I was reading a fresh post on a relatively new chastity blog I’ve been following (I mean, only one that I can think of has been doing it longer than me, so I guess they’re all relatively new?) and it had me nodding my head. The blog is called Careful What You Wish For and, based on the most recent entry, I think that’s a pretty apt title.
The basic premise of the post dealt with challenges the blogger, LockedUpL, was having with stamina. It is, in my experience, a perhaps unexpected (though totally logical) consequence of denial and chastity. Also, as it was in my experience, it didn’t happen with L right out of the gate.
I remember in the early years of being locked up and denied that my relationship with and understanding of my own orgasm was such that I could fuck Belle longer than she wanted to be fucked (and she likes getting fucked). It was as if I was able to see all the little interlocking pieces of my orgasm and how they worked together so well that I was able to short-circuit it right as it happened while I was fucking her. A brief moment of being perfectly still and allowing ejaculation to happen but without actually coming. Like I was ruining my own orgasm inside her. Then, the penis would stay hard as I kept fucking. It was great.
But I think doing that somehow ended up breaking it because I can’t do that anymore. Haven’t been able to for years. There’s no real build-up period so I can’t catch it before it happens and while the ejaculation doesn’t really feel orgasmic, the erection fades quickly. It’s like I’m coming but not really because it doesn’t feel like orgasms used to feel but I might as well have come because I can’t stay hard and the whole stupid process is over in about two minutes, tops. For the purposes of pleasuring Belle, the entire effort is useless. And it sounds to me like that’s about where L is (or getting to).
It’s like there’s different stages of male orgasms. The before-chastity kind everyone is familiar with. Slow build-up, explosive release, massive hit of sleepytime brain chemistry after. Then there’s the middle kind I described above. The kind that come from really paying attention to how they work that lead to being able to do amazing party tricks like fucking the wife for an hour. Then there’s where I am now. Infrequent fucking and zero masturbation and too many orgasmic party tricks fuck with the wiring and suddenly we find ourselves with the shortest imaginable fuses.
I supposed that last stage isn’t inevitable. But without mixing things up and perhaps taking a break from chastity and being allowed to experience normal orgasms for a while (or, minimally, masturbate and edge for long periods), I think it is the final destination.
Well, maybe not final destination. Because the final final destination is where I seem to find myself now. The permanently locked-up, post-pussy, post-masturbation place. Because at some point, letting me out for sex became unnecessary in a relationship where her pleasure and satisfaction were paramount.
L is pleasuring his wife. He says again and again that she’s very happy with the sex they’re having, notwithstanding his inability to perform. That sounds super familiar. Belle has been a very satisfied customer for a long time, even as my ability to fuck dwindled. When I read L’s words, I hear a man who’s struggling a bit with the true meaning of his erection being totally optional to his wife’s pleasure. Mouths, fingers, and toys can easily take its place. I mean, he knows it’s true, just as I do, but I sense the same conflict of really groking that as a man I used to deal with. When all the precepts of how we’re raised and conditioned with the primacy our culture places on erections in sex all crumble. What does it mean to be a man when the thing that most defines him in his own mind becomes irrelevant to his partner’s sexual pleasure?
It’s a mindfuck to be sure.
I guess my advice for L is to listen to his wife. She’s telling him she’s having a good time. She’s very happy with their sex. It doesn’t matter to her that he can’t last. Accept that last bit entirely: his penis doesn’t matter like it used to. It’ll never matter as much as it used to for her. And if he doesn’t let go of outdated paradigms of what constitutes sexual success, it’ll end up becoming A Thing between them. The last thing he wants to do is get so worked up over the changes chastity and denial are having on him that he makes his wife feel pressured and stressed. Trust me on that one.
