Found and left behind

Belle has been in Paris for the better part of the past week. She went there with her best friend to celebrate a quarter century of their friendship. She’s in the air on her way home right now, actually, and normally I’d be pretty excited to see her, but I’m sitting in the G concourse SkyClub at MSP waiting to go to LA for a quick work trip. I leave at 9:20 and she lands at two something. So I won’t see her until Thursday evening, which is a bummer.

As I was getting ready to leave this morning/freaking the dogs out by putting things in a suitcase, I went into her nightstand drawer to get my passport since that’s where we keep them. And that’s when I found an apparently new lavender plusOne wand vibrator.

I can imagine how a normie husband might react upon making such a discovery. Probably not super well. So many men find women’s sex toys to be threatening. As if their magnificent cocks should be all their partners need for ultimate sexual satisfaction. Of course, I am not a normie husband, I do not have a magnificent cock (or anything close to it), and my reaction was pretty much the exact opposite.

I love that she has it. I love that she got it without telling me. I love thinking about her using it whenever she feels the need. I love that while I’m in LA locked up for my 1,341st consecutive day that she might take it out of the drawer and hammer her clit with it and scream when she comes. Because she always gets what she wants and I never get what the device makes me crave. Her sexual pleasure is paramount and mine is forever sublimated to that higher priority. She can get whatever she wants to help her come as often as she feels like while I have no choice in being denied for as long as she wants me to be.

The more I thought about the idea that she’d surely already used the wand and might use it again before I see her, the more turned on it made me. Being the thoughtful denied sub bunny I am, I took the wand out and plugged it in to make sure it was fully charged next time she felt the urge, with or without me.

In other news, I said a few posts back…

I’m also thinking of ways of never actually seeing [the contents] anymore. I feel like never laying eyes on it outside a device would be a huge boost to becoming post-penis. I could easily change devices with my eyes closed (and have many times done it in the dark or under covers and only by touch). Piece of cake. I could probably even do the little bit of shaft-shaving I tend to when I have the chance without actually having to see it. That’s really the only part of the thing I can’t keep tidy while locked up.

Since then, it’s become one of the things I’m tracking along with the last time she let me use the contents to fuck her (597 days ago) and how many consecutive days I’ve been locked up (as I said above, 1,341). It’s only been 34 days since I last saw the contents which isn’t any kind of record because I’m sure I’ve been locked up for way more than a month in some device (probably the Steelheart, though I’m too lazy to go figure it out). If I get to 60 days, that’s probably some kind of record and certainly if I get to 90 days.

One of the only issues I have with the Orion when compared to the Steelheart is that I can still see some of the contents while in it. The Steelheart completely envelops it while the Orion allows me to see the root of the shaft and a bit of the head around where the PA hook protrudes. This has led me to have to define what “see it” means. I’ve decided that “seeing it” would happen if I saw the complete head of the contents. That’s where the action happens, after all, and is the part that would need to be accessible to get me off via sex or masturbation. So, if I see that, I’ve seen it and the streak breaks. If I don’t, it doesn’t.

Not seeing it is part of accepting the post-penis, post-pussy stage of my life that Belle’s set forth for me. It’s about trying to reinforce the notion that I no longer have a penis. What I have is a device that contains a bit of non-consequential, irrelevant flesh. Thinking about it as a thing separate from its containment is a waste of energy.

Instead, I should (and am) thinking about that purple wand in Belle’s drawer and what she does with it. Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.

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