The big pathetic mess of a post

I cleared my schedule so I could pick Belle up at the airport Thursday afternoon. It’d been three days since I had seen her and wanted some one-on-one time with her before the kids came home, etc. I was hoping for a little action but wasn’t positive I’d get any (nor did I expect to).

We unpacked from the trip and she was off doing something in the back of the house while I started writing the post of going gay. Eventually, I realized all the busy noises had ceased and that she was probably back there answering email, so I went back and nuzzled into leg while she clickity-clacked on the computer.

Even though I had been without orgasm for 19 days, I wasn’t feeling especially submissive. Hot and bothered, yes, but submissive no. It seemed as though the trip had drained all those feelings from me since we had basically zero personal time. Whatever it is that triggers that frame of mind within me, time from last emission isn’t the only factor.

In any event, I asked her if she wanted to mess up the bed a little. All the planets had aligned: I was unlocked and free, she was awake, and the kids were at school. She decided it was a good time and told me to get naked. After a little kissing, groping, etc., she said she wanted me to fuck her to orgasm. It may have been a shadow of insecurity that passed over my face, but I definitely wasn’t exude confidence. I’ve only been able to get her off that way without coming myself once this year. She had previously told me I wasn’t coming again in February (a goal I was completely committed to achieving), but I felt the odds of me being able to successfully restrain myself were low. Then, she dropped the bomb.

In fact, she did want me to come. She didn’t want me all worked up over not coming and she really wanted to get her orgasm from penetrative penile pounding. In retrospect, I should have stopped and talked this through. I was confused and a more than a little let-down that the previously stated goal of one month had been swept away so suddenly. Also, I should have pointed out that it wasn’t my concern that I couldn’t get her off with the cock, but that I couldn’t keep myself from erupting before she got her O. Seeing all this behind my eyes, she told me to suck it up and get going. This is what she wanted and she decides when I get to come, not me.

So I got to work. Again, in retrospect, I should have spent more time warming her up with my fingers before jumping right in (though in my defense, I was a little off balance with this surprise orgasm being sprung on me). With a minimum of foreplay, I climbed up and started to fuck her. It was my intention to resist my orgasm, even though she had given me permission. If by some small miracle, I got her off without coming, I was going to stop and see what she wanted me to do next. However, as expected, I lost control and came in a huge torrent. I fought it every step of the way until it happened. I maybe enjoyed three or four strokes, but kept right on going even as the head of my dick felt like it was going to implode from over stimulation. After a bit, she figured out what I was doing and told me to stop.

In short, I had failed. Again. I came (with permission) but had failed to give her the orgasm she wanted in the way she wanted it. Worse, once I stopped, my erection started to deflate rapidly so my ability to perform was basically nil. I felt terrible. Again, she told me to snap out of it and accept the fact that I did exactly what she wanted me to do, but all I could do was hide how I felt, not change it.

It’s pretty clear to me now that I’ve lost my ability to enjoy having a spontaneous orgasm. It seems I’m only able to enjoy those I know are coming and can prepare for. I’m not sure if she felt like she was doing me a favor by letting me come or if she really thought it would allow her to get what she wanted more easily, but in any event, I was left feeling stressed, unsatisfied, and ultimately a little depressed that I hadn’t achieved the one month goal. After scolding me to snap out of it, she told me to get Pink so I could finish her off. She had a pretty good ride at the end of the little vibe (at least, a really loud one).

Following this event and the last, I no longer think her goal for me of 12 orgasms in 2009 is achievable. She likes it best when I make her come with the cock. I can’t do that reliably. Desensitizing gel might help, but since it would require using a condom, I’ve never been able to find out since she hates them. And, she has thus far refused to let me experiment with a strap-on stand-in. She seems to have zero interest in that.

I feel as though our journey down this road of orgasm control has progressed so far that I really don’t ever want to go back. I can’t imagine coming every time we have sex. The weird and somewhat scary truth is, I’m not sure I even want to come. Or, more accurately, I don’t want to stop not coming. Does that make sense?

