security option, but the other three don’t. At least they’re curved like you’d expect to make them wearable all the day long.

Then there’s a third category called “Modular chastity devices” in which it’s indicated there are seven options but only four are displayed. Not sure what makes them “modular.” At first I thought maybe they were making stainless steel devices with interchangeable parts but they say on the site they’re custom made and require fitting if options are added after the fact.

All in all, their products appear to be knock-offs of Mature Metal and Steelworxx designs at perhaps slightly better prices (though it’s hard to tell with currency fluctuations and option costs) which, all by itself, would make them barely worth a mention. But. They have a PA security design I’ve never seen before and it’s really interesting.

halfshell-2-700x700It’s been implemented in one device in particular that has caught my eye. It’s called the Halfshell and, from the front, looks like a Steelworxx Steeheart (even in how it uses the now ubiquitous integrated brass lock) but, from the side, you can see there’s something different going on. The backside of the tube is cut away and there’s an extra ring with a bar that comes down the bottom of the penis shaft. That’s the cool bit. That bar. Rigid Chastity has an extra piece that fits over the tube’s pins and goes through the PA from underneath. It doesn’t attach to PA jewelry the way Belle’s Steelheart does. The fixing is integrated into the device. That’s made my inner chastity gearhead all giddy.

PA fixing is maybe the trickiest part of chastity device design. I’ve noodled over it myself quite a bit and it led me to a PA fixing design Steelworxx sells to this day. It works really well, but it’s not perfect. It depends on a U-shaped bar that goes down into the tube with the penis and through a PA ring which allows the penis some degree of movement (which is good) but also will occasionally cause pinching where the jewelry meets the bar or when the skin on the penis shaft get’s caught between the bar and the tube during erections (which is bad). Rigid’s design seems minimize the pinching possibility. Thanks to the cut-away tube, there’s a minimum of area for the fixing bar to pinch against the tube. Plus, their design utilizes a single bar, not two. It also fits over the pins like mine does in a way that makes the device (at least sans penis) look more complicated and busy, but is undoubtedly just as secure.

The only downside to their fixing that I can imagine from a comfort perspective is, since it goes directly into the PA piercing, that the penis, as is its wont, can’t lengthen or shrink over the course of the day. This particularity of the penis is what drove me to design a fixing that would allow a bit of movement. But it’s also true that when I designed it I was wearing a tube that was altogether too long for the penis I was born with. I presume that a correctly measured tube and its Rigid-style fixing wouldn’t need to much variability in design.

So I ordered one. It was just too intriguing to pass up. If Belle likes it, it’ll be hers. If she doesn’t, I’ll wear it enough to write a review then I’ll put the Steelheart back on.

Unfortunately, Rigid’s ordering experience hasn’t been fantastic. I got an email saying my account had been set up but not one confirming my order. I was charged, but when I log in to their site, my account records don’t indicate I’ve placed any orders. Worrisome. I’ve contacted them through their site and will update this post when I hear something back.*

So, how about you? Any interest in their designs? Are you wearing a Rigid device right now? What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.

*UPDATE: I did receive an email from them. Their site does not confirm orders automatically. All is well.

Funny little thing

“It’s a funny little thing, isn’t it?” Belle remarked.

The lights were out and we were going to sleep (I thought). It was a weeknight and she was tired, but she told me I could sleep naked so I was. She had her hand down on the penis which was at its most flaccid state. Not much more than a tiny worm of a thing even as she fiddled with it.

“Hurph,” I replied. I was halfway tired and halfway wanting to catch up on some news and unsure which way I’d go but I wasn’t at all thinking anything would happen between us.

“Do you ever think about that? How funny they are?”

“Yes, I actually think about them quite a lot.”

Her fiddling became more focused. More like stroking with fingers on either side. I squirmed a bit and shifted to give her a better angle at it. It was plumping up into a not so pathetic state.

Once it got to about 80% full, she was actively pleasuring it and causing my breathing to catch in my throat. The heavy 4 gauge circular barbell in the PA flopped hither and yon and my fingers sought out her nipples through her bedclothes.

“You’re going to give me an orgasm,” she stated plainly and moved to take off her clothes. I took the opportunity to grab and squeeze the hard-on between my legs. She’s right. They are funny little things. One moment barely an inch long, just a little nubbin of a thing, and the next almost six times longer and hard and much bigger around. Ridiculous, really.

