Alas, it has been quite a while since Belle and I had any sex. At least two weeks now. There’s no specific reason it’s been that long. She had her period, I got sick, she went away for the weekend. Regular access to her pleasure is, of course, the alchemic ephemera my body processes into its ability to sustain life without access to itself for indefinite periods of time. It’s a real drag (in every sense of that word) to exist without it. I’m not blaming, just saying. I need to feel her enjoying my touch. Need to hear her gasp and moan. Need to feel her quivering orgasm.
Need it all the way down.
breath
I’m with you on this. As much as it hurts to say it, it is not about what we want. To serve her becomes a desire stronger than what we want, so we wait for her to choose, not understanding “why not now?”. It’s not our choice.
I have been in this mode for far longer than I have worn a cage. I was a once a day masturbater, but when it came to sex, if I got off, great, if not, no biggie.. but if she didn’t get off, I felt as though I had failed completely.
Now that I have been locked up for over a month, and the daily orgasm of my own creation is also denied, I find that getting *her* off is what I am craving. I don’t miss my own orgasm as much as I desperately want her to use me to get herself off, be it by toy or tongue, seeing her explode in pleasure is what I crave.
Need, even.
And yes, I know it is about what she wants, but I have not had enough time to truly train my brain to ignore the “why not now?” bit that pops up. It’s still there, insistent, whiny, and unwanted.