Jet lag sex

Belle was in China for a week which is kind of a short trip considering it’s like on the other side of the planet and all but not the shortest trip she’s taken there. In any event, long enough for her to acclimatize to the time difference and have to deal with jet lag after she landed very late Thursday night.

Friday was a work day for me, but Belle told me to go in late so I could get her off then go to breakfast. So that’s pretty much exactly what happened. Once all the offspring were out of the house, we got to business. I really wanted out since it had been two weeks since the last time she let me, but we were pressed for time so she took her pleasure and left me tight and needy. Of course, I’m not allowed to ask to be let out and I tried not to make it too obvious, but she could tell. Didn’t especially bother her, but she could tell.

Then the jet lag fucked her up. Or, the sleep aid she takes to help get back on track to CDT did. She didn’t wake up as early and was groggy when she did so Saturday and Sunday mornings were a washout, sex-wise. It was starting to look like it’d be another week before the penis would have a chance to get wet.

We were in bed last night watching Grand Designs which we’re just getting in the states on Netflix and, if you haven’t seen it, is wonderful AF. While laying there drooling over two dudes and their fucking amazing farmhouse, she was groping my biceps and getting all worked up. Next thing, she was putting my hands on her tits and the next thing after that she was throwing her key at me.

Sometimes, like Friday morning, Belle just wants to get off. Other times, like last night, she wants dick. Once the Halfshell was off, she couldn’t keep her hands off its contents. She was stroking and teasing and generally manhandling it the whole time I was sucking her tits and fingering her snatch. A few times I thought to offer her the option of mounting me and riding it to her orgasm but I can never tell until that happens if I’ll be able to keep my shit together long enough to get her home and asking her to stop is almost as bad as coming without permission (pretty fucking bad). The fact that she would’ve had to be quiet could have helped since the sound of her coming is often enough to bring me to orgasm, too, but I never said anything.

As she was building to her orgasm, I was able to sync up with her in sympathy. Her breathing became faster and more shallow, so did mine. She started to gyrate her hips around, I started to grind the free and hard erection into the space between her leg and the mattress. She moaned and I did, too. When the moment came and she went over the falls, I pressed my fingers against her clit and reached in and hooked under her pelvic bone and rode her pleasure, wave after wave with each buck of her hips, holding my breath and moaning into her. When she was done coming, I felt like I was, too.

She could have told me right then to put the device back on the penis. To wait for it to lose its stiffness and stuff it back into the steel. And I would have been satisfied. To have her pay so much attention to it and allow me to share in her ecstasy is enough for me. More than I usually get, in fact. Yes, I wanted to fuck her badly, but that’s not uncommon. She could have ordered it back in and I would have complied.

But she didn’t. She pulled me over on top of her and guided the head of the penis so it lined up with the hot, wet folds of her pussy and I pushed it in. The snug heat of her snatch enveloped me and I immediately felt like I was about to come. I repositioned myself and gave it another thrust, this time nearly all the way in. Then again. Then I felt the urge. The tripwire had been hit. I urged it to stop so I could give her the fucking she wanted but the best I could do was sit as still as stone while my thick seed surged into her. Even immediately after, I needed to hold it still lest it develop into something too close to an orgasm. Regardless, my time was over. I felt terrible for lasting so shortly and truly regretted not giving her the chance to ride me when it might have worked.

Orgasm or not, the penis started to deflate. It knows the rules as well as I do now and refuses to stay hard after it shoots even the least amount. I thanked Belle for allowing me to share in her pleasure and apologized for not having the stamina to perform as she clearly wanted me to. But she gave me a kiss that told me she understood. This is what I am now. There’s no fixing it.

By the time she came back to bed, I was putting the Steelheart on. That’s the rule. I don’t even ask. I am always to be locked up. I gave her the key. We kissed again. And she fell asleep.

April metrics

IMG_3874April showers have brought…May showers here at Winterfell and the end of the month means another entry in my ongoing chastity and denial metrics project.

