One of the things that I think surprises people who read this blog is that while Belle denies me orgasm, she does like it when I ejaculate inside her. There is a difference and I wrote a post about it early last year. My recent badminton-esque exchange with Schnoff led me to re-read that post and tap out this addendum.
First off, though, it’s interesting to me that Bear and Schnoff define “orgasm” as any expression of seminal fluid. I think of orgasm as the surging explosive release of that fluid and the concomitant flooding of one’s brain with all the loopy orgasm hormones and chemistry (serotonin, oxytocin, prolactin, etc.). It’s a feeling more than a physical action. I can tell when I’ve come because of what happens in my head, not what comes out of the penis. And that was the point of my post (and why it’s called “You know it when you feel it”).
To be clear, Bear and Schnoff (well, mostly Bear) are free to define orgasm however they like. It’s just interesting to me to see how others do their thing. Back during Locktober, I was given some grief for not being locked in the exact same device continuously all month long (I was in a couple devices, though never out longer than the 36 seconds it takes to remove one and replace it with another). Others think Belle allowing me to ejaculate isn’t real denial. My position is, I don’t make the rules she does and if she wants me to put a load in her but also doesn’t want me to come, then I need to figure out how to do it. Luckily, I have. Repeat after me: There is no One True Way™ to do orgasm denial.
Anywho, what I find is that the actual mechanical and hormonal process of orgasm in me has totally changed over the years. And for the past year to year and a half, I might even describe it as totally broken.
Note, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
When we first started the denial dynamic, Belle would allow me to jack off when I wasn’t locked up. I think that experience helped me map out exactly how my orgasm worked. Finding the very moment I started to fall off the plateau of arousal into an unstoppable orgasm. I could get myself to shoot several loads a night without any release of orgasmic chemistry.
And for a long time, I found that if I stopped fucking her at that moment, I’d shoot a little load, and then I’d be able to keep fucking her. Sometimes, for a really long time. Almost indefinitely. As if going up to the point of release and pulling back made the release itself impossible. Some kind of hot-wiring of the refractory period. Those were the days. But then something changed.
First, I became (and remain) a premature ejaculator. If I fuck for three minutes without having to stop, it’s an achievement. Usually, it’s not even that long. Second, even if I “leak” inside her without coming, the penis starts to deflate as if I’ve come. That was the first sign that my natural process has evolved. I couldn’t keep fucking even if I wanted to (and I always wanted to). I’d lose the erection. Immediately.
Last year, Belle let me come five times. Not one of those was how I used to describe orgasm after a period of denial. No explosion, no kick in the back of the head, no intensity. The orgasms I have now are not too dissimilar from the non-orgasmic ejaculations. Some weak spurting along with a shot of the hormones, but no jolt. No BANG. More like an ocean swell than a crashing wave. I feel a less pronounced post-orgasmic experience (sleepiness, etc.). Even the sub-drop that used to be a hallmark of orgasm has diminished substantially. They’ve become non-events that don’t drain me (literally or figuratively). As I recall, this wasn’t just the five from last year. I was also feeling a version of this the year before that.
Basically, the orgasm I literally grew up with is gone. A pale shadow of the real thing.
There was a time when the prospect of losing my ability to have a truly enjoyable, fireworks-filled orgasm would’ve scared the shit out of me. That was both before I was denied orgasms at all and also for several years after we started this dynamic. But once I was being denied, even when I could still come normally, I knew I didn’t really want to. All I wanted was to always feel like I wanted to come. Craving the thing, not having the thing. So now that my ability to come seems to be waning, I don’t feel any particular loss.
I don’t know if this is something all men who are denied for a long time feel or if it’s unique to me. I suppose it doesn’t really matter. I remember very early on someone said to me online that if I got to the point where orgasms weren’t enjoyable that I had done it wrong. The point was to always enjoy and want them. Obviously, I don’t think that’s true. I think denial has made me more of what I already was and am. I feel like living like this is my natural and correct state. In general, I believe men especially put way, way too much emphasis on having orgasms. But, you know. What else do you expect me to say?
I doubt this condition is permanent. If I were able to freely masturbate to completion or even come every time I fucked, I expect things would go back to “normal.” But I don’t really care if they do. How much can I miss something that, on average, only happens every three months anyway? Why should I miss a thing that knocked me out of the headspace in which I so much enjoy living?
Saying my orgasm is “broken” is the wrong adjective. Makes it sound like it was an accident. This wasn’t accidental at all. It was intentional. Maybe even inevitable.
However, on the device I received, there was a small piece of plastic that appears to be a protruding remnant of the molding process and, after several days, it began to irritate. It doesn’t look like much in the photo, but it’s right in a spot where the tube is pushed against my scrotum during periods of maximum pressurization. And it doesn’t take much of an imperfection to cause a worrisome sore against tender skin when one’s active. It’s a disappointing quality issue and one I would expect not to be on every device shipped.
For reasons I can’t quite figure out, Holy Trainer has decided to make the nano sized tube a much less secure device than any other size they make. This is specific to the v3 since it’s the only that comes in the nano size. As you can see in the comparison images above, the nano tube is designed with a massive gap between the tube and the A-ring. Much larger than there was on the small v2 tube or, according to the images on their site, any of the other tube sizes. I guess this is for comfort during erections, but the end result is a tube that leaves the very spot of the penis that’s necessary to stimulate to achieve orgasm unprotected.
The final month of the year was all about the Steelheart. Nearly 99% of the time I was locked, I was in the Steelheart. For the remainder of the time, the penis was left staring at the inside of the Holy Trainer v3 (for which I still have a review to write). I was unlocked for less than 1% of the month (.07% to be precise). That’s just a tad bit more than I was unlocked in November, but still hovering right around the 99% locked average Belle’s established (throwing out the oddball 
So now for the big numbers. All tolled, the penis was secured for 8,578.28 hours out of a total possible of 8,760. That’s 97.9% of the time. Had September been a normal month, that percentage would have gone north of 99%, but it wasn’t. Two-thirds of the time the penis was free happened in September.
Sixty-three of Belle’s orgasms came from my fingers. Twenty-five she created all on her own (I don’t track how those were brought about since that’s all about her). Five were the result of me using the vibrator on her clit and two each came from me performing oral on her and her riding the penis. Of course, it’s a crap shoot when it comes to using the penis since my trigger is highly sporadic and typically very short but I’d be very happy to go down on her more if she wanted me to.
Thumper, Firstly, thanks for having this blog. I feel like it would be ridiculous to write to or speak about this with someone that doesn’t already have the desire to have erections and orgasms controlled. My Wife and I have been experimenting with a CB-6k off and on for the last few months and I know we are both enjoying it. Although we have no plans to make this a full time lifestyle, we are going to use chastity as a sexual reward system for things I want.
We discussed this topic at length last night, I in my cage and she delicately stroking my balls while laying naked beside me. Of all the rewards, the one I want most requires 30 days locked up. How do you prepare yourself to do that kind of time without a release? Or, do you get releases during long stretches?