Hair of the hare

Got a text from Frodo the other day.

“You OK?”

And I was like, what did I do? Did I put something vague on Facebook? I texted back that I was fine, maybe a little grumpy, but otherwise OK. He was asking because my last post here was a while back and I was talking about anxiety and he’s a nice friend, etc., and was just checking in.

Last night, Belle also commented on the lack of posts. I said I just haven’t had anything to write about.

“So have we become boring?”

Gah! No. Sheesh.

I had been thinking I’d write about hair. Icky, nasty, profuse pubic hair and how one deals with it vis-à-vis chastity (and yes, I am exactly the kind of guy to use vis-à-vis unironically and correctly). And then something happened that gave me a good reason to talk pubes. Whew. A blog post was born.

A lot of guys who get locked up also remove their pubic hair. It’s a chastity thing, I guess. Some people (like me) just prefer to keep their bush trimmed (or more) while others get off on the supposedly emasculating aspect of being required to remove their pubes. I get that, but for me it’s a combination of simply preferring controlled hair down there and the fact that once they get to be maybe half an inch long or so, they tend to get caught in the little crannies of whatever device I’m in and get pulled out painfully at inopportune moments.

I keep my pubic hair trimmed to about a quarter inch or so and shorter the closer they are to the A-ring. I also shave the hair from the shaft of the penis (it goes about a quarter of the way up) and off my balls, but that doesn’t always end well. I think hair on the shaft and balls is unattractive and I far prefer the look of clean skin in those places. The tricky bit is being locked up with the stubble that comes 24-72 hours or so after shaving. Whatever device I’m in, the stubbly skin is pressed against itself setting up a significant irritation opportunity. For whatever reason, this was especially bad in the CB6K but can also be an issue in the Steelheart.

IF ONLY there was a way to get at that hair in a way that would reduce stubble or last longer than just shaving that didn’t require nuclear lasers mounted to sharks’ heads. That’s when Drew innocently mentioned a product he uses called ballsBALM (yes, that’s how they spell it…fucking marketing people, I swear). A little voice in my head said with an alarmed tone in his voice, “WHAT? A chemical depilatory on the penis!? The hell, you say.” But I ignored him because Drew used it successfully and it had four and a half stars on Amazon.

Yeah, it didn’t really work. Maybe it got rid of the scotum hair (mmmm, sexy sexy scrotum hair) but the hair on and around the base of the shaft was left pretty much untouched except for some, well, melting that left the hair on my body but all shriveled up and sorry looking. I still had to shave the melted hair balls off (mmmm, sexy sexy melted hair balls).

But you know, whatever, I can still shave. The real problem with the stuff with the silly name is that it burned the fuck out of the penis. On the right side of the shaft was a spot about the size of a small fava bean (or large pea or very small gumball or ridiculously large very small rock) where the skin was taken right off. I didn’t feel this while the burny goo was on, only once I washed it off. And it fucking STUNG.

The thing about penises that live most of the time in dark steel tubes is their skin is more sensitive and fragile than normal ones. I can barely stand to go commando when unlocked even without second-degree chemical burns. If I was allowed to jack off as much as I want, I’m sure I’d get blisters from it. Being perpetually locked up makes the penis a tender little flower of a thing and maybe I shouldn’t be slathering hair melting goo all over it.

Anyway, this explains the picture I posted on Tumblr the other day.

That was all on Sunday. I have been unlocked since. Belle would much prefer I be in the Steelheart and, truth be told, I would too, but no dice. I tried yesterday since the burn is nicely scabbed over (mmmm, sexy sexy penis scabs) but the location of the burn is exactly the spot where the PA fixing comes up and intersects with the edge of the tube and it was too painful. I’m starting to feel the itchy jumpy feeling from having freely accessible penismeat and a healthy craving for playing with it. Being unlocked for this long feels very odd but, on the plus side, I’m getting really good sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

Maybe I can go back in today. If not, it’s up to her, but perhaps we’ll wait until Sunday when I nearly always am locked back up anyway.

4 thoughts on “Hair of the hare

  1. Mmm, sexy sexy WTF.

    I can’t believe they actually market a balls-on depilatory cream. All the products marketed to women are pretty explicit with their “Keep this stuff off your vajayjay! That bitch makes her own cream! Danger Will Robinson!” type warnings.

    Have you ever waxed? The thing is… Yeah, it hurts like a mofo. BUT when the hair grows back, it’s soft. No sharp stubble like you get from shaving. Because, sexy sexy yanked out by the root. 😛

    1. I’ve never been waxed there. Other places with similarly nasty hair, but not on the penis. For one, I can’t find anyone in town who does it. For two, having hot wax applied to my junk and painfully ripped off by a woman is far too hot a thought In the condition I’m usually in.

      1. You could always have Belle do it… Get one of those at-home wax kits… My first fiance let me do that once as a Christmas present, and it was every bit as incredible (and hilarious) as I thought it would be.

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