Longer vs. harder

“It’s only been three weeks,” she said. “Maybe three and a half. I don’t feel at all sorry for you.”

So I tried to explain, it’s not just about duration. That is, my level of frustration/desperation is not an ever-increasing line on a chart that always goes up as it moves along the x-axis.

It’s true that I experience an extended refractory period now that I’m coming so infrequently. It seems as though after two orgasms, I can’t and/or am not interested in coming again for days. And I don’t feel really horny again for something like 10-14 days. A few years ago, I’d come and want it again 3-4 days later. Not anymore.

But, once I get past that time in which I’ve physically expended myself, it doesn’t seem to matter how long it goes. I can be voraciously horny (like I am now) after a few weeks and then not and then all hot and bothered again. It’s cyclical. How the cycle is timed, I have no idea. But, as I said, it’s not from a steady and constant build-up of tension. If it were, I’d eventually combust. In reality, it seems like I repeat the same up and down cycle over and over with more or less intensity each time.

It’s true I was super mega horny that one time I almost went three months. I was also major horny three and a half weeks ago when I had gone two months. But, truth be told, I’m just as horny right now as I was at those times. I think Belle’s a lot more perceptive of my state when she knows it’s been a really long time and perhaps more willing to indulge me, but from my perspective, there was no difference in how I felt last night as my fingers played across her clitoris than there was the moment she let me come after 90 days or the just before she let me come in the hotel after two months.

I mention this because I think there’s a perception among chastity and orgasm denial enthusiasts that longer is harder or better or whatever. I don’t feel that way (anymore). The plus side to that realization is, if you’re meant to wait for a long period, it should not be progressively more difficult to do so as time goes by. The minus side is, once you get past a certain point, there’s really no reason she ever needs to let you come. As long as you’re in a place where she’s satisfied with what you can do with regard to her pleasure, it isn’t like making you (the guy) wait for six more months will irreparably harm you.

It’s also to say, there’s nothing magical about longer periods. There’s a guy over on Chastity Forums who’s trying, right out the gate, to not come for a year. Except for the fact that it’s a nice round time-keeping unit upon which we hairless apes place a lot of significance, his experience won’t be “better” after 11 months than it might be at one. Of course, each guy is different. And, of course, I used to play the game where I tried to always beat my last longest period, so I totally get that. We’re guys. We’re wired to rise to challenges (so to speak – there’s actually not a lot of rising involved, if you think about it).

So, what am I saying? Am I saying I don’t want or need to be made to wait until the end of March? Am I *horrors!* trying to top from below with all my mumbo-jumbo fancy talk? No, not at all. It’s hot to be denied. It’s really hard sometimes (literally and figuratively), but it’s hot. I don’t deny it. If Belle thinks it’s hot to make me wait a long time, then wait I shall. From the standpoint of the guy who’s being denied, I don’t think long or short really matters as long as we’re still engaged with one another and both like how it’s going. Like I’ve said before, it’s difficult for me to differentiate between the “Jesus, I want to come so bad” kind of feelings and the “Christ, I wish this ordeal was over” kind of feelings, so I defer to her and assume that if I ever really and truly wanted it to end, I’d know.

In the mean time, I will wait for exactly as long as she wants, whether that’s another week, month, or year. I think she’s getting off on the control aspect, so that’s a huge plus. Knowing she wants to deny me more than I want to be denied is, in my calmer moments, one of the hottest and most erotic things I can possibly imagine. What I want her (and, by extension, all of you) to know is that the number of pages flipping by on the calendar without a squirt isn’t the driving force we might think it is. The true driving force is our increased intimacy and the mutual attentiveness that stems from my constant state of arousal. Lose that, and, to paraphrase Spock in Wrath of Khan, days could seem like months and months could seem like years.

Not tonight

Yesterday, after we went to bed and Belle told me to get naked, I was cleaving to her and I told her I really wanted to fuck her. After a few more minutes of cleaving and kissing, I added that I really wanted to come inside her.

“Well, that’s not happening tonight,” she said flatly.

This is a seemingly innocuous exchange for a couple our disposition, but in thinking about it afterward, I think it also ably demonstrates how mature our dynamic has become.

Of course, when I say, “I want to come inside you,” it’s implied that I also don’t want her to let me. In the past, I might have neglected to express either sentiment, but we’re a point now that Belle’s confident enough in her position and sufficiently cognizant of what cranks her bunny’s motor that I can say the first thing without having to say the second. Telling her I want to come very badly (even though, as she pointed out, it’s “only” been three weeks since my last time) won’t make her doubt what I really want or her authority over it.