Belle had the penis locked up 99.4% of the month. The four and a half hours it was unlocked were the cumulative time she wanted to use it during sex. The whole rest of the time, it was secured. Even though I flew in April, the Schandmaske made it possible to remain locked through airport security. For the year, the penis has been made inaccessible by one device or another for 98.9% of the time.

The Halfshell was the predominant device used in April, though I started and ended the month in the Steelheart. On the year, the use of each is split pretty evenly: 1,280.5 hours in the Halfshell and 1,258 in the Steelheart. By the end of today, they’ll be tied. Basically, if Belle expresses a preference, it’s always the Steelheart and if I’m left to wear what I want, it’s usually the Halfshell, though I notice that so far this year I have not worn either the Jail Bird or the Looker 02.

On the orgasm front, Belle was in fine form after three below-average months. She came 12 times in April, twice as often as she did in each of the first three months of the year. I have an informal goal of getting her off about 10 times over 30 days, so this was a good effort. Three of those were when she was by herself travelling, one was when I used a vibrator on her, seven were from my fingers, and she had her first orally induced orgasm of the year. She also had her first multiple orgasm day of the year.

I had zero orgasms in April. The last time I came was February 18, seventy-two days ago. She allowed me to fuck her four times, though, and I leaked into her each time.

This is another month with Belle being away for part of it due to travel, though that didn’t slow her down last month. It’ll be a busy month beyond that, though, with family visiting and the high school graduation of our oldest kid and various home improvement projects going on. In June, we’re going to college orientation for the previously aforementioned kid and embarking on a grand adventure in which the whole family will be living in Hong Kong for 6-8 weeks. That’ll be interesting, for sure. In any event, life is picking up its pace as it does every summer and it’ll be interesting to see how that impacts what I track here.

CB-6000 review (finally)

The other day while looking at Tumblr I noticed something strange. I found myself on someone’s Tumblr that was all men locked in chastity devices which are not normally the kinds of Tumblrs I hang out on or follow because I think most male chastity porn is kind of boring. I’ll post the occasional picture of a guy in a device (not counting my own, of course), but they’re remarkably repetitious (counting my own) and the kinds with captions rarely do anything for me.

So anyway, I will occasionally look at these “show me your locked cock” Tumblrs to see what people are wearing. It’s how I find out about new devices. What I noticed the other day was along with a bunch of metal that looked like cheap Chinese shit you get off Amazon and the occasional Mature Metal or Steelworxx device were a lot of Holy Trainers (v2). Like, at least half were Trainers. I’d guess half as many of those were CB-6000s. This was surprising because my CB-6000 tips and tricks page is still, all these years after I wrote it, the number one page on the site after the homepage. I have no idea why this is because the top search terms WordPress says people are using to find the site now rarely include the CB-6000. So I don’t really know how these people are finding the page, but a lot of them are. Every single day. My review of the Holy Trainer v2 is usually half or two-thirds as popular in any given month.

This bums me out because I’ve assumed these numbers more or less indicate how popular the two devices are and I think the Holy Trainer is far superior to the aging design of the CB-6000. But then I see this Tumblr and all the guys in Trainers and that makes me wonder. What’s going on?

I decided to crowdsource a possible answer. I asked Twitter “If you were recommending a first male chastity device, which would it be?” The poll is still open at the time I’m writing this so it can still change, but as of right now, 99 people have responded and, lo and behold, the Holy Trainer holds a clear lead. Nearly half (48%) say it’s the device they’d recommend to a newbie while the CB-6000 comes in second at just over a third (34%) saying it’s their choice. The Bird Locked comes in a distant third (as it should — not a fan of silicone chastity devices).

The Holy Trainer is, in my opinion, the correct choice. And yes, we’ve been over this before, but that was a few years ago. And it occurs to me I never actually reviewed the CB-6000 because I wasn’t doing that kind of thing when I wore it. So, I shall consider this its review.

