Dickless

Last time we were naked and rolling around together, an unusual thing happened. I couldn’t get it up. You know, these things happen. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t freak me out, though. And kinda like when I can’t fall asleep, the issue itself starts to become the issue and the flaccidness/wakefulness causes me to focus on the continued flaccidness/wakefulness and perpetuates additional flaccidness/wakefulness.

I woke up that morning laying on a raging hard-on since Belle had let me out the day before. I was super fucking turned-on and squirmed and rubbed the stiffy into the mattress waiting for her to wake up. Then, before getting her off, I was still all hard and leaky. I thought about just jumping her (because I know she likes it and I was in the right mood) but I did the usual and got her off with my fingers. Then she told me to go down on her and I eagerly complied. Then she came. It was all good.

But right then I figured out something was not quite right. It’s hard to explain but when you’re really grooving in the sack nothing feels weird or awkward or out of place, but at that moment, disentangling from the sheets and moving back up to be next to her I felt uncoordinated and not sexy. Then I started to worry about how my face smelled like her and how she’s not the biggest fan of that (though I’d use it as cologne) and the next thing I know I’m on top of her with a squishy tool. It just wasn’t right. I did really want to fuck her, but the connection wasn’t being made somewhere.

I laid next to her and she had the penis in her hand and she tried talking dirty to me. Not just any dirty talk, though. The kind a subbie little wannabe cuck with a penis humiliation kink wanted to hear. She told me about her boyfriend and how big he was and how much better he was at getting her off and, much to her surprise, the penis started to grow inside her grasp. This is really weird for her because she doesn’t have any understanding of where this comes from for me. It’s really alien to her.

Alas, it was for naught. The meat wasn’t cooperating. It drooped again.

As she was talking, she was also asking what a better tack was. Did I want to hear that her mythical boyfriend was better than me (bigger cock, better lover, etc.) or that the penis was insufficient to meet her needs? Since I know the boyfriend is mythical, he doesn’t much work for me. Hearing that she would like one with a bigger cock, though, does. Hearing that she thinks the penis is too small or thin or whatever does. She said that’s hard for her since that kind of talk essentially disregards all safeties nice girls have conditioned into them. I’ve written before about how she’s always been super expressive about how much she likes the penis, how good it feels inside her, etc., to the point that I have often suspected she was trying too hard to make me feel good about it. Also, her first husband was apparently much bigger (before we were married, she once compared it favorably to the Jeff Stryker dildo — should have been a clue to both of us that hearing the news was in no way damaging to my ego and I spent a lot of time imaging her fucking that big dick). But I’ve also written about how I got her to admit that she really does prefer the bigger dildos she’s let me use on her before. The penis would be better for her if it was bigger (specifically, thicker). In fact, that’s something she’s joked about a hundred times in the time I’ve known her: It’s not about the length, it’s all about the girth.

So yeah, the small penis thing works because it’s kinda true. It may not be as true as if I was only four inches long and as big around as a white board marker or something, but it’s still true. And yes, I do want to hear her say that to me. As often as she wants. While we’re having sex. Tell me that it’ll never be big enough to really get her off and that she probably should look for a man with a real cock if she wants to feel one, etc. That so, so works for me.

Over on the FetLife, I read this posted to the “Submissive men and women who love them” group (by a sub guy):

Name calling and humiliation

Why is this necasary?

I personally am not a fan of it. I understand that sometimes when punishments must be metted out they might come out as part of it but why is it necessary at any other point?

In my opinion a Domme/sub relationship is that of a sub devoting himself to a Lady. Serving Her and giving his will over to Her; while She in turn gives him a safe place to take the world off his shoulders and focus on nothing but his submission to Her.

To me name calling and huliation are not a safe place because you can never know what will truly hurt someone to their core.

Is my evaluation of a Domme/sub relationship wrong?

Ferns‘ reply was perfection, of course:

It’s not ‘necessary’, but some people find it fun and hot and awesome. And that’s great.

Similarly, it’s not ‘necessary’ to flog/cane/peg/smack/fuck/kiss/any-other-form-of-play someone either. But some people find that fun and hot and awesome also.

Erotic humiliation is a form of emotional masochism, just like impact play is a form of physical masochism.

Like others said: if you don’t like something, it’s easy enough to avoid getting involved with those who do.

“Emotional masochism” is exactly right. There may be a place where I will be “truly hurt to my core” but I’m nowhere near it right now. I can’t even imagine it. Partly because I don’t measure my worth by the length of the penis. I know how much I mean to Belle and how much we love one another and, for whatever reason, none of that is in any way threatened when she tells me the penis is too small for her. I will never resent her for saying it. I crave to hear her say it.

I have a friend I’ve known since junior high. After high school, he moved in with his soon-to-be stripper girlfriend who all our friends, male/gay/female alike, acknowledged was super hot. Not just in how she looked (which was way above average) but in how she comported herself. She was a strong female and I was especially drawn to her (and spent far too much time thinking about what I was saying when talking to her). She used to call my friend “Dickless.” It was her little nickname for him. She used it all the time and in front of everyone. It really pissed him off. Since he was one of the few guys I knew who I didn’t fuck/get fucked by around that time, I can’t say if it was true, but it didn’t matter. She was gleeful at his outrage. The madder he got, the cuter and more adorably she’d say it. It was fucking awesome. I’m not going to say I knew at the time I wanted her to be saying that to me, but I do remember how it affected me. There was a certain thrill at hearing her say it to him in front of everyone. I never for a second felt sorry for him. I was in awe of her.

