People like me

I’m fortunate enough to work in an office where I get to bring my dog with me just about every day. He’s a little terrier-type creature who’s become quite attached to me – much more so than any of my previous dogs. Besides him, there’s a rotating cast of other dogs who come to the office including a Pomeranian mix female who apparently has a bit of a dominant slant to her. She not only wants all the other dogs to think she’s in charge (even though some of them are five times her size), she likes to mount my dog. As if she had a dick. She humps his little white ass with great abandon. And, of course, he likes it. She’s got this crazy, hell-bent-for-leather look on her face as her tongue lolls out of her head and she pumps away with her air cock while my guy actually seems to try to make it easier for her and shows no sign whatsoever of being the slightest put-off by the humping. You can’t make shit like this up.¹

But that’s not the point of this post. The point of this post is to mention a great meeting of kinky sex bloggers than took place a few weeks back while I was driving across country. Along the way, I was able to meet Dev and Jos for breakfast. It was exciting on multiple levels.

First, Dev’s blog is among my favorites in the world of kinky blogs written by females. Her writing is lucid, eminently readable, more than a little hot, and describes two real, honest to god people. Personally, I like a little self-doubt and introspective exploration mixed with my hotnsexy.

Second, you know, I was going to see two virtual strangers I met on the internet (which, according to NBC’s Dateline, is a Really Bad thing to do) through, of all places, their perverted kinky sex blogs. How many times a week does the average guy get to do that?² They could have been weird. She could have led him into the Village Inn on a leash or something and made him eat from a dish on the ground. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your perspective), they were nothing like that. They were perfectly normal, very pleasant people. I greatly enjoyed my time with them (short and surrounded by regular people as it was).

Third, and the real point of this post, is that it was great just having actual, in the flesh people to talk to (however briefly) about this Really Huge Thing that’s emerged from inside me over the course of the past nine months or so. Acknowledging, embracing, and even cultivating my kinky underbelly is, I think, as significant a personal development as if I realized I was homosexual.³ Having the blog to vent my spleen into and a terrific partner like Belle is, of course, very helpful and comforting, but I don’t have anyone to actually talk to about what I feel who will understand where I’m coming from. I have no peers. When I was developing my sexuality as a young person, I had friends who were in the same boat. As a “normal” adult male, I still do. These types of relationships help us tease out who we are and make connections about ourselves (though, of course, two 12-year-old boys would never admit that was the case). But I’m not young anymore and I’m not normal. I’m a kinky son of a bitch. I didn’t figure all this out when I was 20 so I don’t have that kind of a legacy peer group. All I really have are the other bloggers I read regularly, and that’s not really the same, is it?

I have, on several occasions, felt the need to just blurt it out to a friend or two. I’m the kind of guy who has few good friends rather than many superficial ones, so the pool of prospective confidees is pretty slim. And, of course, as far as I know, none of them are in any way kinky. So I’ve never done it. On the one hand, who the hell wants to hear about the deepest corners of their friend’s sexual desires? Well, besides you and me. Most people don’t. On the other, what would I talk to them about? If they’re not coming from a shared experience, all they could do was hear me talk about myself. Not entirely without value, but also not like an actual exchange of information.

So anyway, I crave this. I know I could seek out local groups, and I suppose that’ll be what I eventually do if I really, really feel the need, but that’s fraught with peril for someone like me who’s basically introverted (blog detailing every aspect of my sex life aside). I really don’t know how to end this except to just call it what it is. A craving for physical contact with others like me.

—

¹ So, if you’ve been reading this blog trying to figure out if I, in real life, am the guy you think I am – busted. You got me. ↩

² I mean the average guy who doesn’t also happen to be a Republican congressman from a conservative Southern state. Those guys do that kind of stuff all the time. ↩

³ Which I’m not. I only use it to illustrate my point. Not there’s anything wrong with that… ↩