Two more

I forgot two of my New Year’s goals/notresolutions.

First, I’d like to be tied up more. Doesn’t have to be ropes since they’re technical. Could be cuffs and harnesses, etc. Just restrained. There’s all manner of lovely strappy things to accomplish such a goal. Hogties, hobble belts, and various spreader bars. Even awesome-looking shackles.

I think Belle worries about what to do with me once she’s bound me up. Sure, I’d also like to be whipped and otherwise tortured, but she could just leave me. The idea of having my wrists bound to my thighs or even just leaving them cuffed together all night (preferably while wearing a collar, ‘natch) is highly appealing. Or shackling my hands and ankles. Basically, anything where she removes more of my control is too fucking hot.

Yeah, so, I’d like stuff to bind and restrain me plus a lovely harness. Just because I think they’re sexy as hell and I’ve almost got my upper body into a shape that one would look good on me.

Have I mentioned my strappy leather kink? I must’ve. Once or twice.

Second, I want to be in a state where I want to come. Yes, duh, right? But no, not if you think about it. So many guys into denial are into denial (myself included) which means they want to be denied. Where I’m saying I want to be more often is where I want to fucking come all the time and don’t only because she won’t let me. If she said, “Thumper, now!” I’d happily spew forth without reservations.

Case in point. This morning. I was up before her and sofuckinghorny. I wasted some time on the Tumblr (which did nothing to resolve the horny thing) and otherwise ground the steel into the bed and waited for her to wake up. Eventually, she did, and it wasn’t long before she was naked and needing to choose how she’d let me get her off.

She has many options. My fingers, my mouth, the little pink vibrator, the big blue dick, the little white one, and a new addition to her stable: The Vixskin Maverick. It showed up on Friday and is the solution to her wanting to get fucked by a big dick but not necessarily wanting to let me out. Some further backstory…

Belle wanted me in the Steelheart but also wanted to be fucked and, back around Christmas, asked if Blue would work over the device. No. But, I had a thought. The penis fits pretty well in Blue and Belle’s old dildo Mr. Darcy is nearly the same size as me so what if I put Mr. Darcy in the strap-on harness he was bought for and stuck Blue over that? Kind of a sex toy turducken. We gave it a shot.

Didn’t work. Darcy, while about the same size as the penis all around, doesn’t compress the same way inside Blue. What we ended up with is a much fatter and less flexible dildo arrangement. It made her uncomfortable and I had to get her off a different way. Ah, well.

And that led to the arrival of Maverick. I chose the chocolate color because I felt the pinkish-white one looks kinda sickly and pale and the “caramel” one looks like cheap spray tan. The chocolate color is warm and rich. Really lovely. It showed up and as soon as I saw it I thought she’d think it was too big. On paper, it’s the same size as Blue. Seven inches by two. In reality, Maverick has a much bigger and more pronounced head. Also, it looks thicker. I compared the two to each other and found that they were essentially identical in proportions, though. But Maverick’s head. Holy cow. Blue tapers a bit while Maverick stays hefty all the way to its fat, flared helmet.

Funny thing, though, when I showed it to Belle. “Oh, that’s a really good size,” she said immediately. Yes. A perfect size for her, I think.

So back to this morning. Her choice. Fingers, mouth, pink vibrator, big blue dick, big black dick, or little white one. She decided she wanted me out, so it was Blue. Maverick’s christening will need to wait for another day.

After Blue had its way with her (ninety-eight to go, BTW), she let me fuck her. Again, the sensation of being inside her and feeling how much the dildo she thinks is a “really good size” stretches her beyond my ability really fucking clicks with something very deep inside me. The sensation of being second. The subtle and implied humiliation of knowing that she came so well from something so much bigger. Knowing that no matter how hard I fuck her, I’ll never touch the spots touched by her big dildos.

And sweet Jesus, it makes me want to come in her. To spray myself all over the walls that bigger dick pushed beyond my reach. To mark and retake her pussy as mine. It hurts, I want to come so bad. So I told her.

“I want to come in you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“No, you really don’t.”

“But I do…”

Silence.

Had she said the word, I would’ve done it. Like that. But she didn’t so I didn’t.

Her goal not to let me come once this year: Intact

My goal to want to really a lot: Intact