It’s 4:30 AM and I haven’t slept all night.
I am trapped in two cages. One is made of polycarbonate, the other is my entire body. The meat between my legs could be released from its cage, if necessary, but my mind is inseparably fixed within a body crawling with sexual energy. I am exhausted yet I cannot stop images, ideas, and scenarios from passing though my brain and causing the meat to swell and throb within its confinement. A tremulous desire for a woman half a world away vibrates in my chest and sends shivers down my spine. Flashes of electric excitement dance across the length and width of my body as I remember the things she’s made me write over the past week. Her place in the bed is cold and empty. Sleep is impossible. I am drowning in hormones.
On an episode of Kink On Tap, Eileen once said something about orgasm denial’s insidious beauty being how it essentially turns the submissive’s body against itself. I can relate. The funny thing is, I have it within my power to fix this problem. Since Belle has her key with her and all her locks are closed, I had to secure the CB-6000 with one of my own (its key on a chain around my neck – I am essentially my own keyholder). I could remove the blasted thing and quickly stroke myself to a shuddering orgasm. Approximately 23 seconds later, I’d be fast asleep. Did I say that was a funny thing? It’s not funny at all. Truth is, I could never do what I just described. I’m not even sure my body would respond if I tried. I made a vow to that woman that I would never achieve orgasm again without her permission. And I won’t. So…I suffer, pining for my Belle Fille.
I am happy. It’s good to be alive.