Once she was naked and I was on her nipples with my mouth, she stopped paying attention to the penis. I tried to find a spot where I could grind it into her hip while pleasuring her, but my focus was on her breasts and her snatch and the sounds she was making and the way she was breathing and moving and using all those inputs to expertly gauge how successful I was being at getting her off and where she was in the process. I know her orgasm as well as my own since I’ve been party to it many times more often over the past several years.

Since we were alone in the house, she was able to come loudly. Since it was hot out and the A/C was on, the neighbors weren’t alerted to the event. I felt her pussy clamp and spasm around my fingers as I pressed into her clit the way she likes. Then is was over. She was coming down. Purring and breathing more deeply.

And I laid there. Waiting. Expecting. Not moving. The penis was still hard against her. I didn’t even move it. I wanted in her. I wanted to feel her pussy around me. I hoped she might let me come so I could fall asleep more easily, though there was no way of knowing about that.

And I waited. She breathed.

And I waited. She sighed.

And I waited.

“Good night, Thumpie.” And she rolled over.

June metrics

img_2843The end of June marks the end of the first half of 2016 and means another check-in with my ongoing chastity metics project.

I was barely out at all in June. There was one weekend she left me in the whole time. I had about ninety minutes of release for a massage and a few other times for an hour or so to fuck, but it wasn’t until late in the month she let me stay out overnight. After that, I switched from the Steelheart to the Looker 02 and stayed in that until yesterday. All that adds up to over 690 hours in a device, or about 95% of the month (579 hours in the Steelheart and 111 in the Looker o2). This is a marked increase in from the previous two months when I was locked up about 70% of the time.

imageFor the year, the penis has been secure nearly 3,300 hours (about 137 days). That’s 75% of the time and a four point year-to-date increase from the last check-in at the end of May. The Stealheart continues being Belle’s go-to device making up more than 3/4 of the time the penis was secure this year.

On the orgasm front, I had one kinda-mostly accidental orgasm back on the 11th which was good enough to count. That brings the total for the year to 12 which averages to about one every two weeks (though it’s been about three weeks right now). At the end of last month, the trend was towards 26 orgasms in 2016 but now that’s down to 24, assuming she continues to let me do it at the average rate established.

July won’t be as severe as June if only because we’re out of town for the 4th for a few days and she let me out before we left and didn’t tell me to bring a device with us. I figure I’ll get minimally 120 hours of free time this month. She used to let me come on major holidays but isn’t so reliable with that anymore so we’ll see. No idea when I’ll come next. She hasn’t given me any ideas.

To be a clear and to remind everyone, I’m measuring these things for no other reason than to have the data. I’m not trying to influence Belle or sneakily lobby for one thing or another. She’ll lock me up when she wants to and make me come when she wants and all I’ll do is report it.

 

I can’t say

I’m not allowed to tell her what I want out loud. To put words to my desire. My craving. So I scream it in my head. With each thrust into her, “Let me come!” With my eyes, “PLEASE.”

She smiles back at me. 

I whimper. 

“What?”

I can say it now so I do.

“No you don’t. Thanks for the fuck, though. It was a good one.”

The Father, the Son, and the semi-automatic assault rifle

I’ve been struggling with what to say about Orlando. I have so much sadness but it’s mixed with so much anger that I can’t tell them apart. They taste the same in my mouth. I need a word for that. A word that means, “sorrowful rage.”

I hear this massacre isn’t an LGBTQ thing. It’s about mental illness or religious radicalism or easy access to firearms in a country awash in them, but it could have happened anywhere. A movie theater or a coffee house or a sports arena. It’s distasteful for gays to make this about them. But it didn’t happen in any of those places. It happened in a gay nightclub because it was a gay nightclub. Of course, this event is about mental illness and religious radicalism and too many guns, but it’s also very much about being LGBTQ. The hatred for LGBTQ people is the thread that ties all those other things together in this case. No, not thread. Rainbow ribbon.

The shooter, it is now reported, frequented the club and was active on gay hook-up apps like Grindr. He liked the boys and liked dick. Maybe not to the exclusion of women, but he was definitely on the Kinsey scale above a one. And he hated himself for it. Hated himself so much. Why? Where does that come from? My kids don’t hate gay people. They don’t fear them. One of my kids identifies as bisexual and does so in a very open and heathy way. Why are my kids well-adjusted about sexuality while the shooter in Orlando was as unadjusted as possible?