  • The CB-6000 is overly complicated. It has spacers to allow a flexible distance between the tube and the ring and it has multiple ring sizes. That ends up being a dizzying number of size combinations that I used to think was a strength but now think is just too much. It makes people think fitting a device to a penis is tricky when it’s really not that much.
  • It has a hard-edged A-ring. Trust me, that’s miserable. Not the good kind of discomfort. And for the life of me, I can’t imagine why it’s still like this. The device has been on the market for something close to ten years and it’s never been replaced with a rounded A-ring like the CB-3000 had. It’s never been redesigned to a more ergonomic shape like literally every other plastic device on the planet. It’s still perfectly round and sharp and causing many men all kinds of awful pain that simply isn’t necessary.
  • It has obnoxious side vents. One might assume they’re for hygiene’s sake, but they’re totally unnecessary and lead to flesh bulging through during erections which in turn leads to soreness and even broken skin. A lot of guys epoxy them over.
  • It’s the only device I’ve worn that led to the development of edema. That’s the accumulation of fluid under the skin and it’s benign if caught and allowed to dissipate, but it’s uncomfortable. I believe this is caused by the fact that the tube is narrow along the shaft but far more open near the head leading to constriction, even when flaccid.
  • The tube is made up of two halves joined together. In the early years, they split more often than seemed acceptable. Their design makes that a possibility even now and, from what I’ve been told, there is no pain like the pain of penis skin being trapped and pinched down the entire length of one’s member as an erection goes away.
  • It still uses a padlock. They bounce around and take up room in your pants. They corrode. They can have sharp edges that poke.
  • Lastly, and I acknowledge this is subjective, the CB-6000 is simply ugly. It looks like a medical device your grandpa has to wear, not a sex toy. The “fashion” variants (gold, wood grain, camo, etc.) are like when Cadillac made the Cimarron. It was flashy and had lots of Caddy badges, but underneath it was still a Chevy Cavalier.

The Holy Trainer isn’t perfect, but it has none of those issues. It’s A-ring is so much more comfortable and it has never led to edema on me. It doesn’t have vents along the tube (the holes it does have are in the penis head area and don’t lead to the same issues). The tube is solid and made of a more forgiving, comfortable plastic. It’s also far more attractive (basic black is my preferred color). And it’s dead simple. Three parts, including the lock (which is integrated and won’t corrode or stop working).

The biggest improvement I think could be made to the Trainer would be an option of buying it with all three ring sizes. Ring size is the most important element in male chastity and is the difference between a device a guy can keep on for days or weeks at a time and one that can’t stay on overnight. It’s too bad they don’t have a bundled option for newbies to be able to try the different sizes.

There were serval comments to my tweet about “cheap knockoffs” available on Amazon for both the CB-6000 and Holy Trainer. Insert here my standard warning about saving a few bucks while at the same time endangering your one and only penis. Personally, I’d pay the extra $10-50 bucks and get the original, but I’m also the guy who buys genuine Apple Watch bands over their $9 Amazon counterparts.

I think the CB-6000 is a hugely important device for male chastity advocates and enthusiasts. It was the first really popular mass-produced device and undoubtedly led to many men and women (millions?) giving the concept of chastity a try. You know, like Belle and I. But times have moved on. There has been innovation in the space and the CB-6000 has not kept up. It’s a relic from another era.

If you’re thinking of buying a CB-6000, spend your money on the Holy Trainer instead.

 

Lucite Steelwerks Schandmaske

You all know Steelwerks. No, not Steelworxx, Steelwerks. The Canadian storefront of Chris Miers, an artisan and manufacturer of bespoke hand-made super-premium chastity devices. Usually, Chris works in steel or titanium and has forced those metals into some incredibly intricate and remarkably beautiful configurations. Some are essentially art pieces unto themselves and could easily be displayed on or off the body.

