One reason

There seems to be a lot of never-ending web chatter asking and discussing why men like to be denied, locked-up, etc. I can’t answer for all men, obviously, though I’ve been thinking recently about what makes me like it and I think it might apply to many other men. For me, it’s above and beyond simply being a common ground where many of my kinks come together.

Belle and I have been married for eleven years. For the past several, leading up to my infidelity, we had what the textbooks refer to as a “sexless marriage”. We did have sex, but on average less than once a month. After my infidelity and the exploration of our relationship that immediately followed, our sex life picked back up. In fact, it was better than it had been at any point in our entire marriage. Then, we got kinky.

As I’ve said before, I “discovered” my denial kink late one night while surfing the web for sex toys. I stumbled upon a site that sold chastity devices and was off to the races. Prior to that, I knew little and hardly thought about chastity, denial, or D/s. Certain elements of those things kept coming up in the porn I liked, but the inclination to engage in them never coalesced into reality. Because we were in a very open and communicative mode, it wasn’t hard for me to show Belle what I wanted to experiment with and she, because she’s wonderful, agreed to try it all out.

What has become obvious to me now is that by engaging in that kind of play – by transferring to her total control over the most basic expression of my sexuality – I have, in effect, bound her to our sex life. We can never drift apart again since, for me, she is the only way I can get any kind of sexual relief. She cannot disengage because I will always be there, horny and desperate. In effect, my denial is like a little bell tied to a fishing line indicating even the smallest change in status.

It’s not as though this is the primary purpose of our arrangement. I found chastity and denial and immediately had a deep and visceral reaction to the idea. Never did the cause and effect of it flash though my mind or even enter my conscious thought until much later. In short, I am not using this to achieve the end of keeping her engaged with me sexually. That’s just a happy side effect.

So, as I’ve read more stories on teh interwebs from men who are desperate to get their vanilla wives to plug in to their domination and denial fantasies, I can’t help but wonder how many of them are doing so, consciously or not, in order to “trick” their wives into being more involved with their sex lives. I can’t imagine anyone going so far as to bring enforced physical chastity into their relationship unless it tripped one of several kinky triggers for them, but who knows?

The bottom line is, moving in the direction that Belle and I have places a tremendous load on the woman in the relationship. Especially if she’s not instinctually dominant or sadistic. Yes, there are a lot of benefits for her, but they come at a cost. And the man gets what most men want more than anything else: A partner intricately and permanently involved in a prolonged sexual adventure.

4 Replies to “One reason”

  1. I know I read that earlier post, but it must have dropped out of my brain, because this post surprised me all over again. i.e. You just stumbled across it as an adult? And found it hot? Really?

    I say that because I must subconsciously assume everyone into OD has been all their lives. Don’t know why I think that except that I have been, and I guess I can’t see why someone would be if their sexuality hadn’t basically formed around it.

    [See, I was first introduced to the concept of orgasm denial – among other things – through a book I read in my early teens. That T&D scene was, I think, the first thing I ever really found hot. (I think I imprinted on it or something.) I found male chastity devices a few years later because I specifically went googling for, “male chastity belt(s),” in an attempt to find something that would make long-term denial possible/easier. (I also thought I must be the only freak to have thought of that. Yeah, not so much.)]

    I can never wrap my head around the idea of learning about this kink later in life, because it’s never not been a kink of mine. Posts like this, they make me wonder if I wouldn’t be interested in it now if I hadn’t read that book. Or if I would, but it wouldn’t be as central an interest. Etc.

    LOL, sorry, this is all about me. What I’m trying to say is that other people’s perspectives on what they find hot about chastity and T&OD (especially if it’s not something they’ve always been into) always makes my brain sort of implode with all these thoughts regarding what this kink is about. So much to think about!

    And this has a lens I haven’t seen before, I don’t think. So I will be mulling over it.

  2. As I said, there were *elements* of T&D in the porn that most aroused me. Mostly to do with power exchange, bondage, inequity, etc. I would say the single most potent example of chastity/T&D I saw that first night was this video on Tickleberry. Never in my life had I imagined something like that would turn me on, but it did and does. I think all the pieces of this kink were there all along. The discovery of these devices just brought it all together.

    Based on my experience, I think you would have been drawn to T&D/chastity eventually. You just happened to get your shit together sooner than some of us. 😉

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