Nine nine nine

I’m all hung up on the fact that my next post will be the thousandth on the blog. I’m not sure if that counts the couple of dozen aborted drafts that never saw the light of day or not (or if it really matters since it’s kind of an arbitrary thing to get hung up on anyway). The next one has kept me from doing this one because once this one’s done then the next one is the big one-zero-zero-zero.

Plenty of things I could write about…

Drew was in town this week. Before he got here, Belle essential insisted that I take him to dinner the night he arrived. She even offered to help me groom myself prior to seeing him. I hope this continues to alleviate any lingering concerns among my readers as to Belle’s emotional wellbeing in this age of open marriage. I also hope my discussion of our open marriage and the fact that I had sex with another man again drives off any lingering hateful homophobes from your midsts (I’m not allowed to describe it here, but assume the aforementioned sex was as awful and dirty as you’re imagining if it helps you close your browser window in disgust and never come back). Minimally, even if you don’t like or get what we’re doing (all four of us involved), you should be happy for us that it seems to only make things better for everyone.

Over on his blog, Drew posted about the net positive effects our openness has had for he and Axel.

Now, five or six months later, I can honestly say I had no idea how great the open marriage would actually be for my marriage. The time I have had with Thumper has already made me a better husband because I am paying attention to Axel more, learning more about areas I was lacking or needing more experience in, and just knowing that the immense level of trust we have for each other is there, is working, and is helping us grow as a couple just makes my heart light up inside.

Mrs Fever posted a comment that was, as usual, insightfully relevant. In part, she said…

And as much as I love my boyfriend, and hate to leave him when our time is through, there is nothing like coming home to my husband afterward. Time apart always makes us appreciate each other more, and time with someone else makes me remember all the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place. Which, as you say, is something that’s difficult to understand unless you’ve been there.

I have nothing much to add to their combined statements. I feel the same way. Giving me the freedom and the trust to be with Drew once a month or so only makes me love her more and, indeed, coming home from my time with him to be with her intensifies that sentiment.

In other news, we’re at the half-way point of my six week pre-vacation lock-down. I am, to put it as succinctly as possible, horny as all fuck. Funny, but my time with Drew doesn’t seem to make it any worse (or, at least not for long). I went into it this time really charged up and, after he left, I’m pretty much the same. I suppose that’s good for him. I find that being in this state makes me much more focused as to what want out of our handful of monthly hours. Perhaps I was a bit too forward this time, but I didn’t hear any complaining.

In any event, the other morning Belle and I were talking about it and I’m fully and completely on the other side of the lock-up hump in that I am kind of desperately wanting her to maintain as much tight control over the penis as possible. I requested that she make me lock up even on vacation outside those time I have to be out (TSA, wetsuits, etc.). I feel as though being given too much freedom would make me mental. Distracted from the access and even worried about her commitment to my control (which is nuts, but these are all things that have happened in the past and the fucking hormones are powerful shit). She said she was already leaning in that direction anyway and hearing that made me swoon with gratitude.

That’s the fucked up shit of this chastity and denial thing. Being locked up and horny drives me crazy with desire and frustration but it’s the desire and frustration that, in turn, powers my deeply submissive need to be totally controlled and being totally controlled while feeling all that submissiveness makes me stupidly happy. The nervous ball of energy in my stomach and electric throb from inside the steel tube is in a very real sense the palpable proof that my wife loves me and cares about me. Awesome, right? It leaves me feeling deeply in her debt and so, so grateful to her for all things.

But now I’m treading on whatever post 1,000 will be about. So I’ll choose now as my time to stop and ponder.

12 thoughts on “Nine nine nine

  1. I’m coming up on 500. It’s a Thing. I don’t know why, but it is. Yet, if you count the posts I never published, or the ones I deleted, I’m well past that. Still, it’s a Thing. Like the hump day of blogging. Without the camel. Or something.

    Anywhoo… Here’s a fun fact for you: Yours was the first blog I ever followed on WordPress. I feel like Elmer Fudd. (Except I don’t look very good in those little flappy hats. Also, I’m not bald.) Hunting wabbits, since 2012. 😛

    Congrats on 999.

    [ insert pithy comment about batting a thousand, here ]

    1. Ha! Yeah, I bet that would get your attention, wouldn’t it? I scuba dive and have my own suit. The Steelheart is kinda really obvious through it.

  2. Admittedly, I have not read many of the 999 posts, but I have to say each time I do, I come to like Belle more and more each time. (Ok, you too) Much like Belle offered to assist you for Drew’s arrival, I helped him prepare for you as well. It makes me proud to see that Belle and I releasing you two to explore this part of your lives has resulted in such positive relationship for us all.

    1. Awww…

      Your comment made me smile, Axel. 🙂 Very cool of you to share your thoughts (and your husband).

      And for the record, the more I read about you (from Drew) and Belle (from Thumper), the more I like you both. 🙂

  3. Even Mrs L and I are just starting on our chastity journey…I can relate to your description of how happy it makes me now that I locked up. It is a strange but wonderful feeling! I am so glad I found your blog

  4. Love this post. Love the four of you and was shocked to see a post from Axel.

    You don’t know me but I’m so proud of yiu, thumper and the other three. especially you. I had worried at first to be honest and wasn’t thrilled AT FIRST with the gay sex, but, you and Drew are showing something to the world not seen. Please pass this along to him. I love that , I think, you feel really genuine friendship for each other in addition to lust/sex.

    (Was it odd to have your boyfriends husband post? Just curious)

      1. I just had to ask. I get the “new” and I would be telling Drew to not let it happen again, but I’m not as open minded clearly.

        Anyhoo, still proud of you and now happily follow this story. I Haven’t read Drew’s yet and doubt I will because of my bias but glad he’s out there too.

  5. Glad to hear that for you. He’s sounds quite like Belle which amazes me that two men operate the same way. Eye opening so thank you.

    1. Lady N, thank you?

      I have to admit that I read your posts with a tone of judgment in them, so I am just going to pretend l am reading them wrong because we, as in the collective blog readership, seem to have all settled down about this whole open and sex with a man thing and I think you are trying to say that you feel you have evolved too.

      That said, I didn’t know Axel had responded until today and, frankly, I am very happy he did. As Thumper said, it’s “new”, but, I’d never ask him to stop. He’s the kind who will only reply when he is really feeling something, and Thumper’s post made him happy. As an “outsider”, this was his way of telling Thumper (and Belle) that which is just another reason I love him.

      As for he and Belle, I suspect they have a lot of similarities in how they operate as people, but the only one that really matters here is that they both have a absolute trust and a love for their husbands that sees beyond traditional.

      Finally, please feel free to follow me. It’s rarely raunchy.

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