Got a comment on a post I wrote in July in which I was trying to process being told by Belle that I wasn’t going to fuck her again. I shall endeavor to respond to it here. Feel free to jump over there first and read it in context.
“I’m curious how she feels about never fucking you again. I mean, as you say, it was her decision, but it seems incongruous with what you say she wants.
My husband and I just listened to your episode on the chastity podcast, and you made it clear that she enjoys being penetrated, and enjoys (enjoyed) your cock. But you also stated that you haven’t fucked her in almost a year, probably would not be able to do so anyway, and she’s not entirely open to the cuckolding angle.
How sir, does she get the dick that you say she still wants?”
It was, as you said I said, her decision. And, it’s true, that for the better part of our relationship, she loved being penetrated. But she’s also said (and I’m pretty sure I’ve recorded it here), that being with a man who was essentially always locked up motivated an evolution in how she gets her pleasure. She really likes me to get her off manually. So much so, that she doesn’t see the need to let me out ever again for sex.
I am reporting to you what she’s told me. I can also report that she does, in fact, get off quite well from other methods that don’t involve penetration. She gets as many orgasms as she wants. I know exactly what I’m doing when giving them to her. The way she screams tells me all I need to know.
“How do you reconcile the tension between being a ‘service oriented’ sub, while simultaneously destroying your ability to serve her with something she still desires?
How does she feel about being denied PIV sex during your chaste adventures? Has she just given up on the idea and decided to adapt around you? That sounds wildly selfish for a scenario that’s supposed to be about denying you and making it ‘about her.’”
If she wanted me to fuck her, I would fuck her. In an instant. I didn’t ask to never fuck her again. As far as I can tell, she weighed the pluses and minuses of me fucking her and decided there were more minuses from her POV. I don’t need to reconcile it because it’s her decision, entirely.
For several years, she’d want to me fuck her and I would. In fact, it’s written into my rules that I can’t complain about such things, and I didn’t. Her decision to cut me off wasn’t as a result of my prodding. She did it all by herself.
The issue I take with your questions is the perspective that the only thing that matters when in a relationship with a man in enforced denial is what he does with his penis. Keeping me locked up has other benefits that Belle has decided outweigh her previous preference for PIV. I’m more attentive, more accommodating to her wishes, more focused on her pleasure. I’m not perfect and I don’t suggest that locking a man up makes him so, but she notices a difference between unlocked slash recently orgasmed me and the locked and denied me. And she likes the latter more than the former.
It’s also the case that she, as my mate and life partner, cares about how I feel. She knows how being denied makes me. She knows how living in a permanently submissive space affects me. And since she cares for me, she’s apparently willing to make some adjustments.
“My husband agrees, this seems a lot like topping from the bottom.”
If you want to boil down the relationship dynamic of two adults who’ve navigated more than 25 years together and a power dynamic that’s similarly evolved over 15 years to such a simple thing, I guess that’s your (and your husband’s) prerogative.
I read a lot into your comment. I don’t know how you came upon my blog (perhaps as the result of a Google search, perhaps — more likely, based on history — at the suggestion of your husband), but I see a lot of judgement in your words. Trust me when I say, there are a lot of ways to incorporate enforced denial into a relationship. I should know since Belle and I have done most of them.
We didn’t end up here overnight or by accident and it’s possible we won’t stay here forever. But here is where we are. Neither of us are being duped by the other and all signs point to us being perfectly happy with it.