And, you know, it’s way hotter not having to explain myself like that. In fact, I really do want to fuck her and come like a racehorse, but she’s not letting me. Yes, on a macro level, our orgasm denial dynamic is consensual, but down there in the sheets where it gets all micro, she is definitely not letting me have what I really want. She is denying the fuck out of my orgasms. And, apparently, will continue to do so for the next several months.

Vehemently sustaining the awfullwork

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Playing chicken

The other night, Belle and I were talking. I can’t remember how it came up, but she made some joke about leaving me in the device for a year. I shrugged and said I didn’t think she could live without her cock that long. That led to a series of “Oh yeah? Yeah!” kind of statements and now Belle’s saying I won’t be in the device for a year, but she is planning on leaving me locked up until our family vacation at the end of March. That’ll be something like five months locked up and orgasmless.

Five. Months.

To be honest, I’m still not convinced it’ll be that long. I told her she’d be craving her cock well before then and she said she’d be happy with Mr. Darcy. But, I retorted, she can’t come with Mr. Darcy. So there. Also, Pink remains MIA. She’s gonna get an itch only the biocock can scratch way, way before the end of March. At least, I’m pretty sure she will.

I brought up again that back in the hotel we talked about a break (though there was some disagreement as to what it’d be a break from – the device or the orgasm denial). At this point, Belle has no interest whatsoever in letting me have a break. She says I can have a break at the end of March. Spring break. Until then, no. It’ll stay on me 24/7. I actually would like it off at the moment, but not so much that I’m going to make a federal case out of it. It’s hard for me to discern at this point between the normal “god, I wish I could get to the cock” kind of feelings and something more profound (as in, “I really don’t want to be in the device at the moment”).

So, with the question of a break well and truly settled for the time being, I tried to make a move. I wanted some pussy pretty bad. Before she’d let me in, she asked me if I had done anything to deserve it. What had I done for her above and beyond my normal expectations? Well, not much, to be honest. She kept pushing the point and I started to back off. Either it was going to happen or it wasn’t. I obviously had no control over the decision.

I backed off, but I also withdrew. This whole “how have you serviced me” thing is a bit of a grey area for us at the moment. There was a time when I was trying to play the part of a service sub, but the truth is Belle is very hard to serve. She does pretty much whatever she needs by herself and doesn’t like to ask for any help. In a sense, there’s a fair bit of her that wants to serve and the part of me that gets into it is far from dominent. It’s easy for me not to do it or even try when she’s in a groove. Yeah, I’ll do whatever she wants me to and I do still make her coffee in the morning, but I thought we had sort of come to an unspoken agreement that the service sub experiment had ended.

She asked me what I was thinking and I said most of the previous paragraph. Also, the only way I could conceivably  handle five months without access to the cock would be through some kind of regular access to her. Since I don’t get any kind of extracurricular teasing, her sexual pleasure is my sole physical outlet.

She agreed the service thing was a little fuzzy. We didn’t seem to resolve its status, but she did open herself to me and let me make her come. She was quiet when it happened, but she assured me that it was good.

Ever since then, whenever my hand finds itself on the device or I’m especially hard inside its unyielding confines, I wonder if I’m really going to be in it for another four months. Just under three months is the longest I’ve made it in the past. Last time was “just” two months. Now she’s saying five.

Can she wait that long?

Three ways to O

Belle’s home now. She arrived Thursday afternoon following a day of air travel and promptly got her period. One of the interesting side-effects of chastity is that it makes me strangely attuned to her monthly cycle. There have been times when I think I’m more aware of it than she is, but I was thrown off this time because she was gone a week. Surprise!

My oddly sexless feelings continued even after she was home, though I felt a lot of comfort being in bed with her again. But then, yesterday as the boy and I were heading out to see what trouble Harry Potter had gotten himself into this time, I kissed her goodbye and POW something snapped. The feeling of her lips on mine, the taste of her, my hands on her breasts. Tube was full, blood was pumping. I wanted to eat her right up there, standing at the end of the bed.

