000667

I’m on my business trip. The one that will keep me from home for three days. Belle had previously said she wanted me locked up while I was away, but she neglected to specifically order me into the device this morning before she left. I seriously considered not putting it on for a while. It would be so much easier, I thought, to sit in a plane for a few hours and get up and speak in front of hundreds of people if I didn’t have a fucking plastic tube locked on me. Since she hadn’t said to put it on, maybe she had a change of heart.

travel2_export
Inmate 000667 in solitary confinement

I knew what she wanted, though. I also knew, considering my porn/masturbation habits while in bland corporate hotel rooms, that I’d minimally be edging myself pretty much nonstop. I also knew that eventually my hormone-addled brain would find a way to sabotage my best intentions and I’d find myself covered in hot, pungent spunk. So I put myself in the device and snapped plastic lock 000667 into place. You can see it there in my mug shot on the right if you want proof (kinda blurry since I took it with my phone).

The thing is, I’m pretty sure I’d have blown it already had I not been locked away. Belle allowed me to bring her to orgasm with the vibrator last night and then let me spend about 10 minutes beating off…I really, really wish I could be doing it again right now.

Before that, Belle and I talked about the “week off” we just went through. It was a full week off since, besides the three orgasms she let me have at the B&B, she also let me come inside her Saturday morning (which I didn’t really expect). Thing is, it wasn’t all that great of a week, from my perspective. Yeah, I liked the spurting, but I actually missed the feelings that come from being denied by Belle. I like the kind of mate I am when I don’t come (either by my own hand or while having sex with her). I’m not as attentive to her needs and my timely contributions to the housework suffers. I’m not an asshole or anything, but I can totally see how I’m different and I don’t really like it.

It’s interesting to me how simple it is to fuck with millions of years of evolutionary programming. My inclination, when having “normal” levels of sexual release, is to be more self-interested and less aware of her and her needs. In the past, my interest in courting her was directly related to how badly I wanted in her pants. But it was always fleeting. Once I got what I wanted, things would go back to normal which all too often meant she carried too much of the household load and my interest in TV was greater than my interest in her. I am not unique. I suspect that the vast majority of men are like I was. To reverse all that behavior, all it takes is to move control over my sexual release to her. That simple little thing, and I’m all about her all of the time, constantly looking for ways to make her happy, which in turn, makes me happy. Happier than I am when I can come whenever I want.

The change in me is so profound, I’m sure it leads her to question a few things (at least it raises questions for me). Like why should she have to do this to make me a better mate? After considering it for a while, I think all we’re doing is exploiting how the male brain works. We’re basically tricking my brain into engaging a prolonged and heightened “courtship mode” – not unlike how it was operating at the very beginning of our relationship – by withholding its ability to do the one thing reptilian male brains were programmed to do: spread the seed. So it’s still me, still my feelings about her at work, but amplified. At the end of the day, I don’t ever want Belle to feel guilty for denying me. I don’t want her to feel as though she’s being unfair or mean to me. As I said, I like how it feels. Perversely, the more she lets me pleasure her while I’m denied, the closer I get to her. If she let me fuck her to orgasm five times a week, I’d find it easier to drift away from her. That’s irony.

Personally, I think we’ve stumbled upon the secret to a happy relationship. I think everyone should be doing it.

12 thoughts on “000667

  1. I think… not all men are wired for denial. Reading a post like this one, and other stuff on the Internet, it’s easy to get carried away and think “Yeah! That’s how you get men to behave!”

    Sure, it works for you. And Boy Toy, too. But there’s plenty of guys I know that I just don’t think fit this mold. Just thinking about suggesting that they wear a chastity device is hilarious. Then again, maybe I simply don’t know them that way…

    What about you, do you think all the men you know would go for something like this? Try bringing it up sometime 😉

  2. OK, OK, no, not all men should do it. I meant “everyone should be doing it” in the same way zealots want everyone to go to church and get dunked or absolved or whatever it is people in churches do every Sunday morning when I’m trying to get Belle to let me get her off.

