She’s going to leave me locked up indefinitely. I’m not sure how long “indefinitely” is, but this fact came up last night after more talking (since work’s beat her down lately, that’s about all she had energy for). I was telling her how much more comfortable it makes me to think she likes me locked up. I told her, since she’s not really left me in the thing very much lately, that I figured she wasn’t all that into it and was only humoring me. She reiterated that she does like me in it. A lot.
So why have I not been in it that much? Apparently, she lets me out when there’s other stuff happening around us. For instance, we have relatives over this week. There’s no reason at all that should have any bearing on the status of her cock, but she let me out just before they showed up. Yes, it’s true she also wanted to fuck it, but still. I told her I would be happier if she didn’t worry about how I feel about the device at any given moment. If I’m not squealing (aka, safewording), then all I want her to consider is whether or not she wants me in it. Not whether or not I want to be in it. If she’s thinking about my comfort (or whatever) and I know it (which I do) then I can potentially use that to my advantage and manipulate my status. It’s much, much hotter to think she’s only considering what she wants with regard to the device. Besides, for the vast majority of the day, the device might as well not be there. It gets in the way of practically nothing other than peeing, jacking off, and sex.
Which is not to say she can’t let it out to play if that’s what she wants. This kinda gets to the fact that she doesn’t know what to do with it when it’s locked up. If she wants to fuck it, she should fuck it, then put it back in. If she just wants to tease it, then she should. Getting in and out isn’t that hard. Will I want to go back in? Certainly not if I’ve come, but again, who cares? It’s her cock, it’s her CB6K. If she likes the idea of me being in it, then I should be in it.
So anyway, at some point in this conversation, she said she was going to leave me in it indefinitely. I like the sound of that. I asked her to err on the side of leaving it in there more often since, of course, she likes it that way. If she likes it, then I fucking love it. Recently, my appreciation of enforced chastity has been on low ebb. Suddenly, I find myself more enthusiastic about it than I was when we first bought the CB6K.
I would like you to think about the fact that keeping you out of it is more about what I want than what “I think” you want or what “I think” makes you happy. Sometimes, it’s actually easier for me to think about you out of the device than not. I’m not sure if this will make sense to you, or anyone else out there. But when you’re in it, although I know you’re “secure”, I’m actually spending time thinking about what I need to do next. So somehow, when you’re not in it, I’m not tactically strategizing as much about a timeline of when you will get out. I guess I’m saying I strategize and spend more energy when you’re in than when you’re out. Not sure what that means. Anyone? Tom????
Belle, I’ve actually run into that a lot. I don’t keep my partner locked up, but I understand your sentiment completely. It’s easier on me sometimes when he’s not serving, or when I haven’t listed demands for him, because then I don’t have to plan what happens next. I feel like it leaves more room for spontaneity, and for me to do what I want in any given moment, rather than have to plan for something a day or a week down the road and figure out how to fill the space in the meantime.
The whole thing takes so much trust, and trusting that the other wants it is the hardest part sometimes.
But you said you liked it when I was in it. Don’t you? I guess now I’m a little confused. Have I somehow overblown your feelings about this?
You don’t need to over think about “what’s next”, whether or not I’m locked up. What’s next is whatever’s next. Sometimes that’s hot monkey sex, sometimes it’s a foot massage, sometimes it’s being tied to the bed and beaten, sometimes it’s going to sleep. You shouldn’t feel pressure either way.
Yes, I would like you to occasionally expend some resources thinking about what we can do together, but that’s got nothing to do with chastity. I think this is what I was talking about when I said you don’t know what to do with me when I’m locked up. It sounds as thought you think my expectations are higher when the thing’s on me. They aren’t. If you want ideas, just ask. I’ve got lots of them.
Belle, I’m not sure what to tell you — only you know how you feel about it and why.
Mrs. Edge likes the device on because it *frees* her from expectations and thoughts of “what’s next?” There’s no punishment involved, no chores, no set time, no nuthin. Simply put, it goes on at her whim, and then comes off likewise.
Now, it might be her whim to leave it on for two or three months, but that’s kind of the point. At the moment she’s trying something new and leaving the key at work so she doesn’t feel tempted to remove it — but that’s entirely her.
If you are thinking about what Thumpy wants, then that’s good — but only up to a point. It should be mutually satisfying, but if you’re spending too much time trying to second guess, or trying not to feel guilty when he gives you the pout, then that’s not working, either.
It’s easy for me to say try not to think about what you “need” to do, and just relax. Somehow, you’re the one who has to figure out what that means.
That said, Thumpy, you’ve got to stop giving her ideas. She doesn’t need any, unless she asks for them. I’m not gonna say anything about topping from the bottom, but maybe you also need to relax a bit and realize that you don’t need to have every good thing happen all at once.
I may (or may not) understand where Belle is coming from, but will give my perspective anyway.
When my boy is in chastity, he is *more* of a concern than when he is not. Why? Because his emotions are heightened, his physical awareness is heightened, his need for me is heightened, he becomes a toy that needs to be played with.
For me, that’s great, that’s what I love, but I can completely understand that for Belle, there may be a feeling of ‘expectation’ because she has put you into that state. I have read enough of your blog to see the dips and the insecurity and the slip into the down side that you can get with this, and I think that’s pretty common. While you may think on an intellectual level that that’s ok, that Belle doesn’t have to come to your party on that, she loves you and needs to know that you are ok – doing the ‘set and forget’ is not what she is doing. She is doing ‘set and pay attention’, so thinking about what to do with you is a natural outcome of that.
Belle, I may have missed your point, but personally, I think you are doing amazingly well in navigating this changed relationship, and it is so clear from Thumper’s blog that he truly knows how lucky he is.
Ferns
Yeah, I think I’ll throw in my 1.5 cents here. I’ve been reading for awhile now, but I feel like I have something useful to add to this discussion.
The thing about the chastity device is it kicks some aspects into a higher maintainence zone. If Thumper is loose, Belle only has to decide she wants the monkey sex to get him to provide. The decicision process is based entirely on her wants and needs. But if Thumper is locked up, there is a more complicated decision there that isn’t as simple as say: do i want sex or not. The device, and more important, the symbolism of the device, add a more complicated dynamic to a formerly simple process.
This is actually a good thing. I know that everyone keeps telling Belle to relax and do what she wants, which is good advice for the scene-ing in general but doesn’t apply to this particular. The decision of whether or not Thumper is locked up SHOULD be an important one. Honestly, would the chastity gig be as enjoyable and good-frustrating to you if she simply DIDN’T CARE if you were in the device or not?
Of course not. But the added dynamic adds pressure to Belle that isn’t as evident when Thumper is uncaged. If you want your partner to be fully engaged with whatever little extras you bring to the table, you need to understand that there will be added pressure. I’ve experienced basically the same kind of stress through using a strap-on. It’s fun, I enjoy it, but if I’m tired or a lot is going on in my life sometimes little extras like fiddling around with equipment mean too much thinking when I just wanna bang. I figure, if Belle tends to let Thumper out when she’s stressed or thinking too much, it’s simply because she doesn’t want that added pressure with other things going on. For less adventurous couples, when they’re stressed they simply have less sex. This is a variation on the same theme.
Or so it seems to me. Thanks for listening 🙂