Month: April 2018

Posted on

Mailbag

8bf7c78de2e0d7be3efc7ededb30616b
Steve forever

Welcome back to another exciting installment of the DT Mailbag!

Brooke bothered…

Hey Thumper, I was curious if you’ve ever come across the practice of using ‘Athletic Tape’ for light chastity play before. If you’re not familiar, it’s like a thin and stretchy fabric tape that athletes use to stick onto their skin. It’s designed for adhering to skin (although maybe not to genitals), and you can cover your glans & frenulum using a few strips. It works pretty well to stay in place, lowers your sensitivity from skin to skin contact, and is painless to remove if you gently peel it off. I like that there’s no prep involved to get protected fast (no stocking method), it’s lightweight, and you can sleep in it easily. It’s not supposed to prevent an erection or be a substitute for a cage, but in between it fulfills its role pretty well if you just need to not have a sensitive naked penis for a few hours or for one day. It’s also sold in most stores.

No, but it sounds intriguing. Seems like the instances of DIY or pervertable chastity play has become much less prevalent since there are so many devices out there now at nearly any price point. But the bondage enthusiast in me likes the idea of being bound up like that.

Mike mathered…

Excellent blog – it’s extremely useful to a newbie to this like I am. With your years of experience, perhaps you can help here?

I’m trying to move to a HTv3 after being in a CB-6000s; in the CB I was wearing the #3 ring width the second smallest spacer, and had been wearing for about 3 months. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, other than the usual CB annoyances with the ring.

I’m now trying the HT with a 45mm ring, and while everything seems fine before I put the cage on, once I put the cage on my balls start to turn a dark red/slight purple colour and get a fair bit cooler to the touch (but not outright cold). My veins also become more prominent on my scrotum, which has me believing that the ring + cage is too tight (despite being larger than the one I wear on the CB), even though I can slip a finger between the ring and my shaft.

In your expertise, is this indeed a sign that it’s too tight, and that I should look at moving up to the 50mm ring at this point?

Yes, that’s too tight. At certain points (full pressurization), a flushing of the scrotum skin isn’t out of the ordinary, but cold is no good at all and that seems too tight for those times it’s not stuffed with an erection. One of the advantages of the CB-X line is the spacers. Sounds like you need to bump that base ring up, at least for a while.

Another Mike mouthed…

Hi great blog, been a lurker for a while. and into the life for about 20 yrs off and on. Mrs M not really interested so tends to go in cycles

Just about to go full steel, currently self locked CB600 & more recently HT2 (plus some junk from China)

Looking to go with the half shell, however, struggling to get a reply from the website, do you know if they are still trading, any tips on getting their attention. Wanted to modify the head to a single hole as per your thoughts

Keep up the good work, you are THE resource for us out here…

I’ve heard from others who have had issues getting a response from Rigid. I also hear it about Steelworxx from time to time. Both these outfits are small manufacturers (AFAIK, it’s just Deitmar at Steelworxx and Rigid is, I think, a couple). They get backed up with orders and the response levels drop. I’d think that’s especially a problem with Rigid since their designs are so innovative. FWIW, that’s a complaint I’ve never heard about Mature Metal.

Apparently, there are many more penises looking for custom metal securement than there are craftspeople to make them. One of the reasons Chinese Ebay specials have become so popular, I guess. Cheap and readily available.

Darrell demurred…

I’ve ordered a steelworxx looker 02 about a month age ( anxiously waiting now ) any how 58mm total length you reviewed it quite some time ago just wondering what you think of it now having owned one for awhile…..do you still wear it…

Lol, yes, I still wear it. So far this year, I’ve worn it nearly sixty days total. My only complain is the base ring is borderline too tight. Other than that, it’s Belle’s main axe.

A mysterious stranger said…

I’ve been following your blog for a while and wanted to share some info based on your recent posting “Of Trust and Locks“. First off, I totally agree with you, a lock isn’t necessary and it’s the trust factor that’s important.

You then mention switching to the HT for travel. I just wanted to share that I just returned from my 5th flying trip in the last nine months and have had no problems with my Mature Metal Queen’s Keep. I have gone through metal detectors and the body scanners with no problems. I’ve been pulled aside twice and they wanded me and it gave a small beep, but then they just let me go. This has been both in the US (various airports) and in Costa Rica. I’ve got another trip coming up in a week and I won’t even think about it.