Maybe someday he’ll find the kind of acceptance I have. I don’t think ending up pussy free is required to do chastity correctly, but I do think we need to embrace that the most important thing to guys like us is the pleasure and satisfaction of our wives. That is the purpose and meaning of chastity, in my mind. And there’s just no way we can follow that path and not expect ourselves to evolve in certain ways. Not all of them would be acceptable to our previous selves. But…that’s not who we are anymore. Right?
12 thoughts on “Orgasmic party tricks”
Firstly, thanks for reading my blog. It’s great that people enjoy my content and find it interesting. I do my best to be open and honest.
I’m flattered that you have written the amazing post on your blog and I thank you for your advice and experience. Your post is helping me to process my performance issues and showing me a way ahead when I saw very few options.
Secondly, it’s a mindfuck to be sure! Never a truer statement!
My wife and I never want to reach the ‘final final destination’ but you’re right about the need to change what sexual success means and focus on why I’m locked up in the first place; my wife’s pleasure. I definitely don’t want it to become ‘a thing’.
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I’m really enjoying your blog! I hope you can, er, keep it up. So to speak.
I think Tom’s comment below touches on what I’d’ve said about what you guys want right now versus where you’ll be in a two years, five years, etc. People change. Priorities evolve. But please don’t make the mistake I did and put too much pressure on her. It’s not great.
It’s like there’s different stages of male orgasms.
I have transitioned to some kind of enhanced mental state in which I have the most toe-curling, throat-rasping orgasms… in my cage while having sex. I think my brain has been rewired.
I’ve run across a few other guys like L online. They think they need to show this raw power, steam-train piston action, but that’s not what their wife actually wants. We (ie, men) forget that our partners change perspective over the years, just as we do. He’ll figure it out.
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I know I lost the thread on what Belle wanted for a while. And the insight into how both people in the dynamic change over time is really important. The way we are now is nothing how either of us would have said we wanted early on. But things and people change. Priorities change.
Seeing caged guys orgasm though strap-on stimulation is one of the hottest fucking things, tbh. That’s amazing. Sadly, I’ve never even gotten close that way. Well, not too close.
But things and people change. Priorities change.
Exactly so. My wife has been through menopause, and that hard, pounding sex just leaves her raw and sore. Ironically, a year ago we “upgraded” to the Ranger X (based in part on your own glowing review), and while she sometimes wants a hard pounding, I have to be the one to hold back because I know it will just leave her sore (and not in the good way).
For me, I’m sure I’m getting triggered by watching Mrs Edge ride me and make a lot of pleasurable noises. Between that and her bumping my cage, it… just does something. I’m only allowed this once every month or two, which may also be a factor. And again, ironically, my wife loves making me because it makes her feel like a sex goddess to know she can still have that effect on me.
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I hope I do figure it out! I’ve had some great advice as a result of my last blog post which has really helped. I’m trying to start to let go, focus on my wife and her pleasure, stop overthinking, let her be my parachute (I love that analogy by the way). Easy right… Paradigm shifts are something I hadn’t really bargained on hitting so hard though!
I think the orgasm rewiring is already well underway for me. Caged orgasms are reasonably common, when I’m allowed. R telling me I’m allowed to cum whilst caged is like flicking a switch. However caged orgasms are like a ruin, with only a few seconds of pleasure. I don’t lose my hornyness (or devotion to my wife).
On occasion I cum from wearing a strapon to pleasure her and I also cum when she pegs me using a strapon. Hell I’ve come really close to cumming from nipple play alone. It’s strange to me that people cannot cum in their cage at all but I used to be that way too a few years back. I do believe that your mind has the biggest part to play.
When I’m uncaged and allowed a full orgasm, it’s like nothing else, I can only describe them as electric, especially after 3-4 weeks of being locked up. I sleep very well those nights!
Evolution and changing priorities is something to focus our communication on and something to continually pay attention to. Every day is a school day…
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Chastity fascinates me, I can imagine it working well in my future, maybe, if I have the right man in my world. Posts like yours help me understand the male perspective and emotional challenges better.