D looking for T: An addendum

Interestingly, since I wrote D looking for T last night, there are new posts on two blogs I follow which, to be honest, make me look a little shallow.

Over on Devastating Yet Inconsequential, there’s this short missive on keeping a clean kitchen. I suppose if Belle made such service sexual, I’d find it that way. Hell, she could condition me to get aroused at the sound of Larry King’s voice if she stroked me during his show (*shudder*). It’s not that I don’t want to service her in this way, it’s just that I need some sexual attention now and again to keep my mood up.

Meanwhile, Axe posts about massage as service. This is something I can totally associate with. I love giving her body service and don’t need her to “pay” me with sexual attention afterwards. I love touching her and giving her pleasure, whether it’s to bring her to orgasm or just to make her happy. It can be as small as brushing her hair or just stroking her forehead before she goes to sleep. Problem is I offer massage of her back or feet or her entire body a lot more often than she lets me give it to her. I think she thinks it’s going to lead to me rubbing my boner on her, and, again being honest with myself, it often does.

Maybe I’m not such a good submissive, after all. Maybe it is too much about me and my gratification. Maybe she should be firmer with me. Dominating me is not second nature for her – we both know that. Perhaps being submissive isn’t second nature for me, either. Do I just want to be submissive to her or am I really submissive?

2 Replies to “D looking for T: An addendum”

  1. I wouldn’t judge your “submissiveness” by things like that. That way lies madness as you just get into the whole submissive paradox.

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