Recently, Chris has begun working with a new material. Lucite might be mistaken for simple plastic, but it’s actually much more interesting than that. It can be milled from a solid block like a metal (as is done by Steelwerks) and it’s technically classified as a glass. The end product is something that feels and looks like glass but with a fraction of the weight and significantly more impact resistance.

schandmaske01
Titanium Schandmaske in anodized blue and titanium prince’s wand
It’s perfectly applied to the design Steelwerks offers called the Schandmaske. Basically, the Schandmaske (a German word for “mask of shame”) is a kind of cap that fits over just the head of the penis and is secured through a PA piercing. Due to weight, this would be a very difficult design to wear if it were made of steel, so Chris makes the metal version from titanium. The PA fixing is either a short prince’s wand that locks using the distinctive Steelwerk S-screw or, as in the case of the lucite device I wore, a locking curved barbell. The device is effective as it covers the most sensitive parts of the penis and, since it’s secured to the PA, does not allow stroking of those areas. At least in my case, if I can’t apply pressure to the underside of the penis head I can’t achieve orgasm.

With that preamble, I’ll jump right in. My chastity reviews consider six different attributes: Cost, aesthetic, fit/comfort, security, hygiene, and stealth.

Cost

IMG_04B7DFF2D1C1-1There is nothing bargain about Steelwerks products. If they are not the most expensive chastity devices on the market, they’re right up there. I personally don’t know of any that sell for more. That said, there’s a difference between “luxury” and “premium” and it all has to do with value. In the case of Steelwerks’ devices, what you get for your money is a bespoke device crafted by someone I think of as a real artist. Yes, it’s expensive, but Chris is someone who is obsessively focused on making the very finest product available and there’s a reason so many of his clients return again and again. Besides the obvious quality is his commitment to making for his clients exactly what they wanted when they ordered. Long way to go to say the lucite Schandmaske ranges from $500 to $800 (or even more, I suppose) depending on the specifics of what the client orders. For that money, you get the lucite “cap”  custom crafted and measured to your dimensions in your choice of clear, frosted (like mine), black, or red along with a hollow, locking titanium piece of jewelry and two S-screw keys.

Aesthetic and design

IMG_2080I personally find the Schandmaske to have a simple beauty much like something designed by Apple. It’s so clean and purely functional, I can totally imagine Jony Ive extolling its virtues in one of those product launch commercials they do for every new watch or phone. There are no extraneous lines or details. Just the cap and the titanium barbell to keep it in place.

The barbell all by itself is a remarkable piece of craftsmanship. It’s a handmade 2 GA barbell which is larger than the usual 4 GA I normally wear, but getting it in through my piercing was no trouble. Chris included a taper to make insertion easier, but it popped right though without it. Of course, as with all piercings,your mileage may vary. The barbell is hollow and allows for urine to pass through which makes using a urinal a snap. It also makes withdrawing the penis from the cap impossible. The short end of the barbell that goes through the piercing is threaded for the small Steelwerks S-screw. The screw inserts into a collar and they both get secured into the barbell. The S-screw design makes using any other tool to remove it impossible and the collar makes using pliers or a similar tool equally fruitless. The only way the Schandmaske is coming off is either using the S-screw or a hammer and the latter method is not advised.

IMG_5B45438922A2-1
Frosted (Thumper) vs. clear (Drew)
The cap is actually a composite of two pieces: A collar and a dome. The two are joined permanently during manufacture in such a way they will never come apart. In truth, they become a single piece of lucite. The collar is thicker and narrower than the dome. Once past the collar, the interior opens up to allow the head of the penis more room. During erections, if the device is properly fitted, the collar is too snug to move but not so snug as to restrict circulation. It ends up feeling as though it’s held on with suction, though it’s not.

Since it fits snugly and is anchored to the PA, stroking the head of the penis is impossible. This is what makes devices of this general design work. For me, if I can’t stimulate and apply pressure to the underside of the head of the penis (in the area around the PA itself), I can’t come. Well, not easily anyway. Perhaps eventually I would, but stroking the half of the hard shaft that is exposed just doesn’t do it for me. Again, every penis is a special snowflake so some might be able to get off this way, but not this rabbit.

I chose the frosted option as the black wasn’t yet available. Belle prefers devices in which the penis is not visible and this is the closest I could get at the time it was made.

