Imagine my surprise yesterday when I saw in my notifications that a guy I know from way back in high school is now following this blog. I wasn’t all, “Oh god, hide the flogger and penis pictures, quick!” But I was, “Hmm. How’d he happen to find my little corner of the internet?” So I asked him.
Turns out, WordPress may have been the culprit. I haven’t tried this myself, but apparently you can “find friends” through the WP back-end (I found friends through my back-end, once upon a time, but in a different way). Somehow, through the intricacies and annoyingly complicated tendrils of the social interwebs, my friend (whom I will now call J) was suggested his old high school buddy’s secret sex blog. This is odd because I’ve tried to be somewhat careful with regard to keeping my two web presences disconnected. I have a Facebook account for Thumper and me, but I’ve never connected mine to this blog, just Thumper’s. I also have separate Gmail accounts.
Ah, well. As I’ve said many times in my professional life, there is no such thing as privacy on the internet.
J asked if I was OK with him reading my blog. I thought that was nice. I basically said, well, I put it out there to be read, so if you’re game, go for it. I am, ultimately, not ashamed of this site or myself and J is an old enough friend from so far back (when all our sexualities were bumping around each other like baby hippos learning to walk on land) that at least 17% of that I write here won’t come as a surprise to him.
I sometimes (well, a lot of the time) resent the whole “code of anonymity” thing that comes with blogging about one’s sex life. This is sort of the opposite issue from the other day (or maybe it’s the ultimate symptom of it), but sometimes I wish none of this was secret. It adds a layer of emotional and mental overhead that I’m not crazy about. Now J knows. Add him to the two or three other people who know me in real life who are also aware. Funny, the sky hasn’t fallen.
The way I think about it is this. I will not advertise to anyone in my circle of friends, family, or coworkers that this is who I am. Some people do advertise and vociferously, of course, and more power to them, but I don’t like living that way. But, I will not deny who I am when the subject comes up, however it comes up. If someone happens upon this site accidentally, I can’t be blamed. I did my best to keep them from having to know this about me (there are people I know whose sex blogs would drive me screaming into the hills, so I’m not pretending everyone I’m acquainted with really and truly wants to see my penis selfies). However, if after they find it, they don’t spontaneously combust and actually start to explore this part of my life, I would prefer that they somehow make it known to me that they’re doing it. It won’t change anything about how I do this, but I’d like to know just the same.
You know, I actually don’t have a huge fear of friends finding my blog. I think most of them think I’m a bit “off” anyway.:) And, my family would just roll their eyes at me and ignore it. The only person that ever worries me is my ex-husband, because I know this stuff has been used in court before. But, he’d have to read, so, I don’t feel it is that much of a threat.
And your friend is obviously here for a *reason*.
He could just as easily have looked you up, found your blog, squinged, and ran away as fast as his little feet could carry him. But he didn’t. He found you on WordPress and he’s making a *choice* to read your blog. Which, essentially, makes him no different than any of the rest of us in that regard.
You said, “However, if after they find it, they don’t spontaneously combust and actually start to explore this part of my life, I would prefer that they somehow make it known to me that they’re doing it. It won’t change anything about how I do this, but I’d like to know just the same.”
And, if you’re willing to answer: I’m curious, since you say the knowledge won’t impact how you choose to blog… If someone from your 3D life stumbles onto your little corner of the blogverse… Why do you want to know? What need does that fulfill for you?
P.S. LOVE the “found friends through the back end” line. *snort* 😀
I think he honestly found it on accident.
WRT *why* I’d want to know, it’s because reading this blog is not unlike reading my diary. Strangers are welcome to it because the odds are low (though not zero) that we’ll meet, but if I know you and you read this without telling me, it’s like you have me at a disadvantage. Or something. It just seems wrong. It doesn’t really fulfill a need, as such.
Sure it does. It impacts your need for an equal playing field. Which totally makes sense. It’s the difference between anonymously sharing secrets with a bunch of strangers and *consciously choosing* to share your secrets with a person of your acquaintance.
And because I’ve always felt so welcome here (and possibly because I’m a ‘stranger’ ~ or at the very least, I am strange), I’ve never felt as though I’m peering through a keyhole or sneaking a peek at the pages of your diary. So thank youf or the reminder that your blog is, indeed, such an intensely personal space. 🙂
Thanks for answering my question.
Really? *goes to the back end to take a look… snigger…*
Ferns
Of friends and backends… And Thumpers…
http://filmfanatic.org/reviews/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/Iceskating.JPG
That’s exactly right!
So is he into and/or curious about chastity?
No idea. We haven’t talked about it.