Hot and not

I’ve been thinking lately about why people read this. You know, all of this – the highs and lows of our nascent BDSM “lifestyle” and shit. I suppose some of you are here for the hot sex, and that’s cool, but then I’m also sure if that’s the case you’re likely annoyed when we inconveniently expose ourselves as real people with emotions and foibles and all that. I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of that recently.

I used to follow some blogs just because they were hot. Not hot in the way I wanted or expected my interaction with Belle to be, but hot nonetheless. Because I’m stupid, I would read these blogs, mostly written by submissive men, and think they were real – that people could really live like they did, where the otherwise vanilla wife could suddenly be turned into a she-wolf dominatrix and the husband into a sexual object and plaything. Right, hot, but not real. Which is not to say they’re total fabrications, but I do wonder why so many seem to lack anything like real human interaction. Belle and I have been able to pull off some admittedly hot stuff in the past 10 months or so and I could have only posted about those things. In doing so, I would have given those browsing the web with one hand plenty of pleasant moments, but it would have been a lie. A half-truth, at best. In any event, I’ve stopped reading blogs without relationship content because that’s what I’m in: a relationship. Not a fantasy world.

I do not think of this blog as an educational tool or anything, but I do want it to represent an authentic journal of our experiences. Some people are where we are, some are in an earlier stage, some much later, but nonetheless, I am trying to speak to real people about real people. Some bloggers share only their sex and do it solely to titillate people like themselves. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume what they write about kinda sorta happened as they say, but I know from being in a relationship that they’re leaving out the boring, non-erection inducing parts. Those are important, too. To me, blogs like that eventually come off sounding soulless. Hollow. Plastic.

So where am I going with this? The point is, if you read this blog mostly for the hot sex scenes, please do not compare my life with the idealized life found on some others. Anyone who thinks, for example, that I should be forever grateful to my domme wife for consenting to top me, regardless of what that means with regard to her actions and my feelings, is not here for the right reason. I am grateful to my wife, but I’m also a real person with my own needs and thoughts and emotions (as is she). It may sound hot to totally submit – to be run over by a dominant woman, to have no say, to become her plaything – but in reality, it’s not that simple. I have to believe that if you think it is, then you either 1) have not actually done this kind of thing, or 2) are into something very different than I am.

So, in summary, please always remember that the events portrayed in this blog actually happened to actual people. The porn is plainly labeled.

9 Replies to “Hot and not”

  1. I, too, prefer the vision of the relationship behind the fun stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the hot stuff to but really, I tend to just skim over some of the other blogs and generally take my time and read blogs like yours and Devastating Yet Inconsequential.

    I guess I’m more interested in the relationship than the kink, as strange as it is to admit that!

  2. Yeah, I like the relationship crap–though I know I think I should be posting smut all the time, so . . . I feel your pain.

  3. It’s nice to read about your experience-and if that includes your whole life, then that’s what it includes. And the way it changes over time is nifty too. When I see posts from people which read like old letters to Penthouse Variations it’s like a cartoon-who ever the people behind those posts are they sure aren’t being truthful.
    Thanks for being brave enough to put all of this out here for us to explore.

  4. I read your blog because you’re an excellent writer, you’re painfully honest, you’re in a sexual D/s relationship, and you post frequently! The dynamic of one partner not being genetically so inclined but it being an acquired taste – is fascinating. It would never have occurred to me to marry a person not into BDSM. I like cats and to marry a person who didn’t like cats – why would I do that?

    If I may, will you please tell your adoring readers – why do you write this blog?

  5. Jane’s first sentence is exactly, EXACTLY, what I was about to post.

    There are some blogs I read that frustrated me at first because of the lack of hot content, but drew me in because of the human element. If it’s written well enough, you develop a connection with the person or people involved.

  6. Well, aren’t you all the nicest bunch of perverts!


    The dynamic of one partner not being genetically so inclined but it being an acquired taste – is fascinating. It would never have occurred to me to marry a person not into BDSM. I like cats and to marry a person who didn’t like cats – why would I do that?

    Yes, but what if you didn’t discover your love of cats until after you married the guy with cat allergies? I’ve always known I have a different set of sexual triggers, but I didn’t realize until recently what that could mean. How wonderful it could be when shared with a loving partner.

    If I may, will you please tell your adoring readers – why do you write this blog?

    I touch on this in this post, but *specifically*, I write the blog for the following reasons:

    1. I’m a narcissist exhibitionist. I mean, really, what else could I be? What other kind of person would expose themselves so completely like this?

    2. The blog allows me to collect my thoughts and, therefore, communicate more effectively to Belle. I write this for all of you, but also for her. She’s half my audience.

    3. I like the idea of leaving behind an account of our experiences. There are many men in my position, and while Belle and I are not a model by any stretch of the imagination, I think it’s helpful to see how we develop. I looked for accounts such as mine when we started down this path and found them few and far between. This isn’t the first site I’ve started to in order to create something I was looking for but couldn’t find.

  7. The main, and perhaps sole, reason that I read blogs is for education. I have been in a D/s, WLR for ten years now. In order to keep it fresh I spend time each day cutting and pasting excerpts from blogs such as yours and Submitting to Her because they represent real life situations that we all face. You serve a huge educational function for us and for that I can only say thanks.


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