Month: February 2015

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Fortnightish

“Can you feel it?”

Belle asked me that as I was wrapped myself around her in bed, pressing my naked body against as much of her bed-clothed body as possible, hard stuffed tube pushing into her thigh. We’re at about the end of the second week of my six week lock-up prior to Spring Break.

“Yes,” I said quietly into her hair.

And I can. A lot. Everything is so much more now. How she looks, how she feels, how she smells, how she tastes. I’m starting to think more about what she might want or how she might feel about something or what she’d want me to do. It’s like fucking magic.

“I can tell,” she said before turing over to sleep, “It’s good for you.”

Whimper.

Then, after a moment, “It’s good for me, too.”

Four more weeks.

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Use it or lose it?

Over on the Tumblr, someone calling themselves teenlockedboy asked…

do you guys think shrinking bc of chastity cage is a real thing?

To which, I replied…

It is definitely not a real thing. Been in a device for the better part of 7 years and the penis is the same size it ever was.

Then, someone calling themselves slaveboyinma said…

Yes. Remember the saying. Use it or lose it? Just another reason why that statement is so true.

And someone else calling themsleves nonyshikon added…

It probably can be, for some. The trouble is, very few are doing scientific research on anything sex-related, and…

I’ve gone over this in the past…

As I mentioned last week, I was out of the device for a day and a half due to some irritation. During that time, I found myself with a hard penis in my hand (purely for research and reporting purposes, of course – I’m always thinking about my readers) and decided, since it seemed like it was about as hard as it gets, that I’d check to see how things were going. I got the measuring tape and verified that Belle’s cock is every bit the 5 and 5/8 inches it has ever been, even though it spends almost all the time locked inside a very short steel tube.

That was in 2011. In the past couple of months (I can’t recall exactly when), I checked in again on the length of the penis and it’s still, stubbornly, 5 and 5/8 inches long. Contrary to nonshikon’s assertion, I think there’s a fucking lot of study going on regarding items of a sexual nature, but no, I don’t think there’s a lab anywhere doing work on the locked-up penis size issue. However, as a guy encased in a short steel tube way more than half the time (probably at least 75% of the time) and having been like that for many years (even more often in recent years) I can state unequivocally and without hesitation that chastity does not make dicks smaller. Period. At least, not the one on me. Without documented evidence to the contrary, I simply won’t believe anyone who says it does.

Cue all the comments from the little-dicked guys who think they got that way from their devices in three…two…

I recall a chastity blogger who used to be (may still be) active who posted several times about how he and his keyholder were hoping locking him up would make his dick smaller. I asked once if he had seen any changes but never heard back. As far as I know, he never posted any data on the matter. In my personal opinion, he’s not alone in his wish for a diminished member and it’s this penis humiliation kink that drives a lot of the talk about it happening from chastity. This, in turn, freaks out the guys who only want to be locked up, not made smaller.

I also do not believe, beeteedub, that chastity ruins one’s ability to have erections. I still have very nice erections (almost always when I’m supposed to). As I’ve said before, the penis has been trained not to get hard as often in the tube as it would when not, but that’s not a physical issue. It’s a mental thing.

Now, what I have noticed when first coming out after an extended lock-up is the penis will be a little fatter towards the bottom than the top when erect, but that goes away after a day or so. I can only assume the erectile tissue needs to “stretch back out” once its been released. But the effect has never been long-lasting. Certainly not permanent.

So don’t worry, teenlockedboy. Lock away with the piece of mind that the piece between your legs may be locked, but it’s not diminishing. Unlike your ability to use proper spelling and grammar.

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I find a clit

As anyone who lives with their penis locked in a steel tube can tell you, hygiene is important. Not to be scrimped on. Probably a third of the time I spend in the shower is attending to the tube.

So this morning, as I was doing my thing (which involves squirting soapy water in the tube and squishing it around), I stuck my finger down there to make sure everything was nicely cleaned out. Typically, I run it down each side to get to the place under the head of the penis where the PA ring goes around the fixing and urine can collect, but this time I also ran it over the top of the penis and ZING!

