I was looking though the little notebook I keep on my nightstand in which I have recorded each time Belle or I have achieved orgasm this year and was struck by something. No, it wasn’t that I’m an obsessive compulsive weirdo for keeping a log of when either of us comes (though you could argue that). It was that it has been a whole week since we’ve had a serious sexual encounter with one another.
I’ve posted about this before, but it bears remembering that prolonged denial of orgasm can be very detrimental to a male’s state of mind. I’ve been grumpy and a little depressed and, I think, a contributing factor is this week of no sex. It’s perfectly normal for couples to occasionally go a week without fooling around, but I don’t think it’s normal for a male in my condition to completely abstain from any sexual release over that time. I find the need to come transforms into a need to have her come. Denial of both makes me kinda nuts. To stay sane, I need to give Belle some bunny lovin’, and soon.
What I find interesting is that I’m now able to go a whole week without feeling the jagged hormonal edge of denial. When we first started doing this, 48 hours would leave me a tangled ball of sexual yarn, but I’m only now starting to feel the frantic little moments in my chest telling me I’m starting to build pressure. I’m curious if the period before I feel this way will continue to lengthen as my body adjusts to its new release rhythm or if I’ll eventually find the outer wall of my capacity to be denied before experiencing side-effects. Lately, a week seems to be about when I first feel the return of the carnivorous butterflies. If she denied me for a month at a time, would that move out to ten days? Two weeks?
I admit that a big part of why I like to be denied orgasms is how it makes me feel. The emotional and phsycological aspects aside, I like the hormonal high I get from a build-up of sexual need. It would be kind of a bummer if I found that I essentially developed a resistance to the hormones and needed a longer and longer denial period each time to get high from them. Because, I really do like to come. Really. I swear.
I think this need for a higher high is part of why I really want to try new things with Belle. As I’ve posted before, the idea of being locked-up while fucking her with a strap-on really lights up my board (as does turning the tables and having her fuck me). I can only imagine the effect being that turned-on would have on my high. I’m like some kind of bizarre sexual cliff diver always looking for the next, bigger rush. This is especially true since Belle had me write down all my interests during her trip. All those ideas churning around in my brain looking for a way out…
This line of thought eventually brings me to wondering what we do if I eventually find orgasm denial no longer flips my switch. What will the next drug be? And is it even as simple as an all-or-nothing state? I suspect the successful strategy would be to weave together my interests in bondage, pain, sexual submission, and denial into something that never relies too much on any one aspect of my perversion. The even bigger trick will be to find a combination that also lights Belle’s fire since her interests are not my own. As I’ve recently been reminded, this isn’t all about me. She’s both the focus and instrument of my pleasure. If, in the end, what makes me happy doesn’t make her happy, then it’s not going to fly.