Mailbag

Rob writes…

First of all, my compliments on your blog. Me and my wife started experimenting with tease and denial and chastity in December 2013. Looking for info on the web, I found your blog. I started at the first post, and have read almost everything up to April 2010 so far. I find it very helpful to read the process you and Belle have been trough and the experiences you have. I see a lot of similarities (but also some dissimilarities).

I feel like a lucky man that my wife wants to give this a try. In general I get the idea she likes it, and that is also what she tells me. But everything is very new to her, and actually to me to. One of the things is that she find it hard to make it difficult for me. She likes to please me as well. I like that too, a lot, but I crave denial and I rather want to please her, and that she loves to be pleased, while I am being denied. I tell her many times, but I get the idea that she doesn’t fully understand my desires. I guess this also has to evolve over time.

Above sounds like it is only about what I want, and not what she wants. When I ask her, the answer is more general like us being happy together (which we are, very much).

I offered her to find a good book on the subject. She really liked the idea. What we are am looking for is a book that explains to her how male submissiveness works, more on a psychological way. Why do want men to be submissive, are they really happy that way, etc…

Also something on how to dominate a man, how to start, how to expand and different styles of femdom. We are not looking for a book describing only Ds-games/scenario’s. Although this will be helpful, she is also very creative.

Do you have a good suggestion for a book?

On your blog, you wrote something about Uniquely Rika. Is this a book you can recommend for starters?

I have also been reading some posts of Sarah Jameson. She wrote some books too, but the site doesn’t seem to be active anymore. Do you know her books? I think they might be interesting. The free ones as well. But I’m not sure if these are still available (at least I don’t get a response when filling in the contact form).

If other readers have suggestions as well, they are welcome as well. Also suggestions from females. Sorry, I don’t want to discriminate here, but my guess is that as a female, you may have a good idea on what might be helpful for my wife to read.

I liked Uniquely Rika a lot. It was the book I was reading when I realized I was actually a submissive and not just playing at it. I also think Sarah Jameson has some interesting things to say on the subject, but her bias against submissive men makes it hard for me to enthusiastically recommend her stuff. The Mistress Manual are Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders are also good. We got those early on. When Someone You Love is Kinky is highly regarded, as well.

Readers? Any other suggestions or advice for Rob?

Nina enquired…

I love your blog for all of the detailed information you give on chastity devices! Thank you for offering such a helpful resource on this subject. I noticed that you have written a lot about the Holy Trainer device and I was wondering if I could ask your advice? I recently received the device I ordered (2nd version, short tube, middle-sized ring, black material). It is very well constructed, looks good and seems reliable and easy to use. Unfortunately, I may have miscalculated or made some mistaken choices on my sizing. I measured myself and felt like the larger base ring would be too loose to hold the device on, especially because the shaft of my penis does not have a large diameter and, though not very tiny in length, is also not long. However, with the short tube, I am pushed very deeply to the end when the device is on all the way and it seems like the scrotum is pulled too far from the body to sit securely or comfortably. In fact, I noticed that with the device fully on and locked, there are still “folds” between my scrotum and the shaft of my penis on the “outside” of the ring, as if the whole package does not fully fit into the device. My question is, do you think this sounds like it would be best remedied with a larger ring or a long tube? I’m afraid that with the large ring, the whole device would not stay on at all and also, conversely, with a longer tube I would not fill it up enough to keep the device securely in place. At the same time, as it fits now, it seems somehow way too easy to slip my penis out of the tube and the ring when I am naturally flaccid. Anyhow, I know you are not one of the Holy Trainer manufacturers, but seeing as you have such extensive knowledge and experience with these devices, I thought I would ask for your view on the subject.

I wonder how tight your scrotum is naturally. Have you worn devices before? The folds of skin don’t sound terribly unusual but I can’t see them so I’m not sure. In any event, if your balls don’t turn blue or purple when you’re hard, the ring probably isn’t too tight. I found that my scrotum became much more flexible with time. Erections pushing against the tube anchored to my ball sack over and over stretched the skin. It may be the case that your scrotum is of the “high and tight” variety. The middle ring for the Holy Trainer is 45mm and I think that’s pretty darn big. It’s big on me, anyway. Sounds like, if anything, you may want to consider the 40mm ring.

You say your penis is all the way to the end of the tube when wearing the device and you’re flaccid. That’s perfect. Just the way I like it.