So that’s how I found myself with my finger down the tube rubbing the top of the glans on the head of the penis like it was a clit. I mean, the motion was exactly like fingering a clit. After a few moments of this, eyes closed and mouth hanging open, I realized several things. First, being forced into a situation where I can only rub myself like I have a clit is a pretty good mind fuck. Two, there is no way in hell I’d ever be able to come this way. With no way to stimulate the bottom of the head, I might eventually combust, but orgasm would forever be out of reach. Three, after a few seconds of this, the amount of room in the tube that made it possible was rapidly filled. And finally, I wondered if this was in violation of Belle’s “no playing with it” rule. Fuck, probably.

So I stopped.

I’ve been in the device now for about ten days which is not that big a deal in the greater scheme of things but longer than I’ve been locked up solid in a while. I am now entering that period where the device stops feeling like a thing which means I’m getting pretty horny. While I was fingering my little faux clit this morning, the tube felt less like a foreign object and more like part of the thing I was fingering. It’s a weird mental game my brain plays that tells me I’m in the groove. Also, I’m more or less sleeping through the night and am only slightly woken up by the tube pressure in the wee hours and find myself flexing the attempted erection so it fills with more blood and the tube gets that much fucking tighter only because I like how it feels.

It’s also sort of dangerous because I’m feeling the denial ooze around me like a warm mud bath and my desire to come is slipping further and further away. All I want now is her. To feel her come. To hear her moan and breath and climax with my fingers buried up in her hot snatch while the penis throbs and strains and pushes against immovable, implacable, clenching steel. If she let me out and told me I could fuck her and come, I definitely would because it’s her decision, but right now this second today, I would regret it. The head of steam is building in my loins and I want to feel it grow stronger. I am not nearly desperate enough.

But I try and put those thoughts aside. I don’t decide. If she wants me hornier, I’ll be hornier. If she doesn’t, I won’t. But I hope she does. That’s OK, right? Hoping?

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Becoming what she needs

Belle has informed me that I will be locked up until we go away on Spring Break. That’s, roughly speaking, about six weeks of being enclosed in steel. Of course, the thing she’s really good at is doing whatever she wants and exercising her prerogative regarding the penis, so it’s entirely possible she’ll wake up one morning and decide she wants cock and let me out. Or she’ll stick to her statement and leave me in. I don’t have any way of knowing and it’s entirely out of my control.

Her reason for this (relatively) long lock-up (at least by recent standards) is because I’m apparently being insufficiently subbie lately. It’s not surprising considering the shocking number of orgasms she allowed me in recent months. Two in the past two or so weeks, even. That’s approaching 30% or so of what a normal man would have! Heavens.

I do know what she’s talking about. I can feel it. I’m doing my best not to second-guess her now that I’m fully engaged with the “she decides” model, but I know I don’t feel now the way I feel when it’s been a really long time since I last came. It’s actually hard to talk about because I feel like I should be removed from that decision. Whatever I say will influence her and I don’t want to unduly do so, but I will admit to getting used to coming (even if it’s still at a far reduced rate from what other men enjoy).

The thing I have to remember is she controls the penis so she controls me and she controls how I’ll be as a result. Sure, I can try and live up to her expectations, but the hormonal wall of denial is a sturdy backstop that helps keep me where she wants me.

She’s left with a difficult choice. She likes when I come in her and likes letting me feel that. She also likes letting me inside her, though she tells me now that she’s more or less off dick as a means to orgasm. She’s adjusted to non-penetrative techniques involving fingers, vibrators, and tongues. We tried Blue the other morning and it didn’t do much for her. In any event, she digs it when I can fuck her.  But she also digs how I am when really well denied. All the salubrious affects that go along with the pent-up hormonal load. I know when it’s been months I’m totally different and she likes that Thumper better. I can only really be that Thumper when I can’t really remember what orgasm feels like. So, her choice.

We’ll have to wait and see. Six weeks solid is a relatively long time to be locked up. I’m not in the frame of mind yet where I feel really settled into it. I haven’t had that “it’s part me” feeling about the Steelheart. Well, not much. This morning, she let me get her off and she said it was a really nice orgasm so that makes me happy. She also told me she like feeling the hard steel against her thigh. That makes me feel…oh, my. I really wanted out. I really wanted to feel the penis inside her pussy. But I never said it because she, of course, knew I felt that and I, of course, knew it wasn’t going to happen. So instead, while she purred and basked in the afterglow, I felt the PA ring pinch inside the end of a steel tube packed tightly with insistent erectile tissue.