    That being said, I did not suggest all men try enforced chastity, only that they should try denial and female control of male sexual release. If I had any guy friends with which I had the type of relationship where open conversations about personal sexual practices was acceptable, damned bippy I’d be extolling the virtues of orgasm denial. In a sense, that’s what this blog is about.

    The question of whether of not all men would find the same satisfaction in this as I have is one I noodle on all the time. Is there something about me that’s abnormal (I mean, something else) and makes it possible for me to get off on not getting off or (as I really and truly suspect) would most (not all, most) men find their relationships deepened and their ultimate enjoyment of sexual activity greatly enhanced if they abstained from orgasm? I really think so.

    And yeah, I get turned on by the whole femdom thing, but really, I don’t think domination needs to be an ingredient. This all started for me when I gave Belle control over my sexual release. I don’t think that needs to be exercised as overtly Dom/sub in every relationship and my motivation for ceding that part of my existence to her was more an act of trust, love, and devotion than it was a submissive demonstration. Yes, it ultimately makes me feel submissive, but absent the constant charge of sexual energy that comes from denial, I don’t feel it.

    Now I’m rambling. To summarize, no, not everyone should be doing it, but yes, I think everyone should try it and, in fact, most people should be doing it. How’s that for clarification? 😉

  3. Everyone should be doing it? I have also had that thought, also generated by the same situation. But imagine the scenario: two or three guys sitting in a bar, viewing the eye candy that passes, and one says “jeez, I’m really horny ’cause my wife hasn’t let me come for weeks.” How would others react? They probably wouldn’t be too sympathetic, and the subby guy would probably end up feeling at least a little embarrassed.

    So, is it possible that we think most men would benefit from this situation simply because us submissives have trouble that it definitely suits US to be denied, while it may not be for every man?

  4. Sorry, missing verb. Should read:

    So, is it possible that we think most men would benefit from this situation simply because us submissives have trouble admitting that it definitely suits US to be denied, while it may not be for every man?

  5. Ross, that’s the core of the question I’m trying to answer myself. Is there something about me and you and lots of other guys that makes us susceptible to the effects of denial where other men wouldn’t be *or* are we only different than other men because our mental wiring allows us to be open to the idea and, in fact, would most men also find the same joy we do in the practice if only they’d give it a try? I think the latter, though I’ll never know for sure. IMO, it’s not necessary to be submissively inclined to channel the positive effects of denial, though being so makes it easier to start the program.

  6. I think you need to be careful with your argument above because you’re slipping down a slippery slope. There are two arguments you’re making that I think many gender advocates might question you for.

    “I’m a better husband when my wife locks me up”
    Why do you need to be locked up to be a better husband? You say it’s maybe cause you’re wired that way.. But in some sense… shouldn’t you try to be a good husband regardless if submission or chastity comes into the question? Why do you need to feel dominated over to do the laundry that your wife needs done on a regular basis? The laundry needs to get done regardless if you feel submissive or not. What is scary is it seems like you’re putting the responsibility of the laundry on your wife on whether she denies your sexuality or not…

    “If I’m wired this way.. maybe other men are wired this way.”
    You did mention in your comments not “all” men are wired this way. I think you’ve capitalized that not all men are submissive. But if you remove the kink element… why should the responsibility of men being better husbands be on women?

  7. There are two arguments you’re making that I think many gender advocates might question you for.

    With regard to gender issues, I’m a pragmatist. What differences should or should not exist and what is demonstrably true are two different things. We are the way we are based on lots of evolutionary preprogramming and there’s nothing modern views of gender can do to change that.

    …shouldn’t you try to be a good husband regardless if submission or chastity comes into the question?

    Sure, and I do. In the greater scheme of things, I’d say the undenied version of me is a pretty good husband and mate who shares many faults not uncommon for others of my gender. I feel the denied version is better, that’s all.

    Why do you need to feel dominated over to do the laundry that your wife needs done on a regular basis? The laundry needs to get done regardless if you feel submissive or not.

