Seperate and unequal

There is a definite correlation between my sexual frustration and level of energy I’m able to put into the blog. More frustration equals more blogging. The more she lets me come, the less I have to say here.

So, since I’m here, I must be frustrated, right? In fact, Belle hasn’t let me come in about a week and on Sunday she put me back on the CB-6000. Then she took off to New York until Friday. So yeah, I’m getting there.

In fact, she let me come three or four times in the period around Memorial Day, but none of the orgasms were especially good for me. Either I was fighting them to allow her to come first or I was wearing my shiny new chrome cock ring which, it turns out, is tight enough that it restricts the flow of the ejaculation in an uncomfortable way. It’s dead sexy and makes the cock harder than it would normally be, but the spunk doesn’t fly as much as it kinda oozes after slamming into the hard metal’s constriction. It’s better than a ruined orgasm since I do get a portion of the emotional release, but it’s far less enjoyable.

As usual, I’ve found myself in a bit of a post-denial funk that sets in after she’s let me come a few times. I’m curious to know if this is primarily a mental thing or if it’s due to the release of all the hormones that’ve built-up during the denial. Whatever the cause, I am happier, more energized, and more connected to her when I’m not achieving orgasm. I don’t remember if I wrote this already (or just thought about writing it), but I’d like to figure out a way to maintain and level out these feelings. Since one orgasm after two to three weeks without usually doesn’t totally satisfy my cravings, I’d like her to try limiting me to a single spurt next time she lets me. Yeah, I get so fucking horny, but at the same time, I like it. The lows suck, but the highs are fantastic.

I’ve also been thinking about how she lets me come. I’m really pleased that she’s recently started to use the cock to get off, even when I’m not going to come (and even when I’m otherwise locked-up), but when she eventually does let me come, she always lets me do it inside her. This is, of course, entirely her prerogative, but in thinking about it, it does elevate my orgasm to the same level as hers since they happen at about the same time, in the same way, and look a lot like lovemaking. I do want to make love to her, but my sexual satisfaction is totally unrelated to that act. In fact, we make love at least a couple of times a week, but I only come about every tenth time. So, when she lets me come inside her, it kinda punctures the idea that my sexual release is less important than hers. Coming inside her during the act of making love knocks me out of my sub headspace.

There was one time where she let me fuck her and come, but she kept her breasts covered, didn’t come herself, didn’t let me pay attention to her in any way, and kept the lights on the whole time. It was less like lovemaking and more like maintenance. That time, I stayed in my headspace. In fact, coming like that put me deeper into it. I wasn’t being treated like a sexual equal and we weren’t sharing an emotional experience, she was just managing me. Also, in that case, she didn’t follow it up with more orgasms in the coming days. It was a single spike of sensation. In short, it was awesome.

So, to sum up what I’m saying, I’d like her to keep me to a single orgasm per release. Really make it an event. Also, I’d like my orgasms to be seperate and unequal to hers. Yes, I fully admit that this might strike some as topping from the bottom, but try to remember that Belle and I are still new at this whole Dom/sub thang. I need to give her feedback, right? She’s not coming to this dynamic with tons of experience (nor, for that matter, am I).

6 Replies to “Seperate and unequal”

  1. “I was wearing my shiny new chrome cock ring…”

    [Audience member suddenly stops, mid-gouge in popcorn bucket, and asks partner….]

    Wha…wow..waity there. Who’s this new shiny character? Did I miss this addition? Whatideesay? What the..?

    [People in the row ahead now turn, stare and loudly Shh]

  2. Oh thumper, that is a gorgeous post. I agree it can be tricky sometimes managing the headspace in sex.

    What I wanted to say was Yes, you should talk to your Belle and let her know what’s going on. Giving feedback and developing the relationship is not “topping from the bottom” as some criticise.

    I let my sub cum occasionally. Usually he is ordered to cum on my body and then lick it all off, or he has to lick the dildo if I’ve been pleasing myself. Now we’re going to have a whole long conversation about the whole thing. Thanks. 😀

  3. Oh, may I add briefly to that? It’s a curious bit of trivia that the Kama Sutra and Tantric sex recommend sex without cumming as a way of preserving your personal Kundalini energy. It’s a way of having creative energy available for other stuff… What you said about writing when you’ve been denied reminded me of that ancient Vedic practise.

  4. MH, thanks for the kind comments and encouragement. I often find it hard to say to her what I want or what works or doesn’t because, A) I’m in headspace and being all subbie and blah blah blah, and/or B) I don’t want to discourage her from trying new things. I totally get how that’s screwed up and thank god for this blog because it’s where I get to collect myself and “say” the things I need to say.

    Regarding the method with which you have your boy “clean up” after he comes, I have to say I find that super hot. Not so much the licking up of the come (which, really, all by itself is hot), but the idea that he knows each and every time he shoots he’s going to have to do something that, once he’s shot, he probably really doesn’t want to do. It sets up a delicious dilemma where he badly wants to come but might just as badly not want to deal with the aftermath. That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about in this post. You get to come and bask and glow and all that while he has to perform a very subservient act immediately afterward that removes the basking, glowing, etc., from his menu.

    I probably should read more about Tantric sex. I notice a marked increase in my ability and need to create here when I’m deep in denial. The hard part is to use that energy in a way not focused on sex.

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