She’s entirely right. Extended lock-up is what I need. It’s what needs to happen to make me that better Thumper she prefers and the person I’d rather be for her.

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Merry Male Chastity Day

Seems implausible that I’d let the second annual Male Chastity Day slip by without some kind of mention…right?

A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by the managing editor of Simply Sxy to write a piece for their site. Feeling sorry for them and their apparently congenital vowel deficiency, I agreed and suggested something introducing the practice of enforced male chastity on Male Chastity Day would be place to start. I may not know a lot of things, but I know male chastity. So I wrote it and, today, they posted it.

Yay, right? Well, yeah, I like it. But there was a problem1. In it, I said:

The motivation behind Male Chastity Day may have been equal parts commercial and sincerity. In 2014, UK-based fetish shop UberKinky picked February 15th to celebrate male chastity (and maybe sell a few chastity devices along the way). While 2015 is only its second year of existence, male chastity enthusiasts (such as myself) have embraced it.

That is not correct. As Keyheld pointed out to me on Twitter, chastitylife247 was the first to propose a male chastity day. This is definitely the truth. They also, in that first Twitter exchange on the topic, settled on February 15 as the date. Keyheld is a prolific male chastity booster and worked with a number of other bloggers on Twitter to get the word out to retailers and manufacturers which led to UberKinky’s blog post and, it seems, a fair bit of confusion as to the date’s origins. Most links I’ve seen to the “source” of Male Chastity Day go to that UberKinky post I linked to in my piece and they’re the ones who set up the Male Chastity Day event on FetLife. So, good on UberKinky for being so supportive, but all props to chastitylife247 and Keyheld for originating the concept. I’ve sent a suggested correction to Simply Sxy for the article and I hope they’ll add it as soon as they can.

Of course, in this house, the other name we have for Male Chastity Day is “Sunday” and, as such, I woke up in the Steelheart. Belle, though, doesn’t feel compelled to follow the mandates of an arbitrary holiday and soon enough let me have the key and, as promised, let me come. This led me to say we needed to change the name of the blog considering I’ve had about 2,700 orgasms (roughly) so far this year. “Used To Be Denying Thumper” was suggested but my favorite is the simpler “Denied Thumper.” The motion, however, was declined and the name of the blog will not be changing.

So yeah, around here we apparently celebrate Male Chastity Day by unlocking penises and then sating me with an orgasm. Because she decides and nobody else.

1 Actually, two. There’s also a confusing typo in the final paragraph. Grrr, typos.

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The best male chastity device

A bit over a year ago, I was asked by a reader what the best male chastity device on the market was. I penned (keyed?) a missive on my thoughts and threw it out upon the waves of the World Wide Web to float among the other jetsam and debris like any other post and moved on.

But then a funny thing happened. People, it turns out, Google “best male chastity device” quite a bit and, through a happy coincidence of longevity and narrow subject matter, this site does pretty well in those kind of searches. That post I chucked out there one afternoon without a great deal of fanfare all of sudden started being among the top visited here every day.

Turns out, I no longer agree with my conclusions from 15 months ago. So I will, with this post, reassess the field in a slightly more thoughtful way than before.

Gray stuff

When people ask me about chastity, they’re usually coming from a pretty particular point of view. They are not the kind of people looking to wear a device or have their man wear one for a simple evening’s romp. They’re usually thinking about it in the same way Belle utilizes it with me in our marriage. That is, a semi-permanent thing leading to long-term orgasm denial (“long-term” having no set definition, just longer than a day or a week). They’re also usually (the guys, anyway, though occasionally their partners, too) really hot and bothered over being locked in the mythical impossible-to-defeat device that they can’t ever take off no matter how hard they want to OH GOD how horny CAN. I. GET!?

I’m sorry. That device does not exist.

Not as an off-the-shelf thing, anyway. You hear about these inescapable devices in the hawt chastity porn, but you might notice their description is always a little vague. That’s because the flaccid male penis has all the structure and significance of an octopus arm. It really can’t be easily contained. A guy, especially a wet and soapy one, can get it into and out of all kinds of crazy little nooks and crannies as long as his fleshy friend stays soft. So no, there is no trapped-ball device (that is, one that is worn around the penis and scrotum) that cannot be defeated with little more than cursory effort.

