Here’s a post that starts on the other end of the day.
Belle usually wakes up kinda early. Five-thirty, or thereabouts, and once up, she immediately gets on her computer and starts clickity-clacking. I’ve trained myself to fall back asleep after her alarm (and first snooze, and second snooze, and third snooze) goes off, usually by snuggling up against her while she replies to all the email she’s picked up overnight.
This morning was a little different. For whatever reason, I woke up and didn’t find her sitting up with her laptop. Even in my groggy state, I realized it was a rare opportunity for some mid-week morning snuggle time and wrapped myself around her (of course, in a way that respected her personage and all that).
She laid there, stroking my head, and said, “Thanks for putting me in charge, Thumpie.” Just like that. Thanks for putting me in charge. I hadn’t said boo to her up to that point. It was entirely unsolicited.
I was dealing with the typical morning chastity tube issues, but upon hearing these words, my issues were suddenly bigger (or trying to be). Besides the physical reaction, I felt a surge of warm excitement fill my chest. I embraced her harder, kissed her, then pressed my face into her. She made me very happy.
Minutes later, she was up and the clickity-clack had started. I had rolled off and was laying next to her on my back, tenting out the covers regardless of the plastic contraption. I was thinking of getting out of bed, but before I did, she placed her foot on my left hip and burrowed her toes into the space between my inner thigh and nuts. And she just left it there. On the one hand, it was just her foot – nothing special. On the other hand, I’m more than three weeks denied, so any contact with my nakedness is cause for attention. Also, I felt pinned. I’m quite sure I was projecting into her action, but to me and the nice buzzy headspace which her earlier comment had created, it felt like a very possessive, almost aggressive move. Of course I wasn’t physically pinned by her, but mentally – emotionally – I felt as though she was directing me to stay where I was. So I did.
—
The previous evening, she related an exchange she had with a couple of female coworkers. One of them had been complaining that she resorted to giving herself pedicures and was unhappy with the result.
“You should make your husband paint your nails,” Belle suggested.
She then told them that she did, in fact, have her husband paint her nails. The one with the ugly toenails said she would have her husband paint them, to which Belle responded, “You might find it turns you on.”
Zing!
I have to admit, the first thing to go through my mind when she related this to me was concern that they’d get the wrong idea and think I was [fill in your choice of submissive male negative stereotypes], but then decided I like that fact that I had given her something to brag about in front of her friends. Who cares what they think? They probably think she’s lucky. I hope she feels that way, too.
—
Dev’s recent post about her potentially doing things in bed more for the benefit of her partners rather than herself touches on something I find myself worrying about with Belle. Specifically, that she has done so much to help me make several of my sexual fantasies a reality and I have done basically nothing to help her achieve hers.
Which is not to say I haven’t tried. I asked her a little while back (about the time I wrote about how her having a boyfriend would turn me on) what her fantasies were. What’s the craziest thing she’s ever wanted to do because I want to help her do it.
Something vaguely about another woman. Nothing specific. Not like, I want to fuck a girl. No, it was just kinda sorta a fuzzy thing about another girl. Maybe kissing one. Not actually doing anything. Just…a girl. She had to pick the one thing I couldn’t do for her since, you know, I’m a boy.
It’s hard for me relate since my fantasies are so very specific (“No, this goes there, that goes over there, and then you do this with it, unless it’s Tuesday, in which case…”). I don’t vaguely do anything in my fantasies. Mine are epic Ben Hur-like productions with extras and period costume and herd animals and massive sets.
So anyway, I know that Belle’s getting lots of great orgasms and everything but I want to fulfill her not just physically, but also mentally. I want her to live her imaginary fuck. But, you know…it’s just this girl.
—
I’m getting my hair cut this afternoon when my guy (who, of course, is gay) and I overhear someone else and their client talking about a new tattoo the client got and we both look trying to get a peek but we can’t see anything (which is unfortunate). Then he asks me if I have any tattoos.
“Not yet,” I reply. Belle’s already told me she wants me to get the thing she drew on my ass tattooed there, but I haven’t done anything about it. Not that I’m opposed, I just haven’t gotten around to it. In any event, he’s kind of surprised by this. That I would get a tattoo.