The first time was kind of a fluke. I had been locked for about 3 months by that time and on the day of travel I went to get the key (I knew where it was, but had never used it, as is laid out in your posting) and tried to unlock to no avail. I tried anything I could be for whatever reason the lock wouldn’t work. We just shrugged it off and took our chances and found out it was no big deal. I have yet to replace the lock (at 9 months continuous now) and have gone on numerous other trips all while caged. Maybe the Steelheart is different, but the Queen’s Keep is a fair amount of metal.

That’s really interesting. The Queen’s Keep does look like it’s less metal than the Steelheart since the Steelheart is a solid tube and the QK is mostly cage. I wonder if the Looker 02 would make it through security the same way.

It’s funny that I still see people worry about the little brass lock in a Holy Trainer triggering a metal detector. No way does that even get close. Next time I’m traveling alone or just with Belle, I might try wearing one of the less solid devices and seeing if I can get through.

YET ANOTHER Mike monotoned…

I read your blog about using the Njoy Pure Wand tool for prostate milking and I am thinking of getting one myself. What position are you normally in during your prostate milking session while using the Njoy Pure Wand? Which position is the best position to cause a release of seminal fluid? Do you think the Njoy Pure Wand is effective at prostate milking and causing seminal fluid to be released?

The curve should be aimed toward your belly button and the knobby end should be sliding over the gland. Other than that, it’s more about how hard you’re doing it and for what length of time. Also, it doesn’t always work for every guy. Some won’t respond while others will express quite a bit of fluid. It’s about how you’re wired and configured.

Personally, it’s worked for me maybe half the time I’ve used it, but every time is an intense experience. I prefer the larger end since it seems to make better contact and stimulate more surface than the small end.

Gimli gamboled…

I’ve just stumbled across your marvellous blog so I hope these questions aren’t too tedious.

I’m in something of a different head space to you in that I’m a solo player (my lovely partner lost all interest in sex at menopause) and my interest is in somehow denying that I have a cock – I’m not quite sure why my head works that way, I have zero interest in switching gender, so perhaps it’s a sort of revenge for the various escapades that my cock has led me into over the years!

I’ve purchased a couple of cheap Chinese devices in the past but the quality has left much to be desired and one of them delivered a nasty UTI (my own fault for being too impatient to sterilise it on delivery).

I was particularly interested in your review of a micro trainer, as it seems to meet my goal of making my cock ‘invisible’. However your comment about messy urination matches my experience. I’m wondering whether you have any feedback about whether a urethral tube would solve this problem, and what drawbacks that might have?

I’m also wondering whether you might have come across some device that traps testicles up in their canals, ideally while holding the penis down in a tucked position. Of course the obvious answer is a chastity belt, perhaps a female one, but most of those I’ve seen seem designed for their visual effect and not for practical daily wear. My ideal would be something that places the head of the penis about mid perineum so that urination (albeit sitting) could take place without removing the device.

Yes, I think a urethral tube would make urination a much better experience in that device, but they were sold out when I ordered and I didn’t want to wait. Without that feature, they’re strictly a pee-while-sitting device.

I absolutely get what you’re saying about minimizing the presence of the penis. The micro is quite good at that.

Yeah, I think what you’re describing is a full belt option. Perhaps a reader can leave another idea in the comments.

Bert burped…

Have you ever been on a nude beach / clothing optional area or resort wearing a cage? What was your experience?

No, never have. Alas. If only we lived in a world where a) more places like that existed, and b) chastity wearers would be accepted without issue.

Sam, a fellow rabbit, sidled…

I’m fascinated by the concept of chastity and really want to get into it. However, I’m a college student, and I don’t have the money nor the privacy to invest in most cages. I’ve almost pulled the trigger on many products, but I’ve been too scared to commit. Do you have any guidelines for cheap devices under $50? The last thing I want is an experience similar to your metal holy trainer or some Chinese plastic rotting my knob off. Your wisdom is appreciated.

Under $50? Your only option is a Chinese knock-off, I’m afraid. That comes with risk, sure, but it’s enough for you to figure out if you even like wearing a device. Recently, I got an inquiry from a site called Oxy Shop. Can’t vouch for them, but they have a lot of devices in your price range.

Andrew opined…

For 24/7/365 wear, what is your TOP recommendation?

We’d like something that breathes, non-noticeable, comfortable, secure, and perhaps goes with a PA piercing.