Regarding being able to pull out easily, that, I’m afraid, is just how it’s going to be. If you penis is much thinner than typical, it will probably feel even less secure. What it sounds like you need is a thinner tube, not just a shorter one. I don’t think you’ll find that on the over-the-counter plastic device market. You’ll need some custom steel. Also, a smaller ring would help. That being said, I found the Trainer to feel a little less secure than other plastic device I’ve worn. Also, of course, trapped-ball devices just aren’t terrifically secure things in general.

Hope that helps!

Reader Recon requests…

Hey there, Thumper. You have an awesome blog here. I’ve been reading it for a few years. It is very interesting to hear your first-hand account of being locked up and denied over the long term. As a matter of fact, yours is the only blog I read related to chastity. You’re also very sexy to read.

I’ve been interested in chastity since coming out 20 years ago. While at university, I bought a Carrara belt (back before they were known as Carrara), a used Tollyboy, and an original used Bird Cage. Since then, I’ve also picked up a CB-2000, one of the stainless steel guys from Mr. S, and a Dickcage. And lately I’ve had my eye on a couple of the more basic pieces from Steelwerks up in Montreal.

I haven’t really been locked up properly, lacking a guy who wants to control things, but I’ve played around with it now and then. I find that my biggest problem is using the restroom. Normally I run a finger up the entire length of the cock, from the perineum up to the head, to press out those last few drops of piss. Otherwise, I end up leaking, which I find quite annoying. Obviously if my cock is encased in stainless steel or plastic, I can’t do that. So I leak. Is this a problem that you have encountered? Any tricks to get those last few drops out?

Yeah. That.

This is a problem I deal with daily. The only tricks I can offer is to shake the damned thing out as well as you can, dab up as much excess as possible with toilet paper and exercise your Kegel muscles. Then, after all that, try to learn how not be so bothered by it and rinse the tube out when warm water at night and with soap and water in the morning. I wish I had the magic bullet to fix this, but it just is what it is.

Another reader announced…

Foreword: I am very much drunk (I don’t think I would have had the confidence to write to you otherwise).

I just want you to know that I identify with the way of life you have described in your blog. Your writings have helped me explain my sexual desires to my fiancee in a way that previously made me feel alienated and alone.

I guess all I have to say is thank you for your blog (and also thank you to Belle, of course).

And I guess all I have to say is thank you right back. And good for you (and your fiancee).

5 thoughts on “Mailbag

  1. Hey Thumper, I wrote a post on book I recommend with a little review of them. Rob, or anyone, is welcome to check it out so I don’t have to write a whole ton in your comments! 🙂 I haven’t gotten into Uniquely Rika yet so I can’t say much about that.

  2. Re: Rob’s email – My KH (the previous commenter, hello My Lady! hehe) started off in a very similar way, she wasn’t sure how far she could push me without “worrying” about me. We took our time and didn’t push things too hard too fast, and most importantly we communicated over everything. She began to realize that I wanted her to make things difficult for me to endure, and that it wouldn’t push me away. Now, My Lady enjoys hearing of my hardships and frustrations to the point that it turns her on!

    Re: Reader Recon’s email – I used to have the same problem (slight urine retention in the penis), and I was afraid it was going to be worse with my cage on. However, I read a tip somewhere – it actually may have been this blog! – that helped me immensely. What I do is when I’m finished urinating, I press inward and upward gently in the perineal area – the taint, if you will 🙂 – and it usually pushes out any remaining urine than needs to be drained. I haven’t really had a problem with dripping since… dripping urine, anyway. Dripping precum is a different story…

    – cagedmonkey

  3. Hi Thumper-
    Thanks so much for your very helpful, detalied response to my message! I have been studying and experimenting with the Holy Trainer that I received and I agree with you that it would be worthwhile to try the smaller ring. I can tell that the folds that I describe are really the result of the ring not being tight enough and leaving gaps that are too open and large on the sides of my scrotum. On the length of the tube, it seems I am really in that grey area: i fit, barely, into the short tube when flaccid, but it seems to push the device down and off to much if left on for any length of time, not to mention when I get somewhat erect. Maybe the tighter ring would be enough to address this problem or maybe it would be worth trying the larger tube. Actually, my lady and I experimented with the current ring I have now and it was a fun toy to play with for a while, but probably not secure enough for sustained use. Anyway, I haven’t decided whether to just get the new ring or a new ring and a longer tube, but I will give you an update when I do! Thanks again for your insight and advice!
    Sincerely- Sissy Nina Lowell, “dying” to be fit into a secure trainer!

    1. “Maybe the tighter ring would be enough to address this problem or maybe it would be worth trying the larger tube.”

      Yes. A tighter ring will help with that, I think.

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