So last night, I was whimpering freely. All of a sudden, a fairly strong sense of sexual frustration had settled in and I wanted OUT and I wanted to FUCK. She was having none of that and made fun of me since I had only been locked up for a few weeks. Then, she started making comments about how my chastity was not unlike an experiment where the male of the species was being taught to fight millions of years of evolution and become more attuned to the needs of the female rather than his own. How long, she mused, would men need to be locked up before they started to evolve in that direction? Ten thousand years? Fifteen? Should I keep you locked up for 15,000 years, she asked. I whimpered.

Regardless of my whimpering state and the steel wrapped around my struggling erection and her period, she said she would allow me to pleasure her to orgasm. I expected this to be fairly perfunctory and not unlike the dozens of other just-before-bed type orgasms I’ve given her, but after a few minutes of nipple sucking and clit fingering, she rolled over on top of me and started to rub herself against the tube. I now sucked both her nipples as I started to feel her heat radiate through the thick steel. No sensation at all for me other than pressure and heat.

“God, I wish we knew where Pink was,” she said while angling the tube up so she could fuck it. We still don’t know where her favorite toy is.

“I don’t know where she is…but I’ve got a cock you could use,” I helpfully reminded her. It seemed obvious to me she hadn’t come at all on her trip. She was acting like a cat in heat trying to rub up against anything that would get her off (but, you know, in the best possible way you can describe someone like that).

“Where’s Mr. Darcy?” she asked. I thought for a moment that maybe she misunderstood my “I’ve got a cock you can use” statement. Of course, I meant the real cock. The one on me. But she knew that…right?

“He’s right here in my nightstand.”

“Get him.” She rolled off. I got him.

There wasn’t much I could do with him other than rug his head over her clit because, you know, she was on her period and the rest of her was occupied by a female hygiene product. Clearly, though, my Belle wanted to get fucked since she told me to go get her some kleenex from the bathroom. She removed the offending female hygiene product and I got to busy with Mr. Darcy.

As I was laying there, my legs wrapped around her leg, solid tube pressing against her thigh as I fucked her with a silicone dick, I was able to reflect where we are and how far we’ve come. I know I’ve said this before in a number of ways, but this is for realsy now. Letting me out of the device so she could get what she so clearly wanted was simply never an option. The cock on me was not on her radar and my status as the frustrated lesser half of her sexual pleasure was secure. A year ago, I would have gotten the real cock wet and probably would have been able to come with no real consequences. Now, I have no clue how long I’ll be locked up and even less as to when I’ll come again.

I fucked her with Darcy for a bit and then pushed him home and used my fingers on her clit while she bucked and ground her hips around him. Her orgasm, which we had worked so hard to achieve, built over a relatively long period of time and seemed to hit her very hard. I could feel her clamping down on Darcy, the luck bastard.

As her passion ebbed, I could feel the last vestigial chance that I’d get any Thumper-centric action evaporate. Sometimes, the realization that I’ll be left high and horny burns with anguished intensity as it wraps around my brain like a blanket. She got out of bed to attend to herself and I pulled on the hard tube, futily. My period of feeling nothing was apparently over.

Bits and bobs

If you’ve been waiting for me to post about my solo adventures now that Belle’s in Asia and I’m just sitting here with permission to violate myself at will, you’ll be as surprised as I am hear that nothing’s happened. I can’t really explain it. I could take action, but I just haven’t felt like it. This is very unlike me. Truth be told, I haven’t felt much at all except the occasional surge of frustration at not being able to get inside the Steelheart.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I have felt a very tight device every morning within 10 minutes of 4:15AM since I first put the Jail Bird on more than a week ago. Even now that I’m back in the friendly confines of the Steelheart, I’m still waking up within 10 minutes either side of 4:15AM. You could set a clock by it. What’s especially weird about this is that I was sleeping right through ’till morning before switching to the JB. Sure, I’d expect a new device to alter my sleeping patterns until I get used to it, but what’s up now? Why is the SH suddenly acting as my all too early wake-up call?

So anyway, what I find now is that I really want Belle back. There’s still bits of that great night in the hotel reverberating in my head and I can’t seem to get all that jacked about the few self abuse options available to me. Would it be different if I had access to the cock? I can’t imagine I’d be as apathetic with free reign over my entire body, but right now as I am, all I want is my Belle back. I want to feel her come. I want to suck on her and taste her and lick her all over. Me though? Not so much interested in that.

