Belle replies, part 2

Rach asked:

I would like to ask Belle if she feels like being kinky with you has changed her sexuality at all, or changed the way she thinks about her sexuality? As the once-vanilla partner of a very submissively-inclined boy, I often marvel at my capacity to really, really enjoy these things that would have never crossed my mind a year or two ago, yet are part of his earliest fantasies.

FYI, Ferns and Tom, I am saving your questions for this weekend.  Look for responses then 🙂

Rach, this experience has undoubtedly allowed me to be more open to who I am sexually.  But I do think I have a lot of reflection, understanding and growth to achieve.  I am the conditioned product (now emancipated) of Catholicism; including 12 years of Catholic education.  I also lived through a long and very difficult period in my parent’s marriage during childhood that was centered around some unhealthy sexual behavior.   This lack of positive framing regarding sex and sexuality really left me in a place where I was afraid to spend a lot of time analyzing or pondering who I was sexually or what I would want from sex.  I was very willing to consider sex as a transactional obligation that had a touch of fun or intimacy in it, but was something I needed to “do” to keep my guy happy and content.   Self-enjoyment and fulfillment were not really part of my equation.

Yet I entered into a relationship with Thumper knowing that he certainly was NOT-vanilla. Never once was I uncomfortable with that, even if “kinky” wasn’t something that I wanted or needed.

In our new dynamic, I am forced to think about and strive for better understanding of myself sexually. And I like that A LOT.  I am more open and interested in sex, and I feel more comfortable exploring it.  I also am slowly becoming more playful in nature with it, do not take it so seriously.  This has allowed me to approach it all with more ease and enjoyment.  I also, as you note, definitely take pleasure in things that would never have been on my radar (e.g. putting nipple clamps on him, whacking him with a crop).

Because Thumper wants to do things for me, and truly serve me, I truly want to gift him with things that are important to him.  I LOVE the intimacy, consideration, thoughtfulness and dedication that this has brought to our relationship.

3 thoughts on “Belle replies, part 2

  1. “Ferns and Tom, I am saving your questions for this weekend. Look for responses then.”

    I will! I am enjoying seeing your perspective very much, Belle, thank you.

    Ferns

  2. Thank you for your response… I appreciate your idea of “gifting” something really important to him as a genuine way of reciprocating devotion/submission/service; it’s a space for intimacy that’s outside of the bounds of the dom/slave dichotomy that I think can sometimes feel very hollow.

    I’m glad you’ve found an increased intimacy in this!

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