The search for a perfect device is so frustrating!! Thank you so much!!!

Holy Trainer. If the PA thing is important, then I’d say a Half Shell from Rigid (if you’re OK with waiting, see above).

Yes, getting the right device can be a long and expensive project!

Phil fancied…

I’m still debating the steelheart and I was wondering..

So.. in terms of the rod allowing the PA to slide up, wouldn’t a small divot in the middle that the ring can nestle into prevent that? Perhaps expanding the ends a bit longer to prevent it from sliding forward enough to escape the valley?

The idea of the fixing I designed is to allow the ring to slide up when the penis withdraws so as to avoid the Very Nasty Pulling that can occur. That last sentence…I just don’t understand. 🤨

Simon sashayed…

Getting through the night! I am on my second Jailbird much smaller and snugger than the first; I probably have on average a relatively high/ tight scrotum BUT I struggle with the pain of the device when I get nightly erections (I am 56), would be great if you have any helpful tips.

I’m assuming, based on what you wrote, that the pain you’re having is under your balls. Have you applied silicone lube under the base ring? That’s my top tip when it comes to that issue. Otherwise, a larger ring is in your future, I’m afraid. Also, of course, it’s kinda supposed to be some level of uncomfortable. Not painful, necessarily, but one man’s discomfort is another’s agony. Hope that helps!

Annnnd, that’s all I got for the moment! Usual apologies for those who had to wait a while to get their response.

Posted on

Rabbit v. Lizard

Yesterday I said…

I’m not allowed to ask for or refuse orgasm. But it’s how I’m feeling. I wish they didn’t need to happen. I feel like enough “plumbing” issues are taken care of with the occasional expression of fluid when I’m allowed to penetrate Belle. I just really, really, really don’t want to come.

…and based on a few comments, I think that was misconstrued. Totally understandable since it deals with the most difficult to understand and explain paradoxes of enforced chastity and orgasm denial.

There are two aspects to what drives us to orgasm (and I’m talking about men since while I’m very familiar with how to make a woman orgasm, I’m not an expert in how they work internally, and this is entirely my take since I’m also not a doctor, sex expert, Holiday Inn Express patron, etc). The first is biological. Hormones and brain wiring and stuff that’s buried very deeply into our evolutionary source code. It’s an animal force and in my previous writing I characterize it as the Lizard. It’s less something we consider and more something we feel. It’s the thing that in most people works together with the second aspect that leads to orgasm. The higher brain is where imagination and emotion and logic and fantasy and all that stuff live. I’ve called that part of me the Rabbit. It’s the part that has allowed me to enter into this dynamic with Belle, to consider what it means to be a sub, a bottom, and to act upon those things. And while I think of this lower brain Lizard and higher brain Rabbit separately, actually they’re fused into what constitutes my sexuality. Within me, they wrestle and the Rabbit stays in control (most of the time), but they’re like two halves of a single thing.

An attempt at an example: sometimes guys jerk off in the morning right after they wake up. Their cock is hard and they’re groggy and they feel a tickle in their balls and the next thing they know they’re squirting on their stomach. It’s almost mechanical. That’s the Lizard. Other times a guy will be in a situation that’s hot and get hard. He’ll think about that later when he’s jacking off. Thinking about the person or the situation and fantasizing and playing with his cock until he explosively shoots his load. That’s the Rabbit. He stokes the flames the Lizard provides. Except in me, the thing that makes the Rabbit super hot is to not let the Lizard get what it wants. The concept of not coming is hotter than coming. Of wanting to feel like I want to come, but not doing it. In me, the Lizard and Rabbit are not friends. They’re in constant tension.

So when I say I “really, really don’t want to come,” that’s the Rabbit talking. Because it’s the Rabbit where all the emotional, psychological stuff resides. I think being in long-term “lifestyle” denial invariably creates a lot of conflict between the Rabbit and the Lizard. The Lizard wants to stick the penis into things and squirt seed all over and fulfill evolutionary destiny. My Rabbit couldn’t care less about that stuff and wants to be the best Rabbit it can be. But they need each other. The Lizard rages against its imprisonment and the Rabbit is constantly trying to do the right thing. To not let the Lizard influence it too much. To be a fucking rabbit.