Yes, I know, a trapped-ball device can be made inescapable, but only if you’re willing to get a genital piercing like a Prince Albert. For a lot of guys, that’s way over the line. Short of that, no, there is no inescapable trapped-ball device, I don’t care what that one guy on Chastity Mansion wrote.

This is why I say the very best chastity device is the one between your ears. I know (trust me), the idea of being forced against your will to remain locked and horny is a significantly powerful fantasy, but it is just that. A fantasy. You, as the man being locked up, have to be invested in staying locked up. That means, you need to have the will power not to cheat and slip out the back for a quick wank when nobody’s looking. If you can’t do that, then don’t even bother with anything else. Don’t even bother your partner with the idea. Chances are very good you want to be locked up. So let yourself be and don’t fuck it up.

Personally, when I’m in an easily-escaped device, I tell myself it’s not. I suspend my disbelief and act as though there’s no way out for me and I’m stuck with my fate. I also think very hard about the commitment I made when I allowed Belle to lock me up in the first place. I do it for her as much as myself. I do it for us.

I view the device as what it is: Not an impenetrable fortress, but a symbol of respect for an agreed-upon dynamic I asked for in the first place.

So, before we get to the aspects that should be considered when choosing a device, the very best way to enforce male chastity is to get your brain on straight. The best device is the one in your head.

Devices

I’ve worn twelve (12?!) different chastity devices over the years: CB-6000 (both clear and “chrome” edition, standard tube length), CB-5000, Holy Trainer v1 and v2, Birdlocked Neo/Mr. S Boytrainer 2.0, Steelworxx Steelheart (one larger, one smaller), Steelworxx Looker 02, Mature Metal’s Jail Bird (two different devices), and the KHD X3 espresso 3D-printed device. I can tell you right off that I wouldn’t recommend the CB-5000 or any device made of silicone. The CB5K is an odd duck because it requires a PA piercing and all silicone devices pretty much suck as chastity devices. No, they just do. Trust me.

That said, there are five attributes I judge when considering devices: Cost, comfort, perceived security, hygiene, and stealth.

Cost

You can spend anywhere from about a hundred bucks for a 3D-printed device to thousands and thousands for one custom-made of stainless steel. If you’re just starting out, my advice is to stick with plastic. The most popular device is certainly the CB-6000 which will run you about $150. The other leading plastic device is the Holy Trainer. It costs a bit more (about $170). Custom stainless from manufactures such as Mature Metal in Texas or Steelworxx in Germany will average about twice plastic once you factor in options (though they can be had for less with fewer bells and whistles [no, not literally bells and whistles]). The KHD X3 espresso can be had out the door for under $100, but it’s not without issues.

Protip: If you go with the Holy Trainer, don’t buy it from their site. Some people end up getting charged exorbitant duty fees (though, for some reason, not all). I got mine from Kept For Her. Paid a little less with shipping and had no nasty surprises from the government. 

Personally, I wouldn’t cheap out on something that will spend hours and days locked onto what is likely the part of your body you have the closest and most emotional connection to. Buy name brands from reputable retailers and check Google for reviews. Cheap devices fail (usually by splitting along seams) which can lead to injury or they aren’t finished very well and have spots that rub or cause discomfort.

Thinking about a newbie, it’s hard not to give the edge in this category to the CB-6000. Its price is reasonable and you get a lot of sizing options in the box. The only thing you need to decide when ordering is how long you want the tube (and you probably want the short one, sorry). Even though the KHD X3 is the cheapest I’ve worn, the device has too many other shortcoming to recommend at this time.

Regarding steel, keep in mind that the Steelworxx site displays all its prices in Euros including VAT (value-added tax). If you’re outside the European Union, you don’t pay the VAT. Register an account with your shipping address to see the real prices. I think Mature Metal and Steelworxx are about a wash, price-wise, for those in the United States, but I find their designs to be different enough that it doesn’t matter. Most seem to gravitate towards one look over the other anyway.

