I’m both an avid fan of Dan Savage and a practitioner of a kink that (depending on who you ask) is way more common that most people think or hardly practiced by anyone. Being both those things, I’ve always devoured any little tidbit of Savage wisdom regarding chastity and/or orgasm denial, though they’ve been few and far between.
So, imagine my surprise when the topic came up in his nationally syndicated column. “w00t!” I thought (seriously, I did think w00t!). Our time has come! Free at last! Wait, no, not that exactly. Anyway, yeah, fantastic exposure for the locked and horny crowed.
Or so I thought.
Except in the most extreme cases, WIFE, male chastity play isn’t really about orgasm denial. It’s more of an elaborate, extended kind of foreplay, a way of introducing elements of erotic power and control that usually result in the denied/chaste man having more orgasms, not fewer.
WTF? Am I doing this wrong? Is everyone I know doing this wrong?
As for safety: Make sure you get a chastity device that fits properly, WIFE, as you don’t want his dick to go numb, develop gangrene, and fall off—that would be nullification, not chastity. And don’t deny your husband orgasms for weeks or months on end, as that could elevate his risk for developing prostate cancer.
Oh, Jesus, not that too!
I don’t know what the opposite of w00t! is, but I was thinking it. These (relatively few) words could set back chastity play ten years. Apparently, we’re not in it for the positive aspects of denial, we’re really in it for more orgasms PLUS we’re playing with the dreaded C word, as well.
But just as Dan taketh away, Dan can also giveth. Or somethingeth. He quickly wrote one of his patented “I fucked up” blog posts which, frankly, endears him to me more than anything else. It’s so refreshing to see that kind of open-minded and honest approach to correcting oneself, especially on the internet.
But that’s not all! Not only did he essentially set the prostate cancer thing straight (which is to say, he pointed out how confusing and unhelpful most of what’s known about it and what causes it and how to avoid it is), he also pointed his readers to several websites on the subject. Including Chastity Forums. And this blog.
Well. Hello there all you new faces.
I feel the need to introduce myself and my kink to all the Savage readers turning up on my digital doorstep. And yeah, all the attention is a little disconcerting.
It all started one afternoon when I was looking for sex toys my wife Belle Fille and I could use. I don’t remember what, exactly, I was looking for, but it could have been a flogger or a crop or something. Anyway, I was on this site (I forget which one now) and it had, like, 18 different categories of toys plus this other one called “Miscellaneous” and I’m like, Seriously? You have 18 categories and there’s still one called “Miscellaneous”?! So I checked it out.
And that was the first time I saw a male chastity device. It was the horrible Houdini design, but the concept of it burned into my brain like nothing had before. In about five minutes, I had devoured enough content (including the fabulous Tickleberry site) to know this was something I really needed to try. That night, I showed what I found to my wife and we ordered a CB-6000 straight away. A year later, we upgraded to German steel.
Note that my story is different than most others. It is typically the case that the guy obsesses over chastity for years before approaching his partner with it. In fact, I’m sure most guys with the kink never bring it up for fear of being rejected. That wasn’t me. I had never thought of it before, but as soon as I discovered it, I realized there were a lot of hints that I’d end up here eventually. It’s been two years now and I can say we will never go back. I’ll never come whenever I want again. And when I do, they’ll be few and far between.
I could go on and on about why this is a Good Thing, but assuming you’ve read this far, I think the best I can do at this point is tell you to read more of the blog (and the other Dan linked to and some of the blogs in my blogroll). And maybe check out the forum. And, of course, if you have any questions whatsoever, please feel free to leave them in the comments.
9 thoughts on “Savaged”
Splendid. Glad to see so many people putting him right. It can’t do any harm to have the myths corrected in such a high-profile way.
Hey, I linked to the forums in the comments on that SLLOD, because he was just so far off base. Glad to see you’re getting more exposure because of it.
Thanks for the PR!
Immediately after I’d read the Savage column, I thought “I wish people reading this would read Thumper’s or Maymay’s, so they’d understand what it’s about”. It was a huge blow to see Dan Savage blow it like that. It was so… uninformed. Unlike his columns usually. Great to see he made amends, and even linked to your blog!
As with so many things, RB, there is a lot of bullshit out there about male chastity, spoken by people with enthusiasm matched only by their ignorance.
Yeah, I was somewhat surprised, mostly about the “denied man having more orgasms” bit. I wish he would have expanded on that in his follow-up.
Actually, and frankly, he was not so off-point about that. Certainly not universally accurate, but definitely reflective of the wider cultural stereotypes that orgasm denial actually feeds itself from. Your discontent at that statement speaks more to the oasis that you are and less to the reality most people lead.
That’s why I would have liked to hear more. What he said just doesn’t match my personal experience or the experience of my peers (the other bloggers I read and the people on the forum).
On a lighter note: Nullification has a lovely wicked ring to it. I sometimes keep my toy’s toy locked up for two or three weeks and never talk about it, or touch it. He gets to occassionally clean it, but no hard-on allowed. If he talks about it, I quickly end the conversation. I may well wear mini-skirts and heels at home a lot during this time. Obviously I get all the pleasure I want regardless. I now have a name for when I adopt this regime. NULLIFICATION.