As an aside, it’s kind of funny since my Thumper nickname was given to me by Belle when we started our relationship because she thought I wanted sex as much as a rabbit supposedly wants to fuck. And that morphed into Thumper because I also have this weird tic where my feet tap and wiggle when I’m really turned on. And it’s true rabbits have a promiscuous reputation and I truly do want to have sex quite a bit, but rabbits are also the bottom of the food chain. So even though they’re apparently ravenously sexual, they’re also constantly the prey and they need to balance that out. Without really knowing it, the nickname works for me on many levels. 

Anyway. The biggest thing that’s changed in the past couple of years and that’s perhaps accelerated in the last several months is that the Rabbit/Lizard power ratio has shifted dramatically towards the Rabbit. The Lizard has gotten quite lazy and doesn’t fight as much as he once did. The Rabbit has him pretty well locked down. He still stirs and pulls on the chains like the old days, but not as often. When I’m feeling Belle squirm and moan under my fingers, he’s there. Then the penis gets as hard as it can and the craving of feeling it slip into her is the greatest. And yes, at those times, I want to come. At least, the Lizard does. In the past, the Rabbit might be swayed by the power of the Lizard’s insistence, but not anymore. He knows orgasms are like cupcakes on the counter. They look good and will be fun to eat in the moment, but after won’t feel that great. After, there will be regret.

Long way to get around to saying “really, really don’t want to come” means the Rabbit doesn’t want me to come. I actually do have the craving to come that ebbs and flows and is impacted by life like everything else. And that’s the paradox of denial. The chemical Lizard craving for orgasm lives on while the Rabbit higher brain’s desire not to keeps it all under control.

Then I said…

I reject the old trope that being locked up and denied for longer and longer periods makes one hornier and hornier forever. That’s simply not how it works.

…which was not to mean being denied doesn’t massively increase one’s level of horniness. Of course it does. But there’s an element to some hawt chastity porn that it’s an ever-increasing line that stretches off into eternity. In reality, it builds up well past normal in the course of a week or so and continues to grow more slowly over a two to three week period but then it kind of plateaus. I find it can actually drop after that and slowly go up and down like long, rolling waves (while still remaining well above normal for a guy who comes whenever he wants). It can even drop way, way down. That’s the funk I was in last week and before. Where the desire to come and have sex is actually really low to zero. That’s the worst part of denial. It’s not common, but it happens.

The thing that’s not usually mentioned is how carrying a load of unreleased hormones around can cause super quick swings in desire. I can go from zero to packed tube in seconds in the right conditions. And then it can go back down again just as quickly. I also have pretty extreme swings in emotion, though I’ve gotten better at controlling those. I can be quick to anger or on the verge of tears very suddenly. I don’t think men are accustomed to or designed to have so many hormones in their system.

But like anything else, the body adjusts. The hormone load becomes the new normal and their absence the oddity. Not coming for three or four months at a time for years dramatically changes how your body works.

Right now, I am super horny. Which is my preferred state, though it can be massively distracting. I bet it’ll stay this way for a week or so more before leveling out and moderating some. What I do not want to feel is something below what’s normal for most people. For the Lizard to go to sleep entirely. Because for me, that’s death warmed over. When that happens, it’s like a light goes out somewhere. But right now today, the light is a roaring flame and the lizard is back to plotting his escape.

Posted on

March metrics

IMG_1958I keep saying these months are weird and they are but if this keeps up I’m going to have to find a new adjective. Belle often has a bunch of travel in the first quarter and this year I do too plus Spring Break and shared hotel rooms, etc. I find it hard remembering what normal was like.

Anyway, Belle only had seven orgasms in March and I only gave her two of those. The rest were self-administered. Part of that was due to a trip of hers over a weekend and two more weekends in hotel rooms with the kids, but she did take care of herself one morning after the kids and I left her alone. That was both slightly painful since I would have liked to give it to her but also cool that he took matters into her own hands. Regardless, her number was a bit below average.

I was allowed out of chastity three times to fuck her. The last time, about mid-month, she told me to come and I did. Well, as well as I can now. It wasn’t especially great for me. As I’ve said, my orgasms are kind of broken. I honestly can’t remember one that felt really good. They don’t feel a ton different from the leakages that happen when I fuck Belle except for the post-orgamsic feelings (and even those are less intense than they used to be).

The more observant among you might be saying, Wait a minute. He fucked her three times but only got her off twice? Yes. She got herself off one of those times since she had me come before she did. I laid there and gave her moral support, though.