Comfort

Enforced chastity is, by its definition, not always a walk in the park. Penises grow while devices don’t. However, it’s also not supposed to be a test of pain tolerance. In a well-fitted device, one’s discomfort should be limited to feeling the pressure of an erection being arrested and contained. Depending on how you’re wired, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Far from it.

The degree of comfort desired is also something of a personal choice. Some men and/or those who lock them up are trying to inflict erotic pain as part of the chastity experience. Some devices have add-ons or options specifically designed to make a penis trying to be erect very uncomfortable. I don’t think these kinds of tactics are good for the kind of long-term thing Belle and I practice, but it’s entirely possible excessive comfort isn’t on one’s shopping list.

Plastic device design has advanced quite a bit in recent years. In this category, the CB-6000 scores very low in my book. Its rings are perfectly round and have sharp edges and gaps and seams that bite into the base of erections and cause sores. Wearing a CB6K can be a miserable experience. The Holy Trainer, by comparison, is significantly better thanks to it’s ergonomically-shaped A-ring (the part that goes around the penis and scrotum). The KHD X3 is also quite comfortable.

On the steel side, Steelworxx offers an “anatomical ring” which is slightly bent to allow some testicular pluming from getting crimped. I find the Mature Metal A-rings to be too narrow, though they will build them double-width if you ask (and I think you should). MM also has an oval option which, like Steelworxx’s anatomical ring, is meant to allow the testes extra room. I also recommend that.

Plastic or metal, sizing is critical. Read my chastity sizing guide for tips. Short story is, the tube should be the size of your normal flaccid penis. You might think a longer tube would be better for when you get hard. You would be wrong. Smaller tubes are better.

Comfort is the thing most people are thinking about when they decide to go with a silicone device. I found these devices to be difficult to size and keep on. Also, an erection in a stretchy, squishy tube is an erection that can be all too easily coaxed into orgasm. I don’t recommend silicone. The Holy Trainer is just as comfy and feels like a real enforcement of chastity.

Security

I know, I said there wasn’t any such thing as security in a chastity device. It’s true, unless you want to punch a hole in your dick (which, all by itself, is pretty fucking hot, but totally a personal taste thing). However, some devices feel more secure which can be very helpful in the little game I think we should play with ourselves regarding the total inaccessibility of the penismeat.

To a large extent, the feeling of security is a product of fit. A loose, ill-fitting device won’t feel secure at all while a nice tight one will but may cause you too much pain to wear during the fun parts.

Some devices feel more secure as a result of their design. The Holy Trainer, for example, with its sleeker and simpler construction creates a greater illusion of security than the CB-6000. The KHD X3 never really felt that secure to me while I was wearing it for some reason. This may be something that varies from person to person.

Devices like the Looker 02 from Steelworxx feel a tiny bit more secure thanks to their integrated urethral inserts. They have hollow tubes that go inside the penis and extend a bit past the back of the device. This may sound like the worst possible torture you can imagine, but I’ve actually found Belle’s Looker 02 to be the most comfortable metal device she locks on me. The hollow tube in the penis is far from uncomfortable. In fact, it can be very stimulating.

Hygiene

In general, metal stays cleaner than plastic and open designs like the Jail Bird stay fresher longer than closed tubes like on the Steelheart. This is another thing where fit is important. If the tube is well fitted with an absence of space inside while the penis is flaccid, more urine will flow out and less will be trapped. If the design features a cage, this is not an issue at all (though errant urine streams and splashing can be a problem).

If pee squicks you out, chastity may not be for you. It’s part of the bargain. That love rocket you’re having locked to the launch pad is also the main way you eliminate waste from your body. There’s just no getting around that chastity devices need to be attended to or they’ll start to stink.

Stealth

Stealth has two components: Visible and audible.

In my testing, I found on the plastic side that the Holy Trainer was the least visible through clothing. For metal, both the Jail Bird and Looker 02 were pretty sneaky. Note that I was wearing the short Trainer tube and the two metal devices are both about the same size. The solid tube of the Steelheart makes a rather more noticeable lump. The KHD X3 was also very good in this department, I think mostly because it lays very flat with little forward protruding.

If you live in a situation with children as I do, audible stealth is also critical for those time when you’re padding around house in your pajamas or sweats. The CB-6000 has a separate lock that clicks against the tube as you walk while the Holy Trainer’s lock is integrated and silent. Both Mature Metal and Steelworxx offer integrated lock options (for MM, it’s a security screw rather than a lock and key). The KHD X3 also has an integrated lock (the same kind as is used on the Trainer and Steelworxx devices).

