September 2017 – Denying Thumper

September 24, 2017

Orgasm not required, says the Guardian

An article in the Guardian called “Orgasm addicts, sex doesn’t have to be red hot” is a mainstream and non-threatening incursion into the world of orgasm control and denial. The point of the piece, written by author Isabel Losada, is that orgasm doesn’t need to be the ultimate focus of sex and, DUH, totally agree with that. But the headline is perplexing.

“Orgasm addicts,” I think, perpetuates the myth that sex addiction is a thing. We’re genetically programmed to be orgasm “addicts” and the issue isn’t having a lot of sex or orgasms, it’s doing anything compulsively and to excess. I’ve only come three times this year and think that sounds like kind of a lot but still consider myself “addicted” to orgasms. Why use such a loaded, negatively connoted word? Drug addicts, alcohol addicts, nicotine addicts, orgasm addicts. I dunno. Bugs me.

Also, the “sex doesn’t need to be red hot” part. As if the only way it’s red hot is when it’s accompanied by orgasm? And the expectation should be orgasmless sex isn’t red hot? Some of the absolute hottest sex I’ve ever had didn’t involve orgasm. At this point, most of the hottest sex didn’t involve orgasm. At least, not mine.

But the authors of articles don’t always write the headlines. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe it was a clueless editor. Who knows.

Anyway, the notion that a sex can be about exploration of all the sensations that get pushed out of the way for the big, glitzy orgasm at the end is one I fully endorse. That’s, like, my life. Encouraging women and their partners to focus on exploring a slower, more gentle sensation as a means of becoming an expert in her sex is another concept I can advocate with ease.

The author suggests that taking orgasm off the menu is a way to limit pressure on the act of having sex and, by making it less stressful for women, will lead to more sex. Sure, but by slowing down and learning her body I don’t know why orgasm wouldn’t become more likely. The goal of sex is to feel good and connect to our partners. If we feel good by coming, then that’s the goal. If we feel good (after a fashion) by not coming, then that’s OK too. But everyone who enjoys them deserves to come. It’s incumbent upon the partner to learn how to make her happy. And it’s incumbent upon her to let that happen. To not get hung up on societal programming of expectations of her role. I think, ultimately, that’s what the article is about.

But the article isn’t entirely focused on women.

Another of the exercises my partner and I really enjoyed was when he chose (not prompted by me) to take a 30-day challenge where the man agrees not to ejaculate during that time. This is a fascinating one. For me, it was wonderful. He was forced to slow right down and be totally focused on sensation. From my perspective, it stopped feeling as if he was driving and began to feel as if he was surfing. This was another powerful way for us to increase our connection. The man becomes more aware of the woman’s arousal level as he isn’t being carried away by his own – which is often stronger and easier for him to access.

A couple of times in the piece, the author says BDSM practices are “weird” and not necessary to have great sex with a monogamous partner over a long period, so emphasizing “he chose (not prompted by me)” to abstain from ejaculation isn’t surprising. Like, why even mention it at all? Just say it happened. Is the idea that it was her idea so scary?

Other than that, yeah, that’s how it works! I like the surfing vs. driving analogy, but surfing is a little too passive perhaps. Still too focused on what he’s doing for himself. It’s more like playing an instrument, to me. Trying to make music of her pleasure. But I’m a sub and everything I do is or want is colored by that. I wonder if his experiment in orgasm control was only for the month? Did he ever try it again? If it was so good for her, did she dare to suggest they do it again? Maybe a month on, a month off, etc? She doesn’t say. Wouldn’t want people to think she’s into “weird” stuff, I guess.

It’s not a perfect piece, to be sure, but the bones are there and it’s refreshing see the concept of disconnecting sexual pleasure from orgasm getting a mainstream treatment. Wish Belle was home so we could learn more about her clitoris as she sits on my face…

September 23, 2017

Avoiding donkey island

Funny thing happened whilst camping. In the past, being locked up in that environment and inside that group left me feeling weird. Vulnerable. But this time, somehow, it was the opposite. As though being in chastity was my superpower. It made me feel more confident. That was unexpected.

And so I was locked up. Until I wasn’t. The “very good reason” I didn’t have before I left turned out to be a miles-long hike on a hot day that left me drenched in sweat. I was fine until later, back at camp, when the sweat started to dry and get sticky. Then I realized the metal ring of the Steelheart, the stickiness of the drying perspiration, perhaps the stress of miles of walking causing the skin and steel to rub, and the emerging pubic stubble conspired to hurt like a motherfucker. I struggled with the decision to take it off but, had I left it on, I could have ended up hurting myself and causing a real issue in a place where being clean is hard enough. So I popped the key and liberated the meat.