Fit and comfort

IMG_CD4C184ADC40-1
Underwear wear
The Schandmaske is a bespoke piece so, assuming your measurements are correct, the fit will be perfect. The key measurements are the circumference of the shaft of the erect penis and the length of the space between the uetheral opening and the PA. Since there’s no A-ring, that’s all you need to know.

In practice, the device is supernaturally comfortable. I often forgot I had it on. There were a few times when, while wearing tighter pants, the penis skin pushed against the edge of the cap and I felt some mild discomfort, but the skin on the penis is, I find, very fragile since it’s nearly always protected by steel. Not sure a normal penis would be so sensitive. Other than that, I had no trouble at all with it after nearly 200 hours of wear.

Since the penis is much more free with the Schandmaske than with other types of devices, I experienced the peculiar sensation of being able to feel the shaft of the penis but not its end. It was as if the head of the penis had been smeared with lidocaine. Interestingly, I found that during erections the cap is so secure that had there not been the collar and screw extending from the bottom I might even have been able to fuck Belle with it on. In any event, I would often reach in to my pants to take a leak and be surprised I was wearing it. I had simply forgotten.

Security

Security in the Schandmaske is total. Perhaps even more than the other locked devices I wear since the design of the barbell screw and collar makes messing around with it pretty much impossible. There’s simply no way this device is coming off. There’s not much more to say.

Of course, the point of the security is to keep a man from being able to have an orgasm or play with his penis. As I said above, I don’t think I could come in this device, though I guess some might. Also, even though I couldn’t stroke it normally, wearing it during an erection will allow some amount of stroking or other kinds of fiddling. So, depending on how you look at it, there may be less security in the Schandmaske than with a trapped-ball device, but I think only a truly motivated cheater would defeat it.

Hygiene

The Schandmaske doesn’t complicate urination at all. There’s a bit of leakage at the point of the piercing but that won’t be new to guys with PAs. Like other devices, it can be hard to ensure the penis is totally drained of urine after going. But cleaning it is very easy and the general lack of interior volume makes it less likely for odor to become an issue.

Stealth

Visually, the Schandmaske is very stealthy. It never showed though my clothes at all when I was wearing it. There simply isn’t enough of it to make any kind of impression when viewed externally.

That said, when in sweats or other loose fitting clothing like boxers and without pants, the barbell rattles in the cap. Not like a cowbell or anything, but it was noticeable on occasion.

The real stealth value of the Schandmaske is with travel. The titanium is unable to trigger a metal detector and the relative small size of the cap it highly unlikely to trigger a pat-down after a body scan. In many ways, I think it’s the perfect travel companion.

Conclusion

The Steelwerks Schandmaske is a lovely, understated, and remarkably comfortable male chastity device. If you can afford it, it deserves a place in your collection. And your pants.

Pictures of the Schandmaske in action are included after the jump…

Continue reading “Lucite Steelwerks Schandmaske”

You know when you feel it

After a few recent Metrics posts I’ve received the question of what I mean by ejacualting in Belle but not orgasming. As in, if you’re shooting your load aren’t you having an orgasm? I’m going to write this up so I can link to it from now on in order to answer similar questions before they’re asked. 

Supreme Courth Justice Potter Stewart (who, I suspect, is rarely name-dropped in sex blogs but who knows) said in his opinion in the Jacobellis vs. Ohio obscentiy case that while pornograhy was difficult to define, you knew it when you saw it. As I’ve developed as a man denied anything like a regular or normal orgasm frequency, I find orgasm is much the same. There’s a lot that skirts the edges of orgasm and many things that might be mistaken for orgasm from a distance, but when the real deal comes along (pun intended), you fucking know it. 

To be clear, when I come it’s often really intense. Nothing like coming was back when I was doing it several times a week. So intense that it’s usually not even enjoyable while happening and can even be painful. I’ve felt pain in the moment of orgasm above my balls and behind the penis from, I presume, the intensity of the ejacualation through infrequently excercised muscles but also, on occasion, in the back of my head from the wave of powerful hormones that accompany orgasm. And it’s the near total lack of those hormones following simple ejaculation that indicate most powerfully that an orgasm has not taken place. 