Another advantage of the integrated locks is they leave a lower profile to show through your clothing.

Conclusion

My old advice for newbies was to go with the CB-6000. However, the second generation Holy Trainer is a better device in nearly every way. It’s simpler to use (only three pieces rather than seven) and so much more comfortable. However, it is more expensive and you need to be more certain of your ring size then ordering. Another issue that seems to follow the Holy Trainer around is breakage. The plastic they use is affected by body heat in a way that makes it a bit pliable (though not much). Some people report the tube cracking and breaking, but I’ve not had that problem (and, with my last unit, really tried to “accidentally” break it). Personally, I have no problem recommending the Trainer with that caveat. I think its design is that much better than the now long-in-the-tooth CB-6000.

On the metal side, it’s really about aesthetic preferences and how important each of the above variables are to you. I prefer Steelworxx designs, but Mature Metal makes a very good product and their customer service is fantastic. Also, their domestic location makes communication and alterations much easier for US-based buyers. I don’t recommend anyone’s first device to be custom steel. It can be tricky getting the fit right and, until you know chastity is something you really want in your relationship, it’s a more than insignificant investment.

Which do you think is the best? Leave a comment below.

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Gym convo

I arrived at the gym this morning just as Belle was leaving.

“Are you going to see Fifty Shades of Grey this weekend?” the trainer asked with a smirky tone in his voice.

“See it?” Belle replied, “We live it.” Then she looked at me. “Don’t we, babe?”

“Yup,” I said.

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Mailbag

Quick one today. Reader Alex opines…

Hey Thumper, love your blog! My girl friend and I have recently started to experiment with chastity. She loves the idea of being able to send me on business trips locked! But we have a couple concerns. The main one is sleeping in the device (Holy Trainer 2). She has read some horror stories about things happening at night, rolling and breaking it, cut off circulation, pain, ect. Do you have any advice or know about any of these risks? She is very nervous about it.

Also, have you tried to fly or go through security in the holy trainer 2?

I don’t think the Holy Trainer (1 or 2) would just break from rolling over in bed. At least, not the ones I’ve worn. Breakage of that device still baffles me. I never found it to be all that fragile, especially at body temps.

Will it cut off circulation? Perhaps, if it’s not fitted properly. It will be tight, but your balls shouldn’t turn purple or get cold. If so, the A-ring is too small. They might flush a darker red. That’s not unusual.

Pain. Well, it’s a little plastic tube and your erection is probably a lot bigger than it is. That said, it’s not pain so much as compression. I find the Holy Trainer (1 and 2) to be quite comfortable even while the penis is doing its usual morning thing. If you feel actual pain, again, it’s probably not fitted too well. I’ve gone on at some length about fitting a chastity device.

I don’t think she should be nervous. As long as you’re paying attention to the signals you’re getting from your body and nothing it turning cold and blue, it’s all good. No permanent damage is likely.

Regarding security, the HT will go through a metal detector just fine. The large walk-in scanners, though, should be able to detect it. I’ve had readers tell me they’ve done so without incident while I’ve read others who have said they got patted down. Probably you’d be OK, but there’s no guarantee and each trip through is a roll of the dice as I think it’s highly dependant on the operator of the scanner and their discretion.

When I travel with the Steelheart, Belle lets me go to the airport unlocked. I keep the SH in my carry-on and, once through security, I lock it on in the bathroom and send her a picture as proof. You could do something similar with the HT, but then you need to figure out a way to secure the key in a tamper-proof manner. Something like the Steelworxx key safe is nifty, though expensive. There are other homemade solutions out there if you’re handy enough.

Bonŝancon!

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Label maker

Some good comments on the post about bisexuality and the words we use to describe ourselves. Mrs. Fever said…

The problem with labels is that they are labels. Words attached to packages in stark lettering that can only be deciphered through the lenses of each individual’s experience. Which sticker “fits” according to our own self view has little to do with others’ interpretations. How we interpret what’s inside another’s Self, based on the label they slap on themselves, varies far too greatly for labels to be unifying. After all, one person’s tuna surprise is another person’s cat food.

