Am I Ross or Rachel? Oh please let it be Rachel.

Drew and I have put a break on the sexual aspect of our relationship, at least for the time being. A few points…

  • It is not because I’ve finally seen the light vis-a-vis “cheating on my wife.”
  • It is not because I’ve finally stopped being “gay.”
  • It is not because I’m afraid I am turning gay.
  • It is not because I’ve realized Drew is an awful person.
  • It’s not because he leaves the TV on when he checks out of his hotel room.*
  • It is not because [fill in your own theory].

In short, I’m not in a place right now where I can submit to Drew. It’s as simple as that. My sexual relationship with him is founded on submission and if I can’t get myself there, I can’t do it. This has not resulted from anything Drew did wrong. I don’t think there’s anyone to blame for where we are. It’s just how things have evolved between us.

There is no one single thing that’s made me all freaky and weird lately (freaky = depressed, weird = anxious), but feeling this coming has certainly contributed. I had his feelings to contend with (something I admit to not being exceptional at) along with weird issues around discussing it on the blog. If it hadn’t become such a fucking thing here, it may have been easier to address. This is a classic example of the Hawthorne Effect. I feel like the blogging and the sharing and the reality TV show aspect of all this is intertwined with where it is now, though I can’t say for certain we wouldn’t have found ourselves here anyway.

There’s probably more I could say about this, but I’m not sure it’s necessary at the moment. Drew talked about it on his side at greater length. I think I’m very purposefully going to leave some of this behind the curtain for now.

∗ Actually, that does really piss me off.

37 thoughts on “Am I Ross or Rachel? Oh please let it be Rachel.

  1. As someone who probably contributed to that Hawthorne effect with my silly fangirl jokes, first I want to apologize for that. Second, I have nothing but respect and admiration for you and Drew, both as people and as examples of the importance of good communication in all of your relationships.

    Not touching the Ross-Rachel thing with a 10 foot pole, but I always shut off the TV. 😉

  2. After reading the previous comments, I am almost laughing too hard to write my own…

    You guys are amazing and whether you are having sex or just being friends, you are communicating and that’s the most important thing. And, on a daily basis, the Thumper and Drew Show makes me smile and laugh.

    And as a postnote… I always turn off the TV and the lights.

    1. Okay, all of your points are made and I will do better on the TV thing in hotels. I swear.

      At home, the lights are controlled via home automation so please rest assured the environment is safe there.

      And thanks for being nice about the Thumper and Drew Show (Ross and Rachel of course)

  3. FYI, if I was actually Rachel, I’d just be locked in the bathroom playing with my parts in front of the mirror all day long. So maybe I don’t want to be her. But Ross is an insufferable twat. Maybe Ross and Rachel are the wrong metaphor…

  4. Totally Ross. But maybe fun bobby?

    I think I need to upgrade my per diem, most places I stay plunge the room into blackness when you pull the keycard from beside the door.

      1. A) Chuck Cunningham is the dude you’re talking about. Nice reference!
        B) NEVERSEENFRIENDS!? Are you newly arrived on this world? Seriously. Greatest sitcom of the 90’s.

      2. Doh! As soon as I hit post, I remembered his name was Chuck!
        We’ve been bingewatching Friends before bed since Jon Stewart left. It’s standing the test of time pretty well.

      1. TV geek thing. Do you know why friends doesn’t look as old as other shows. It was filmed on celluloid, so the masters are in higher than HD quality.

        Similar cheaper shows done in tape have that NTSC fuzzy sheen that ages them.

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