I was reading a fresh post on a relatively new chastity blog I’ve been following (I mean, only one that I can think of has been doing it longer than me, so I guess they’re all relatively new?) and it had me nodding my head. The blog is called Careful What You Wish For and, based on the most recent entry, I think that’s a pretty apt title.
The basic premise of the post dealt with challenges the blogger, LockedUpL, was having with stamina. It is, in my experience, a perhaps unexpected (though totally logical) consequence of denial and chastity. Also, as it was in my experience, it didn’t happen with L right out of the gate.
I remember in the early years of being locked up and denied that my relationship with and understanding of my own orgasm was such that I could fuck Belle longer than she wanted to be fucked (and she likes getting fucked). It was as if I was able to see all the little interlocking pieces of my orgasm and how they worked together so well that I was able to short-circuit it right as it happened while I was fucking her. A brief moment of being perfectly still and allowing ejaculation to happen but without actually coming. Like I was ruining my own orgasm inside her. Then, the penis would stay hard as I kept fucking. It was great.
But I think doing that somehow ended up breaking it because I can’t do that anymore. Haven’t been able to for years. There’s no real build-up period so I can’t catch it before it happens and while the ejaculation doesn’t really feel orgasmic, the erection fades quickly. It’s like I’m coming but not really because it doesn’t feel like orgasms used to feel but I might as well have come because I can’t stay hard and the whole stupid process is over in about two minutes, tops. For the purposes of pleasuring Belle, the entire effort is useless. And it sounds to me like that’s about where L is (or getting to).
It’s like there’s different stages of male orgasms. The before-chastity kind everyone is familiar with. Slow build-up, explosive release, massive hit of sleepytime brain chemistry after. Then there’s the middle kind I described above. The kind that come from really paying attention to how they work that lead to being able to do amazing party tricks like fucking the wife for an hour. Then there’s where I am now. Infrequent fucking and zero masturbation and too many orgasmic party tricks fuck with the wiring and suddenly we find ourselves with the shortest imaginable fuses.
I supposed that last stage isn’t inevitable. But without mixing things up and perhaps taking a break from chastity and being allowed to experience normal orgasms for a while (or, minimally, masturbate and edge for long periods), I think it is the final destination.
Well, maybe not final destination. Because the final final destination is where I seem to find myself now. The permanently locked-up, post-pussy, post-masturbation place. Because at some point, letting me out for sex became unnecessary in a relationship where her pleasure and satisfaction were paramount.
L is pleasuring his wife. He says again and again that she’s very happy with the sex they’re having, notwithstanding his inability to perform. That sounds super familiar. Belle has been a very satisfied customer for a long time, even as my ability to fuck dwindled. When I read L’s words, I hear a man who’s struggling a bit with the true meaning of his erection being totally optional to his wife’s pleasure. Mouths, fingers, and toys can easily take its place. I mean, he knows it’s true, just as I do, but I sense the same conflict of really groking that as a man I used to deal with. When all the precepts of how we’re raised and conditioned with the primacy our culture places on erections in sex all crumble. What does it mean to be a man when the thing that most defines him in his own mind becomes irrelevant to his partner’s sexual pleasure?
It’s a mindfuck to be sure.
I guess my advice for L is to listen to his wife. She’s telling him she’s having a good time. She’s very happy with their sex. It doesn’t matter to her that he can’t last. Accept that last bit entirely: his penis doesn’t matter like it used to. It’ll never matter as much as it used to for her. And if he doesn’t let go of outdated paradigms of what constitutes sexual success, it’ll end up becoming A Thing between them. The last thing he wants to do is get so worked up over the changes chastity and denial are having on him that he makes his wife feel pressured and stressed. Trust me on that one.
Maybe someday he’ll find the kind of acceptance I have. I don’t think ending up pussy free is required to do chastity correctly, but I do think we need to embrace that the most important thing to guys like us is the pleasure and satisfaction of our wives. That is the purpose and meaning of chastity, in my mind. And there’s just no way we can follow that path and not expect ourselves to evolve in certain ways. Not all of them would be acceptable to our previous selves. But…that’s not who we are anymore. Right?