I get that. I do. But the thing is, we need to label things around us. It’s what our little monkey brains do, whether we want to or not. I think we fail, though, when we try and make labels to describe ourselves that carry the entire genome of who we are and what makes us us.

Sexuality is hardly the only thing that struggles with this. Politics, for example (at least in the United States), is similarly problematic. You are either a Republican, a Democrat, an independent unaffiliated voter, or you associate with one of several marginal parties (Green, Socialist, etc.). But that’s not all there is to it. All Republicans are not created the same. Nor are all Democrats. And an independant might still always vote for one party or another.

There are these people who cut hair and we call them “barbers.” However, within barbers there are those who cut hair with their left hands. And within that group of lefties, some have red hair. And within those ginger leftie barbers, some have facial hair. And drive a Prius. And are Geminis. It’s entirely possible those left-handed, ginger, hirsute, eco-freindly and astrology-obsessed hair cutters really want to stand out as distinctly unique among the other barbers and come up with their own word (which I can’t possible even imagine because my example is so silly). But if they did and, when asked what profession they were in, answered with it they’d probably get some rapid eye blinking in reply. “You mean like a barber?”

Which is not to say that these very specifically distinct people don’t deserve their own identity. As I said in the original post, I love that we live in a time when there is so much diversity in our understanding of sexuality. When I was a boy, there was none of that. Barely two buckets you could put yourself in. Now, you can roll your own. But, I appreciate Suggestive’s point on this:

I found bisexual the easiest language to pass along a simple message. “I am not straight.”

I would only change that to include, “…or gay.” “Bisexual” means I’m living on something other than either end of a bipolar, black and white world. Somewhere in the middle gray space in between.

No, bisexual is not a perfect word. But it is one most people will have some understanding of when hearing it and that’s not nothing. We need labels because by creating that word we also create an identity that is greater than ourselves. An identity that requires acknowledgment by others. However, I think we need to see these labels as not the end of the conversation. They don’t need to perfectly summarize all that we are. They should be seen as a jumping off point for further discussion. No matter how well we categorize and label, at the end of the day, we are all unique and deserving of respect. Any label is nothing more than a broad categorization.

I’ve struggled with this before. I’ve even thought of myself as not “bisexual.” I’ve honestly hated that word most of my life and have only recently decided to reach an understating with it. If I want to have a conversation about myself or sexualities other than those dominant in the popular culture, I need to start somewhere.

That’s all “bisexual” is to me. A starting point that says I’m not straight. Or gay. I’m different. Let’s talk about it.

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Look better naked

Spring Break is something like two months away. It’s always the first shot across my bow from a fitness standpoint. We usually spend a week or so on a warm Caribbean island in many fewer clothes than usual and I invariably want to look better in those clothes than I do.

“Fitness” is a multi-variable concept for me. I am fit. I run 5k several times a week (now that my achilles is healed back up…for the most part) and go to the gym for strength training a couple more times. That’s usually at least five days a week of physical activity. I have an above-average set of muscles where you want them, a strong core, and a great resting heart rate for someone my age. Even my body fat percentage is, according to my scale, in an acceptable place. But my physical appearance, smoking shoulder porn and post-run sweatiness aside, isn’t what I’d like it to be. It’s really never been except for one time in my life when I was waiting tables and busting my ass every night.

So, around the beginning of the year, I start to think about Spring Break and how I’d like to look in a swimsuit I have no business wearing. This year, Drew was thinking similar things and we started to look for a program to help track activity, etc. This led us both to be part of Ferns Workout Crew (hashtag fwocrew) and the realization that I have far too many apps involved with my endeavor to look better naked. This is made even more complicated by having a kinky pervert online persona and a muggle online persona.

Muggle side

There are several apps involved with tracking my food intake and energy output on the muggle side of things.

MyFitnessPal

MFP is sort of the hub of all the apps. It’s where I track my food (when I’m good) and, as such, it’s also where all my activity information ends up. Thier simple concept of eating less equalling weight loss is hard to argue with. No fancy diets. Just eating less. It’s also a great motivator to exercise as doing so provides me with calorie credits.

