Dishrag quilt

It’s cliche to say, but each life unfolds like a tapestry. When lives come together, their tapestries become more than twice their original size. We’re talking BIG. Like, cover the dining hall wall of a castle kind of big.

Most of this tapestry is fairly mundane stuff. The daily minutia nobody outside the lives it chronicles would care much to see but are important to those being chronicled. But some of it can be pretty interesting. At least, it should be the hope of those whose tapestries are being hung that at least a little of it turns out to be worth looking at.

When I blog here, I’m not recreating our tapestry. I’m pulling colors and textures off it and knitting together little dishrags and handkerchiefs and washcloths. Just tiny, hand-wrought complimentary items. Taken as a whole, you’re left with a quilt that, when you step away from it, suggests the tapestry but is not a reflection of it.

I don’t write about everything that happens in my life or Belle’s here. I don’t tell you all the things we say to one another or do together. This is especially true now, six years in. I don’t talk about my achy knees or choir concerts or tweet about my breakfast or my worries that Belle works too hard to know if she’s happy with her life. I leave most of our lives out. And since this is a blog written by me about me and Belle, I leave almost all of her life not associated with me out. That’s just natural.

I say all this because I think some might occasionally start to think they really know me through my words here. That they know Belle. But you don’t. You can’t. I don’t mix my sex bloggery with my real life social networks. At least, not much. Those of you who really do know me, as the kids call it, IRL do so because I’ve let you in. Chances are, if you’re reading this, I haven’t let you in. So don’t pass judgement on me or Belle or what you think I said or did or the choices we make in our lives. I omit more than you can imagine and, if you’re trying to fill in the blanks, you’re doing just that. Imagining.

I do appreciate feedback. Always. I also appreciate the community that has accreted around me as a result of this blog. But I don’t write to be judged. You may come to conclusions about me or Belle along the way since that’s human nature. Just try to remember you’re doing so based on a random dishrag stitched into a big, loud quilt and don’t have all the facts. Not ever.

13 Replies to “Dishrag quilt”

  1. I can only read that and conclude somebody DID comment or email and added their own personal judgements. Good lord. Sorry to hear that. As open as you are here, you deserve far better than some stranger judging you.

  2. Thumper,

    I’m sincerely sorry for my comment on your last post. It was judgmental, and although that’s not what I intended, it is what I communicated. I apologize for the comment, and for hurting your feelings and/or pissing you off.

    I do understand that what readers see is only a tiny part of you, of Belle, and of your lives together. I don’t assume to know or understand any of what happens outside, around, and between what you choose to share here. My preface (a caveat?) about having “no real understanding of your dynamic,” and making “no claims to understanding” was intended to communicate exactly that – the same thing you said in your response to my comment and in this post.

    I attempted to articulate that first, but obviously, I failed.

    In reading your responses and rereading my comment, I absolutely understand how “if I were in Belle’s shoes” read as “if I were Belle.” That isn’t what I intended, and I apologize for communicating so poorly. I meant to communicate my reaction if that situation happened to me in the context of my own life — not how I would feel if I were Belle (or how Belle should feel).

    In hindsight, instead of saying “if I were in Belle’s shoes,” perhaps I should have said “if Belle’s shoes were in my closet.”

    Better still, I should have kept my comments to myself – I added nothing constructive and only managed to communicate judgment. For that, and for my carelessness, I am sincerely sorry. I’ll be more careful about my thoughts and how/why I communicate them in the future.


  3. Thumper, because of the blog “I start to think I really know you through your words.” I think I know you… and I know I like what you stand for “through your words”… and I know I admire the respect you have for your wife and family.

  4. I have been thoroughly enjoying peeking into the small part of your life you share with us. I love reading your thoughts and exploits! You make me laugh, smile, think. You encouraged me to look at myself. You are someone i admire, but you are correct, i do not know you. 1/2 a world away i can only offer support and encouragement and let you know that through this blog, you help change me life for the better. Thank you for that. And also for all the twitter exchanges. Im glad my invisible red thread reaches around you even if it never actually touches.

  5. You guys are great.

    It’s all good, DD. I was grumpy and couldn’t sleep and probably took what you wrote in the worst possible light. Thanks for your clarification. I appreciate it.

  6. Well, Thumper, even though you and I have met and I know you a wee bit, I’m here to say I’m excited by what you share with us. Keep it up man! Oh that’s right, you can’t, till conjugal visitations. Oops.

  7. I just want to say that I am less than excited about your romps with another man than I am about your interaction with your wife.

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