One thing I forgot to mention the other day when describing the wonderful night in the hotel was that we talked about taking a break. It’s not that I’m unhappy or anxious or anything, but we both thought it would be a good idea to mix things up a bit. Interestingly, our definitions of “a break” seemed to differ quite a bit. She thought it would mean being out of the device for a while. I thought it would mean being out of the device and being free to do with myself anything I want (yes, even that). There didn’t seem to be much interest in that idea from the side that decides such things. We agreed to table the idea and talk about it later.

Thing is, if I’m not allowed to manhandle the goods and even make them squirt, I’d rather stay in the device. I totally acknowledge that I’m the weak kind of guy who can’t keep his hands off when there’s not a solid piece of steel between me and it. The temptation would be significant, let alone the extreme distraction it would present.

Before Belle left, I was sitting in a room with a bunch of consumer packaged goods people talking about their core consumers. See, if you work in marketing for a very large company (or, as I do, support those who do), you will occasionally create personas of the average consumer to help you think up new and interesting ways to make them do what you want them to do (i.e., buy more crap). So we’re all sitting there and this guy in the front is asking us to describe these mythical average people and what they’re like and what they do. Now, I have multiple issues with a bunch of well educated and affluent people pulling stuff out of the air about a person none of them actually know or can relate to, but the point is we kept talking about these working moms and how much they put into keeping their families together and on track. Especially interesting to me was one persona in particular where, under “hobbies”, it was listed “her family”. That kinda bummed me out. I mean, it’s not that I don’t love my family and all, but if they were my hobby? My only hobby?

And then I realized that the person they were describing wasn’t all that unlike Belle. Further, I realized that she hardly ever gets any time to herself. She works and works and then comes home to work some more on her “hobby” before falling into bed. In the past, I’ve tried to help her out and still encourage her to ask me to do whatever would give her a break, but she’s not very good at that and I’m not very good at seeing the things she wants done (as opposed to the things that really need to be done).

So I told Belle, when she’s back from Asia and everything settles into place again, that I wanted her to take one or two nights a week for herself. These should ideally be outside the house and, preferably, not spent at the office. She could go to dinner with friends or take that yoga class she’s been talking about forever or just go shopping. Whatever she wants. I’ll take care of the kids and homework and everything else. I don’t want her life to be consumed by the family. I want her to have some life separate from that.

And what does any of that have to do with chastity? I dunno. Maybe nothing. But I do think it’s helped me be more in touch with her needs and allowed me to be much better able to figure out ways to make her happy. Would I have thought of this without being starved of orgasms? I have no idea. I like to think I would have, but whatever. I did. And she’s very excited about the idea. Now all she needs to do is come home so we can start doing it.

Week Woof #5

Yes, I know, the whole point of calling something “weekly” implies that it’s done weekly. And I also know that the Weekly Woofs have been very much not weekly. In fact, the last one was six weeks ago.

Ah, well. Keep it in mind when my quarterly review comes around. In an attempt to make amends, I’m doing a special supersized Weekly Woof. More after the jump…

Continue reading “Week Woof #5”

Jail Bird nerdery

The Jail Bird will be sent back to Mature Metal for some adjustments. The cage is off-center and the inside of the cuff ring needs a little more buffing, as I’ve mentioned before. In the mean time, I have some observations regarding its general design.

The thing to remember in this before I start is that I’m not coming to the Jail Bird from a CB-X000. I’ve already been wearing a custom stainless device for a year now. I think much of the exuberance over the Jail Bird can be attributed to the fact that for most, it appears to be either replacing a plastic device or it’s the wearer’s first device. That’s not to say the JB is not a good device. I think it is. It’s not a bad choice for many based on its relative affordability and Mature Metal’s prompt and courteous customer service. However, there are at least two things in the way it’s designed that I think could be improved.

Click to enlarge

First is the cuff ring (AKA, A-ring or, as it’s referred to by Mature Metal, base ring). As you can see in picture on the right, the Steelworxx Steelheart’s cuff ring is about 20% thicker than the Jail Bird’s. A thicker ring adds weight, but in my opinion, it also adds comfort. I find the JB’s thinner ring bites more severely than the SH’s. It’s hard to compare them head to head, but part of the reason I think the SH is more comfortable is because its thicker cuff ring distributes the pressure of the erection across a larger surface area. Mature Metal offers cock rings that have two 1/4″ rings welded together. I don’t know if that’s an option for the Jail Bird or, if it is, how much it adds to the cost, but I’d advise those interested in an MM device to inquire.

