Willing prisoner

Belle and I had a date the Saturday before I left on my trip. It was at a nice restaurant, one of her favorites, though I remember when the space had been a hot dog joint and, truthfully, I liked it better back then. In any event, we had a long and, for me, difficult talk about Where We Were with regard to the whole chastity thing.

Last week, in a comment, I used the metaphor of a pond in trying to describe what it was like being a man in near constant chastity. It’s not a perfect analogy, but the combination of my sexual drive, desires, emotional state, and need for intimacy – what I’ll call my sexuality for short – is like a pond. When the water’s moving, things are good. A nice chop on the surface makes me feel energized and gives me the buzz I crave when locked up. Certain things get the water moving better than others. Porn can be like dropping a little pebble in the water. Having permission to play with myself can have a pretty good effect. Getting Belle off makes a decent size splash while her teasing me and leaving me panting for more is like dropping a boulder. Some combination of all these things is necessary to keep the water moving, though the driver – the most important element – is anything having to do with connection to Belle. Right now, we’ve gone about a month and I’ve only been able to be sexual with Belle once in all that time. At the time of our dinner conversation, it had been about three weeks. The water had stilled and become like glass.

What I eventually was able to say to her is that I need to know she’s still involved in my chastity. That doesn’t mean, necessarily, that we’re having sex, but it does mean I still have an idea that she’s aware of my status and what I’m going through. The few simple words she gave me on her birthday are a good example, but then Friday night came along and, from what I could tell, a wide open window of opportunity presented itself for us to have sex, but we didn’t. No words, no explanation. She just sort of rolled over and that was that. It was very frustrating for me (and not in the good way) because I crave some really good, really sexy quality time with her. Badly. It’s not just that I want sex. I want connection. I want intimacy. I want to exchange our pleasures. I want to send a strong current of energy along whatever line binds us together. And, if she’s not in the mood for it, I need some recognition of that. Not explanation. Not apology (god, please, not that) just words. That she knows what I want and that it’s still not going to happen because she gets to choose and she chooses no. But in the absence of any of that, I am left to stew in my own juices (literally and figuratively). And that’s a Bad Thing.

I think we may have started to confuse the health of our larger relationship with the health of our D/s slash chastity overlay. It is an overlay. Something stacked on top of the foundation of our love and commitment. I suggested that if we find ourselves in a place where we’re not able to connect for a long time (either because of distance or the ebb and flow of emotion) that we put the chastity overlay on hold. Maybe even the orgasm control and denial overlay. We should not look at that as a failure or a sign of relationship troubles. As long as we keep communicating, it should be OK. As in all other things, communication is the key.

The thing is, she can disengage from our chastity game pretty easily but I cannot. I’m in it 24/7 for as long as we’re doing it. I never stop playing the game. I can’t. Eventually, without context and without recognition and without communication, I start to feel disconnected. Adrift. Resentful. It will not be the end of the world if one of us says to the other, “You know what? I’m just not that into this right now.”

Which is where I was last week. I want to do this with her, but not the way it was happening. We left the meal with the understanding that I was still not allowed to come, but would be free for my trip. Last night, I was super horny and needing her, but it wasn’t going to happen. She asked how I was feeling and I said it was very hard being out. Very hard. She had said I would go back into lock-up on Sunday, but seeing how distracted I was with whatever I couldn’t keep my hands off of in my pants, ordered me back in on the spot. I went in the bathroom and put the device back on. Nothing happened sexually, but I felt better knowing she was thinking about me and the cock and my issues. I am desperately horny at the moment but I’m also just as desperate to feel her body. I fell asleep last night fantasizing about her laying me on my back and straddling my face. I imagined my hands reaching up to her breasts while she smothered me with her wet pussy, pushing and grinding it into my mouth for her pleasure. God, I need that. I need to feel her, taste her, make her come. I woke this morning with a highly pressurized tube and, for the first time in five mornings, wasn’t able to grab an erection. It felt pretty good.

The picture in this post is a little voodoo doll I picked up in the airport on the way home. I thought it was cute and pretty well perfectly summarized our relationship. I am a prisoner, literally. Her willing prisoner. My well being is in her hands as much as mine. The chastity device I wear is both a symbol and an assurance of my dedication to maintaing that status and, as long as it’s going to remain a positive force, requires us both to be engaged with one another. We both know this but, like anything else between two people, we sometimes need a reminder. Maybe that’ll be the doll’s job.

