Elle, over on Kink Unleashed, seems to be wrestling with something I suspect my Belle also has issues with. Specifically, is it OK to use enforced chastity to make a man act more attentive, affectionate, etc.? Is that manipulative? Is it fair? Feel free to read her post for yourself, but that’s my take on what she was getting at. I left some comments over there that I’d like to expand and extend here.
Right up front I’ll say, yes, I think it’s fair. More than fair. Assuming the underlying relationship is good – that the chastity isn’t being used to “fix” something – and the D/s layer of the stack is humming along, then I say any weapon in the arsenal of the dominant is in play in order to provoke a certain response in the sub. I’d go so far as to say the submissive would welcome being “manipulated” by their dom in such a way. I don’t want Belle to feel any guilt for using whatever power she has over me to in order to make her life a little closer to what she wants or needs it to be. As a matter of fact, I like that kind of shit.
Secondly, Elle seems to suggest (and I know Belle has similar thoughts) that it shouldn’t be necessary to lock up a cock to make a man a better mate. Well, OK, but I think about it this way: Remember back at the beginning of the relationship when everything was new and the guy was super sweet and affectionate and yada yada and all the sex was awesome? From my perspective as a chastised man, all chastity does is recreate the emotional and hormonal atmosphere from those heady, intense days of discovery. No fucking kidding, I have always loved Belle and always will, but what I feel for her now is just as potent and amazing as what I felt when we first started seeing each other. Just as potent, and just as real. Chastising me and denying me and constantly keeping me on an ever-upward spiral of sexual frustration does not create feelings that don’t already exist within me, it amplifies and magnifies and feeds them back on themselves until they consume my mind – just like when I first met and fell in love with her.
And guess what? I like it! I want to feel that way about her. I want my heart to race and the meat between my legs to swell at the slightest of her touches. I want to linger on every kiss. I want the memory of her smell to cause me to daydream about that little spot under her hair, behind her ear, that I love to nibble on. I want to be waiting on her every need and looking for any way I can score points with her. And, I suspect, she likes that, too. As Elle said, what girl doesn’t want an attentive lover? There isn’t one little bit of that attentiveness that is in any way made less genuine just because it’s instigated by a chunk of polycarbonate locked onto a dude’s cock.
I could go on, but Belle’s told me she’d like me to clean the kitchen and make her coffee for the morning. After that, I know there’s a load of laundry downstairs that needs to be folded. Daylight’s wasting.