Just don’t

During my recent week of ridiculous orgasmic bliss, while laying in bed with Belle enjoying the afterglow of maybe the second or third she had let me pull out of myself and onto my hand and stomach, I said something to the effect that all orgasms should be like that. That is, enjoyed in the company of one’s partner.

In the moment – that dopey, sleepy, unfocused moment – it seemed so right. So natural. It was one of those “everybody should be doing it this way” kind of epiphanic visions that those of us who fuck around with our hormones experience from time to time. If the time comes when Belle and I no longer use chastity devices, I think this will be a permanent modification of our lifestyle. It seems like I’ll only ever come with her knowledge and/or permission from now on.

I realize this is skating pretty close to the point of view that it’s men’s “addiction” to masturbation that drives couples apart. I still don’t buy that. Men are not addicted to masturbation. Saying that is like saying they’re addicted to breathing or eating when they get hungry. A man’s reproductive system and the motivation behind his need to orgasm are totally different than a woman’s. It’s kinda like that candy production line Lucy and Ethel worked on where the chocolate keeps coming out, forever and ever, no matter what they do. With age, the line might slow down a bit or even stop, but for the majority of a man’s life, that line just keeps on chugging, driving the desire for release, piling up little chocolates that need to be wrapped.

We know what happens when that cycle is tampered with. I’ve been trying to describe it for the past 2+ years on this blog and I still can’t fully relate what it’s like, but the net result of letting that natural desire for release build (and then attaching it to your partner’s pleasure) can lead to relationship-altering benefits. It’s not all sugar and fairy dust, to be sure, but then again, nothing ever is.

So anyway, back to my moment. I saw that absent a device and absent the partner’s control over the release, another way this could work (and perhaps work just as well) would be to always – and I mean always – come in the company of your partner. Just don’t ever let yourself fall into the lazy trap of disconnecting sexual pleasure from your partner. That’s what happens when men become “addicted” to masturbation. They and their partner allow them (consciously or not) to take the path of least resistance and, after time, a groove gets carved into their brain and it becomes the main way they achieve the release that’s always building within.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Just don’t let it. Just don’t come without them. I guarantee you they will be thrilled by the idea. You don’t need to bring D/s or chastity or any of the “weird kinky shit” into the conversation. Just tell them you never want to have another sexually pleasurable moment without them ever again. They’ll melt.

13 thoughts on “Just don’t

  1. “They and their partner allow them (consciously or not) to take the path of least resistance ”

    Yes! At last, someone else gets it, lol.

    As for melting… I think it bears repeating this all works only if your relationship is fundamentally OK (I know you know this, but others reading this might not).

    If she can’t stand the sight of you, then being told “Inever want to have another sexually pleasurable moment without you ever again” is likely to bring on apoplexy 😉

  2. Great post, Thumper. Thanks.

    I know you struggle with the “addicted to masturbation” concept and I am not fond of that expression, either. But I think that what is becoming clearer to me–and you’ve articulated well–is that why on earth should a man or woman with a loving spouse at his/her side not take advantage of that person (and I mean “take advantage of” in a good, positive way) to experience orgasmic release? Why throw it away alone, in the shower or in front of porn on the computer or wherever? If you have a loving partner, live your life *with that partner* to the fullest.

    On another blog, a guy wrote about how he had a 24 hour break for his birthday and used that time to masturbate himself to 6 orgasms. No mention of having sex with or enjoying that orgasmic time with his wife. Great if that’s how he wants to do it but it just left me scratching my head. I am much more of the “We do it together, or not at all” mindset–and I hold myself to that standard, too.

    Thanks again for your post.


    1. …why on earth should a man or woman with a loving spouse at his/her side not take advantage of that person to experience orgasmic release? Why throw it away alone, in the shower or in front of porn on the computer or wherever?

      Hmm. Well, one reason would be that one partner has very different sexual tastes than the other. Or, one partner hasn’t figured out how to tell the other about their kinks. Or, like me, one partner is also attracted to the bodies of a gender opposite to their partner’s. I think there are lots of reasons, but…

      If you have a loving partner, live your life *with that partner* to the fullest.

      I agree. We have both been fortunate enough to have partners we were able to share our interests with who then let us live out our fantasies. We were both *able* to articulate what we wanted. Not everyone is so fortunate.

      That said, I still think it’s possible to only come with your partner. Watch your porn or whatever, jack off in the shower if you want, *but don’t come* until you’re together. It’ll be so much better when it happens. Then, figure out ways to bring your private fantasies out into the open. Those will be so much better, too, when they’re shared.

  3. I know what you are saying, because I have had one orgasm in the last two weeks and it felt like you describe. The rest of the day, my head was clearer and I felt more relaxed than I can remember.

    For me, I fall in the rut of MB when I am not all that horny, usually out of compulsion and to relieve stress and mental tension. It is kind of like eating comfort food when not hungry. Induldging here or there doesn’t hurt, but then you realize you put on some flabby pounds. I don’t think that’s addiction, it’s laziness. I have the least amount of problems abstaining when I feel horny (ironically) and close to my spouse. When we drift due to life’s challenges is when the ruts come around.

  4. That is one of the only rules that Jnuts and I have in terms of MC. He will not cum without me present. There may be times where I tell him he can pleasure himself some in the shower, but he knows that he is not allowed to bring himself to orgasm. Even if we stop MC, he has said that he wants that to continue, and for that I am very grateful.

    The Other Belle

  5. Great post…and one of our hard rules. And one of the best things we’ve done. It’s made my desire go truly off the scales for her!

  6. Pingback: Denying Thumper

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