So, flash forward to today. I know, intellectually, that the penis is not so small as to be of no value to Belle. I can and do get her off with it. It’s a perfectly serviceable size. But I also know it’s not exactly what she’d prefer. So, also intellectually, I can honestly say to myself it’s…insufficient. That little leverage is the fulcrum she could use to really take advantage of this particular fold in my sexuality. And I really wish she would.

The next morning, she tried it out a little. I was still free but she wanted me in and said I had to “lock that tiny dick up” or something very similar. That was pretty great. She says she’s not wired to be so mean to me and that it’s a challenge. I get that and I so appreciate that she would make the effort. But I also pointed out denying me orgasm was something she had a hard time with, too, and now it’s second nature for her. She’d never go back to letting me come when I want. Perhaps, in time, calling the penis what it is will end up the same way.

12 thoughts on “Dickless

  1. Not every woman can openly take the dominate role within a relationship even though many of them already do it in a quite subtle way for generations. Those that can comfortably take the dominate lead role in the relationship do not always do so with the kink. Those woman that can be dominate and include various levels of kink comfortably are truly amazing women.

    Thumper we appreciate your sharing through your blog as you are an inspiration to many of us submissive men. As many other submissive men, I have also found the experience of being denied the physical orgasm release by my Goddess, wife, best-friend and only receive such a release at her direction. She is similar to Belle in the respect that she does not always find comfort in being verbally mean as you phrased it. We are in a Female Led Relationship with the normalization of denial within the same.

    http://squirmingberry.wordpress.com/

    Again thank you for sharing.

  2. Thumper: GREAT post. It’s been a few years since you and I talked, so to remind you I am in a FLR and both of us have boyfriends, but I am not a cuck. I’m locked only when not in season (professional hockey player) so my wife can watch my dicks reaction. When she talks about my small dick, nothing. But if she compares it to her boyfriend I get hard too. One day a few months ago she mentioned how she bet I was smaller than my boyfriend, who we flip fuck, and for some reason I’ve never been so hard. I can’t figure it out.

    From what you’ve said Drew is bigger than you so I have to ask if that turns you on or if it’s just with Belle? I’m surprised I’m turned on that john is bigger than me, but doubt I’d be if he mentioned it. Only Ma’am. Any deep thoughts or should I just accept what gets me hard (until the Spring)? Keep up this blog and posting on the other. Never found two better writers.

    1. First of all, I hope you didn’t/don’t get the mumps. Also, the image of a pro hockey player getting fucked in pads will stick with me for a long time. I know, probably not you, but let a boy dream that’s how you do it.

      My hope when looking for a guy to have sex with was that he would be bigger than me. I’m not saying someone as big as I am wouldn’t work, but that’s a big part of why I want a guy to fuck around with in the first place, right? So yeah, bigger dicks are definitely a turn-on.

      Surprisingly, Drew’s comments about the penis haven’t had nearly the impact on my as Belle’s. The penis simply isn’t a factor between he and I and it’s so clearly out of our bounds that it just doesn’t trigger a reaction. He rarely even acknowledges it. I’m really only interested in Belle’s opinion of it.

      1. Thanks for the reply. For the record, the pads always stay on -my boyfriend is a goalie on another league team.

        I get what you are saying, but I’m asking about if being told your boyfriend is bigger than you. Not if he said it.

        When my wife says that she bets john, my bf, is bigger it drives me nuts. Just curious.

      2. Thumper, big weekend work wise so forgive the delay. I talked about this with my wife and my boyfriend and both spanked me for bringing this up and prying, so I am to issue n official apology. I know from reading your blog you don’t want or need it. Your blog brought out my sub side in a major way which is interesting because I compete against the BF tonight and am having to psyche myself to not submit on the ice. Unique situation I know. Anyway, this caused a great talk, and my wife told me candidly that she likes him bigger than me to help her in her mind, but she never intended to tease me with it until it just happened. I can’t put it in the box again but she made it clear she has. She did admit she does like thinking of him as my boyfriend so she knows I’m not whoring around like many of my mates, and I feel the same about her saying that on hers though I have not met him but am dying to since she insisted on meeting mine. I’d never be friends with him because I see him as Dom of me, but she sees my boyfriend as equal and they have drinks and watch me which is hot. So, I just want to say thank you to you. A post named dickless reaffirmed my submission which just figures, heh?

  3. I am intrigued by the whole small penis kink that some people have. At one point I had wanted to have a small, useless penis myself. What intrigues me the most though is the range of sizes that men claim are small. I have seen photos of penises that are smaller than my thumb, and others that are easily 6″ long and all claiming to be small. Perhaps it is relative – if the partner is used to a massive 8″ organ then a 5.5 inch tool could be seen as small.

    In my case I am not actually small, but I have become very overweight and that weight makes me appear small, as the penis is anchored to the pubic bone an the excess fat builds on top.

    I hope to be called dickless, but for reasons of being locked in chastity for a very long time.

  4. I’ve been thinking about this ever since you published it. I know that you know Belle better than we do (well, duh) and so hopefully this isn’t the case, what I’m going to say, but sometimes when I was domming, I was asked to say things that were a turn-on to the sub, but actually a turn-off for me. I think talking about my lover’s dick being undesirably small might fall into that category. Actually, having to say anything at all during sex is hard for me, and thinking of saying things specifically to excite or satisfy my lover really puts me in the wrong mindset for my own enjoyment. It becomes about sex as performance for the lover.

    This is probably not an issue for you and Belle, but maybe something for your readers to keep in mind – sometimes your partner might not just be neutral to your desires, but actively turned off by them. They have their own idiosyncratic sexuality just like you do.

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