Belle’s got business in Boston so we’re here for a few days. She’s working and I’m goofing off. Boston also happens to be the place where Frodo lives (for the newbies) so the four of us, Belle and I and Frodo and
Merry Pippin, had dinner on Tuesday and then Frodo and I bummed around together on Wednesday.
Frodo said something interesting during dinner that stuck with me. He was relating how he told one of his kids that he was having dinner with someone he’s known since he was 14 years old and isn’t that something, etc., and I was thinking, Shit, I’ve known him for more than 30 years. I have some friends I have superficial contact with who I’ve also known that long (mostly thanks to Facebook), but none I’d go out of my way to see and spend time with like Frodo. Frodo is unique in that way. He’s the kind of friend you have where you don’t talk for nine months and then, when you do, you pick up like it’s only been a few days. The kind of friend you feel totally comfortable with and to whom you can say anything. That kind of friend.
So he’s unique among my friends for that but he’s also unique in that we’ve also had a sexual relationship. I don’t know if the two are related. If I’d feel about him the same way had we never fucked around in our youth. I don’t have contact or what I’d call friendship with any other of my old flames (male or female). Just Frodo.
So, for those who recall, Frodo was the first person I reached out to when Belle said I could have sex with men again. I wrote about it but can’t find that post at the movement, but I wasn’t too impressed with how I handled it at the time and he ultimately shot me down. Frodo is pretty vanilla (not said in a judgmental way, just saying) and the idea of fucking a guy with no functional penis and a complicated sexual pedigree turned out to be too much for him to grok (remember, Belle’s rule is I can have sex with men as long as I am locked up). But, it turns out, he really didn’t want to shoot me down. Turns out he really wanted me. So, yesterday afternoon, he got me.
This was a totally unexpected and unplanned event. I assumed he wasn’t interested because he said he wasn’t so when we went out for the day I didn’t put the Steelheart on as I would before seeing Drew. Of course, I wouldn’t need to be locked up because nothing was going to happen. But then it did.
After a day in Salem looking at a super-cool ancient Chinese house, we ended up back at his huge Victorian. He took me on a tour (even though I’ve been there before and seen the whole thing) and we ended up in his bedroom laying innocently across his bed. I know. We chatted about our history and how he’d turned down my offer from before and disclosed he actually wished he hadn’t and had wanted to be with me for a long, long time. Like, pretty much forever. He knows who I am and where my limits are and, of course, he’s married and with family and all that and isn’t looking for more than I’m able to give him. For maybe the first time in our lives, our goals are in alignment and our heads are in the right place to take advantage of that. Plus, we’re both allowed to do so by our spouses.
So then he said something about wanting to give me a kiss. For not the first time in my life, I said to myself, Well, just a kiss then. Of course, it turned into more and I became increasingly aware I wasn’t locked. Eventually, I had to say something to him. Had to tell him my rules. He offered to stop, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep going. My solution to this was to follow the spirit of Belle’s rule if not the letter. In short, I kept my pants on the whole time. I did not want to do that, but it was the line so we stayed on the right side of it.
Interestingly, I’ve found I’m really self-conscious about letting anyone see the penis (other than, you know, the thousands of people who see it when I post pictures of it, but that’s different, OK?) When Drew and I were visiting Steelwerks and I was trying on Chris’ personal device (Did I mention I’m the only person he’s allowed do that? Yes? OK.) I turned away from Drew when I took the Steelheart off and was putting the other on. I didn’t plan on doing it, it just seemed right. Even with Belle now, in the same way being naked and locked in front of her made me feel self-conscious in the beginning, being unlocked in front of her makes me feel weird. It’s hard to explain. Like I’m being unnecessarily flagrant or something. Then, with Frodo, the possibility that he even could see the penis, regardless of my reluctance to break Belle’s rule, freaked me out. I feel like I’m cheating just walking around unlocked. Being almost naked that way was almost too much to handle.
Being with Frodo for even that short time was nice. Very comfortable. Even though it’s been, god, like twenty years or something since we last fooled around (probably more), it was like old times. Maybe better because I was much more relaxed and comfortable with myself and confident in our understanding of one another. It was never like that before.
So now I don’t know. Unlike Drew, Frodo has no reason to travel frequently and neither do I. If we want to meet again (in a more planful way), it would be a bigger production. I know I’d like to. Pretty sure he does, too. We’ll see.
For those wondering, as I write this, Belle is unaware this happened. I didn’t get back to the hotel until after she was asleep and she left early this morning. No obvious moment presented itself as she got ready for her day. I don’t know if she suspects something would happen or not. Probably, if pressed. She was in favor of Frodo being my play partner early on so I don’t know why she’d have an issue with it now (other than the unlocked thing). I’m nervous to tell her but I also tend to make a bigger deal out of this stuff than she does (take note, defenders of her honor — Belle is cooler with this shit than I am most of the time). So, we’ll see.