Another aspect that may contribute to comfort is the fact that the Steelheart’s ring is perfectly circular while the Jail Bird’s it somewhat irregularly circular. It may be the case that the more consistant circle of the SH also helps distribute pressure, but I’m not at all sure. Mature Metal offers an oval ring as well as a circular one which, I assume, is for comfort but I’ve not worn that one so I don’t know for sure. It looks as though Steelworxx uses machine-made rings while MM uses hand-made rings. That would make the SW rings more “perfect” but with fewer sizing options (6) while the MM rings are less “perfect” but have many more sizing options (19). Again, this is mostly speculation on my part, but it seems correct to me. If MM’s rings are hand-made, then that may preclude them from using steel as thick as that used by Steelworxx.

The second area of Jail Bird design I’ll comment on is the placement of the post on the cuff ring relative to its mate on the cage. As the image below shows, the top of the cage on the Jail Bird sits offset from the ring.

The Steelheart, by comparison, benefits from its unique integrate lock so that the top of the tube aligns to the top of the ring. I prefer this for two reasons, one being purely aesthetic. With the cage lower on the device, extra space is created at the top which allows the scrotum to migrate up during wear. The cage ends up looking like it’s nestled in a pink meat pillow. On the Steelheart, the scrotum hangs more naturally. Second, the Jail Bird has a tendency to turn while worn so that the top of the device will end up down along the side somewhere (think 15-20 minutes before or after the hour on a clock an you get the idea).

I don’t know if the different cage location effects the performance of the device. I did find myself having to adjust my scrotum more often in the Jail Bird, but that could be due to the non-smooth interior of the cuff ring or the fact that the smaller cage size relative to the Steelheart’s tube caused everything to get pushed back more. I don’t know.

One benefit of the lower tube could be increased security. As you can see in the image on the left, the lower-set cage causes the penis to be pushed down by at least a 1/4″ before it goes into the cage. In effect, this seems to mimic the function of a KSD-type device. The down-side is it’s not ergonomically correct and could contribute to discomfort (and the tendency to rotate).

I’m not sure how this could be addressed. The post could be mounted on the top of the cuff ring, but then extra care would need to be taken to ensure the back of the post didn’t dig into the body uncomfortably. The approach I think I’d prefer would be to see the receiving hole moved down into the cage more so that it was lined up with the first penis ring, but doing that would necessitate a change in the locking mechanism. The security screw on my device could be mounted on top of the device, but I’m not sure how one would secure it with a padlock.

None of what I’ve written here should be seen as an indictment against the Jail Bird. As I said above, it’s a fine device and, in my opinion, likely to be better than a plastic device for most people. You have to remember that I’m a giant nerd and this kind of thinking is part of the complete Thumper package.

As always, YMMV. I’m interested in hearing the thoughts of other Jail Bird owners in the comments.

Belle away

Belle’s on her way to Asia. She’ll be gone until next Friday. In the greater scheme of things, that’s not so bad (in the old days, she’d go over there for weeks and weeks) but things are more complicated now. Chastity has tied me to her in ways I wouldn’t have thought probable before and I resent greatly any time we have to spend apart. I will miss her terribly, but especially at bedtime when I like to spoon into her and feel her warmth next to me.


In other news, the Jail Bird is off and I will be contacting Mature Metal about the ring shortly. Belle’s trip made making up my mind kind of a pressing decision and I went with tried and true over new and slightly skewed. Also, she agreed to let me order a new, shorter tube from Steelworxx for the Steelheart. That’ll just add onto the already impressive amount of money we’ve dropped on this little endeavor (two years, five devices, three I don’t wear anymore, one of which I’ve already paid to get modified once, now twice, plus the Jail Bird). But, as I put it to her last night, if you averaged that out to a per-day cost, it’s one of the cheapest hobbies around.

She left me with permission to enjoy myself in whatever way possible absent a cock and I hope to have the opportunity to take advantage of that soon. The njoy pure has been calling my prostate lately. Gory details to follow, no doubt.

Other than that, I don’t have a lot to say. Well, actually, I have a lot to say about the Jail Bird and how it differs from the Steelheart, but I kinda want to wait until it comes back before I put together a big review. Knowing me, though, I’ll probably buckle and start dropping pieces of it early. I have a lot of opinions about it, some good and some not, and seeing as everyone in the free world seems to be ordering them now, I suppose sitting on my thoughts would be antisocial.

Plus, you know, I’ll have all this free time…