Religion.

His faith teaches that gays are an abomination. Subhuman. He was raised being told that by his clergy and his dad. By his friends. But it’s what he was. This kind of cognitive dissonance will make some people kill themselves. Some others will live sad, stunted, hateful lives. Others, the fortunate few, will come out from under the spell and build a life of freedom from religious bullshit filled with love and friends. A few buy assault rifles and walk into gay nightclubs to kill as many people they can. Literally killing the part of them they’ve been taught to hate. To abhor. There is a grim logic in their actions.

Impossibly, I find myself feeling sorry for the shooter. For the pain he endured and the pain he caused as a result. I didn’t think it possible. I don’t know where it comes from. But there it is. The fact that he clumsily associated himself with those who personify on earth the extreme intolerance for things like homosexuality was nothing more than an attempt to find a fire hot enough to burn it out of himself. But this isn’t about ISIS. They’re a bit player in the drama and are accidentally benefiting from the kind of publicity they crave.

So I am not actually mad at the shooter. But I am mad. Furious. Seething. At who?


On Saturday, Mike Huckabee and those like him, if asked, would have told you gay people are going to burn in hell for their perversion. That their push for marriage equity would destroy the family and a trans person’s need to urinate  would lead to children being molested and woman attacked. On Sunday, though, he was praying for them as victims. In the fucked up algebra of a far-right shitbag, the only thing that’s worse than a club full of happy faggots is a radicalized Muslim shooting at them. Good to know.

While the good governor was running for US President last year, he and fellow governor Bobby Jindal and Senator Ted Cruz shared a stage with a man named Kevin Swanson who literally called for gays to be put to death. Today. In America. He didn’t say it at some fuzzy distant time. He said it that fucking day just before inviting the three of them onstage to share in the limelight. And they just let him. Because political points are worth more than the lives of LGBTQ people. Because pandering to a hateful audience of zealots, calling for innocent people to be killed for how they were born, is the course of action most expedient to gain their support.

And then these sons of bitches have the fucking nerve to PRAY for the victims. The shooter was Muslim, but he was playing their tune. And so they prayed. For the victims. The ones they either explicitly or implicitly called for. Mike gets the spotlight here, but he’s hardly alone. Any moralistic asshole in government who grovels for votes and campaign contributions from radical Christians and then decries the very acts their benefactors called for the day before is a sad, disgusting son of a bitch. The blood of the victims in Orlando is on their hands. It’s on their clothes and fills their shoes. It’s soaked through their very souls.

And it’s not a fringe thing with the Christians. Today, Pat Robertson on The 700 Club said, “The left is having a dilemma of major proportions and I think for those of us who disagree with some of their policies, the best thing to do is to sit on the sidelines and let them kill themselves.” Someone’s going to need to give me a decoder ring or something because I can’t tell the radical Christians from the supposed “normal” ones.

But, you might say to me, I’m a Christian. I’m not like that. We’re not all radical nut jobs. Problem is, as a person with many Christian friends and who’s active on social media, I never see one of them calling these bastards out. I never see them say they’re perverting the word of Christ. I see Muslims dragged out before cameras every time one of theirs loses his shit or ISIS or whoever bombs a plane or shoots a passerby. That’s expected and required, though many non-Muslims will still try and frame Islam as a religion of hate and violence. As if their holy hands are clean, which they are not. Not even a little. But the only time my Christian friends come out and say anything is when they’re afraid of being lumped in with those who are damaging their holy brand. And they do it without any self-awareness that it’s the exact same fucking thing they do to Muslims every goddamned day.

Jon Stewart once said, “Religion. It’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.” And we laughed. But it’s true. It’s fucking crystal truth. Our love of imaginary sky friends and the things we invented for them to say outweighs our own humanity. Our human decency. Our fear of death causes us to make a deal with the proverbial devil to despise and distrust and dehumanize others whose holy texts tell them to hate and distrust and do violence in only slightly different ways. I’m sick to death of it. Almost literally to death. Had I been in that nightclub, it could have meant my death.

There are 49 dead people in Orlando who were in their safe place. The place where they could be themselves and celebrate that and each other. And a religious nut job came in and slaughtered them. And he did it for his god. The same way Pat Robertson and Kevin Swanson think it should happen. The very same. They are the same.