Reader Mario commented:
I’m new here, so excuse me if this question has been previously addressed. Since your wife allows you to have sex on the side with another person and you’re doing that, obviously you could hardly object if she did the same (though I’m not assuming you would, in fact, object). If that has already happened, or if you anticipate it could happen, how do you feel about it? And I don’t mean as a fantasy scenario, but as a real situation.
I’ve written about this from both real life and a fantasy perspective, but I don’t know that I’ve really given it much time since our marriage has opened up.
First off, there’s no way I can have sex on the side but then pretend like for her to do so would be a problem. Of course, if it’s OK for me, it’s OK for her. This is speaking as Belle’s husband and not as a sub. I am quite confident in my position in her heart and am not worried she’d find someone she liked better than me. She might find someone she liked as much or better in certain regards, but I’m the love of her life and we both know it (as she is mine, of course).
With me, there’s stuff I want to do that she just can’t provide because of her gender. She could get pretty close using helpful objects and I’d be really cool with that, but she doesn’t want to (that’s more or less how we ended up with the current arrangement). On the face of it, it doesn’t seem like she’s missing out since she’s essentially into guys and I’m a guy. But, I’m not a normal guy and she’s not always able to have the kind of sex she likes with me. Plus, I’m all subby and shit and maybe she wants someone a bit more assertive or even dominating. I can pretend and play at that, but I’m sure there’s a style of sex she might want from time to time that I’m not so great at providing. I’m totally OK with that, perhaps because of my perspective as someone who wants things none of his sex partners can 100% provide. (Protip: Even if you’re not bi, no sex partner will ever give you 100% of what you want.)
Thing is, my Belle’s not just into sex. She wants there to be a more complete package. At least, that’s what she says. When she was younger, there was one guy with whom she had a relationship she pretty much controlled and they fucked just to fuck (at least, that’s my recollection of it), but she now professes a need for emotion to be involved as well. That also makes perfect sense to me as I’ve almost always been that way myself. I’ve had a lot of sex partners over the years, but very few that I had no emotional connection to at all (maybe not love, but friendship). So I wouldn’t be alarmed at the prospect she’d become emotionally connected to this mythical side person. I’d expect it.
I’m not saying I wouldn’t be jealous. I know I would be, but I don’t think a little competition is bad at all. Again, it’s about confidence. The thought of having to vie for her attention to a certain extent, but assured that I’d always ultimately be her primary partner, is thoroughly exciting to me. Sure, yes, there’s a subby thing going on there. There are aspects of their relationship that could work really well against my kinks, but this wouldn’t ultimately be about me. It would be about her. I think it’s important to understand I get that and would never try and direct her somewhere to satisfy my desires through her actions.
There was a time when I would have said there was zero chance something like this would ever happen. I still don’t think there’s much a chance, but it’s more than zero. I love her enough that I’d do whatever I could to help her achieve this if it’s what she wants. Ultimately, I want her to be as happy as possible and to get as much enjoyment as one can from life.