The term “ruined orgasm” is often used to describe what happens to me, but those are most often associated with mean old Dommes stroking a restrained guy for an hour and then taking him right up to the moment of orgasm and then stopping all stimulation while his hard cock strains and thrusts and waves around in the air and squirts ejacualte anyway. That’s what happens with me, but it’s inside her and I’m the one who’s stopping the stimulation because I don’t have permission to come. I wrote recently that the line I cross from “about to come” to “OMG I’M COMING” used to feel about a half inch wide. I’d be over it and losing my shit before I even knew it was about to happen. But now it’s so obvious to me and can be felt from so far away that it may as well be a yard wide. The benefits of not coming and forcusing so much energy and attention on trying not to will, over time, give one a detailed understanding of the mechanics and process it entails. If I’m on top and controlling the pace and rhythm of the thrusting, I honestly have no excuses when it comes to “accidentally” having an orgasm. I know when to stop, I know when I have to remain absolutely still, and I know when it’s safe for me to slide it out again. 

Over the years, I’ve also realized that orgasm is not entirely physical. Some of it is mental and my body has been trained in several ways to react in as though it has come, though with less intensity than if I had. For instance, Belle’s orgasm makes my whole body tense and my breathing increase as though her orgasmic energy is feeding back into me through my fingers as her pussy clenches around them. I can even feel a subtle sleepiness after. And when the penis ejacualtes now, it will almost always immediately begin to lose its erection no matter how much I want to keep fucking her. As though it knows the reason for the penetration is complete and the erection is no longer necessary. That has led to some very frustrating moments. I can recall in the past when leaking into her like that would only slow me down for a moment and then I’d keep fucking right through the mess. But not anymore. 

Speaking of which, “leaking” is what it feels like. I might say “shoot” because I like the sound of it, but the difference in velocity of the ejaculation in a real orgasm and the shadow of one that happens when I simply leak without orgasm is significant. When I come, it feels like the semen is being ripped out of me fast enough to burn the stiff shaft from the inside out. When I ejacualte, it’s slower and more relaxed. The boundaries between surges are less defined. Sometimes it can even feel like the semen is running out of me in one long stream. 

The important thing to remember is Belle likes to be fucked and she likes to feel me shoot inside her. Also, I think she feels letting me ejaculate is actually good for me (prostate, etc.). So I know one of the reasons she’s letting me inside her is so that I’ll fill her up with seed. When I fuck her now it’s with the knowledge that even if she doesn’t tell me to come she still wants to feel as though I did. 

So, that’s what I mean when I say I ejaculating and how I know it’s different than having an orgasm. 

March metrics while miles high (with timey-wimey update)

NOTE: The original version of this post used numbers reported by my tracking app at the moment March ended while we were still in the U.K. and in British Summer Time. That screwed things up since my month started in the U.S. in Central Daylight Time and the trip began under Greenwich Mean Time. In any event, I’ve re-run the numbers now that I’m back home and have updated the post accordingly. It wasn’t that big a difference, but it would have bugged me forever.

Interestingly, since they switched to BST while we were in the country, I seem to have lost an hour in March. Thirty-one 24-hours days should make March 744 hours long but I only tracked 743. I would get that hour back in the fall, but since I already lost an hour when the U.S. switched to Daylight Savings, I will never get that BST hour back unless I go back to the U.K. when they revert back to GMT. 

The end of March is also the end of the first quarter of the year, so we’ll be looking at both today. Currently, according to the screen in front of me, I’m crossing over the east coast of Greenland at an altitude of 34,997 feet at a speed of 490 MPH on my way back from a family vacation. Presumably, I’ll be somewhere closer to the other side of it once I’m done with this post. I feel so Drew-like.

