So I have these (relatively) new workout shorts and was wearing them today at the gym (yes, I’m going to the gym, but I’m wearing a mask and so’s my trainer and it’s not a very busy gym and I’m doing my best to distance from others and infection rates are low in Minnesota right now) and I noticed while I was walking toward one of the large mirrors that their white material and somewhat snug fit were combining to make the Steelheart look like a fairly impressive package.
And my first thought, was damn, that looks good. And my second thought was…wtf, who are you trying to fool? It’s interesting to me how on the one hand I’m totally invested in not having a penis as much as I have a locked steel device in its place as my default existence and even identity and on the other hand being pleased at how impressively masculine the device makes me look (assuming penises are a defining aspect of masculinity which is up for debate).
Then I was browsing Bodyaware’s website and saw this guy.
And it struck me again. As much as I like to post images of me in the Steelheart and how it looks in underwear because it makes such a sexy, impressive-looking package, I, me, the penis I was born with, will never be able to fill out underwear as well as this guy or the Steelheart. The nice pouchy stuff I get from Cocksox, in the infrequent times I’m wearing them without being locked, are baggy and unfilled. Totally inappropriate to my anatomy because, really, it’s not especially impressive. But the penis in the Steelheart is. And I like that. But…should I?
It’s a complicated question. Part of me says this is vestigial pride of penis and unbecoming of someone like me. A man who has spent so much time trying to define an existence apart from his genitalia but, of course, still a man. I have to admit I like thinking someone seeing the silhouette the Steelheart creates might make an incorrect assumption about the penis. Like, if I was really invested in being a denied, kept man wouldn’t I want to show no package? Present as flat and featureless so as to remove direction from that part of me that I have so studiously attempted to disassociate?
Truth is, at this point in my life, I don’t identify as a man with a penis. I’m a man. But with…a thing. An inert object. A container filled with meat. But still. I like showing a #chastitybump. So how I identify and how I present are…in conflict?
Well, perhaps they’re not. I like some of the really minimizing devices I can wear and think they’re super hot on other kept guys, but I always come back to the Steelheart. Not only because it’s Belle’s favorite but because the Steelheart is me. It’s more me than what it contains. So when I’m showing an impressive bulge, no, it’s not the penis. But it is me. And I have to admit, I want to be seen as who and what I am.
This all gets back to the whole point of the #chastitybump thing. Of being proud of it. As is often the case, it turns out I may have already had the insight that helps explain this potential incongruity. As I wrote last June:
I’m not nearly as worried as I used to be about my device being detectable by Muggles. I was running two days ago (and this morning) outside in light blue shorts and discovered as I was moving that I was sporting a fairly obvious bump that moved in a weirdly heavy way. And…I didn’t care. See it if you want. I dare you to ask me about it. I won’t take it off for you. Not wearing it is easy. It’s not special. But wearing it. That’s a thing I’m proud of. The dedication and the difficulty. It is special. It’s my super power.
The presence of this thing on my body makes me more me than I am without it. I feel lesser without out. And it made me like this.
Short of wearing a pin that says “I’m locked in steel, ask me how you can be too” I will just have to accept people will make assumptions. And their assumptions will almost always be in the opposite direction of who I really am. But…no, I can’t help that. But they will see it. And I do like how it looks. I like it much more than how I look without it.
And maybe those are the only things that matter.
9 thoughts on “Pride of penis”
I really do think you could market the “I’m locked in steel, ask me how you can be too” (or at least a logo for all of our twitter accounts). Just sayin’
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I am not enough of a designer to be able to pull that logo off.
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I guess this is not one you engage your muggle team on, huh?
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Oh lord. I wouldn’t even know what to call the kick-off meeting!
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Could you remind me who makes the Steelheart? I’m also curious, do you clean up at the gym? When our gyms were open, I would be there 4-6 times each week. I had permission to remove the cage just before going and I would put it back on afterwards. Trying not to freak people out.
The Steelheart is from Steelworxx.de. German-made.
And no, my gym is one of those smaller ones that doesn’t have a shower or locker rooms. I get there in my workout clothes and go straight home after my session.
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Sorry to keep peppering you with comments today. This one post really truly touched me regarding what it is to be a man. It’s funny, I have spent all my adult sexual life (mostly) as a top. Be it a beard, head shape, or hair color thing… I don’t know. Truth is though, I’ve always felt that something was missing.
This is what you nailed, pun intended, on the head. I bought the Holly Trainer, regular and nub, based on your review and while at first, found it super distracting. However, I read about your acclimation process (at least I think it was you) and undertook the whole weeklong “desensitizing” process. Basically, telling the brain it was not playtime but that it was just another part of you. Or rather, an evolving part. A mind shift perhaps.
So yeah, anyway, thank you for all the info so far. It really helps in feeling not as alone, especially now in 2020, while being surrounded by guides who serve as navigational waypoints along a new path.
I think wearing a device can be very challenging at first because it’s on your dick and you’re way hornier than usual but your keyholder doesn’t want sex all the time. Learning that it’s NOT just a “sex thing” and more a “life thing” and needing to rewire your brain to accept that. It’s a truism that the locked guy thinks about chastity about a million times a day but the person holding the key can truly go several days without thinking about it once. And nobody wants to be that locked guy who is always bringing it up because that’s annoying.
It is a deep mind shift. Accepting that your days of having a close personal relationship with your penis are over and it truly no longer belongs to you. It’s no longer a thing focused on gratification. It’s not about releasing frustration, it’s about building frustration because a) that’s what powers our submissive motivation and b) we are not meant to be frivolously gratifying ourselves whenever we selfishly feel like it.
The only way I can stay sane it to really internalize that I simply do not have a penis. It’s gone. What I have is a hard, unfeeling device that sometimes feels a lot of pressure. And even in those times it gets to have feelings and if those feelings result in orgasm, it is NOT a thing I have any control over at all. I can’t ask for it, I can’t lobby for it, I can’t do anything at all except accept that I have no control.