And then I felt like the weirdo. My (literal) shield was gone. The penis felt incredibly small and pedestrian and no longer special in any way. Sure, peeing was easier and all that and, after a day or so, the painful irritation sorted itself out, but something was missing. A few days before I left, I put the Steelheart back on. I knew there was no way I could be out on the long, boring drive home.

Speaking of which. There was exactly one time I was alone the whole week. Everyone had sort of gone their separate ways for a while and, as I did, too, the thought that I could jack off pushed its way forward like a bridesmaid knocking everyone over jumping for the bouquet. I wasn’t even thinking about anything like that but then it was BOOM “Hey, go jack off.” I didn’t, for the record, but the the way the notion muscled its way into my thoughts was the kind of thing men who get to come as often as they want have no idea can even happen. Back then, the idea would come creeping up like a sly cartoon fox tempting me to an island where I’d do fun stuff but eventually turn into a donkey.

The only issue being locked up presented was at night. Most of us were sleeping in one big tent and I was sleeping in a T-shirt and underwear. It was just a bunch of guys, so we weren’t trying to be exceptionally modest, so had I been I would have looked very out of place. So I decided to just go for it and counted on the kinda-sorta natural look of the Steelheart tube to pass in the off chance one of the other guys dick-checked me. The underwear I wear in the forest (yes, I have special camping underwear) are trunk briefs and mostly black or dark gray. That would help, too. As far as I know, nobody looked. Yeah, they probably did, but if so, they obviously said nothing to me.

So anyway, no, I didn’t turn into a donkey. But I also wasn’t perfect. That was annoying. I’ll know next time to let the pubes grow out a bit. Had I not shaved, I doubt there would have been an issue. Live and learn.

September 12, 2017

Me, absent a very good reason

“I don’t understand,” she said.

I said I was uncertain about being locked up in the woods for a week.

“I mean, you’ve done it before.”

That’s true. I have been more than once in the woods for a week and stayed locked up the whole time.

“Explain this to me.”

I couldn’t. Truth is, sometimes in that environment I just don’t feel like being locked up. Especially when I’m with nothing but other men. Big, straight, muggle men. The feeling evaporates. Also, the hygiene issue can be complicating. One week, I wore the Looker 02 the entire time without a shower or anything. Yuck.

“I’d be willing to let you go unlocked, but I need to know why you need to be that way.”

I couldn’t say why I needed to be unlocked. As I was struggling to make the words, the part of my brain that was thinking being locked up even when I didn’t want to be came up with a plan. The Steelheart without the PA fixing. I could pull the penis out every once in a while and wipe it down and also clean the inside of the tube. There was enough privacy for that, surely. No, it wasn’t total security, but it was locked up. And locked up was how she wanted me absent a very good reason to be otherwise. And I didn’t have a very good reason.

“Never mind,” I said.

September 11, 2017

Metal Holy Trainer review

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I’ve said it before, the Holy Trainer v2 is just about the best male chastity device design you’re going to find. It’s affordable, it’s comfortable (most of the time, wink wink), and it’s easy to put on. So when I started seeing what appeared to be metal versions of it in the, ahem, erotic pictorials I sometimes peruse, I was intrigued. If you’ve read my site for any period of time, you know that I kinda have a thing for steel.

In checking the Holy Trainer website, I found a metal version of their product was not listed. I asked them if they made one, and they said any metal device based on their design was not made by them. They’re all knock-offs. So then I looked on Amazon and couldn’t find any (though I feel I’ve seen them in the past). Failing there, I turned to Google and the first place it sent me was to House of Denial. From their About Us page:

Our aim is to offer high quality products at affordable prices with discreet worldwide delivery. Many chastity belts that we’ve seen on the market are incredibly expensive and we don’t think that’s particularly fair, so we do our best to offer the best devices for the lowest prices. All of our products are thoroughly tested to ensure that you receive a safe, quality item that you’re happy to use on a regular basis.

I’ll say right up front, I’m not going to be especially kind to House of Denial in this review. Bottom line, the Metal Holy Trainer they sell — which is their product — simply cannot have been tested at all, let alone thoroughly. At least not on anyone who wears a device for more than an evening’s entertainment. I’m sure some will take issue with me finding their product and their assertion of offering high quality and thoroughly tested products inaccurate and misleading since they’re apparently a small operator and how mean, etc. But their business name literally has denial in it. I would expect a site that sells nothing but male chastity devices to be more honest in their statements and more discriminating in their product selection.

