Transcript of an instant message conversation in which Dev helps Thumper figure some shit out. After-the-fact commentary in italics.
Dev: I read your post. It was more positive than how you described it yesterday, which must be a good sign.
Thumper: i have two other bile-filled ones I never finished
Dev: I have an only semi-related question for you, or two questions really: (1) Are you able to cry? and (2) How does Belle respond if you do?
Thumper: (1) I can and have, but not in a while. (2) Hmm. Usually by trying to comfort me. Fix what I’m crying about.
Thumper: Last time i cried it was about feeling weird and guilty and like a freak for bringing kink to my marriage
Dev: right, maybe you blogged about that, it sounds vaguely familiar
Thumper: i think i did
Thumper: that was it
Thumper: there was lots of crying around the time i told her about the affair
Dev: She should have apologized about falling asleep. Definitely.
Thumper: she eventually did, but in that pissy “i’m only doing this to shut you up” kind of way
Dev: But (IMO) she is right that you should stop pushing the dildo thing. Like, a while back already. (Sorry. Please don’t hate me.)
Thumper: actually, when she finally put it that way, it really turned me on
Thumper: if only she had let it lie
Thumper: “pushing the dildo”
Dev: btw, when Jos and I fuck, and I get to the point where I want to come (which I can’t from just fucking) or I am tired of him stopping (so as not to come) then I stop him and I use my vibrator while he fucks me with his fingers. Fingers work much better than a dildo for me personally
Thumper: “pushing the dildo” would be a good name for a blog
Thumper: belle’s unusual in that she can come solely from fucking. i don’t need to stimulate her clit to make her come.
Thumper: i only know that’s unusual since i listen to dan savage’s podcast
Thumper: the difference between you and she is also that she *does not care* that I need to stop. she won’t let me.
Thumper: i think it’s one of the reasons she moved to the top recently
Thumper: so i can’t stop
Thumper: that *sounds* hot (Yes, it does!)
Thumper: but it isn’t
Thumper: not really (Yes, it is.)
Thumper: i obsess. (Jesus, lighten up!)
Thumper: during the fight night, she said she was “letting” me come in those situations
Thumper: when, in fact, i did not want to.
Thumper: she was actually “making” me come
Thumper: seriously against my will
Thumper: which, again, could be hot (No shit!)
Thumper: if played the right way (Ding ding ding!!)
Dev: Sounds more like she is making you lie there and get fucked regardless of whether you come or not. Which is also hot.
Thumper: that’s it
Thumper: if i don’t come, good for me. if I do, so be it. suffer the consequences.
Thumper: maybe i’m looking at this the wrong way… (Ya think?)
Thumper: cause right now, it sounds pretty good (Oh, yeah it does.)
Dev: I think there are ways she could put this to you that are very hot, but she’s not likely to find them and you don’t want to do too much coaching. If you can find it in yourself to translate for her to yourself, it would work
Thumper: god, that’s smart
Thumper: that’s it exactly
Dev: I only really “got” the right words to say to Jos after he said them to me when we were switched, and it was so fucking hot that now I understand it deeply and can carry out my side of it better than ever before
Thumper: in fact, there’s so much i need to “translate” within myself
Dev: but I don’t think you’re going to switch with her so I don’t think she’s going to get it that way, if she even could, which is doubtful
Thumper: nope, she’ll never switch
Dev: but it’s clear that she just wants to fuck you and get her pleasure from fucking you without having to have a bunch of angst over whether she’s allowed to do stuff that (incidentally) makes you come
Thumper: that’s right. she could have said that
Dev: and that is a totally cool thing to want (IMO as a non-participant in your relationship)
Thumper: the denial is fine until it gets in her way
Dev: She CAN’T say that because for you it would imply that she doesn’t care whether you come or not and you can’t handle that
Thumper: she once said she didn’t care and that was bad. but, if it was just another form or torment…
Thumper: of testing me
Thumper: and punishing me if i failed (I think he’s starting to get it…)
Thumper: god, that would be cool
Dev: …which is how she handled it last time
Dev: now, it would be better if she would just beat you for your failure rather than doing the sort of “no sex, no touching” thing, but she’d have to be comfortable with that
Thumper: icy hot
Thumper: she already knows that’s close to my limit
Thumper: at least the way she applied it last time
Thumper: fuck, that hurt
Dev: And if it was right after you came it wouldn’t be sexy either, until later
Thumper: god no
Thumper: *or* she could make me clean it out of her. that’d totally do it for me
Thumper: without the pain, too…
Dev: But she might not feel like it, after coming herself. I don’t know what she’s like.
Thumper: oh, yeah
Dev: and that sounds more like a treat than a punishment
Dev: to me
Thumper: it helps that you’re a female
Thumper: here’s a crazy idea. would you mind if i copied this exchange, removed the real names, and posted it?
Dev: Not at all