14 thoughts on “Willing prisoner

  1. I think a crazy 24 hour fuck fest is in order for you and Belle! I think the reconnection, pleasure and bonding that will happen really help re-energize the whole chastity thing. As a key holder myself, I still like to have my pet cum inside of me every so often since it makes me feel more connected to him.

  2. I feel for you thumper. The way I see it, chastity is like an old fashioned kaleidoscope. The kind that existed before they stuffed them with coloured beadS to enhance the psychedelic patterns. They can augment your experience of the world and emphasise new sensory experiences. But they are both pointless if you only ever use them to peer at a blank wall.

    Your pent up sexual frustrations are basically a renewable energy resource that she could be sublimating into soaring new heights of her own sexual pleasure. There is a reason why she is feeling disconnected. If you can resolve that then you stand a good chance of finding your way back to the path you started on all those weeks ago.

    1. Your pent up sexual frustrations are basically a renewable energy resource

      Yes, exactly!

      There is a reason why she is feeling disconnected.

      I don’t know that there’s any one reason. I gave her the option of putting thing on hold and she declined it, so she wants to keep going. As long as she wants to do it and is willing to do what *I* need to be able to keep going, I’m more than game.

  3. Thumper I’ve often thought you take too few breaks from chastity. A change is always good in life. Furthermore being a keyholder is a huge strain, hard to imagine when you are the one locked but it is. You have to cum for two, do intimacy even more than normal, try to keep always connected to the sub when your own need for intimacy and sex is much much lower. Both because hers is lower anyway, and because the chastity heightens yours further.

    The benefits the game brings are big, but it has it’s costs. Sometimes it’s good to put it aside for a short period. Give belle and break from your need by you being free to cum for a while, and give you a break from the constant driving need.

    You will probably be less intimate during that time, for sure, but you will also both go back to the chastity later with a new appreciation for it.

    Your relationship can stand on it’s own feet 🙂

    I agree about the fuck fest, i think you two could benefit from a few 🙂

    Your friend
    M

    1. You mean like…

      I suggested that if we find ourselves in a place where we’re not able to connect for a long time (either because of distance or the ebb and flow of emotion) that we put the chastity overlay on hold. Maybe even the orgasm control and denial overlay.

      1. Yes, probably. Maybe it’ll be 2 days or 2 weeks but you will be doing it for her and that’s the work you have to put into this game.

        Maybe this a good time to do a fun switch and you become the “top” for this period. She’d probably welcome this and fun stuff, like your restraints, will be a nice chance for her to just let go.

      2. Maybe this a good time to do a fun switch…

        Yeah, that’s not going to happen! I don’t think either of us have any interest whatsoever in playing this any other way than we are.

      3. Yes but you didn’t push it. I actually think it’s a very good idea. Something sandy and I did about once or twice a year. Usually we left it a bit too long as sandy loved to keep me denied and rarely was up for ending the game. But stresses would build up that would dissipate after a short break.
        M

      4. Well, if by “push” you mean force the issue, then no, I didn’t push. I did put it out there, however, more than once and as a real alternative. She chose not to take it.

    2. You will probably be less intimate during that time, for sure, but you will also both go back to the chastity later with a new appreciation for it.

      :nods:

      This is one of the reasons why we take breaks. After a few weeks or months, one or the other will start to think about it again, and we go back into it refreshed, as it were.

      1. Well, as I said, I put it out there and she declined, but now that *Tom’s* said it (in all his sage wisdom), who knows?

        😉

  4. As always, this particular game is one you like because it requires Belle to be focused on your relationship and your sexual connection. It’s not any given activity you crave, it’s her attention. What bothers you most is when she ignores you, or seems content with a minimal expression of your connection.
    As for giving up the chastity, do you think that being unlocked, being without that manifestation of her attention, you would find yourself again being drawn to someone who is giving you the attention you desire?
    Keep up the talking-it can only help.

    1. As always, this particular game is one you like because it requires Belle to be focused on your relationship and your sexual connection.

      Yes, and that’s one reason why I think so many men like it. It’s a sneaky way to get their mates to engage with them sexually.

      As for giving up the chastity, do you think that being unlocked, being without that manifestation of her attention, you would find yourself again being drawn to someone who is giving you the attention you desire?

      The reason all that happened was, at its core, a communication issue. I don’t think we can get in that place again. In any event, we are both different people now with different experiences. The past cannot replay as it did before.

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