I wrote the above yesterday but didn’t get a chance to finish it before I talked to Belle last night. I told her what I told you – that I was unhappy with what happened on Thursday and that by saying so I wasn’t complaining or trying to assign blame or anything. It’s just what it was. She didn’t accept any blame and didn’t apologize for how it all went down (which is good – I wouldn’t have wanted her to). I told her I was worried about the 12 in ’09 goal and wasn’t sure it was achievable (at least not in a way that would allow her to experience pleasure in the way she preferred). She told me we’d figure it out. In the mean time, she’s not going to let me come until April. That’ll be a nice round 40 days from the last time I came to my next earliest opportunity.

While the prospect of not achieving orgasm for more than a month excites me, I’m still going to obsess over the fact that while she’s denying me orgasm, she’s also denying herself the pleasure of being fucked. I will continue to try as often as she’ll let me, though. I’m assuming that, with practice, I’ll get better at putting off my own climax. At least, I hope so.

Now to finish the post I started yesterday. She told me on the way home from the airport that she was going to lock me up that day. The usual mix of being excited and somewhat dissapointed that my freedom was about to end passed through me. If I had a choice, I would not have gone in, but it wasn’t my decision to make. Later that evening, I showered and trimmed and put on the device with the lock in place, but not closed since she likes to be the one to make it click. However, as I got out of the bathroom, I found her dead asleep. The long days had caught up with her. I closed the lock for her. Funny thing is, she didn’t even know I was in the thing for the first 24 hours. It wasn’t until last night that she found out I had put it on. I could have bought myself a whole extra day of freedom.

After our talk last night and her decision to keep me denied through March, I found the warm and fuzzy submissive veil fall over me. This active expression of her control combined with the physical restraint of the CB6K seemed to be enough to send me over the edge, even though I had just had an orgasm. In fact, it now seems as though orgasmic release isn’t a huge factor in how I feel with regard to being horny or submissive. There just aren’t enough of them and they’re not of high enough quality to absorb all the desire I carry around with me.

In rereading this, I realize this post has been all over the place and is probably too long. Why anyone would want to read me kvetch about all this is beyond me, but it’s nice to have a place where I can do it.

10 Replies to “The big pathetic mess of a post”

  1. Hi,

    Do keep posting, it is interesting reading.

    With over three billion years of evolution’s prime directive of reproduce it’s not surprising that out witting mother nature is no easy feat and that you came. Not doing so, in the absence of faulty plumbing, would require not just superhuman but inhuman self control.

    A couple of thoughts occur to me, and probably have to you two too.

    The easy one is try a strap on.

    The harder is to reframe and redefine. Given the diversity of people who play with T&D and OC there is no one true way. That said, here it is. The erotic and sexual pleasure of the KH takes precedence over the OC of the chastised. 😉 Consider them forced orgasms, perhaps. Consider it a denial of your goal to achieve your target, this time; a reminder of who holds the key. OC means she also gets to say when you come, not just when you don’t. Etc. You need to find a way to eroticise it.

    Oh, I just thought of a third option. When she wants PIV let she could always first give you a ruined orgasm before followed by (further) foreplay and then PIV. It might help your self control, who knows.

    (IMHO) The beauty of any kink is that there are guaranteed to be failures, mistakes, misunderstandings and the occasional disaster. Dealing with these demands a high level of two way communication, of building and rebuilding trust, of learning each other. People who try kink without working on those are set for a spectacular implosion or melt down, but those who accept that such happen, and are going to happen, seem to do rather well.



    1. I will surely keep posting as I’m not sure I can stop now that I’ve started (though I think the relative interest value of each post could be a bit higher).

      Yes, damn that 3 billion years of evolution! Why can’t I have a simple little button somewhere that turns the involuntary orgasmic reflex off? How long do you suppose it’ll take to outwit 3 billions years of programming?

      Re: Your ideas.