Strava

Strava tracks my running and other workouts. It feeds those over to MFP where they’re cashed-in for calories I can eat above and beyond my daily limit. As a road running app, I adore Strava. Beautifully designed and usually pretty solid from a functional standpoint. Stava also communicates with my Polar heart rate monitor and stride sensor (which a lot of these kinds of apps do). I used to use RunKeeper but I liked the cut of Starva’s jib better. I also used to use Nike Running but it didn’t play well with other apps (at the time) so I jumped to RunKeeper. Nike did show pace on my map, though, through changing my route color from red to green. I liked that.

I can track my workouts in Strava, but not reps and sets. Just what kind of workout it was (ie, strength) and how long it lasted. It gets passed off to MFP like the outdoor runs and when I run on our treadmill.

The concept of social networks is very important in all these apps for me. MFP has a ton of people I know in it as does Strava (and more all the time). The Strava folks seem to be a bit more hardcore than the RunKeeper crowd which I like. I really like to run. So much so that I probably overdo it and injure myself. Sitting with my legs soaking in giant buckets of ice water in the summer is a normal thing for me.

EveryMove

Everymove is kind of a sideline app. I only use it because a bunch of people I work with do. It rewards points and makes competing with a group of people dead simple. That’s pretty much it’s raison d’être. In addition, you can earn real-world rewards by being active (like coupons or donations to causes). I don’t really care about that, though. If it wasn’t automatically connected to Strava, I might not use it. Just like with MFP, everything just shows up there automagically.

Withings

My bathroom scale is from Withings and has wifi built-in. My weight, fat percentage, and BMI (which is kind of a crock of a metric) gets collected and eventually ends up in MFP. I also have a Withings blood pressure cuff I use a couple of times a month. That data also shows up and is tracked in the Withings app.

Trackers

I have tried several fitness trackers. I liked the Nike Fuelband for quite a while but they were unreliable and kept dying (and now Nike killed them). Also, they didn’t play with other apps (not unlike their running app). Then I tried the Misfit Shine. Very pretty but difficult to read easily. Waterproof, which is cool, but syncing with the app required physical contact with my iPhone which is a bummer. It uses a watch battery so it lasts a really long time but the app (at the time) had no social connections at all and didn’t connect with MFP. I also had an early Basis Band (since discontinued; this is the current product) which promised to track my heart rate but I found it to be very unreliable. Plus, it wanted the spot on my arm where my watches live and it was too ugly for me to wear every single day like that. Plus plus, again with the no syncing to other apps.

At the moment, I have no fitness tracker but the Fitbit Surge looks really awesome. I’m not making any moves, though, because the Apple Watch cometh and I know I’m going to get one and it will be awesome (that second bit is more of a hope than a fact).

Kinky sex pervert side

Fitocracy

Fitocracy is a workout tracker. With it, I can track my reps and sets. It has, seemingly, thousands of types of strength exercises along with a bunch of cardio. It offers curated workouts (collections of exercises) focused on different goals or you can create your own on the fly (which is what I do). You can also hire a coach directly in the app, which I haven’t done since I have a real life trainer, but it’s an interesting option to have.

The big thing about Fitocracy, besides being easy to use and well designed, is that it’s social at its heart. I abandoned my muggle account and created a new Thumper account so I can be on a team with Drew. Really, it’s just a way to keep one another motivated. It’s “gamifies” working out by rewarding points for each kind of exercise, apparently based on the intensity and difficulty.  A downside is it won’t sync with MFP (which I don’t need anyway, but it would be nice).

Jefit

Jefit comes with being part of the fwocrew. It seems to do everything Fitocracy does just with an uglier and harder to use website. I still can’t figure out how to enter my workouts properly on their site. The app is somewhat better, but still not as simple or pretty as Fitocracy, in my opinion. However, I really like being part of the fwocrew and will have to invest the time to figure it out. The snobby interactive designer in me just can’t let myself use it over Fitocracy, though. It seems to have all the functionality needed to do what the fwocrew needs it to do, but I just don’t care for it at all.

I think that’s it. I have tried all kinds of other apps and gadgets, but this is the list of the ones I’m currently using. Some might say this is overkill (and I wouldn’t argue), but I love being able to quantify all this data about myself and share it with interested friends. It helps me stay motivated and focused and that makes me healthier and, eventually…hopefully, look better naked.