So I tell him I’d be more than happy to modify my body more than I have, but my job kinda makes that difficult (since I’m often trying to talk relatively conservative people into give me large sums of money). Then he tells me that the other guy with the tatted-up client has a boyfriend who’s thinking of getting a piercing.
“You know,” he says, “down there,” motioning with his scissors toward his navel.
“What kind?” I ask innocently.
“The kind that goes through the you know…”
“A Prince Albert?”
“Yes!” he hisses.
Maybe I’m jaded since I come here and frankly discuss dicks and pussies and physical beatings and all kinds of raunchy kinky shit, but I suddenly found it incredibly funny that I was having a conversation with this grown up gay man in which he couldn’t bring himself to use real words to talk about cocks. Also, I had to make a choice. I, of course, know a whole lot about being pierced down there. Should I spill the beans? I mean, if you can’t talk to your gay hair stylist about your genital piercing, who can you talk to about it?
So, as he was wrinkling up his nose at the prospect of not having sex for a whole month after you get it done, I dropped it on him.
“What?” he said, as though he hadn’t heard me.
“I have one of those. A Prince Albert.”
“WHAT!?!” he exclaimed, blushing deeply. It was hilarious.
Then, of course, the questions came pouring out. How much did it hurt, does it make sex better, what’s it like peeing, did I do it before or after having children, etc., etc. He also wanted to know if you got hard during the piercing. I told him getting hard was the last thing that was gonna happen during the event.
In retrospect, this was quite clearly the longest conversation I’ve ever had about penises (mostly the one on me) with a man I had never and would never have sex with.
LOL at the barbershop conversation.
I often find myself in conversations in which very conservative people are talking about things in hushed whispers. I like to let them build up a good head of steam before I jump in and educate them a little bit. Even better are the inevitable questions as to how I would know about those kinds of things.
People are funny.
Oh, and ease up on Belle’s fantasies. like many women, she probably hasn’t spent nearly as much time as you imagining and honing such things.
Interestingly, Mrs. Edge never seems to have any, either. She claims it’s because she has too much to do with work, the house, the kids, etc. Apparently I’m a jobless bum, but I’ve learned to roll with it.
Strange, about the fantasies. I don’t really have much of them either, and Boy Toy can be very imaginative and specific in his. Maybe a guy-girl thing?
Love those kinds of situations too, but I do try to be careful, especially at work. I was telling a co-worker just the other day how expensive latex clothing is. I wonder what she was thinking.
Oh, and I must have the only non-gay male hairdresser in the world. It’s a wonder I even let him touch my hair 😛
My fantasies are pretty specific but would be hard for Jos to implement. For one thing, I’m always the bottom. And it’s always more than one man. And I don’t usually see them. I’m in a facility. etc.
Thumper, my & my wife’s sexual fantasies are just about exactly like you and your wife’s. About as much as she can express is “a girl”, much like your Belle.
Well, it certainly is a lot of fun when somebody who thinks you are straight as a die is disabused of the notion. I do so like corrupting people, never tire of it!!!
Sandy didnt used to have fantasies either. After years of me whispering filth in her ear during sex though it now comes naturally. Its not something she thinks about in a guy way though, only once she is having sex. Its rare that she thinks of something she ‘wants’ to try but loves the things she has tried. Thats not ideal, but nothing is perfect. We are (as I know you know) very lucky that our women are able to meet our needs given they didnt start off wired that way.
I don’t want to overstate the Belle fantasy thing. I’m certainly not obsessing over it (it took me weeks to even around to writing about it). I get that the chicks are wired differently than the dudes. I’m totally cool with that. All I was *hoping* to do was provide her with a little taste of what she’s provided me. If she works differently, then I can roll with that, too.
No kidding! I’m sure I set off his gaydar but I’m married, etc., so I’m sure I’m a bit a mystery to him anyway. Now I’m a mystery with a pierced dick. Next time I go in there, I assume the entire place will know about it. He’s a bit of a talker.
Oh I know mate, i realise its not a complaint or anything. I had the same problem, wanted to ‘please’ her the way I had been pleased.
Gay men are such fun to tease. Brings out the flirt in me. Bit mean since I have little interest in taking it further, but after being cock-teased for years by women I have realised its fun!
Aside from being interesting, provocative, and funny, your post gave me a thrill because of the name that you partner used, “Thumpie”. That is so sweet!
The first person to call me Thumpie was Tom Allen. I try not to get creeped out by that…
It’s the damned over-familiarity of teh intertubes.
