I woke up this morning to find my previous entry described as “disgusting”, “ridiculous”, “callous”, “contemptible”, and even icky by someone who I’ve previously had a pretty good relationship with. Maymay then went on to say:
You are the pre-eminent blogger about male orgasm control on the entire Internet, on par with Tom Allen. You are political whether you like it or not.
If you want to treat your sex life as wholly personal and not the least bit political, then you can not blog publicly. Otherwise, and I’m not sorry about this, you can’t have it both ways.
First of all, I have no idea if I’m pre-eminent. I doubt it, though I really have no idea. I suppose it’s a compliment, so I’ll take it as such. The idea that I cannot blog about my sex life if I refuse to politicize it, though, I have to totally reject. It is my sex life. Mine and Belle’s. Period.
I thought I’d take a moment to clarify your rights as a reader of my blog. You can ignore me, think I’m an idiot, agree with me, live your life according to my direction, find me entertaining or abominable, tell your friends about me or hide me in a box under your bed. You are free to feel anything you like about me. I have no product to sell so you don’t need to buy it.
HOWEVER, I am also free to feel whatever I want to feel. I am free to express myself in any way I like. I am free to contradict myself, be an ass, a saint, or a buffoon. That’s how blogging works. If by doing so I abdicate my position in the blogosphere, so be it. I cannot spend too much time thinking about how my words will be interpreted or if what I’m thinking or feeling or experiencing aligns with someone else’s conception of what’s Right or Proper. I have tried desperately to ensure that everything I talk about here is authentic and mine. I have achieved this with varying degrees of success, but will fail utterly if I start to color my words based on my “position”.
What I right yesterday? I don’t know. Will I feel that way next week? No idea. But it describes what I feel now, and really, that’s all this blog was ever meant to be. I am inclined to express the professional athlete’s absolution, “I am not a roll model”, but I don’t know. Maybe I am. In any case, I’m not perfect. I will never be beautified by anyone nor should I be.
You have the right to not read me. I have the right to say whatever I want. It’s as simple as that.
I was kind of surprised by Mayday’s diatribe. I thought you were being perfectly clear, not trying to take a shot at gay men…in the context of what you were saying it was pretty straight forward…Anyway, you are right. It’s a fucking blog, not a news report. It’s an opinion piece. If you don’t agree with it, don’t read it. I don’t always agree with every blog I read either, but for Pete’s sake, you’ve got to keep it in perspective.
I never read anywhere that you were the self proclaimed expert on the subject of sexuality, male chastity or gay relationships. Did you say that somewhere? If you did I totally missed it. That’s the problem with the English language it’s so imprecise. The role model thing is so stupid. The media wankers always miss the point. A role model exhibits a particular skill set that they knowingly try to impart to others. So, for example, if A-Rod (whom I can’t stand), is deliberately trying to demonstrate by his actions, how to hit a baseball very well, he could be lauded as a role model for that skill. The stupid media always tries to extend the skill set to include ALL aspects of his personal life, which is total nonsense. Now, if you want to talk about Gandi as a role model, then you have a different thing all together. Gandi did in fact want the actions of his personal life to be seen as an example to his followers. Now following Gandi as a role model in how to hit a baseball would be a complete disaster….I would think : )
Hopefully, your “blogging” relationship with each other will work itself out. Good luck. Keep on Blogging!
I never read anywhere that you were the self proclaimed expert on the subject of sexuality, male chastity or gay relationships. Did you say that somewhere? If you did I totally missed it.
This is tough. On the one hand, I did put myself out there and proclaim to have the One True Way (even though, in calmer moments, I know there is no One True Way). I write pieces here that are clearly meant to be advice for others. I can understand how I could be perceived as an expert. I act like one even if I doubt myself from time to time.
But really, there’s the mechanics of chastity and OC/OD and there’s the mechanics of what’s happening in my head and in my relationship. These are two different things. One of my favorite sayings is “often wrong but never in doubt”. I might come across as never being in doubt, but that’s not saying I’m right. At least as the brain/relationship mechanics are concerned.