    I do not “need” to be dominated to do extra housework. Before she denied me, I did a portion of the laundry (not 50%, but when I noticed it, I did it). I admit to hardly ever doing the dishes or preparing the evening meals, but that cuts both ways. She took the lead in those areas and hardly ever asked for assistance. The difference is, when I’m denied, I want to do all of that for her and more. I start to seek out ways I can make her life easier far in excess of what I think a “normal” husband would. It’s not like the sexually satisfied Thumper just sits in his recliner watching professional sports all weekend scratching himself and asking Belle to bring him another beer.

    What is scary is it seems like you’re putting the responsibility of the laundry on your wife on whether she denies your sexuality or not…

    Scary? No, Rwanda is scary. “President Dick Cheney” is scary. The laundry is far, far from scary (even my son’s).

    That being said, it is something she hates to do. I have told her I want to do it all, all of the time. I assume she will not be denying me 100% of the time (the past week demonstrates that) or that I will feel like doing it all of the time, but I will still be signed up to do the laundry all of the time. So no, in fact, my doing it is not her responsibility at all. I’m more attentive to do it and enjoy it more when she’s actively denying me, but that’s about all.

    …why should the responsibility of men being better husbands be on women?

    Because men and women often form bonded relationships involving all kinds of give and take. It is our responsibility to each other to do what we can to make one another happy. The kind of dynamic I advocate is one where both parties receive multiple layers of satisfaction (when it works, anyway). You make it sound like this is all about me when, in fact, it’s about both of us. I talk about it from my POV since that’s the only one I really know about, but that doesn’t mean she’s being held hostage to my kinks and desires. I don’t expect her to do anything she’s uncomfortable with or that is unfair to her, but I do expect (as she should of me) that she’ll do anything else (within reason) that enhances our relationship.

    Also, you seem to think it’s all peaches and cream for me, the lucky recipient. In reality, I’ve found the path to living this way to be twisted and rocky. There are significant emotional hazards involved for the man. When it’s working, it’s awesome, but when it’s not, it can be hell. There are even times when it’s working that are hell.

    Bottom line is, I’m absolutely sure I’m stepping in heaping piles of gender stereotype in what I write here, but I don’t care. Like I said above, I’m not trying to play on the “right” side of gender issues. I really don’t care about that. Someone else can make those arguments better than I. All I do know and care about is what’s happening between Belle and myself and in my own head.

  8. Gee, you’re almost making me want to experiment. Suggest chastity devices to random men and watch for their reactions once they understand what it means. 😀

  9. I think all of these little temporary locks should be numbered “007”.

    This post sure got a lot of attention. Have you ever had double-digit comments?

    I don’t really have to DO a lot to make you a “better mate”. All I DO is overtly lock you in a cage or subversively control how you access me. You were a reasonably decent mate already (although I think you’re giving yourself too much kudos for the pre-chastity laundry contribution 🙂 ). But, all in all, this has made a better connection for us.

    And I’m not sure I can buy the gender argument posited above. It seems to imply a “good for goodness sake” sort of POV that I’m not sure is a true motivating factor, and doesn’t seem to me to be tied to gender. Denial provides you with an energy edge that could be either constructive or destructive. We happen to be channeling that energy to something constructive for us–e.g. domestic labor division. It’s simply the proverbial carrot on the stick that gets both of us what we want.

    If we look at Ayn Rand……”Rand also thought that physiological differences between the sexes led to fundamental psychological differences that were the source of legitimate gender roles, revolving around the man’s initiatory role in the sex act. Rand denied endorsing any kind of power-difference between men and women, stating that man’s “metaphysical dominance” in sexual relations refers to the man’s role as the prime mover in sex and the necessity of male arousal for sex to occur. According to Rand, “For a woman qua woman, the essence of femininity is hero-worship—the desire to look up to man.”Rand believed that sex in its highest form is a physical response to intellectual and spiritual values, a means of giving concrete, physical expression to values that could otherwise only be experienced in the abstract.”

    AI’d say any of you men allowing your natural, evolutionary tendencies to be controlled by a woman could be viewed as quite modern, not to mention that fact that it gets you something you like in return.

  10. Holy shit, she quoted Ayn-fucking-Rand! *squeal*

    God, I love you.

    (although I think you’re giving yourself too much kudos for the pre-chastity laundry contribution 🙂 )

    I said it was less than 50%! That’s entirely true.

    xo

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