I ended my last post on metrics like this…

This month, we’re travelling to Europe for Spring Break. This will mean some extra time out for TSA, etc., and there’s no telling how much of the time we’re vacationing she’ll want the penis locked up. It hasn’t seen more than 2% of free time in five months. Might it even get into double-digits in March!?

Belle read that and said, “Double digits? You think?” Well, no, I was just speculating. That’s all. Innocent speculation. Sweetie

Perhaps that encouraged her to crank things up a bit because up until the last day of the month my time tracking app reported 0% free time. It was rounding down since the actual percentage was about 0.45 before she let me out the night before we were to return home. At 11.5 hours, that’s the longest period I’ve been out of one device or another since 4-6 September last year when I was unlocked for nearly 48 hours. Of course, since I was let out on the evening of 3/31 some of those hours ended up in April, but also complicating the figuring is the time change from BST to my local CDT. In any event, the unlocked night bumped the percentage way up from just under half a percent to a titch over 1.5%.
I was in four different devices including the new one (whose review is nearly done but not quite), the lucite version of the Steelwerks Schandmaske. I wore the Holy Trainer for one evening I knew I was going to be wanded by a metal detector at a concert, the Halfshell for a few days, but otherwise it was Belle’s favorite the Steelheart. Rather than have me in the Schandmaske or Trainer for the TSA (both of which would have been fine), she had me go through free and relock on the other side. And that’s how I stayed until she gave me the key last night.

I took the Steelheart off before my shower. It was the first shower I’ve had outside a device in I can’t even remember how long. I don’t track that. Perhaps six months or more. First time this year for sure. Just being out and by myself in the bathroom with the prospect of soaping it up left it hard and insistent, but I was nearly all businesslike. I shaved it and my balls and cleaned it well and only gave it three extraneous squeezes with no stroking whatsoever. All in all, I’m fairly happy with how I handled suddenly having a penis again.

During cleaning, I found the head to be remarkably sensitive. The slightest touch made me shiver. That’s to be expected, I suppose, considering how infrequently it feels anything but the inside of a hard object, but had we been in a position to have sex and she let me put it in, I would have not lasted long. I considered wearing the A-ring to bed and, had it been the Halfshell’s, would have but the Steelheart’s A-ring is far too small to wear absent the tube to help keep erections in check. The best I could do was put it on when we were getting ready to go to the airport. It did, by the way, set off the metal detector but didn’t trigger a closer examination following a body scan.

It’s been more than three weeks now since Belle allowed me inside her. Partly this is due to me being away from her for a weekend, but there were plenty of opportunities before and after and even on our trip since the kids had their own rooms for all but the last night. She simply chose to leave me secured during sex. I will admit there’s a part of me that finds it difficult dealing with the lack of pussy access, but those feelings are a feature not a bug and they’re the most challenging in the minutes immediately after her orgasms when she’s basking and my fingers are still in her and the penis is filling the device tightly, stewing in the reality that it will be denied what it so badly craves. But I find these emotions transform and mellow into contentedly frustrated submission after a short while. This is, as she often points out, good for me. And as long as it’s what she wants me to feel, I can handle it.

Speaking of her orgasms, it was a bit of an off month for her in March. She came just six times. I gave her five of those and she took care of the sixth while I was away. She let me fuck her just twice and I ejaculated both times but had no orgasms in the month. My last orgasm was on February 18, forty-two days ago.

Q1 2017

img_3497Belle has allowed me to be unlocked just a hair under 1% of the time in the past three months. Last night made up nearly half of the time I’ve been out of chastity since the year stared. The penis has breathed the sweet air of freedom barely more than a day out of 90.

The Steelheart claimed just over half the time with the Halfshell picking up a more than a third. The Schandmaske got 9% and the Holy Trainer was on so little as to not even get a full percentage point.

During the quarter, I had one orgasm while she had twenty. She achieved one of those orgasms while riding the penis, four were self-administered, one I gave her with the vibrator, and all the rest were done with my fingers. None were oral. I was allowed inside her 10 times, including my one orgasm.