Yesterday’s post was an unusual one for me because it was so “THIS IS THE WAY”. I don’t normally write like that, I don’t think. Can’t say why I did except that it was what was in my head and was what I wanted to say. I wrote it quickly and posted it without any reflection. Had I paused, I might have changed a few things.
Hi Thumper.
I wanted to comment, as someone who has gotten a lot from your blog, and who has also read Maymay’s blog with great interest.
I get that it is personal. It is truly, deeply personal for him too – which is why he is so intense with every damn thing he says.
For him, the personal is political. That isn’t how you look at things, and he isn’t entitled to require you to adopt that viewpoint, any more than you are entitled to “make” anyone see things your way. Ironically enough, Maymay is attempting to do to you what he is accusing you of doing to “the internet”! LOL!
Except that I hate to see two intelligent, interesting folks at odds over what is basically linguistics.
Personally, I think Maymay really needs to lighten up… but, that just isn’t his way.
He reminds me of some of the stricter feminists I knew in college – the ones who felt I was betraying feminism if I wore lipstick. (I realized that letting these folks tell me I couldn’t wear lipstick was really no better than letting my dad tell me that I couldn’t… and that ultimately, *I* wanted to wear it, so there!)
I also think your saying “this is the best way for everyone” was a bit over the top. But, as you mention, this is YOUR blog, and as a blog, it is by default an opinion piece. HIS blog is also an opinion piece!
So mostly I think you guys just need to make up and accept that your blogs have different approaches. Please Daddy and Daddy, don’t fight! 😉
For him, the personal is political.
I think for everyone, politics is personal. The question is, does everything personal need to be political? I think not.
Ironically enough, Maymay is attempting to do to you what he is accusing you of doing to “the internet”!
I see what you’re saying, but I’m sure May would disagree.
Personally, I think Maymay really needs to lighten up… but, that just isn’t his way.
No, it’s not. In many ways, I admire his passion and his intensity. I am more often than not pragmatic rather than passionate, but still appreciate it in other as long as it doesn’t get dogmatic.
He reminds me of some of the stricter feminists I knew in college…
That’s an interesting analogy.
I also think your saying “this is the best way for everyone” was a bit over the top.
Perhaps. I am happy to have that discussion, but not in the way he started it.
So mostly I think you guys just need to make up…
I’m fine. I can’t stay mad. Really, I wasn’t all that mad, though it’s pissed me off more that all this shit put me in a bad mood all day long.
Oops, I forgot to sign that. This is Kiki, from dickinabox. Thanks, Thumper! I’ve learned a lot here!
~Kiki
http://dickinabox.blog.com
I’m a fan of yours, as well. I added it to my links page the same day I found out you were out there!
You have the right to say and believe what you want, sure, but on the other end it’s frustrating/hurtful to hear someone proclaim that my relationship style is wrong because of the genders and power/kink inclinations of the people involved. It’s also frustrating (but not really a new thing) to have a declaration of One True Way that mentions, ok, it’s not One and True because some people aren’t het, but we’ll ignore that and still claim that it’s how relationships in general ought to work!
I think that, while people can argue all day long about how inherently political the personal is, you brought the political square in the middle of this when you moved from “This is fantastic for Belle and me! Really great! I think it might work for other people!” to “Everyone’s relationship should look like ours!” The first, great! I’m glad that you have something that works! (Really. Happy relationships beat the hell out of the alternatives.) The second, not so great. My relationships don’t look like that at all, I don’t want them to, and *certainly* not just because I’m a woman. (I’m also unclear whether my girlfriend and I ought to be controlling each others’ orgasms or not bothering. Either way, it would cause problems if I was controlling my male partner’s like I apparently ought to. It would probably not be a way to increase our intimacy and commitment.)
TL;DR: People and relationships differ, and overarching prescriptions are bound to break down somewhere.