IMG_D9C4C70C5AC1-1

But I get ahead of myself. As usual, I will assess the Metal Holy Trainer on the five basic attributes I use to judge chastity devices: Cost, aesthetic, fit/comfort, security, hygiene, and stealth.

Cost

House of Denial sells the Metal Holy Trainer for £79.99. With shipping, it came to £93.98. As of this writing, that’s about $124. Pretty cheap for a metal device, but in keeping with the extraordinary low prices of all their devices and much more than most of their other metal devices. Unlike Steelworxx, House of Denial appears not to refund VAT to American buyers.

IMG_7AAC48BCDE66-1 As I said, House of Denial sells nothing but what appears to be knock-offs of other manufacturer’s designs. They have a version of the CB-6000 they call the HoD600, but the Holy Trainer-type devices are all called “Holy Trainer.” They even have the HTv1 design, both in plastic and metal, along with the v2. I guess I don’t take issue with the selling of knock-offs if the knock-off is plainly labeled as such (aka, the DoD600), but not changing the name of their Holy Trainer clones shades closer to fraudulent behavior. Yes, a cautious buyer should intuit they were knock offs because the prices are simply too low, but that’s not really an excuse. They’re doing all they can to make these products look authentic.

IMG_9434D4AE8BC9-1 The illusion of authenticity is extended to the unboxing of the product when it arrives in a Holy Trainer package. This is where they cross the line from knock off to forgery. This appears to be a genuine Holy Trainer and they want you to think that, but it’s not. It’s like buying a fake Rolex, essentially.

The other issue I found unsettling is they don’t say what the device is made of. It’s described as steel but what grade? Is it surgical quality? No idea. But why not say? Most competitors do. I couldn’t find mention of the grade of steel used in any of their products. This could be an issue for those with allergies or sensitivities.

But yeah, it’s pretty cheap. If cost is a primary drive for you, you’re in luck in that regard.

Aesthetic

IMG_D9C4C70C5AC1-1 Flat out, this thing is gorgeous. The cleanliness and efficiency of the Holy Trainer v2 design looks even better in high gloss metal. I was and continue to be totally in love with how this device looks on the outside. In my opinion, the Holy Trainer v2 is like the Porsche of male chastity device designs: timeless and near perfect. Bonus, it’s a lot more affordable, relatively, than a Porsche.

Fit/Comfort

Here we go.

IMG_B3C7B4EEA63D-1 First, fit. The metal HT2 tube is just a bit smaller than the plastic version in a way I found really appealing. That’s somewhat visible in the image to the left. It may be just a little shorter or it may only appear that way due to the plastic being thicker, but it is definitely a bit narrower. The internal circumference is smaller than that of the small-tubed plastic HT2.

That leads to what I found to be a really satisfying tightness while the penis was attempting an erection. Distractingly so. The one morning I had it on during the early morning tumescence, I had trouble going back to sleep simply because it felt so hot to me. Note, the penis is not especially girthy and I’m a known fetishizer of penis constriction, so YMMV. I’m thinking dicks of better than average girth could have problems.

The A-ring is identical in all ways to the plastic version, including being very comfortable. They offer two sizes, 38mm and 45mm. I chose the 45mm. While the penis was compressed more than usual, there was no associated excessive tightness around the scrotum. No testicular pain at all. It was essentially a perfect fit in that regard and exactly what I like in a chastity device: A tube that’s tight without a ring that’s crushing my balls.

The device is heavy. Far heavier than any other I’ve worn. But I really liked that, too. I like the feeling of heft between my legs like that and the sensation of being pulled around as I shift in bed.

IMG_AA6707C5A2FA-1 OK, now comfort. Based on all I’ve said so far, what’s the problem? Sounds awesome. Sign me up, right? Wrong.

I was able to wear the Metal Holy Trainer for 27 hours before the rough, poorly finished interior had abraded the corona of the penis’ glans. This became apparent the second night I tried to sleep when, after I urinated for the last time, I found an intense burning emanating from the device’s interior. Belle was already fast asleep and the pain was unbearable so I was left to break open my emergency key and take the device off.

I believe my pain was caused by an approximately 4 mile walk I had gone on earlier in the day. It wasn’t until I was laying down and the inevitable remaining urine was able to make contact with my abrasions that I knew they were there. Then, OMG holy shit did that hurt. In my opinion, this would have happened anyway but would have taken two or three days of normal movement before the same issues manifested. Perhaps if one is a total sloth and engages in zero physical activities, the rough and poorly finished interior would not present a problem. But I doubt it.