That is funny.
Oh, well. Here goes, but only as an example of female fantasies. In my fantasies I’m usually a man and very often it’s incestious or with a minor or just forced. And very, vey often it’s gaysex. So. It’s not that I haven’t told my Wonderboy about these but I think my spesific fantasy scenarios aren’t really something I want to experience, know what I mean? 😉 And it’s kind of incriminating to tell fantasies like that. (Whaaat, you want what?!) So I relate.
And since I’m reading your blog through from the start and feel the pressure to comment on everything, I created a profile for this too because I don’t have a blog of my own. Yet. But hey, who needs another self-centered and self-questioning – maybe just a little too arrogant – submissive’s blog, right?
Well, how about role-play? No, you can’t easily change your gender nor obviously mess around with minors, but you can *pretend*. And yeah, it is incriminating to tell your partner your fantasies. In a way, this whole blog was born from my inability to do that with Belle for so many years. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, though. You might be surprised by what you hear back.
I LOVE it when people read our whole sorted story from beginning to present and especially like it when they comment on the old and crusties. And personally, I think we need more arrogant submissive blogs. Hooray for pushy subs!
Oh, I love role-play! (And pushy subs! Yay for us!) I’m comfortable being a woman, and I wouldn’t want to role-play being a man (all fantasies I guess are not to be acted out), but it does turn me on to think of pegging and such. Which might be funny ’cause I’m supposed to be the submissive but as you and Bitchy and Maymay have shown – people are different and nothing is intrisicly submissive. It’s how you play it.
We already play a lot with forced or drugged minor (happy me!) and the bad boy who just wants to get off so the element are all there. And I hope to venture farther, yes, but it’s not just me and we have already crossed lines I never thought I would.
But I really appreciate you putting all your uncertainty on display here. I can’t understand what it feels like to discover all this about yourself at this point of your life: I’m turning 30 and still feel ashamed and bewildred that *I didn’t know* until now. Reading your blog has opened my eyes regarding many things in my life I want and never knew… And now I’m in your footsteps asking for a little pain before we start making out – or for a little biting and slapping while we do it. It was all fun and games when he was the one calling the shots, but now, when I have to ask for it (it being something new and kinda wierd) I just want to hide my hideous freakiness in the bathroom and never go out again. Unless he likes it too.
The thing you said somewhere that Belle might not *enjoy* inflicting pain but she does enjoy you reactions. Well, the same goes with Wonderboy. He only really enjoys powerplay (if that’s even the term for it) but he really loves it when I go limp with lust from just a few decent slaps on my face. So sometimes you don’t have to feel bad ’cause enjoyment flows both ways.
Ps. I thought I was being a pain in the ass for commenting on everything (and I even had to restrain myself, pun intended). Are you sure your LOVing the comments didn’t have anything to do with the comment I left on your HNThumper? ;D
You said how you love people reading your blog from start to finish and commenting on the old posts, so I finally stopped trying to talk myself out of commenting on every. single. post. and decided to just comment already.
the short of it: I was reading maymay’s blog (but have no idea how to give him a trackback … sorry) and he mentined yours, and so now I am reading your blog, and have added tom, and bitchy’s and dev’s to the “to read” list …
I can’t keep myself from commenting anymore. I started from the beginning of your blog last night, and have gotten this far because I JUST. CAN’T. STOP. First, let me start with thank you. So much of what you write resonates within me. I’ve been writing stuff in my journal that sounds exactly like the things you post. You and Belle are an inspiration to me.
That being said, I should point out that I’m a woman. You want to talk about being wired wrong… I must be the the only girl in the world with the libido of a 17-yr old boy and interested in OD, cuz the net is NOT friendly in that regard. (And I’m in my 30’s, so I realize I’m not a girl anymore, but whatever.) The point of saying that is to again, say thank you. You have given me much more confidence in approaching my husband of almost 7 yrs about my kinks. The headspace you speak of, the emotional challenges, all speak to me. My problem is that it all happens in my head, lol.
Anyway, sorry for rambljng, I had ablittle diarrhea of the mouth (keyboard) there. Please, thank Belle for me, too. She gives me hope that my loving, all for me husband can be the top I crave. Thank you both for sharing your journey. I look forward to catchingup to the here-and-now!