No go

Justplaying said…

I think I mentioned this before, but I think the real difference in truly being gay has more to do with how you feel about loving a man, not having sex with one. I get turned on by submission. I get turned on by thinking about a hard muscled guy pushing me to my knees and having me suck him off or bending me over and taking me hard in the ass. But I’m happily married to a woman and unlike Thumper have never had the experiences that he has (just the fantasy). But I have never felt like I desperately needed or wanted the love of another man.

Recently, as an alternative to finding my fantasy guy, my wife bought a strap-on to train me to suck cock (since I seem to crave it). AND here’s something I never knew…When I gag on that thick dildo, the gag reflex makes my nipples really sensitive and causes a spasm in my ass! Who knew? I don’t know if that’s what everyone experiences or not, but I find it really hot. Thoughts?

WRT “being truly gay,” yes, that’s true. If you can’t love a man and find emotional satisfaction in a relationship with one or even want that, you’re clearly not gay. I can’t/don’t and that’s the metric I ultimately used to decide for myself who I was. However, how many men who also really get off on pussy identify as gay? Not many, I think. Human sexuality is like a Rubic’s Cube that way, I suppose. Anyone can identify any way they like and the sexualistas out there are free say what they want about the whateverthefuck-ist perspective they want to pin on me, but I think they’re both tests of different things.

And yeah, I totally get that being dominated by a guy thing. Totally. Used. Abused. Being his object. Works for me (and while I have had sex with guys in the past, none of it was D/s, so we’re even on that score). Since I’ve been letting myself think about it, I see that it’s the only kind of submission I’d be able to do that wouldn’t cause damaging feedback on the relationship Belle and I have. She would always be primary (and hold the keys to the kingdom, literally) and he’d always be secondary to her, and I’d always be as low as low can be. In my fantasy world, it would be one guy (or maybe an established couple) and not a cavalcade of faces and dicks. I think I’d need that to establish trust and a true connection to the person(s). Also, in a perfect world, everyone would know each other and get along. He wouldn’t be over some black wall in another room in my head where I retreated from Belle. Everything would need to be out in the open so everyone would know the rules and feel comfortable with the arrangement. Yeah, call me an idealist, but that was the fantasy.

However, Belle flat out told me last night she wasn’t going to share me with anyone. Even someone who, by their very being, would occupy places in my body and spirit she cannot. I’m told I’ll have to live with my fantasies only. She admits this is entirely selfish on her part. That she wants even those parts of me she cannot access. I am hers. I admit that, while I never really thought she’d let me, I am a little let down. As a person with sexual desires for both genders, I knew going into my straight, vanilla marriage I was attempting to wall-off a part of me forever, but we’re not that same couple anymore and I though maybe there was a tiny bit of a crack there now, but there isn’t. I don’t begrudge Belle her POV on this and while it leaves me a little wistful for what might have been, it is no different than where I was before this whole thing came up.

The strap-on thing is interesting. Belle said way back at the beginning of our relationship that she’d never do the whole “bend over boyfriend” thing either, but I can see the appeal of being roughly used like that. I don’t recall anything special happening in my nipples or nether regions when gagging on cock, but it’s been a long time. So, have you gone the full Monty yet?

I could have said most of this as a simple reply to justplaying’s comment, but I thought it would be more useful to use it as a way to close the loop on the whole “sharing” thing.

6 thoughts on “No go

  1. Interesting discussion all around, Thumper — both the ‘gay’ discussion and the examination of ‘sharing.’

    Belle flat out told me last night she wasn’t going to share me with anyone. Even someone who, by their very being, would occupy places in my body and spirit she cannot [. . .] She admits this is entirely selfish on her part. That she wants even those parts of me she cannot access. [. . .] it leaves me a little wistful for what might have been, it is no different than where I was before this whole thing came up.

    This speaks to a lot of what I feel about my boy. I don’t like sharing. (And as much as it makes you a little wistful for what might have been, I find it incredibly loving and romantic of her… but I’m possessive that way too.)

    My boy and I did play with a third recently (our motivations were very different than yours), and while nothing terrible came of it, I’m not sure it’s something I’d do again. I’m happy, satisfied, so why mess with that? It sounds like you’re ultimately of a similar mind — your recent posts have been blissfully happy, dripping with love and sweetness… why mess with that?

    In any case, thanks for sharing all of it. It’s thought-provoking and fascinating to get a peek inside your head.

  2. Smiling at the term ‘sexualistas’. 😉

    Sexuality and gender identification and the various ancillary and interwoven topics related to both…

    Justplaying said, “…I think the real difference in truly being gay has more to do with how you feel about loving a man, not having sex with one.”

    Not necessarily. Basically, it boils down to perception of self.

    There is a man in my life who has had relationships (sexual *and* emotional) with both men and women, but who self-identifies as a gay man.

    There is another man in my life who has never had a physical *or* emotional relationship with a woman ~ he is ONLY attracted to men ~ but he self-identifies as bi-sexual.

    Yet, others would interpret the actions of the “gay man” and slap him with a label of “bi.” And vice-versa, the second.

    Your Rubics Cube analogy is an apt one, I believe. Anyone can, indeed, identify any way they like.

    Unique and special snowflakes, we are. 😉

    (Snowflakes that are, at the moment, melting under the heat of the sun. Summer has definitely arrived! 😀 )

    1. The problem of course is for those of us who want to categorize things. What *is* that? Where does it belong? I’m totally one of those people and the first victim of this kind of thinking was me. What sized slot did I belong in? While I admit to being totally OK with accepting however someone identified themselves, there’s still a part of me that wants to figure out what they *really* are. Not that it matters.

  3. Hey Thumper, WOW I didn’t expect a whole blog response..but I really like the rubik’s cube analogy. I guess sometimes fantasy is as good as it gets and you and Belle are a very cool couple. I really enjoy reading how you two get on with chastity, submission and the like. It’s hard not to fall into the trap of putting labels on things. I do it more then I like, because I like to have things neat and tidy….but in reality I hate labels. Paradox? yes, I guess so. Thanks for keeping this blog going especially the “portfolio” my go to spot when I need something to fantasize about. Nice to hear other peoples perspectives on “being gay” as well. Happy that everyone is open minded. Hmmm, I am perplexed about the gagging thing and my nipples though…I guess I’m lucky, it is really intense, especially when I am locked up. Best to you and Belle. jp

  4. Oh wow, I think this is amazing. But I have to agree with Mrs. Fever. I don’t think loving a man or having an emotional relationship with a man makes you gay. I’ve been in an emotional relationship with a man for five years, and I don’t consider myself gay in the slightest. It’s weird… I don’t really even consider myself “bi,” because I’m not attracted to men. I guess the label I’ve always used for myself “a straight man who loves another man.” A bit wordy, but I can’t really think of any other way to describe it.

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