      The strap on. Yes! I would do this in a second. I even brought it up to Belle last night, but she’s of the opinion that since I’ve mentioned it so many times here and with her that it’d really be more for my benefit than hers. I tend to disagree. I think it’d be for both our benefits as I really and truly want to primarily experience sexual release through her orgasms. Anything that makes those better, more intense, more pleasurable will make me happier. Yes, of course, the idea of using an inanimate object to replace my equipment is *highly* arousing to me, but that doesn’t mean my motives are totally selfish.

      Considering it a forced orgasm. I think that’s a terrific idea. In fact, the last one was borderline forced. I tried to keep going so that she could get her turn, but she stopped me. If she had only made me keep it up, I’m sure the entire experience would have been thoroughly ruined for me and therefore easier for me to deal with. As it was, I got my orgasm and she didn’t (at least, not the way she wanted it). In any event, eroticising the inevitable is probably the best path to take.

      With regard to communication, I totally agree. This is something we’ve learned the hard way, but learn it we have.

      I appreciate the thoughts, Michael.


  2. We struggle with this dynamic too, though we might try a numbing thing at some point since we do use condoms anyway. This morning, Jos was under orders to report to me once we were both awake so that I could supervise him having an orgasm so that he can fuck me properly later during our date.

    It really is hard to balance orgasm denial with getting fucked well 🙂 I think it’s best to err on the side of better fucking for your wife (but then I would think so).

    It’s possible that if you put the numbing cream on ahead of time, waited for it to kick in, and then wiped it off, it could work without a condom. Your wife probably isn’t getting the important part of her sensation from the bottom of her vagina where the sensitive part of your cock would rub. (I’m thinking you’d put the cream on the front under the head, not on the head itself, though obviously I don’t know how it all works for you.)

  3. Hi thumper.
    I can relate to everything you said in this post, totally. Especially the part about finding it hard to cope with unexpected orgasms. I would make two sugestions you might find helpful.

    If you are like me one of the reasons you don’t enjoy the unexpected orgasm is the sense that the excitement of the game is ending. Maybe even a slight fear that your newly kinky wife may not be as into it as you, may have cut it short becuase it doesnt matter to her much, may in fact not restart it etc. I say don’t worry. It took me years but I now know that after months of orgasms control the unexpected orgasm is not the end of anything. The horniness and good feelings come back very quickly. It’s a cumulative effect as the months pile on. Just enjoy.

    Secondly if you want to pleasure her with penetrative sex, get her to give you a spoiled orgasm first. I find that within 10 minutes of one of those I am able to get hard again, and fuck for ages even after weeks without an orgasm. What’s more they really really don’t satisfy at all. It’s actually rather cruel 🙂 the mental pressure is still there in spades. The physical pressure diminished slightly, but comes back quickly. In my mind it still counts as orgasm denials as it causes frustration, submissiveness. The feeling and waves still crash over me. In short it doesn’t Take away from the orgasm denial game, but allows me to fuck her properly. Bonus, my wife loves being mean like that, so it’s fun for her too.

    Let me know what you think.


  4. After discussing it with Belle, she thinks the ruined orgasm approach is the way we’re going to go next time. And, since I won’t be enjoying them or experiencing any real release, she’s not going to count them against my annual limit. Isn’t she a peach?

    Thanks for the suggestions, people! As usual, I totally appreciate it.

  5. Hmmmm. Thumper my friend don’t thank us yet. Spoilt orgasms are very hard to live with. You may regret it. See my latest post on cracking up…

    Have fun belle, frustrate him all you like 🙂


  6. The strap on idea is great, but I have a slightly different solution.

    First, I think that she is playing with you knowing how you will react. That is great.

    What all of you seem to ignore is the other sexual organ that you can use before or after you have orgasmed with or without her permission. She would still get hers, but you would have to provide the tongue, and everybody would be happy.

      1. And that’s pretty much Belle’s take on it. She likes it OK, but much prefers being fucked. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever known a woman who thought it was as good or better then good old fashioned penile penetration.

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