Bottom line, this “high quality” and “thoroughly tested” device is entirely unsuited to daily wear. It’s not for someone who has made enforced chastity part of their lifestyle and thinks of the device locked onto them as part of their body. Which is really tragic since it’s so beautiful on the outside. You could wear it for a play session or for a night, but not beyond. Unless you like the feeling of a burning penis that’s so torn up you almost can’t sleep even without the device on because of the irritating sensation.

Security

The Metal Holy Trainer is no more secure than any other trapped-ball device without a PA fixing. The weight of it makes it feel less secure since it pulls down and, if poorly fitted, could leave much of the penis exposed above the ring. If you need high security, this is not the device for you. House of Denial’s assertion that “you certainly won’t be able to get out of this device” is bunk.

Hygiene

Pretty much the same as the plastic Holy Trainer v2. It’s easy to wash and drains satisfactorily. No pluses or minuses in this regard.

Stealth

I found the Metal Holy Trainer to be very stealthy. Like its plastic inspiration, it sits in a way that is more nestled into the scrotum which leads to a less-pronounced profile. The tube is reasonably small so it was very hard to see in a pair of jeans. Less noticeable than the Steelheart for sure.

The two pieces of metal don’t fit especially tight so there was a tiny bit of occasional clanking when not contained in briefs, but not so bad. All in all, this is a very stealthy device.

Bottom line

Don’t buy this device. It’s unfinished and can injure you if worn for longer than one night. Sure, it’s cheap and beautiful, but it’s also totally unsuited for the kind of chastity most of those reading this blog are into. If I had a business selling nothing but chastity devices, even of the “budget” variety, I would definitely not sell this as-is. The poor quality of the Metal Holy Trainer leaves me suspicious of all the other products House of Denial sells.

September 11, 2017

August metrics

Wow, I almost forgot to post the August numbers.

August looked liked July…and June…and, really, all the months for the past many months. The penis was outside a device 0.6% of the month. The remaining 99.4% it was locked into the Halfshell (42%), Steelheart (37%) and, for the first time (I believe) since I’ve been tracking, the Mature Metal Jail Bird (20%). It wasn’t at the behest of Belle as we’re still playing along like I get to choose what I wear as long as I’m wearing something. It’s not my favorite device, but the change of pace of seeing the penis behind bars rather than disappeared down a steel tube was fun for a while.

Belle came eight times in the month, once by herself since we were still apart for the first week or so, and once with me driving the vibrator. The other times were from my prestidigitation. I “came” once on the 26th. I put that in quotes since it didn’t actually feel too much like an orgasm. While I was fucking her, Belle told me I could so I didn’t slow down or stop when I felt the urge building and I kept fucking right though the ejaculation but I never felt the kick of hormones and had a very, very mild post-orgasmic experience. The penis didn’t even feel especially sensitive after. It was entirely anti-climatic. Like it built to a 6.8 on the Richter Scale and then died. Since it happens so infrequently (that was number three on the year), the sample size is small and I can’t say if this is some kind of new normal or just a fluke. I have not been given the opportunity to come again since then.

There’s a part of me that thinks it would be kinda hot if my ability to orgasm properly is broken. But I don’t know. I’ve been allowed to fuck her three times since and felt the same build-up but avoided getting closer enough. The true test will be if she lets me go again.

Speaking of fucking her, I was inside her five times in August and ejaculated each time.

September is going to look different than any of the months since last September. I had to stay out of the Steelheart overnight around Labor Day because the penis was irritated by it. Odd as the Steelheart hasn’t done that in some time, but a hot spot popped up on the head and it was painful. I was out for another night after wear-testing a steel knock-off of the Holy Trainer 2. Spoilers: It’s not good. Ripped the penis up good after just a day so I had to come out for another night but was able to wear the Halfshell the next day as it keeps the penis in a fixed position and keeps it from rubbing against the shell. So two of the three nights I’ve slept without being locked up in the past year happened within a week of each other.

Also, I’m going camping this week for seven days (and yes, for those keeping score, this is the same kind of trip that led to last year’s incidents of unauthorized orgasm and the rule that I must always be locked unless Belle explicitly says I can be otherwise). Not sure how that’s going to work out with a device. I start with a healthy ambition but it’s primitive camping among muggles so facilities to keep things clean are nonexistent. Also, I’ll be among men only and I find my ability to maintain the right headspace to be locked pretty much evaporates when I’m not around estrogen. Nothing kills a buzz like a bunch of straight guys. Still puzzling over that one.