Hell hath no fury

I experienced a whole new thing on Sunday. Belle and TOG had arranged a time to Skype and the time came and went with no word from him. She was disappointed and hurt, as anyone would be, and I was mad. 

Thing is, “mad” doesn’t really capture the emotion. I was really mad. Furious, but not letting it show to her. There’s a flavor of anger that is specific to someone wronging one of your own and that’s what I was feeling. It’s not a thing I’ve ever felt in that context. I was left to comfort her because this guy had flaked out on her, like you would a good friend except this good friend was my wife. The objective, Vulcan part of me has tried to understand what his POV might be and appreciate what he may be going through, but the rest of me gives not a shit about any of that and wants to hurt him.

They have exchanged communications since but I’m not privy to the convo because she’s decided not to tell me. All I know is she told him what she felt she needed to considering his behavior. No idea if this is the end or just a bump, but I’ve decided to stop writing about TOG for the time being either way. There may come a point when it makes sense again, but not now. Last night, Belle said to me, “Your readers are going to be so disappointed,” sort of in rueful jest. That punctuated the growing feeling I already had that spending so much time documenting them here was feeling way too invasive to her. The very last thing I want her thinking about is how her outside relationship is potential wank fodder for people who read me for the prurient details (and trust me, I’m very much pro-prurient details in other contexts), how they’d react if that doesn’t work out, what they would say in comments, etc. I have enough trouble with that.

So, if I talk about it, it’ll be in an abstract way and from the POV of a submissive in an open relationship (while the idea of calling myself a cuckold is dirty hot, I’m not sure I am once since I am also free to have outside sex…as long as it doesn’t involve the penis). For instance, having to console her drove any and all sexy thoughts from my head. It made this even more a Real Thing, not just because it affected her but how it affected me (the quiet rage thing). This is the part the hawt cuck porn doesn’t help you with and accentuates how real life is. You get all kinds of emotions and outcomes, not just the formulaic. I was part concerned husband, part submissive partner, part comforting friend who wanted to drive over to his house and kick his ass all at the same time. He wasn’t the potential bull for my hotwife, he was an emotionally immature idiot who didn’t know how to use his words. Maybe both at the same time, but the one eclipsed the other (and still does). 

Objectification issue: Resolved

7 thoughts on “Hell hath no fury

  1. I’ve been on both sides of this. I won’t pretend to know what Belle is feeling, but for me, I used to fight between my feelings of wanting to forgive/understand and wanting to make consequences clear, which can be “you owe me __________” or “this isn’t gonna work, b-bye” or anything in between. I’ve learned not to tolerate no-show behavior. It sets a pattern and is not worth second chances. If he can get away with disrespecting my time and his commitment (and yes, it is a commitment – if you say you’re gonna do something, you need to fucking DO IT) once, he’ll do it again. Especially if it’s early days.

    On the other side of this, it drives me crazy when someone flakes on my husband, because he gets hurt and then I have to deal with the fallout. I have zero interest in providing comfort and reassurance because of someone else’s inconsiderateness. Especially because he’s faaaaar too forgiving of people who, in my opinion, don’t deserve it.

    Bleah.

    Belle: I despise unsolicited advice, so I want to be clear that this is NOT advice. Just sharing. One thing that has worked for me when an ancillary partner fucks up in a way that hurts or disappoints me, is that I make it clear – in simple, unquestionable, written language – that (1) he disrespected/disappointed me, (2) he broke his commitment, and (3) I expect it never to happen again.

    #3 works for me because it sets an expectation, in simple terms, without giving ultimatums or threatening. This is more than a missed phone call, but: One person made a HUGE mistake. I gave him a second chance, he did it again. We’re done. Another person made a different Big Mistake. He’s never done it – or anything like it – again. Both were given the “don’t do it again” message; how they responded separates them by miles in my “worthiness” book.

  2. Ugh. When I commented on Twitter I didn’t realise that he stood Belle up. I assumed he bailed with some excuse.

    But being stood up. Nope. Nope nope nopenopenope.

    I hear you on the rage thing. It’s so much WORSE when it happens to someone you love than when it happens to you.

    FWIW I would not give a second chance. If someone clearly shows me who they are with their behaviour, I believe them the first time.

    Ferns

  3. It’s not a part of any cuckold or poly porn, but I think what you’re feeling is normal. I feel that way about Kazander’s girlfriend when she cancels plans or disappoints him, too.

    I don’t like her, and wouldn’t miss her if she disappeared, but no one is allowed to hurt my husband but me, and it always pisses me off when she does crap like that.

  4. If this means Belle has a free evening in New York, Sleep No More and Then She Fell are two of the most incredible shows I’ve ever seen, and if either of you haven’t, you should totally go see them.

    Um. Didn’t really have anything else to contribute, after reading the totally dead on thoughts in your post and the comments, so thought I’d offer unwanted and irrelevant theatre tips.

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