In reflecting upon that orgasm and my recent funk, it seems they must be linked. My sub drop was too extreme to be from anything else. But it couldn’t have been just the hormonal release that made it happen. I haven’t dropped that much from an orgasm in a long time. I think it was less hormonal and more emotional. My orgasms are so pathetic now and really give me so little pleasure and I feel sort of resentful about that. Not that they’re that way. Not that they’re not the events they used to be. But that they happen at all.

This gets dangerously close to topping from bottom. I’m not allowed to ask for or refuse orgasm. But it’s how I’m feeling. I wish they didn’t need to happen. I feel like enough “plumbing” issues are taken care of with the occasional expression of fluid when I’m allowed to penetrate Belle. I just really, really, really don’t want to come. Really. Clearly, this is something we need to talk about.

Last night, perhaps as a preface to this line of thought, I asked Belle to leave me locked up longer. I’ve already been in for three weeks without release (since the day I came) and I feel a powerful need to stay locked up longer. It’s hard to explain. I don’t want to see the penis. I don’t want to feel pleasure through it. I only want to feel it strain and crave and be denied. I want it out of sight and out of mind as a thing separate from its containment. I feel as though this is part of the evolution I talked about a few months ago. That I feel my predominant sexual identity is “bottom,” not bisexual. And I define “bottom” as someone who only provides sexual pleasure to another. I love getting Belle off. I love feeling her orgasm course through her body. It’s a potent thing for me to experience through her. I know in my subbie heart I need to be there for her when she wants to feel a hard penis inside her. I know it’s my duty. But…it’s hard. And getting harder.

I reject the old trope that being locked up and denied for longer and longer periods makes one hornier and hornier forever. That’s simply not how it works. But I do subscribe to the idea it makes one more of what they are. It makes one more submissive or more whatever. The hormonal load one carries around is like sexual MSG enhancing all the preexisting predilections. I surmise it would be possible to back me out of this frame of mind regarding orgasm and penis use if I wasn’t locked up all the time. If I was able to pleasure myself with it and even have regular orgasms. I think that would eventually reset everything. But that’s not where we are so that’s not how I am. And in the meantime, my predilections are becoming more and more prominent. I do not have an opinion as to whether or not this is mentally healthy. I think someone from the outside would read all this and think I was in a bad place. I don’t feel that way at all. I feel like it’s all perfectly natural and in a lot of ways it just feels right. But I am left with the internal conflict of not wanting to do for Belle something she wants and needs from me. At least not right now. That’s causing me angst.

Whew, that got really serious and deep. More than I expected. Let’s talk about chastity devices and lighten the mood a bit, shall we? I primarily wore the Steelheart in March. I traveled earlier in the month wearing the Holy Trainer v2 and over Spring Break wearing the Holy Trainer v3 nano. The gap on the bottom of the HTv3 tube really pisses me off because without it that device would be spectacular. However, it’s so bad I found one of my testicles behind the ring three times over ten days. I was even able to take the device totally off and put it back on again in the shower, all the while leaving it locked. That’s simply unacceptable for a male chastity device, in my opinion.

I went back into the Steelheart as soon as we got home and it feels enormous. The HTv3 nano is a perfect size and much smaller than the Steelheart. I feel like it’s time to size down again. I’ve been chatting with a guy on Tumblr who has a new custom device from Steelworxx that’s kind of part Steelheart and part Looker with a locking PA fixing underneath. I’m going to ask Belle if I can start working with Deitmar on a new design that’s basically a Steelheart with that locking PA part, a slightly larger base ring, and a shorter and narrower tube. It would need to maintain the Steelheart look Belle prefers but I’ve definitely…er…”outgrown” is the wrong word. Undergrown? Whatever. It needs to be smaller.

Note, I am not saying the penis is shrinking due to chastity. That’s not a thing no matter how hot the idea sounds to you. It’s still the same size it was the nine plus years ago we started all this. But my preferences and tolerances definitely have changed.

Anyway, due to all the traveling, my locked up time was 99.7% of the month. I was out only 2 hours and 13 minutes, mostly to fuck but also for some cleaning. That’s one minute less than last month and 8 minutes more than January. The one-third of one percent free time average has extended for three months now and is about half the time out I was allowed out in November and December and is much lower than 2018’s year end total of 2%.

So now it’s April and it’s snowing outside. Great. More weirdness.