Comparing March to the quarter shows what a big deal a whole night unlocked was for me. Due to rounding, I was unlocked twice as much in March versus the quarter, but the actual difference is a fifty percent increase. One night equals about a third of the time I was unlocked all year so far.

Six month view

I tend to think of the way we do male chastity now as a kind of new chapter for us and that really started in September of last year. Therefore, it’s interesting to me to pull numbers for the past six months for comparison to the last three to see if there are any trends. Turns out, the past two quarters look very much alike.

img_3497-1Belle has let the penis out for a little more than two days worth of time in total over six months. It was locked in just four devices in that time, almost even split between her favorite (the Steelheart) and mine (the Halfshell). I’ve had two orgasms in that time and, while I wasn’t tracking hers last year, my gut tells me she’s not coming as often now as then, but there’s been a lot of travel and time apart.

Speaking of which, Belle is traveling again in April. She’ll be gone for about a week. And, as I write this sentence, I see we’re just about to cross over the west coast of Greenland. Seems an appropriate time to stop, then. Halfway home, now…

FullSizeRender.jpg

And no, I will not be speculating about April. Not at all.

The opposite of resent

I was away from Belle this weekend spending a little quality time in the woods. Since the last time I went there resulted in two unauthorized self-administered orgasms, I went this time secured in the Steelwerks Schandmaske (a device for which I am woefully late in writing a review). Not that this trip would afford me any real opportunity to cheat, but because I did last time, I am always locked now unless Belle wants to use the penis.

In any event, because of this trip and various other reasons, March is turning into month in which the penis has been locked up quite a lot. It’s been out only 1.2 hours so far, or not even three-tenths of one percent of the month. I mentioned this to Belle when I got home just as an aside as she was going to bed and she asked me, unexpectedly, if I resented that degree of lock-up.

I’m not going to say it isn’t frustrating sometimes. That the urge to have an unencumbered erection or to feel the hard penis in my hand doesn’t occasionally swell inside me. But resentful? Far from it. Just the opposite.

I love Belle for being someone who will expend the effort to control me that way. Who cares enough about me to see that I’m put into that position. I crave it and I appreciate it more than I can say. It helps me stay centered and focused on my submission. It makes me feel loved and comforted even when the device is tight or annoying or the urge to use the penis for my own pleasure becomes strong.

I find I’m in a interesting spot now that it’s been so many months in which I’ve been without access to the penis so consistently. The sensation that I don’t have a penis like other men and that I am somehow fundamentally not as other men are permeates me. In the past, there was something about how I was a man denied control over the thing that defined my manhood that radiated the energy that powered my submission but now I feel like I’ve pushed past that. Not having a penis defines me more than not having access to it does. Not ever masturbating and so infrequently orgasming and being able to satisfy my sex partners without the use of a penis has rewritten the base code of my sexuality in a way that, if I resent anything, it’s that the penis can’t be locked away forever. That it still radiates desires and urges powerful enough to require it stay secured. That it even needs to be a factor at all.

I understand why it does. Belle needs to feel it inside her. She craves that and the feeling of it ejacualting into her. That’s what she requires to be satisfied sometimes so that’s what I will give her since her satisfaction is my primary objective. I’m happy to have that penis to be able to bring her pleasure when she wants it, but also happy to not have it all the rest of the time since it would only lead me to indulgent and self-centered activity.

The energy that powers my submission now comes from the lack of the thing that I used to think defined my sexuality. That I feel very much as though I am not quite a man. I’m something in between. I only become man-like when Belle needs me to. Feeling that would have probably terrified me even after we started using chastity in our marriage. Definitely would have horrified me from 15 or 25 years ago. But now it feels absolutely natural. Perhaps more natural than I’ve ever felt before. As if I am now who I was meant to be.

How could I resent that? How could I resent the woman who helped me become this? Of course I don’t. More that I cherish her for allowing me to be who I am. That she appreciates me for being that way and, even though it’s not what she thought she was marrying, loves me all the same.