Real life

A reader calling themselves gasmaskpipe (there has got to be a story behind that one) left the following comment to my post Ramifications:

Erm, sorry, but the bit where you say “but no orgasmic participation!? For nearly a week? Man. It’s not like I killed a guy. That’s harsh” left me feeling that you don’t really appreciate just how lucky you are to have a woman who is not only controlling your sexual activity, but also modifying it in a way most of us only dream about. Stop moaning and start appreciating what you have. I’m sorry if this message seems harsh, but you need telling!

Now, I’m not trying to single out gasmaskpipe for a whippin’ (for all I know, they’re not even into that kind of thing), but the more I thought about it, and especially after Dev’s comment in reply, it’s occurred to me that I had something more to say on the matter.

This blog is about my real life, not some porn fantasy femdom cartoon1. There are so many blogs not totally unlike mine out there and very many of them are very much alike. However, I like to think the thing that sets mine apart (and a couple of others) is that I’m not writing about some paradigmatic male submissive relationship. I am not a stereotype. I am a man in a relationship with a woman and we’re stumbling along as best we can down a path neither of us knew was in our future. I think the measure of success we’ve had up to this point is because we are traveling our path, not the subculture’s definition of one. That means, on occasion, I’m going to come here and sound a little whiny or a little ungrateful or a little sad. It means I’m going to write about decidedly unsexy stuff like marital infidelity. And yeah, it means I’m not going to strike the expected tone of others chronicling their version of the standard femdom tripe.

I reread that paragraph and realize I come off sounding angry or bitter or something. I’m really not. The bottom line is, I haven’t the slightest idea what I’m doing2. Belle and I are trying to strike a mutually enjoyable sex life and, I think, succeeding more often than not. Sometimes, that’ll lead me to recount incredibly sexy scenes (at least, incredibly sexy as far as I’m concerned). But not always. And certainly not always according to your expectations.

Getting back to GMP’s original point, yes, I count myself incredibly lucky. I’ve said as much here many times. I am really nothing more than yet another dime-a-dozen man who’s uncovered a submissive side in the midst of an otherwise vanilla marriage who, unlike so many others, has had the great fortune to be married to a woman willing to indulge my needs. I tell her all the time how happy she makes me and how lucky I am and how this is the most excited and most engaged and most happy with my sex life I have ever been. And it’s all thanks to her. God, I love her for it.

So did I whine? Sure. Am I ungrateful? Never. Not even for a second.

1 Well, at least portions of my real life. I spare you the tedium of hearing about my work, political leanings, and child-rearing adventures.

2 And neither, it seems, do some of my favorite bloggers on the subject – which may help explain my attraction to them.

7 thoughts on “Real life

  1. However, I like to think the thing that sets mine apart (and a couple of others) is that I’m not writing about some paradigmatic male submissive relationship. I am not a stereotype.

    Wait, what?
    Crap. Guess I’ll have to drop you from my blogroll and go look for something more, um, you know, less real.

  2. “I am really nothing more than yet another dime-a-dozen man who’s uncovered a submissive side in the midst of an otherwise vanilla marriage who, unlike so many others, has had the great fortune to be married to a woman willing to indulge my needs.”

    Actually, you’re all that, AND you write about it very well. Here’s to you, have a good weekend.

  3. Ohmygosh, I did not even know ‘paradigmatic’ was a word. !!! Vocabulary day!

    I concur that it is possible to whine and be grateful at the same time. 🙂

  4. I agree with ranat. It is possible to whine and be grateful at the same time.

    But for the record, I just read your previous post and I don’t know, I don’t think I would have called it whining at all. I sorta saw it as “I’m pretend-whining, but oh god I love what Belle does to me”. I didn’t read the comments, so when I read this post I was surprised to learn of what gasmaskpipe had said. Maybe this person was a first time reader?

    1. “I’m pretend-whining, but oh god I love what Belle does to me”

      It was about 80% pretend whining, 20% actual whining. I *do* think the punishment greatly exceeded the crime, but am not complaining that I was punished. Being punished is hot.

      In actual practice, she’s waffled somewhat on carrying out my punishment. No, I haven’t been allowed to participate in any of her orgasms, but she also hasn’t *wanted* any since we got to the cabin. Also, she has inflicted some very nice teasing and pain on me.

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